God must have a point, but I can't see it

[Ashley's mom]

I have not been getting along with my husband. Two weeks ago I actually called my pastor on a Saturday in tears saying that I hated my husband. I am so tired of fighting. I am also so tired of having pain and being poked and prodded by doctors who seem to just throw a pile of cards in the air and order whatever test is listed on the cards that end up in the hat on the floor - aside from being stressful it has become too expensive. My daughter's birthday is tomorrow - she'll be 6 and I wonder what a terrible job I'm doing at helping her embrace being a female since I think it pretty much sucks. Oh, my husband told me his firm may be closing down altogether because the 13 attorneys who work there "can't get along" - which is the biggest load of crap considering how much they get paid. So many of my friends would find it incredible that I am not happy since my husband makes alot of money - and more importantly, we have FINALLY after 8 years of being together paid off all the debt and back taxes from his previous marriage to Atilla....so things are actually at a point where we can breathe. I'm only 35 and yet I feel like a tottering old woman - and can hardly contain myself when I have this constant nagging pain or headaches (I was rearended by some woman on seizure medication...had to actually sue her insurance company because in spite of her completely admitting she rammed me they are dragging their feet and are arguing that I need to prove I'm in pain because of the accident...gee, I was rammed hard enough to twist the frame of the car I hit in front of me after SHE HIT ME and I had my feet on the brakes!) I am just so exasperated and frankly - I often wondered how old people talk about not wanting to live to another birthday - and while I would never never never kill myself - I CAN understand feeling so weary of life.

 

[binny]

(((hugs))) Im so sorry. Youre not alone, please remember that.


You are very important and very loved!

 

[Ashley's mom]

Thanks for the hugs and the encouragement. The kindness of strangers is very special.

p.s. I love your saying about "when good men do nothing." It's a fav of mine.

 

[Ratpack]

Actually God does have a point and most of us never really do see it. I know how you feel, because these episodes happen to me all the time. The thing that keeps me going is the story of the butterfly. A butterfly has to struggle to near death in order to break free from the cacoon. But what these struggles do is prep the butterfly to survive in the world by strengthing its wings. If it did not stuggle, it would not be able to fly, thus becoming a meal for something else. God does his children the same way, we are allowed to struggle in order to make us stronger. In most if not all instances that I have struggled, I have come out having a better understanding for the way I should be. Just hang in there and lay all your burdens on God's shoulders, He REALLY wants you to.

 

[eeyore0062]

Keep your head up. Things like this go in cycles, and you never know when it will turn around.

Perhaps counceling would help you. Also, you might want to see a clinical psychologist, as it could be an chemical imbalance from which you are suffering that medication could help straighten out.

I come from a family with a history of depression and anxiety, and I can't tell you what a lifesaver some of these medications that are available now have been. They don't give you weird side effects, and enable you to have a normal life again!

I hope that you find the help that you need!

 

[ead79]

Ratpack said it beautifully. {{{HUGS}}} for you, Ashley's mom.

 

[CRB#33]

{{Hugs}} AM.

I'm 42 years old, a single mom--my own mom died when I was pregnant with my first child. My ex is a good dad, but not a nice man to me (I'll leave it at that for now.)

I did a Bible study last fall that introduces you to Christianity. (I was brought up in the church, but our church was offering this and people were raving about it.) One of the things that occured during this course was me taking a good long look back on my life. I have to say that all the things in my life; beautiful, good, bad and awful have all made me the person I am today. I continue to learn, to grow and to make good changes because of them.

I'm a true believer in this being part of God's plan that I will know someday. But in the meantime---I keep looking back at all the things that have happened to me and knowing that they never would have happened if even one thing had been different.

God's plan

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[minniecarousel]

Ashely's mom - you hang in there! We all go through rough times - I'm sure that you'll soon find relief for your pain & then the other things will fall into place.

 

[laceemouse]

Your post reminds me of a song on Christian radio right now. I won't do the whole thing (that's another thread!) But the chorus goes something like this: Sometimes He calms the storm, with a whisper peace be still He can settle any sea but that doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and lets the waves and winds go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child.
May you feel God's peace at this time. Lacee

 

[tkyes]

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. The DIS is a great place to vent and is full of wonderful people who have words of encouragement and advice.

Don't be afraid to lean on us - if you fall, we'll all fall together and pick each other up!

{{{hugs}}}


Tamie

 

[mrsdon]

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I understand about not liking DH. Sometimes mines me SO MAD. But I think part ot the problem is the pain you are experiencing.
When we are ill and dont feel welll, nothing can make us happy.
Remember God does have a plan for us, and we may NEVER undestand it, we just have to go on living our lives the way he wants us to.
My DS(20)has had 2 brain tumors, 2 shunt surgeries and another brain sugery to correct a bleeding blood vessel that has made his right side almost useless, (surgery failed). But DS has a positve attitude and knows that GOD has a plan for him.
I will keep you in our prayers and hopefully, the Drs can find out why you're having so much pain.
Debbie

 

[Rajah]

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time of it AM. Sending some prayers that you will start to feel better, and things will lighten up shortly.

In the meantime, I agree that it sounds like you could benefit by some counseling, and possibly a vacation? Could you afford (monitarily, physically, emotionally, etc) to take a weekend just for you? Go to a spa, mountain retreat, ocean bungalo... whatever relaxes you the most. Maybe take a friend and make it a lady's weekend away. I know from experience that even one weekend away from the stress can do wonders.

Whatever you do, hang in there and know we're here for you. *hugs*

 

[Wishydoo]

((((hugs))))) for you Ashley's mom.

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}}, Ashley's mom. We all have trying times in our lives. Sometimes we have to put up with those trying times to make ourselves stronger.

I think you need a solo vacation to WDW. Or a solo Disney Cruise.

Happy 6th Birthday to your dd.

 

[snoopy]

Yup, sometimes its not abundantly clear what plan God has in store for us.

Keep your faith, Ashley's Mom, and feel free to come here and vent anytime you like.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Oh AM.... I did feel your pain in what you wrote... please know that we are here for you.......so come here and lean on us....we will do what we can to keep you on track.....Hugs and take care..

 

[Princess Michelle]

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It is truly hard to see the light at the end sometimes but we are promised that ALL THINGS will work together for our good. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers are with you AM and if you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm or email me.

 

[poohbears5]

hang in there I sort of know what your going through with the insurance I was hit by a full size eco van and the guy left me lying in the street thank god someone got the tag so he was caught but everything I need the insurance drag their feet.

 

[helenabear]

Just wanted to offer some {{hugs}} to you. You have received some great advice so I will only say that sometimes it is not clear at all what God has in store for us. Just keep the faith and things will work out for the best {{hugs}}

 

[crs7568]

I am not a very religious person so I am afraid I cannot offer you much help as far as that goes. I can say that I have been where you are when I first got married. In fact, I used to count the days so that one year would pass and I could get a divorce with some pride intact. Fortunately, instead of doing that my husband and I chose to go to counseling together. It was the smartest decision I have ever made. We celebrated our 10th anniversary last summer and I could never imagine a life without him. Is counseling something that you and your husband would consider? I cannot say enough good things about it and it really taught us how to communicate effectively(which is ironic since I am an English teacher who can talk about books all day but discussing my feelings is a different matter) and she also helped us work together as a team.

Whenever I am stressed by life, I take a few minutes to think about how fortunate I am to have two beautiful daughters. They help to keep me grounded. I have read some of your posts and your love for your daughter is abundantly clear. I am sure that you are doing a great job as her mother. Keep your chin up and I hope that you are feeling better!