girls friendship issues(again and long)

[ez]

Revisiting this topic, wanted to get some insight in what happened this weekend. I let my 10 year old dd have a couple of friends sleepover, a girl from her class, and my daughters best friend from across the street who is a year older. (This child is like family to us, the girls spend a ton of time togetherand I am close to the mom) Now the girl from her class is apparently "the most popular" my daughter has wanted to be friends with her for a long time, but this is the first year she has given my daughter the time of day. So anyway, this is like the 4th time she has been over, the first for a sleepover.(they have not recipricated) We did dinner and a movie, an adult girlfriend of mine came along. Anyway, the girl from dd's class was just totally leaving my daughter out of everything and only paid attention to dd's5th grade friend, constantly whispering to her and leaving dd out, finally I had to intervene and tell her it was extremely rude. I understand that kids "triangle" but can't help feeling that if someone is really your friend, they wouldn't behave that badly under any circumstances. I felt that this kid from her class was a manipulative brat. I was disappointed for my daughter, we talked about it afterward. I don't know, what are your thoughts, are my expetations too high for 10 year olds? Should I just let her have this girl over 1 on 1, where she won't be left out. I feel this girl is not a genuine friend and dd is just being used, am I reading too much into it? I appreciate any insight!

 

[HappyMommy2]

I think you've done very well; discussing the problems with your DD after the party was a very wise idea, and you've equipped her with some good insight on friendships. From this point, though, if it were my daughter I think I would let her make her own decisions about her playmate (as long as the playmate isn't wild or dangerous, etc.--sounds to me like she is probably just immature and selfish, as many little girls are). Your DD will probably get "burned" by this girl at some point, but the pain will be temporary and hopefully she will learn a good lesson about choosing friends wisely. Of course if it seems like your DD is really getting damaged in some way you will want to put a stop to things.

This is a hard lesson. Little girls (and women!) can just be so cliquish and mean to each other sometimes, can't they?
I hope everything works out just fine for your sweet DD.

Janet

 

[clh2]

My DD is 10. I would never let her do a sleep over unless it was an even number. No way would I let her invite "just" 2 friends over.

I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to have this girl back in my house. My guess is - this girl is just "using" your daughter because nothing better came along.

 

[keenercam]

I learned a very important lesson when my DD was young -- NEVER create a situation where there are 3 girls. Girls are good in pairs or HUGE groups -- NOT 3's. For whatever reason, one girl is ALWAYS left out. If your daughter wants to create a relationship with this girl, you should have them do it one on one. Otherwise, invite her to parties, etc.. I decided a long time ago after advice from a school counselor that I CAN protect my daughter from some hurt, by not creating social situations with 3 girls. I have seen this played out in many ways over the years with people who work with girls all the time -- they always put them in pairs and fours for hotel stays, group interaction, etc.

Good luck. My DD15 survived all that and is wonderfully social, but girls are definitely HARD!!!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

book recommendation ---"Queen Bees and Wannabes". it talks about adolescent girls and their friendships and social hierarchy.

unfortunately, what happened to your daughter isn't uncommon.