ElizK
<font color="9E2387">I'm a whosoever!<br><font col
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2004
- Messages
- 3,289
TEXAS:
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth
and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh
while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made
some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will
be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said,
"What's that one?""Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS--the most glorious place on
earth."There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people
from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and
they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable,
hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world
as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in AUSTIN."
_______________________________________________
A TEXAS BLESSING
Note: If you are not a resident of TEXAS or never have lived in the hot, humid
Southwest, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in TEXAS, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
HOLD IT.....there's more........
____________________________________________________
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN TEXAS IN JULY WHEN. . . .
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them
from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.
God Bless TEXAS !!
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth
and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh
while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made
some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will
be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said,
"What's that one?""Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS--the most glorious place on
earth."There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people
from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and
they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable,
hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world
as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in AUSTIN."
_______________________________________________
A TEXAS BLESSING
Note: If you are not a resident of TEXAS or never have lived in the hot, humid
Southwest, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in TEXAS, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
HOLD IT.....there's more........
____________________________________________________
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN TEXAS IN JULY WHEN. . . .
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them
from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.
God Bless TEXAS !!
Don't mess with Texas! 
The moral to this story is to check the temperature of any hose that has been in the Texas sun before using the water--expecially on fish.
