giving 3 nights to a friend, but not sure he understands.

[Deesknee]

DH and I have a dear friend with whom we have been throug alot together. Deaths, births, family rifs, etc. He has had a tough time lately and since he is self employed does not have the luxury to take very many vacations. Anyway, we have told him that we are "providing" 3 nights accommodations for a WDW vacation for him if he would like to join us this summer. We are planning on a 2bdrm for our family and him with his own studio. As he is single and doesn't have any children, we thought he would need time away from the kids. He seems absolutely thrilled with it. We were planning on going in the winter, but he couldn't afford his airfare and admissions that soon so we changed it to the summer. Anyway we explained when we told him that, that would be his Christmas gift from us to him. We have shown him a video of the OKW we took on our last trip so he can see the accom. SOoooooo the other day he says....... "we're not getting each other gifts because we're going away right?" I wasn't sure what to say. I said "nothing wrapped" He replied "even the kids?" "I'll feel bad if they get me something but I didn't get them anything". My kids never "expect" a gift from anyone. But they always look forward to something from this guy, because he puts alot of thought into. We had picked up a book for him before we decided to do the WDW gift which I told him we do have a "little" something from the kids but the real gift is the room at WDW. BUT I really don't think he understands. I don't care about him getting us gifts. I honestly feel his friendship is a daily gift. I just truly want him to understand this is OUR gift to him, because we CARE that much about. That it is not just, Hey we're going to Disney would you like to come. DH and I truly care for this friend. Because of strange curcumstances he has no contact with any of his siblings/aunts/uncle/cousins. Both his parents are gone and he has no grandparents left either. He has never been married and has no children....basically DH myself and my kids are his family. I know he loves us and we all love him. I just want him to realize we don't usually encourage anyone to come on vacation with us. but we are hoping he will enjoy this as much as we do.
Any ideas of how to let him know this is a gift of love from us to him. not just a shared vacation?

 

[rocketriter]

I'm not actually sure what you want your friend to understand. (And if I'm not clear about it, you might not have been clear with him, either.) It sounds--I could be wrong about this--as if you're keeping score of who in your family is giving him what (you're giving him a vacation and your kids are giving him a book) and you expect him to reciprocate at least partly according to that score.

I'm not sure you should be in the business of obligating your friend to give you or your kids anything. With an obligation, it ceases to be a gift anyway. If he usually gives your kids thoughtful gifts but is looking for a way not to give them something this year, it might be better to honor his preference. You can't know everything that's going on in his life and his reason for expressing a particular preference this year. My suggestion is that you enjoy giving him the trip, you encourage your kids to enjoy giving him the book, and you make sure your kids understand that your friend still loves them whether or not he's able to give them a gift this year.

 

[kathleena]

Just tell him.