Gift Exchange Question - What do you think?

[tyniknate]

My mother's huge extended family has a gift exchange that we are guilted into participating in each year. A bunch of "family" that we see maybe twice a year, but for most this is the only time we ever see them. The excuse is that "your pap is 95....or 96.....or 97 (this year) and he isn't going to live forever. He enjoys these parties so we expect participation." It keeps my mom happy, so we suck it up and go.

Here's my question. This exchange is for a $25 limit. What does a $25 limit mean to you?

I take it as meaning that I'm supposed to spend no more than that amount on the gift I give (regardless of the retail price). My example for this year is that one of the names I've received is a 20-something female who loves purses. I shopped at Kohls and found a purse and matching wallet that retailed for more than $80. After coupons and discounts I spent $24 on the set. Very nice items and quite a bargain. I would be thrilled to receive this and I'm quite sure she is going to love them.

I think others take it as an item or items that retail for less than $25, regardless of what you pay for it. My example for this was last year when my sonreceived a Christmas ornament that was a turtle with a santa hat on it. The receipt was enclosed in the box and it was originally $18, marked down to $9 after Christmas. He was so confused by the whole thing. Money is not an issue for this family. I have to say, it was one of the of the weirdest Christmas items we have ever received. And this is just one example of the odd things that happen.

Is there something I'm not understanding here?

Do I just continue to shop like I currently do and give items that I'm proud to give?

Do I refuse to particpate in this forced merriment any longer?

Or do I begin to shop like some of the others, just putting something in a box and giving it?

I don't want to be resentful about this, but it has truly turned into a day that I no longer want to participate in.

 

[luvmy3]

To me, when there is a dollar amount limit set for a gift exchange it is the amount paid, not the value of the gift. I also don't see it as you must spend $X amount, I see it as you can't go over that amount, so in the case of the ornament your ds got, they stayed within the limit so its a perfectly acceptable gift (money wise I mean, the strange choice of ornament is different issue ).

ETA I think this year you are stuck participating since its really too late not too. However, I would bring up that maybe next year you all can focus on just getting together and spending time together instead of having a huge gift exchange. Or, suggest picking names, or just kids picking names, or a gift exchange game so everyone is only bring one gift, etc.
Our family decided a few years ago to stop exchanging, and its been great!

 

[katie111]

Then you need to stop participating because they are not going to change. I think lots of people regift for these things or do seek something out on sale that's less than $25. Like you, they figure they barely ever even see these people so (unlike you) they really don't care what they get them. We used to do a similar thing with DH's siblings/spouses. There were 13 of us in total. I love to bargain hunt so I would get a ton of stuff for the $100 and would spend every penny of it. His siblings were brought up very spoiled so they never had to look for sales. They would go & spend the $100 but would not get much for it. For example one year I got my SIL a VB pocketbook and a large duffel for the $100. I received just a VB tote bag. They were always amazed at what I could get for the $100 and everyone used to secretly hope that either I or DH would pick their name because we put so much effort into it.

Now, we also do a $25 yankee swap with DH's extended family. This is like a joke. I can't believe the crap people bring for this. Last year, 2 people brought promo items from their work with the company logos on them. Really, that cost you $25? So many people bring regifts. One year I got a mouse for an Apple computer. We didn't own an Apple. Now it's just become a running joke between DH & I to see what kind of crap we are going to end up with. I still spend the full $25, but I don't put much effort into it anymore. Last year I just got $25 gift cards on the away to the party. They were the most swapped item in the grab.

I think it's just one of those things you just need to let go of. Be proud of the gifts you bring and don't worry about what you receive. Just chalk it up as one of the expenses of the season.

 

[worm761]

You are an adult. If you don't like doing then stop doing it. No one can guilt you into anything unless you let them.

That said, I am of the same mind as you. If I have a limit then I stick to the limit. A few Christmas's ago Nephew wanted a tunnel for Christmas. His parents told us we could get that. I got an awesome tunnel at less than half price so it was in range. His sister got what she wanted because I found a great price and it was in our limit. If I am giving a gift then I give something that I think the recipient would love. But I do try to stick to the monetary limit that DH's family imposed.

 

[JanaDee]

I don't want to be resentful about this, but it has truly turned into a day that I no longer want to participate in.

This is why I finally said "enough, no more gift exchange" with DH's family. None of us need more stuff and it was just more things we had to spend money on and shop for.

I'm sorry you're feeling guilted into participating. I know it is easier said than done, but you don't have to participate.

 

[Earstou]

With our family exchange, we have a $35-$40 limit. So we should get a present worth at least 35 dollars. Having an upper limit and a lower limit works well. I'm like you, my present is usually worth more than the limit because I bargain shop. But sometimes I just spend a little more to get what I want to give.
So, if you are unhappy, do something about it! Impose a lower limit, stop participating or you could even change to a Dirty Santa exchange.

We do a couple of the Dirty Santa exchanges and they can be quite fun. One group has a $10 limit and everyone buys new items. The other group has a $5 limit and encourages white elephant type presents. So when I go to this one, I expect to come home with something weird, like a turtle with a Sant hat!

 

[Maggie Lizer]

To me, this means the value of the gift should not exceed $25. I take it this way because that is what it means for us at work for the Dirty Santa gift exchange. Because we have supervisors and managers participating, and the maximum value of a gift from a subordinate to a supervisor is capped at $10, if I find a great deal on something on Black Friday and pay $5 for a $10 value gift, that is all I can give in that exchange.

I can only equate a limit in gift giving to my workplace practice becuase we don't do big grab bags or whatever in my family - it is not large enough to justify such a thing.

 

[jen73]

I dislike gift exchanges like this, cuz no matter how Awesome of a gift I give, I always end up with the $5 gift, or the promo gift that someone above mentioned...lol

 

[wiigirl]

I dislike gift exchanges like this, cuz no matter how Awesome of a gift I give, I always end up with the $5 gift, or the promo gift that someone above mentioned...lol

Me too.

I actually just get something from http://www.somethingstore.com/

$10 and I write a little thing about where I got it and I am done.

 

[tyniknate]

I'm on the hook this year, so there's nothing I can do about it now. I think when they do the name exchange at the end of the party this year I will quietly find a way to slip out and not participate next year. (Unless, of course, one of the busy-bodies notices and says "They don't have their names in yet". Will hafta decide what to do in that situation. Don't want to create a scene in front of everyone....and I have no doubt that's exactly what it would turn into.

 

[tyniknate]

I dislike gift exchanges like this, cuz no matter how Awesome of a gift I give, I always end up with the $5 gift, or the promo gift that someone above mentioned...lol

Precisely.

 

[powellrj]

I always try to buy wonderful gifts, but always seem to end up with the worst gift at the parties. While its easier for an adult, I just changed my attitude about the whole thing. I go to enjoy the party and if I get something I enjoy, good, if not, I will just leave what ever I got in the trunk and drop it off at goodwill or give it to someone who I know would enjoy it. I guess I should add, I don't regift, I just give it to them.

I went to a party last week. The limit was $5-10. I found a precious moments snowglobe/music box on sale after christmas last year for $7 including shipping. I got an angel book I will never read. I had a really nice time at the party, so I just chalk it up to the price for the party.

I seem to go to many of these parties every year with the average being 5 or 6 and the price of the exchange being $5-$25 and if I get one gift I will enjoy, I feel fortunate. I am going to another one tonight, so we will see how it goes.

I will say that with one group I am a member of, I got them to lower the limit to $1 or $2 dollars and to get a favorite things to give and instead of drawing names, we just give one to everyone. I found it on pintrest. I made the suggestion of you favorite candy bar or fruit or something along that line. I am giving one of the Quikut Paring Knifes for everyone that I got at an apple orchard along with an stayman winesap apple.

 

[MomToOne]

I take a bit different persepective on this than many people. I say give a gift you feel good giving (like the purse and wallet you bought), and just suck up whatever gift you get in return, odd or not. I don't think bad gifts are a reason for you to refuse to participate and cause a rift with family, even family you don't see often.

 

[crisi]

To me it means simply "spend no more than $25." If you can find $100 worth of stuff for $25, then you've spent no more than $25. If you spend $2 on a Pez dispenser, you've spent no more than $25.

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

What I did for my husband's family gift exchange was to compromise with the spirit of the party and not wanting to spend so much. My husband and I started going in as a couple instead of individuals. So it cut our expenses and yuck gifts in half, but we weren't the scrooges of the party! Worked great for us.

 

[crisi]

ETA I think this year you are stuck participating since its really too late not too. However, I would bring up that maybe next year you all can focus on just getting together and spending time together instead of having a huge gift exchange. Or, suggest picking names, or just kids picking names, or a gift exchange game so everyone is only bring one gift, etc.
Our family decided a few years ago to stop exchanging, and its been great!

We only "require" exchanges for the kids. I bought something for my sisters and their husbands, but may or may not get anything in return this year - sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. And its one gift per family to child. My son doesn't not need to buy a gift for his cousin, my daughter a gift, and another gift from my husband and I.

 

[Southernmiss]

I take a bit different persepective on this than many people. I say give a gift you feel good giving (like the purse and wallet you bought), and just suck up whatever gift you get in return, odd or not. I don't think bad gifts are a reason for you to refuse to participate and cause a rift with family, even family you don't see often.

+1 Not worth it over $25.

 

[LJSquishy]

I despise gift exchanges! Like a few others here, I always put a lot of thought into the gift I bring and always end up with a piece of junk or gag gift. Always.

I consider a "$25 limit" as not wanting you to spend more than $25, regardless of the value of the gift. Now, you can spend $15 if that is what you can afford or feel comfortable with, or you can spend $25. If I found a $200 item (of quality) that was clearanced to $25 and was something someone would love, I would buy it. To me, a $25 limit means you spend up to $25.

With that said, my husband and I no longer participate in family gift exchanges. We always got random crap, and for a few years there was no price limit and people were getting Blu-ray players (back when they were $300), net books, etc...we couldn't afford it when we were already buying a gift for each of their kids. We have 4 nieces and 1 nephew to buy birthday and Christmas gifts for every year...it's expensive. We finally started saying no and have never been happier!

 

[tyniknate]

+1 Not worth it over $25.

The problem is, its not just $25. There are five of us in the family so we have spent $125 on just gifts. That cost doesn't include food and other incidentals. By the end of the event, I have sometimes spent $200. To get "goodwill junk" in return is just a little frustrating. While we aren't broke, that money sure could come in handy elsewhere. Wouldn't be so bad if we received something in return that we could actually use. UGH, I'm stressed just thinking about it all.

 

[yoopermom]

I understand about it adding up. We buy for each other (DH, DS, and I) our six parents (mine are divorced/remarried) and my goddaughter, and that's it. I send out an email every year in the fall reminding DH and my siblings that we are not going to exchange gifts with them this year.

I don't blame you whatsoever for not wanting to spend $200 on just one party alone. Is there one person "in charge" (whether officially or unofficially) who you could talk to on the QT before next Christmas about this all? Maybe other family members feel the same way and are just afraid to voice their opinions?

Good luck!

Terri