"Goodbye" Party for Foster Kids

[lizardqueen]

Our foster kids that we have had for 16 months are more than likely being reunified with their biological parents next week. Because they have become "our kids" to our entire family, we would like to throw them a little celebration this Saturday followed by a day with just the 4 of us on Sunday. There are about 15 kids ranging in age from 3 months to 14 years. Plus the adults. What kind of activities would you suggest? I was thinking of "make and take" type things, but not sure what. Are there any games that you would suggest? This is our first time hosting a party like this and not real sure where to begin. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[chris1gill]

I have found that kids like to keep themselves busy, so don't plan too many things... a scavenger hunt perhaps, a simple craft for the younger ones, and all kids like to decorate cookies

On an aside, my heart goes out to you right now, here's a hug and some pixie dust

 

[Hillbeans]

No real advice for the day just lots of hugs and good wishes that you and your husband get through this. It has got to be very hard. I hope there is some way you will be able to keep contact with the children?

 

[budbeerlady]

Hugs to your family, I have read the other posts you made and keeping you in our families prayers.

I really dont have many ideas, maybe do a pinata if you have room ?

 

[luvwinnie]

Oh no, I am so sorry. I am not familiar with how these things work, so I'm going to ask if you get ANY visitation at all?

 

[shirleyb]

Oh, Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear that, your heart must be breaking.

I think it's wonderful that you're planning a party. I don't really have any ideas, but make sure you take lots of photos.

 

[ZPT1022]

I have no ideas, just keep it low key because of their ages, but I did want to say that I will be thinking of you, I cannot imagine having to go through that. You must have had the little one pretty much his whole life. You are a MUCH stronger person than I could ever be.

 

[OKWMom]

Michelle, I have been debating about posting since yesterday when I read this thread. I have never been a foster parent, mostly because of what you are currently experiencing.

When I was younger, I used to baby-sit for a wonderful family who foster parented many, many different children. The vast majority of the time, they knew it was a very temporary situation. However, there was one child who came to them as an infant and they lost their heart to him. He was reunited with his parents at least six times that I can remember, always being returned to the foster parents. It took over five years before DSS did the TPR and allowed the foster family to adopt him.

The agony that foster mother experienced at each reunification was obvious even to me as a teenager. As a mother myself, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I will have you all in my prayers. God Bless.

Gretchen

 

[lizardqueen]

Thanks everyone for your replies. However, I am heartbroken to announce that they have removed the children from our home. The kids were supposed to come home from an overnight visit with their bios Thursday afternoon. At 7pm last night we got a call that there were some concerns about us by the bio parents and an investigator would be out to talk to us. But that the kids would not be returned to our home. Devastated is not the word, DH and I have never done anything to harm our babies, but unfortunately the bios are scared and angry and I would bet willing to do pretty much anything at this point to try and make themselves look good.

DYFS has granted us an hour long goodbye visit on Tuesday, I can't imagine what that is going to be like. Our DS must think that we've abandoned him. We've had him since he was six weeks old and now he is almost 18 months old. It is going to be awful. There is a court hearing scheduled for the 14th, so anything could happen at that, but at this point we are losing optimism.

So that you everybody for your responses. They have been greatly appreciated. Please now, just pray that God takes care of our babies no matter where they go.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I'm sorry.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I am so sorry. The system is really messed up and it hurts everyone involved IMHO.

What were the "concerns" that the bios voiced? Did they think that you were hindering reunification somehow? My main concern would be that reunification could fail and then the children wouldn't be placed back with you because of the "concerns". I hope that you can get this cleared up with the social worker so you are the first choice when/if reunification fails.

 

[wilderness01]

I am sorry.

 

[nealymouse]

Michelle, Im so sorry you are going threw this. I am a foster parent. I have been for 14 years. I hope you understand when I say this. I know what you are going threw. I know how your heart feels. Its ok to feel the way you do and PM me if you need to REALLY VENT !!!!

After loosing my 2nd foster daughter back to her bio mom I wanted to give up. I wanted to throw in the towel and say the heck with you STATE. I dont need this pain. I didnt give up and I was one of the lucky ones who was able to continue to see my foster DD. But it did not last long because bio mom left the state. That was 13 yrs ago and to this day I still think about my little foster DD and I still cry for my loss.

I did adopted 3 of my foster children and continue to do foster care just for teen girls.

Michelle I will pray for your little foster kids, and I will pray for you.

Also Michelle, Call your case worker and demand to know what was said. Do you have to take daily notes ? If so do you keep a copy ? If this gets bad call an attorney ASAP. I hate to even add this in but you have to make sure your needs are also looked after.

Beth

 

[mamajoan]

I am sorry that you are going thru such heartache. Being a Foster parent is a very difficult job. You are expected to bond with the kids but not BOND with the kids. I wish you and your husband the best and wish you some comfort in knowing that you provided stability and love for these kids at a time where they needed it the most.

I am hopeful that the reunification goes well and is successful for the kids. That is the goal.. reunification... but hopefully NOT at the cost of the kids. Life is so dang hard sometimes. You made it better.

 

[ZachnElli]

I'm so sorry Michelle! The bio's are obviously desperate and threatened by your good parenting!

 

[ilovejack02]

I am sooo sorry for your loss. How ironic it is that people that lose their children because of bad parenting/ neglect/abuse can then point fingers at others and everyone jumps and listens and believes their story.
Sending lots of prayers your way.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm so sorry.

 

[ZPT1022]

But that the kids would not be returned to our home. Devastated is not the word, DH and I have never done anything to harm our babies, but unfortunately the bios are scared and angry and I would bet willing to do pretty much anything at this point to try and make themselves look good.

I am sorry to hear that they would stoop so low, but that is what I thought when I read that. Somehow they are worried about you (and rightfully so, you've been AWESOME parents when they couldn't get their crap together) and just trying to make themselves look good. I hope it all works out and at the very least that the kids will continue to thrive. for you and DH

 

[r3ngels]