Graduation money, etiquette?

[TheRatPack]

We always give our nieces and nephews money when they graduate high school. It's always been the same amount...we're not in a rich part of the country and we are by no means made of money. Anyhow, one of them was married last year, before graduating high school, do we also give money to the new spouse since they are graduating from the same school at the same time? I don't want to be tacky....but if we give money to both of them and no one else does, it'll be awkward too LOL

 

[dawnbu40]

Maybe you could check and see what the rest of your family is doing? Or to keep it equal to what you normally give a neice or nephew you could give the young couple a joint gift. If they are young and married they probably don't have money to go out to eat to often or go to the movies so you could give them a gift card.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think it would be very nice of you to give them both something. Who cares what others do?

It's hard enough being that young and married and the new spouse will feel like a part of the family. (And it doesn't matter if you give them a little less each than you usually do for a single person.)

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

Gosh, that's kind of a tough one. If you have the money to spend, I would probably give the spouse a gift, too. If you just want to acknowlege the spouse, I would put both their names on the envelope that your were going to give your niece/nephew, or give half of what you were going to give to your niece/nephew and half to their spouse, separately.

 

[GoofItUp]

I would give them a joint gift. Whatever amount you feel appropriate and affordable. Just put it in one card and put both of their names on it. That way she feels included but you're not giving one more than another or anything.

 

[VAN]

You have one of several choices:

Gift money to your niece/nephew only
Gift money to each niece/nephew + spouse
Gift money to both - e.g. one envelope for both

Or you could just purchase one gift that would serve to congratulate them both and that they could use together as a married couple.

If you are from a small family, I think you should definitely include the spouse. These things are remembered long after the event by those on the receiving end. It is a nice gesture to include the newest member of the family and will be appreciated.

I'd tend to do a joint gift of either money or a purchase to the two of them ... not necessarily double what you would have given if there was only one though.

Just my opinion.

 

[mom_of_3_70737]

I personally would just give graduation money to your niece/nephew even though they are married now. You could always give their spouse a nice card or small gift to say congrats. All in all, I think that your niece/nephew wouldn't think anything of it. Good luck!

 

[horseshowmom]

We always give our nieces and nephews money when they graduate high school. It's always been the same amount...we're not in a rich part of the country and we are by no means made of money. Anyhow, one of them was married last year, before graduating high school, do we also give money to the new spouse since they are graduating from the same school at the same time? I don't want to be tacky....but if we give money to both of them and no one else does, it'll be awkward too LOL

If it were me, I would give them a gift together - maybe not quite as much as if you had multiplied by two but more than if it were just one (for example, if you normally give $50, give them $75 together). If money isn't an issue, I think giving them both the same thing would be fine too.

I don't think it will be awkward even if nobody else gives them both a gift.

 

[Stephanie218]

I would give them both something, even if it's the same amount with both of their names on the card. When I was first married, it meant a lot that his family sent me birthday cards, Christmas presents, etc.

 

[Justsyd2]

Since I have married into my husband's family, they always gift me exactly what they gift to him, separately. They do not have us "share" his gift for birthdays and Christmas. That's what I recommend.

 

[Darcy03231]

I would give them each the same amount separately. If you normally give your niece/nephew $50 and that's all you can afford, I would give them each $25. If you can afford the $50 for both, then that's what I would do.

 

[extremesoccermom]

IMO - he is now part of the family and should be treated the same as you would any other family member.

 

[TheRatPack]

Thanks everyone....I had kind of leaned toward giving them both an equal amount but it's difficult for a average income family, especially with wedding showers, house warming showers, baby showers....etc all within months of this graduation.

Oh well, we'll manage.

 

[kileybeth]

I feel your monatary pain. People always assume what you have to give. Don't mean here on the DIS, just in life in general BUT only you truly know what you have. Do what you can and try not to fret over it.

My take is similar to what others have said. The married in niece/nephew is now family too and should be treated as such. I am often on the recieving end of getting less but in a different way. We have 6 kids (yes, I know, we chose to have all those little rugrats) BUT they are still each an individual child for crying out loud. I really do understand financial constraints so it makes sense that my 6 get less then the fam with 2 kids but truth be told? It stings sometimes.

Another example? Our oldest is married. He and his wife receive same gift amounts from us for Bdays, Christmas,etc. BUT it is somewhat LESS then their still living at home siblings? Fire away but that is how it goes when you grow up around here! Now I did host a graduation party for both when they both graduated from college/trade school within months of each other. They got a joint gift that time.

If people just had commen sense enough not to publically discuss the monatary gifts life would be so simple!

 

[C.Ann]

Do what you can comfortably afford to do.. Anyone who would expect "more" than that would be completely out of line..

 

[dimimi]

If it were me, I would give them a gift together - maybe not quite as much as if you had multiplied by two but more than if it were just one (for example, if you normally give $50, give them $75 together). If money isn't an issue, I think giving them both the same thing would be fine too.

I don't think it will be awkward even if nobody else gives them both a gift.

This is what I would do.

 

[arminnie]

These things are remembered long after the event by those on the receiving end. It is a nice gesture to include the newest member of the family and will be appreciated.

This is a family member now and his graduation should be acknowledged also. I would not spend money that I couldn't afford, but I would treat them the same.

I graduated from college the same year my brother graduated from high school. I remember to this day (decades later) all of the people stopping by with gifts and cards for him. And totally ignoring my graduation.

I can honestly say that I didn't care about getting gifts (I was starting a great job) - but I was hurt that exactly ONE of my many, many relatives even said congratulations.

I think I understand why they did it. No one in my family (mother was one of nine) had ever even gone to college much less graduate. They knew the procedure for high school graduations - but college was a big unknown to them.

But I just remember that I had worked SO hard to make it to college and graduate - and that no one cared.

 

[TheRatPack]

Thanks again everyone, we gave them equal amounts (doubled what we normally give to one graduate), but in one card to acknowledge their marriage. I felt good about that decision, even though one of them proceeded to open all the cards in front of the house guest and stack their haul.....a bit tacky.