Going back to work 4 days after childbirth--anyone done it?

[MinnieMe2]

I know I can't walk in this woman's shoes, I'm not an attorney, I had four full-term pregnancies which resulted in healthy kids, I chose to stay home for 17 years and would do it again in a heartbeat. But why go through years of struggling with infertility, only to pop those babies out and head back to work, leaving them with a sitter? This makes no sense. If the babies were still in the hospital, MAYBE I could understand. But they're home and they need their mother. As someone else said, even puppies and kittens stay with their mother for six to eight weeks. Seems to me these little ones deserve the same.

Does your cousin, by any chance, have a dog who she leaves tied outside all the time? I'm sorry. If this were my cousin, I think I'd have hung up on her. She's nuts!

 

[Lewski709]

I don't think this woman has all her faculties. Why did she have kids?

 

[JESW]

I am another one asking why on earth did she go through all those tratments if she was just going to leave those babies so early?? This is NOT an argument about women going back to work after having children, but the fact that she went back so soon. Seems like she needs to get her priorities straight.

Jill

 

[TEENEE]

Wow, if she is treating those babies like this now what will it be like when they are older. Will she be willing to give up her precious office time to go to school award ceremonies or field trips? I can't imagine leaving my babies when they were 4 days old. IMO, her decision was selfish and unhealthy for her and the babies.

 

[disykat]

I can't help but think that work is an escape for her. She needs to be home bonding with those babies! That early on I think it's best if both parents are still home with the babies if possible. Maybe if her husband stayed home with her for a few more days it would help?

 

[vald1977]

I'm curious to know how her husband feels about it. Personally, I find it very odd.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I'm sure this is very tough on your cousin too. As you stated she has a small practice with another woman. It is her business right? As most people that own their own busineses know it is tough to take time off.
Another thing to keep in mind, she is an older first time mom. I work in early childcare and I have noticed that the woman that have their first at an older age are usually much more nervous about taking care of a baby. They seem to be more unsure of themselves as a parent and are more worried about making mistakes. Add the stress of being a career woman and the worry that they have spent so much of their adult lives building a career.
Your cousin needs support and guidence. Let her know you understand how hard it is for her right now, that if she needs to talk to call you. During the conversations gently suggest ways for her to spend time with her babies and work. Maybe she can work a reduced work day, maybe bring work home to do while the babies are napping. Perhaps take one day a week off.
Believe me I have seen and heard it all having worked in childcare for 10 years (in a corporate center). I don't judge, I try to understand. I've been there too. I've been a stay at home mom, worked part time, full time and have subbed.

 

[browneyes]

Her body needs to recover before she returns to work. How on earth is she able to work with no sleep with 4 day old newborns needing to be fed every 3-4 hours each?

 

[C.Ann]

Count me in with the "why?" group.. That's about the strangest thing I've ever heard of....

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I hope she reconsiders for her sake and the babies.

I am not even sure if they would be considered officially "preemies". DS was 3 weeks and 1 day early and I was told anything after 36 weeks was not a preemie. He was little, but DD who was 4 days late was even smaller. I hope that if they are preemies the Dr. told her precautions to take.

I would not let even a full term healthy newborn stay with anyone other than me and DH. But I am a happy SAHM and have no desire to work outside my home/family.

No, we can't really judge her. I cried for 2 weeks after each baby was born-hormones can affect your judgements. Hope she changes her mind!

 

[RitaZ.]

Wow, I don't any woman that has gone back to work that quickly after giving birth.

 

[Tess]

I did. . .but from home with my baby. Funny that she's a lawyer--I was a paralegal at the time. In fact, I had phone calls from one of the associate attorneys while I was in labor.

We had been readying a case for trial--my primary responsibility. I went into labor the Thursday before the case came up on Monday. Almost everything was ready, but there were some loose ends. I went into the office at 5:00 a.m. the day my water broke, worked for about 3-4 hours, went to the hospital at the midwife's urging, and continued to take calls from the associate who took over my responsibilities. The morning I delivered the associate came to the hospital to pay homage to the newborn and get some help with the case.

I went home within 24 hours post-delivery, continued to take calls at home, and helped out as I could. That case went to trial and another was coming to court within a week's time. I brought home my files, notes, computer, a typewriter (it's been nearly 16 years ago), rolodex, etc.--and began to prep this case in between nursing and child care at home.

It's funny now. At the time I felt torn in so many directions. I wanted to be with the much awaited child I'd just given birth to, but felt obliged to work up the case for which I had much responsibility. These weren't issues of procrastination, just the minutiae of the case that need handling during the final stages of preparation. Pretty important stuff and difficult for another to walk into and take on without prior involvement. There was also a matter of concern for future employment when I needed to return to work.

Ultimately, I should have said forget about it to the firm--there was no loyalty to me a mere two years later when the partners severed ties and my partner moved to the SW. I ended up resigning to stay home with my 2 1/4 year old boy and newborn girl! I'm still home and wouldn't go back for nuttin'!

 

[CamColt]

I went back to work 48 hours after giving birth...but it was just to visit during the Christmas party and to "show off" DS.

Physically I would have been able to do it. I felt absolutely fine as soon as DS was born. But emotionally there would have been no way I could have or would have left a baby that young...nevermind 2!

 

[zurgswife]

I went back to work on day 3 but I was able to take my baby with me...I managed a Swim Club....I don't think I would have gone back if I had to leave my babies with somebody else though..

 

[suzannen]

It's definitely strange. My SIL was a lawyer when she had her two kids with only one other partner, and she went back to work soon after, BUT she worked from home. Her office could easily deliver files and telephone numbers.

I think crazyme5kids may be right in that 1) she may be nervous with the babies and 2) some women who excel at their jobs suddenly feel totally inadequate trying to cope with one newborn, not to mention 2 that are preemies needing even more help. Being at work could be the only place she feels "in control."

I hope the babies are okay and stay healthy.

 

[CEDmom]

It doesn't sound like your cousin did any type of maternity leave planning while pregnant. Even though she is self-employed she could have set something up to take a leave of absence. Did she really want to have these children or was it more something her DH wanted? That does happen even with people going through IVF. I could understand her going back to work if the babies were in the NICU so that she'd be able to take time when they came home. Also since they did come early I could even see her going into the office to tie up loose ends but even then I'd hire a nanny or baby nurse. I also can't believe this neighor would agree to watch them with 2 of her own.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

Give your cousin a break...what she plans to do and what she actually does are two different things. She's 41 and already had an established lifestyle and then whammo - not one but two babies. Even though she created this change herself, my guess is that she is very overwhelmed and just needs some time to get used to the new additions. Would I do the same thing? No, but I'm not walking in her shoes.

I would almost bet that once she feels more confident as a mom and realizes her law practice won't fall apart without her, she will find a way to either work part-time or start working from home. She probably won't have a choice, because all of us with children know first-hand, that is someone sneezes in the next county, one of our kids is going to get sick and need to stay home until all is well. This will be twice as hard for your cousin as once one of the twins is feeling better, the other one will catch it.

Don't worry -- time will take care of everything.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I've got to ask this question. Why does everyone seem to have a problem with the neighbor taking care of the babies?

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I also went back to work after 6 days (c-section). Granted I was working from home, but I still had to go into the office to pick up my files. If the mom is ok with it, why not. I also agree that since she was a little older and has an established career, that may be the reason. More than likely she will take at least some time off.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by crazyme5kids
I've got to ask this question. Why does everyone seem to have a problem with the neighbor taking care of the babies?

It just seems weird...very weird. I know some people "can" do something a few days after giving birth, but I know I only had one and I looked like crap. I was bleeding a lot, crying, etc.

I know many women who won't even let their husband watch the baby alone, let alone leave two babies with a neighbor. It's a neighbor, not a family member. I was told my my doctor to make sure everyone washed their hands around the baby when I brought him home, etc....nothing is worse than a baby that little who becomes sick.

I too would like to know what the Husband things about all of this and is this person thinking logically. Did anyone ask her what she's doing once the babies were born?

Generally the posts on here I agree with, but this seems so black and white to me. I generally try not to judge people, but something is very wrong with this picture. If I watched children for a living, i'd be very nervous watching twin 4 day old's with 2 kids of my own. My ds is 3 and I can barely keep up with him some days.