Going out w/o telling your spouse/SO...Update p. 4

[Aurora63]

Please give me your honest opinion. I would like to know if I'm overreacting.

I fell asleep early last night, at around 9:30. DH was watching TV in the living room at the time.

Woke up at 2 in the morning, as I was alone in the bed. Went out to the living room, then to our second bedroom...DH is not home.

Tried to call, but his phone was not on.

He did arrive home about half an hour later, saying he had gone out for coffee with his friends. I was upset that he had gone out without telling me first. Granted, I was asleep, but I think that he could have at least left a note, or mentioned it to me before I went to bed.

Part of me is upset, it feels like he waited for me to fall asleep before going out. I also wonder about the phone thing...he just got a new battery for his phone a month ago, the thing holds a charge for days...plus he has a car charger. Doesn't make sense. That is all "speculation" thought.

But the other side is saying he is an adult, he can do what he wants. He can, I don't care if he goes out without me, but some common courtesy would be nice.

Okay, honest opinions, please...should I be upset, or forget about it?

 

[Marseeya]

I'd be angry. It's just common courtesy to let someone know you're leaving, whether it's with a note, phone call, or waking you up.

 

[MsDisney23]

Has he did this before? Me I would be upset! DH and I just don't do things like that in the middle of the night. We always let each other know where, when and who we are going with. We do this out of respect for each other. Talk to your DH and see what is has to say.

 

[HeatherH]

This would be a HUGE issue to me, I can't imagine just sneaking out at night without telling my spouse or leaving a note...and the fact that his PHONE wasn't on would be another huge red flag.

It may be as innocent as he says it is, but I would be extremely suspicious that it wasn't...it was just too sneaky and "convenient" that he didn't have his phone on. Has he ever done something like this before?

 

[diznygirl]

I'd be angry too. If it were my DH I would make him feel real guilty about leaving without saying anything - despite the fact that he is an adult and can think for himself. I would have naturally assumed foul play and called the police and reported him missing. It's just common courtesy to let the other person know so they won't worry.

 

[raammartin]

I'd be pretty miffed myself. Would he have told you the next morning that he went out if you'd never woken up?

 

[Disney Doll]

I would find it discourteous that my DH would leave without telling me, or, if he didn't want to wake me up, leaving a note.

I wouldn't immediately think he was plotting to wait til I fell asleep or that he turned off his phone on purpose though. If you're getting a gut feeling that there's something fishy going on, I suggest you explore it further.

 

[Planogirl]

He should have left you a note. That is just simple courtesy.

As for the phone, I think that he would have made sure it was on IF he was up to no good. I wouldn't assume anything just because his phone was off.

 

[Kimberly]

I'm sorry, but who goes out for coffee until 2:30 a.m.?

 

[AllyandJack]

I'd be REALLY angry. What if something happened? What if you needed to get in touch with him?

I don't care if he's an adult, he was wrong and the side of you that's angry is right.

 

[Puffy2]

How old are the two of you? Are you newly married?

I think it's strange for a married man to "all the sudden" come up with "friends" that want to have coffee after 9pm at night.

Perhaps you live in an apartment where friends are really near by. Or perhaps you live within walking distance to a coffee shop. This might make a difference. But if my huband turned up missing at 2am - he'd have some serious explaining to do.

And no, it's not polite to leave without, at the very least, leaving a note.

 

[EthansMom]

There is no way my DH would ever leave the house in the middle of the night to have coffee with friends, and he certainly wouldn't do so without letting me know first. If my DH ever did something like that, it would totally freak me out!

(Off subject, but your cat looks almost exactly like my cat, Niki, except that my Niki has blue eyes and is skinnier.)

 

[Pam]

I would be seriously ticked if my DH did that.

Did he [your DH] not stop to think how much you would be worried/scared if you woke up and he wasn't there? (And that's exactly what happened!)

Have the two of you sat down and tried to talk this out?

 

[DisneyJen0504]

I'd be angry. It's just common courtesy to let someone know you're leaving, whether it's with a note, phone call, or waking you up.

Same here. If Dh decided he wanted to go out he would wake me up first and let me know. But DH likes to make plans so it wouldn't be like him to go out last minute after I have gone to bed.

 

[mickeyboat]

Count me among the ones who would have been angry. There is absolutely no reason he couldn't have left you a note. Red flags would have been going up all over the place for me. I would definitely make sure your DH knows he has a responsibility to let you know where he is, for no other reason than to keep you from worrying.

And to tell you the truth, I lean a little toward the jealous side, so I would have a lot more reasons going through my head!

Denae

 

[huey duey & luey]

I would be upset too. I wouldn't care that he went out with his friends, but I would be in a panic that something happened either to him, or to make him leave so quickly that he didn't leave a note

 

[MrsNick]

DH used to stay out after work without calling until I explained that I worried about him. I didn't care if he stayed out, just let me know he planned to be out so I wouldn't worry. After that, he always lets me know.

I think someone wanted to know who stays out for coffee until 2:30. Lots of people I know go out for coffee after the movies, or after being out at a bar to just hang out, and maybe get a snack. But that's not really the point. The issue is whether it's courteous to go out in the middle of the night without an fyi, just so your spouse doesn't worrry about you.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree with you MrsNick. My DH tends to sleep whenever and I've gone out to shop or maybe hit Starbucks and it's no big deal. But a note is nice.

 

[Saffron]

Ack, I'd be angry too! What if, God forbid, something had happened to him while he was out! You would have no idea what the heck happened! Good grief. It would have been common courtesy in the least to let you know, I think it's his responsibility to let you know! Yes, he's an adult and can do what he wants to do, but he needs to be a little more thoughtful if he plans on doing something like that in the future!

 

[CharlesTD]

Neither my Dw or I have a problem with this at all.