Give it to me straight: Taking the in-laws to Disney. How do you mentally prepare?

[Fantasmic23]

First off, Happy New Year everyone!!

So, DH dropped a Disney bombshell last night: He wants to go back to the World for a few days in February. Yes, I'm pinning this all on him because it's his idea. Now, I'm over-the-moon with excitement that we'll be going back so soon (We were just there! I thought we wouldn't be going back until 2012!) BUT (And you know there's always a but) there's a bit of a catch to this Disney trip ... He wants to bring along his parents. Cue the sound of crickets chirping. Yes, the kids and I were dead silent, too. He wants the trip to be a total surprise for his parents but MIL hates surprises of any kind. I've suggested that he tell his parents his plan in advance but he says no. He says that once he's booked and paid for the trip, his parents cannot object. Maybe. Maybe not. What do you guys think? We're driving down, too (Heaven help us) and DH thinks that stopping to see his brother in North Carolina along the way will sort of "cushion the blow".

Now, I like my in-laws. I love them. I've read and heard some in-law horror stories and I consider myself to be luckier than most in the in-law department. Sure, they have their quirks, as we all do, but for the most part they're good people. I just don't know if I can deal with their "quirkiness" on vacation. I'm being honest here. I don't know if I would be able to deal with my mother (and other assorted relatives) and their quirkiness on vacation.

On a positive note, I can see FIL loving Disney World. And if not loving Disney World, then loving going on rides with the kids. He is the more enthusiastic, more encouraging and more attentive grandparent. If anyone can get my DS to go on The Tower of Terror or Expedition Everest, it would be Grandpa. FIL is usually up for anything and he usually "goes with the flow". I can see him throwing a minor fit about smoking only in designated areas, but baby steps. Baby steps.

MIL, on the other hand, as made it vocally known that she hates crowds, hates walking, hates rides, etc., etc. I've explained to her, whenever we have returned from a Disney trip, that crowds and walking are part of the "Disney Experience". Her response? "Sounds like an absolute nightmare." Uh-oh. I've also explained that it's not all thrill rides. The woman LOVES anything Peter Pan or Snow White or Winnie the Pooh. She would love Fantasyland, but she just stares blankly at me when I give her the Fantasyland run-down. On another positive note, she loves to shop. And I mean LOVES TO SHOP. And loves to shop for tchotchkes. You know what I'm talking about. I can almost see us leaving her on Main Street or in Downtown Disney and coming back for her hours later.

DH will be finalizing the trip later this week and then telling them the news. He still doesn't know if we should book a value resort or if we would all fare better in a condo in Kissimmee. I'm on the fence about sending them a Disney Vacation Planning DVD. They'll either love it or stare at the TV screen in absolute horror.

How do you mentally prepare for this? Positive thinking only? Transcendental meditation? DH is so gung-ho for this. He loves WDW and I know he's so anxious to share it with his parents. I just want it to go well.

Thanks for letting me share/vent.

UPDATE: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the responses! I'm discussing with DH the importance of separate rooms as well as the importance of time apart/free time in the parks. I'm still against the idea of DH just "springing" this on them, but I like another poster's suggestion of presenting the trip in such a way that they have the option of saying NO if they feel that strongly about it.

 

[daisyduck123]

In 2007, we took an 8 day WDW trip with BOTH sets of grandparents.

What helped us? Not staying together. My family was at SSR. My parents stayed at POP, and DH's parents stayed offsite. You may not want to split up that much, but I do recommend staying in different rooms. At least this way, everyone gets a break from each other.

 

[MrsGoofyMitchell]

Just kidding! I have no idea, I just want to say GOOD LUCK!

It sounds like they are the type who would want to know going in, so too bad you can't convince your husband to tell them!

I think you would definitely have a good time, but I'm thinking you should stay separate in value rooms so you don't overwhelm yourself with them!

 

[Fantasmic23]

In 2007, we took an 8 day WDW trip with BOTH sets of grandparents.

What helped us? Not staying together. My family was at SSR. My parents stayed at POP, and DH's parents stayed offsite. You may not want to split up that much, but I do recommend staying in different rooms. At least this way, everyone gets a break from each other.

8 day trip with BOTH sets of grandparents?!?

I keep saying to DH, "Space", "Privacy", "Different rooms".

 

[Fantasmic23]

Just kidding! I have no idea, I just want to say GOOD LUCK!

It sounds like they are the type who would want to know going in, so too bad you can't convince your husband to tell them!

I think you would definitely have a good time, but I'm thinking you should stay separate in value rooms so you don't overwhelm yourself with them!

Thanks!! I'm hoping I can convince DH to tell them. I don't want him to happily and excitedly shout, "Surprise!" and then a screaming match ensues!!

Definite separate rooms!!

 

[Aliceacc]

First off, Happy New Year everyone!!
He wants the trip to be a total surprise for his parents but MIL hates surprises of any kind. ... . He says that once he's booked and paid for the trip, his parents cannot object. ...DH thinks that stopping to see his brother in North Carolina along the way will sort of "cushion the blow"...

MIL, on the other hand, as made it vocally known that she hates crowds, hates walking, hates rides, etc., etc. ... Her response? "Sounds like an absolute nightmare." Uh-oh. I've also explained that it's not all thrill rides. .

It sounds like the way you would prepare a child for root canal.

"can't say no"...."cushion the blow"...."absolute nightmare" ????

I say you place the offer on the table in such a way that MIL CAN say no if that's what she, as an intelligent adult, really wants to say.

 

[daisyduck123]

One more thing...

I don't think any Grandma can pass up a trip to WDW with her grandchildren. How about making up some WDW family t-shirts and present them to Grandma when you reveal the trip? (The DISigners here on the DIS are fantastic with creating just about anything!).

 

[deegack]

I wouldn't go with my inlaws. They are of the mindset that if a hotel doesn't offer free breakfast (including bread and pb&j to make sandwiches for later) it's not a goo hotel. In other words cheap cheap cheap.

To answer your question, an for time apart. When w go with a big group we plan a few meals but then the rest of the time is free time. It worked great with our one year old when we were with my ten year old niece and nephew. They went one way with their parents we went the other. I would stay on site as it woul allow them to go back to their room if they want to and you can keep different schedules

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Budget money for a lot of alcohol.

 

[teacup princess]

We went with one set of grandparents in 2008. I think I was more exited about planning the trip for my parents than I was for the kids. Sounds like your husband might feel the same way about taking his parents. If you go into it with a "my vacation" mentality you're setting yourself up for disaster. If your get along with you're inlaws and are ok with making some successions for you're inlaws ideas of vacation you'll be ok. Will they drive you crazy at times? Absolutely. But there are other positives to a family trip. There are more people to split up if different people want to do different things and you can go to a nice dinner with your hubby while your inlaws babysit. Plus the memories for you're kids are priceless. My kids talk more about their trip with Grammy and Poppy than the do the trip we took by ourselves.

 

[Fantasmic23]

It sounds like the way you would prepare a child for root canal.

"can't say no"...."cushion the blow"...."absolute nightmare" ????

I say you place the offer on the table in such a way that MIL CAN say no if that's what she, as an intelligent adult, really wants to say.

Fortunately, I've never had to prepare myself or a child for root canal, but I understand.

Going in (With MIL's past negative comments and DH feeling that he has to "cushion the blow"), it doesn't sound good. I'm against DH surprising them and I've discussed with him the possibility that they might say no, regardless if the trip has been booked and paid for.

I do like your suggestion about presenting the offer with the option of saying no. Thanks!

 

[Fantasmic23]

Budget money for a lot of alcohol.

 

[Fantasmic23]

We went with one set of grandparents in 2008. I think I was more exited about planning the trip for my parents than I was for the kids. Sounds like your husband might feel the same way about taking his parents. If you go into it with a "my vacation" mentality you're setting yourself up for disaster. If your get along with you're inlaws and are ok with making some successions for you're inlaws ideas of vacation you'll be ok. Will they drive you crazy at times? Absolutely. But there are other positives to a family trip. There are more people to split up if different people want to do different things and you can go to a nice dinner with your hubby while your inlaws babysit. Plus the memories for you're kids are priceless. My kids talk more about their trip with Grammy and Poppy than the do the trip we took by ourselves.

Thank you!!

 

[Fantasmic23]

I wouldn't go with my inlaws. They are of the mindset that if a hotel doesn't offer free breakfast (including bread and pb&j to make sandwiches for later) it's not a goo hotel. In other words cheap cheap cheap.

To answer your question, an for time apart. When w go with a big group we plan a few meals but then the rest of the time is free time. It worked great with our one year old when we were with my ten year old niece and nephew. They went one way with their parents we went the other. I would stay on site as it woul allow them to go back to their room if they want to and you can keep different schedules

Thank you! I can already envision MIL wanting to constantly go back to her room, so staying on-site is looking like the better option.

I'm already telling DH that just because we love everything about Disney (including the resorts), doesn't mean that his parents will instantly fall in love, if they fall in love at all.

I'm all for time apart/free time.

 

[Fantasmic23]

One more thing...

I don't think any Grandma can pass up a trip to WDW with her grandchildren. How about making up some WDW family t-shirts and present them to Grandma when you reveal the trip? (The DISigners here on the DIS are fantastic with creating just about anything!).

That is a great idea, actually. Thanks! MIL doesn't wear t-shirts of any kind (Strictly blouses), but I will see what I find. FIL loves t-shirts and would be a really good sport about wearing them ... Especially if they have Donald Duck (his favorite) on them.

I also thought about presenting them with a book and/or Walt Disney World-themed documentary, but I don't want to drop too much Disney on them.

 

[ConnieB]

First off, Happy New Year everyone!!

So, DH dropped a Disney bombshell last night: He wants to go back to the World for a few days in February. Yes, I'm pinning this all on him because it's his idea. Now, I'm over-the-moon with excitement that we'll be going back so soon (We were just there! I thought we wouldn't be going back until 2012!) BUT (And you know there's always a but) there's a bit of a catch to this Disney trip ... He wants to bring along his parents. Cue the sound of crickets chirping. Yes, the kids and I were dead silent, too. He wants the trip to be a total surprise for his parents but MIL hates surprises of any kind. I've suggested that he tell his parents his plan in advance but he says no. He says that once he's booked and paid for the trip, his parents cannot object. Maybe. Maybe not. What do you guys think? We're driving down, too (Heaven help us) and DH thinks that stopping to see his brother in North Carolina along the way will sort of "cushion the blow".

Now, I like my in-laws. I love them. I've read and heard some in-law horror stories and I consider myself to be luckier than most in the in-law department. Sure, they have their quirks, as we all do, but for the most part they're good people. I just don't know if I can deal with their "quirkiness" on vacation. I'm being honest here. I don't know if I would be able to deal with my mother (and other assorted relatives) and their quirkiness on vacation.

On a positive note, I can see FIL loving Disney World. And if not loving Disney World, then loving going on rides with the kids. He is the more enthusiastic, more encouraging and more attentive grandparent. If anyone can get my DS to go on The Tower of Terror or Expedition Everest, it would be Grandpa. FIL is usually up for anything and he usually "goes with the flow". I can see him throwing a minor fit about smoking only in designated areas, but baby steps. Baby steps.

MIL, on the other hand, as made it vocally known that she hates crowds, hates walking, hates rides, etc., etc. I've explained to her, whenever we have returned from a Disney trip, that crowds and walking are part of the "Disney Experience". Her response? "Sounds like an absolute nightmare." Uh-oh. I've also explained that it's not all thrill rides. The woman LOVES anything Peter Pan or Snow White or Winnie the Pooh. She would love Fantasyland, but she just stares blankly at me when I give her the Fantasyland run-down. On another positive note, she loves to shop. And I mean LOVES TO SHOP. And loves to shop for tchotchkes. You know what I'm talking about. I can almost see us leaving her on Main Street or in Downtown Disney and coming back for her hours later.

DH will be finalizing the trip later this week and then telling them the news. He still doesn't know if we should book a value resort or if we would all fare better in a condo in Kissimmee. I'm on the fence about sending them a Disney Vacation Planning DVD. They'll either love it or stare at the TV screen in absolute horror.

How do you mentally prepare for this? Positive thinking only? Transcendental meditation? DH is so gung-ho for this. He loves WDW and I know he's so anxious to share it with his parents. I just want it to go well.

Thanks for letting me share/vent.

UPDATE: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the responses! I'm discussing with DH the importance of separate rooms as well as the importance of time apart/free time in the parks. I'm still against the idea of DH just "springing" this on them, but I like another poster's suggestion of presenting the trip in such a way that they have the option of saying NO if they feel that strongly about it.

You might also consider choosing a resort that has activities that your MIL might enjoy more than being in the parks. Then, you could propose that she come along for a light day of Fantsyland since she likes those characters, but after that she could have the option of staying (or returning midday) to the resort for relaxing by the pool or some of the activities each offers that might interest her more!

From your description of them, I'd have to say I agree that this may not be a "surprise" worth opportunity! I hope you're able to convince him to reconsider that aspect. Perhaps if your inlaws could help the children in the planning aspect they'd see the happiness on the kids face and get a little more enthusiasm themselves? If not...I'd probably be very tempted to tell the kids that the grandparents are coming along, but of course tell them it's a secret. Neither of my kids can keep secrets so it would at least not be a surprise anymore, lol.

The other suggestion.....perhaps by letting the grands in on it ahead of time, you can find out from MIL what OTHER things she might enjoy in Orlando or nearby. Perhaps by giving her some things she'd like to do she'll be more tolerant of the park days. Orlando has much about it that doesn't involve amusement parks that many folks might enjoy. We always get in a museum or two (but we homeschool, so we do that everywhere we travel, lol)....and often there is a play or concert that we do as well.

 

[POP!ns]

What can I say Fantasmic? I feel ur pain, I understand ur sensible thoughts. Here is one thing I learned about WDW.People love it or could care less. It is NO FUN @ all to bring a party pooper aka someone who is gonna have ANYTHING negative to say. [Let alone if u guys are paying the bill.] YIKES! I want EVERYONE to love WDW, but I think some of us are more enthusiastic about it. It sux bringing & paying for a "debbie downer". I also feel like people tend to say WDW sounds like a nightmare either b/c they can't afford it or they don't WANT to afford it.
My husband & I got married in the Virgin Islands & both sets of parents came. It worked out ok w/ some flaws of course. If I could do it over the major thing I'd change is itinerary! It might be a pain but is nessasary for all the different PERSONALITIES. I didn't get to spend much time w/ MY parents & family on that trip & THEY are the ones who paid for the entire thing! I still feel bad about that. Anyways.... ITINERARY is soo important so everyone gets to do & see what they want.

What I did for our next WDW trip was invite my parents & my husbands parents. (This will be my son's 1st time there. He will be 18m. =)Whoever wants to come is welcome.[They pay for themselves b/c we can't afford to pay for everyone]

If somebody surprised me w/ a trip to WDW I would be beyond ecstatic. So I see u have a very thoughtful husband. But I suggest u talk it over w/ him 100% to cover all the details. That's really all u can do.

Good luck w/ this & just HAVE FUN!! Don't worry about grumpy people just keep on smiling I mean, ur going to Disney World!!! How could u not?

Happy New Year!

 

[Fantasmic23]

You might also consider choosing a resort that has activities that your MIL might enjoy more than being in the parks. Then, you could propose that she come along for a light day of Fantsyland since she likes those characters, but after that she could have the option of staying (or returning midday) to the resort for relaxing by the pool or some of the activities each offers that might interest her more!

From your description of them, I'd have to say I agree that this may not be a "surprise" worth opportunity! I hope you're able to convince him to reconsider that aspect. Perhaps if your inlaws could help the children in the planning aspect they'd see the happiness on the kids face and get a little more enthusiasm themselves? If not...I'd probably be very tempted to tell the kids that the grandparents are coming along, but of course tell them it's a secret. Neither of my kids can keep secrets so it would at least not be a surprise anymore, lol.

The other suggestion.....perhaps by letting the grands in on it ahead of time, you can find out from MIL what OTHER things she might enjoy in Orlando or nearby. Perhaps by giving her some things she'd like to do she'll be more tolerant of the park days. Orlando has much about it that doesn't involve amusement parks that many folks might enjoy. We always get in a museum or two (but we homeschool, so we do that everywhere we travel, lol)....and often there is a play or concert that we do as well.

Thank you for these wonderful suggestions! Hopefully, it will be warm enough to swim because that is something that MIL loves to do. She would probably just love a day of lounging by the pool, enjoying the Florida weather ... If the weather cooperates. FIL would enjoy this, too. They're really not ones for the beach but the sight of a pool makes them very happy.

She's also a HUGE Harry Potter fan so I'm going to discuss with DH the possibility of going to Universal for the day. Believe it or not, she is happiest when she's shopping, so I already know that we must incorporate Downtown Disney into our trip.

All signs are pointing to telling them beforehand. Thank you so much!

 

[daisyduck123]

That is a great idea, actually. Thanks! MIL doesn't wear t-shirts of any kind (Strictly blouses), but I will see what I find. FIL loves t-shirts and would be a really good sport about wearing them ... Especially if they have Donald Duck (his favorite) on them.

What a coincidence!
My FIL doesn't wear t-shirts at all (only polos)! When we did our BIG trip with BOTH sets of grandparents, I made matching shirts for us all, and of course had to make them for Grandpa (even though I knew he wouldn't wear them).

He was such a good sport! Everytime we were having group photos taken (like at 'Ohana, Chef Mickey's, Photopass, etc.) he would take it out of his ECV basket & throw it across his other shirt. That way, it looked like he was wearing it in the group photo! It actually looks great in most of the pics!

 

[Fantasmic23]

What can I say Fantasmic? I feel ur pain, I understand ur sensible thoughts. Here is one thing I learned about WDW.People love it or could care less. It is NO FUN @ all to bring a party pooper aka someone who is gonna have ANYTHING negative to say. [Let alone if u guys are paying the bill.] YIKES! I want EVERYONE to love WDW, but I think some of us are more enthusiastic about it. It sux bringing & paying for a "debbie downer". I also feel like people tend to say WDW sounds like a nightmare either b/c they can't afford it or they don't WANT to afford it.
My husband & I got married in the Virgin Islands & both sets of parents came. It worked out ok w/ some flaws of course. If I could do it over the major thing I'd change is itinerary! It might be a pain but is nessasary for all the different PERSONALITIES. I didn't get to spend much time w/ MY parents & family on that trip & THEY are the ones who paid for the entire thing! I still feel bad about that. Anyways.... ITINERARY is soo important so everyone gets to do & see what they want.

What I did for our next WDW trip was invite my parents & my husbands parents. (This will be my son's 1st time there. He will be 18m. =)Whoever wants to come is welcome.[They pay for themselves b/c we can't afford to pay for everyone]

If somebody surprised me w/ a trip to WDW I would be beyond ecstatic. So I see u have a very thoughtful husband. But I suggest u talk it over w/ him 100% to cover all the details. That's really all u can do.

Good luck w/ this & just HAVE FUN!! Don't worry about grumpy people just keep on smiling I mean, ur going to Disney World!!! How could u not?

Happy New Year!

Thank you so much! That would just kill DH (Me and the kids, too) if his parents got there and started the whole, "I hate this! What a nightmare! Never again!" I keep telling him that just because we "get" and love WDW so much, doesn't mean that other people (including kin) are going to get and love it.

I wholeheartedly agree with you about the importance of itinerary. DH has this fantasy of ALL of us walking around the parks together all of the time, but I already know that is not going to happen. I don't know if I would want to do that while with another family in the parks. My suggestion to DH is that we can all start the day in a park together, but be free to go our separate ways. "We'll meet you here at two" or something like that. We can suggest to his parents what rides and attractions we think they might like, and which ones to say away from (i.e. MIL is deathly afraid of heights, so I know that Soarin' would be a no go).

Thank you again!