Gift Etiquette - what do you do?

[LindsayDunn228]

I can't imagine ever doing something like that to my DH. It's not that I've never returned something he's bought, but to run out within 24 hours, without him? That just seems very thoughtless.

Giving presents isn't about the money. Sounds like your DH could teach you a thing or two about gift giving.

Yeah, what she said!!

Next year make an Amazon.com wish list and tell him he's "safe" shopping there.

 

[diznygirl]

Well, I'm super frugal and I run into this every year. I end up with a few very expensive items and it just kills me because I know that I could get a whole wardrobe for what he spent, LOL.

This year it was the softest most extravagant robe that cost more than I'd pay for a suede coat, LOL, but it sure was nice this morning...

sometimes I discretely exchange items using the excuse that it's the wrong color, but they didn't have more, etc. and sometimes I just keep the stuff and try to enjoy being pampered, which is especially hard when you've been married forever and it's your money/budget too, LOL.

Give him a hug and apologize and act really excited about all the things you were able to get in exchange and he'll forgive you.

Obviously, someone thinks you are worth the extra expense.

 

[declansdad]

If my dw returned the gifts I gave her the next day I would be hurt and royally po'ed. Expecially if you were concerned about getting less expensive gifts and using the excess cash for other things. If that was the case I think every gift from that point forward woudl be a gift card or cash.


Why put the effort into finding something special if you are just gonig to return it?

You might want to rethink this one.

 

[Tink33]

I made my DH angry too. The only thing I requested was a set of wooden place mats that I saw when we were in Costa Rica this summer. I bought the coasters and they match my dining room chairs perfectly. I spent 2 hours on the internet locating a place to purchase the ones that I wanted. I wrote out the location, email address, and product code. All of this was given to him in early November.

On Christmas Eve, the package came with a set of placemats that were not even close to what I wanted. Because he waited to the last minute to order them, he paid $60+ for shipping. Let's just say that I was not gracious in my gift acceptance. I now feel horrible by the way I reacted. I think that holiday stress got the best of me.

They are sitting on my dining room table and even he doesn't like them.

 

[Snoopymom]

Obviously, someone thinks you are worth the extra expense.

you're right, but he does admit to looking confused so the cute sales girls will help him pick out stuff...which is probably a good thing LOL!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I did tell him before I went what I was doing, that it was not his fault he didn't know I didn't want the books anymore (he acknowledged they were overpriced) and that I was going to exchange the bras for some pajamas. It just happened that they didn't have the pajamas and I ended up buying clothes for work instead. I would not have gone yesterday except that I had to go out anyway and I was hoping to get more for my $ due to the sales, and I have to work the rest of the week, but I had yesterday off, so it was convenient.

In this case tell him that you are sorry that he's upset and that wasn't your intention. Apologize for the way that you handled it (not that I really think that you did something so wrong, but embellish... ) and then let it be.

I like the idea of the gift folders. Problem is I'd do what I do with my Amazon wish list and forget which things that I've bought. Good idea, though!

 

[toasty]

Well you know how the saying goes, it's the thought that counts...oh no wait, apparently I've got that wrong, it's the practicality that counts...

Your logic doesn't make much sense, with respect to buying pots and pans for someone as a present so 'they use it'. How do you know they need another pot or pan? As a current 'pot and pan' user, I'm plenty happy with one of each, and any more would just be a nuisance (and would sit un-used in the cupboard - hang on, aren't you trying to avoid that?).
P.s. I know this Pyrex stuff isn't just pots and pans, but that isn't the point...

Why don't you buy a bunch of bathroom cleaning liquids for christmas, it's even more practical...and most people i know have a bathroom!

If you got some underwear that doesn't fit, you don't go and replace it with something completely different, you go get the right size. That's acceptable in 'Gift Etiquette' (a nicely-coined phrase, btw).

I'm just lol @ your book experience though...'if you still wanted the books there's cheaper ones to be had'? That's completely missing the point...in that case why don't you find some old second-hand ones and spend $2 or whatever? Plus the fact it's actually a hard cover set which is why its more expensive (I don't understand your apparent confusion here)...

Honestly, sometimes you think the world's ok, then something like this crops up and you realise it's all gone to pot again...

P.S. I just want to say I signed up only to post this, because this thread seems so, so, silly...I only know this board through my gf. But it made me incredulous enough to have to post a reply! (and my gf would like to remain anonymous hence I must sign up myself)
If anyone is offended (and I'm sure some of you are!) well, I can't do anything about that. Just my view. But don't take it to heart...

 

[roque]

take them back, how shaky can a relationship be if you return a gift your don't want, don't need, can't use, doesn't fit or plain just don't like ?? it is not the end all be all

 

[declansdad]

take them back, how shaky can a relationship be if you return a gift your don't want, don't need, can't use, doesn't fit or plain just don't like ?? it is not the end all be all

I don't think anyone said it would cause the realtionship to break up just that it was a rude thing to do.

 

[Imzadi]

He said he spent 3 hours shopping for this stuff.

I think you've missed the point:
He said he spent 3 hours shopping for this stuff FOR YOU.
The fact that he spent the time, even knows your bra size & was willing to risk the uncomfortability of shopping in a lingerie store & then stand in line, means he's sensitive & thoughtful enough to at least try to get you something personal & what he thought was appropriate.

One woman posted recently how she got a set of tires for Xmas one year & this year got a paper shredder. You've got gold in your DH & you don't see it.

Gifts aren't only about the recipient, it also about appreciating the giver and being sensitive back in regards to their feelings. I would have waited several days to return the stuff & maybe even gently brought up first how you hadn't mention earlier you didn't like the Narnia book after all & would like to exchange it. That it's not the collector's item you & HE thought it would be.

And if my DH bought me VS stuff, I'd exchange one of bras for something racy that HE'D like, to show my appreciation back.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

And if my DH bought me VS stuff, I'd exchange one of bras for something racy that HE'D like, to show my appreciation back.

Bingo. Do something for HIM to sooth his feelings.

 

[KAMLEM]

HOWEVER if I bought something for my SO, there was a reason I bought it, I took the time to pick it out, thought if it was really "his style" or something "he'd want" etc.. and then he returned it 24 hours later? FOR CASH? Oh damn right I'd be pissed!
I think you owe your husband more than an appolgoy~

She didn't return it for cash, she just said that she had some cash left over. I don't see why it matters whether she returned it 24 hours later or 124 hours later. Does it make it more acceptable to wait???? OP-I know that I am in the minority but I don't think you were wrong and I don't think that you owe him an apology.
My DH actually wraps the receipts with my gifts now. I am very difficult to buy for and he knows that. He just wants me to have something to open and he is not hurt at all if I return things. I feel the same about gifts that I buy for him. We both think it's ridiculous to waste money by keeping something that we will never use. The one thing he can buy me and almost always guarantee that I won't return is jewelry so most holidays I usually get at least one piece of jewelry. He has it extra hard because my birthday is 12/29 (tomorrow!!).

 

[laura001]

Christmas is the only time of the year that my DH goes out shopping. He is under an enormous amount of stress when it comes to shopping for me...(not sure why), he wants to do a good job. If I turned around and returned the gifts he bought, no matter what the cost, he would be crushed. Although, this year before we even got out of bed, he said to me that he wouldn't be upset if I returned what he got me, I couldn't believe it, I would never let him know I didn't like it.

Sure enough, a few of the tops that he bought were just not me, but you know what, I didn't say a thing, he asked me to try them on and he figured it out for himself, he said that he didn't like them. So......on boxing day he made the point of getting me up early and taking me out to pick out a few tops etc. and return the others. Perhaps your DH would have preferred to do something like that.

For me, it is the fact that he actually went out and thought about me and what I might like while he was shopping. As for gift cards, big mistake in my department, I would end up spending the money on my kids or someone else, I wouldn't buy myself anything. I actually have a $50.00 gift certificate to one of my favourite stores that I got last May and still haven't used, and even used a gift certificate that I got last year for Christmas on a gift for one of my kids for Christmas this year. I would prefer having the wrong gift than not much thought put in to begin with. That is MHO.

 

[laurietg]

I really don't see what the big deal is. I always give my gifts to people with a gift reciept, and tell them to please feel free to exchange it if they would prefer something else. I buy gifts for people because I love or appreciate them-not for me to feel good. I think we are just to touchy sometimes. At the end of the day, definitely not a big deal IMHO.

 

[mrsg00fy]

After rounds of returns and potentially hurt feelings, DH and I stopped giving each other gifts for occasions years ago. There are only so many baubles one can accumulate. It was a matter of just not needing or really wanting anything. So we just stopped. We plan two vacations per year and one of those is our "gift" to each other. We enjoy that more than anything! No more worrying about buying the right thing or if it will be used or liked.
Also, all of our money, etc is "ours". I find it difficult to say that we will buy each other "gifts" with what is really one's own money.

 

[Marseeya]

She didn't return it for cash, she just said that she had some cash left over. I don't see why it matters whether she returned it 24 hours later or 124 hours later. Does it make it more acceptable to wait???? OP-I know that I am in the minority but I don't think you were wrong and I don't think that you owe him an apology.
My DH actually wraps the receipts with my gifts now. I am very difficult to buy for and he knows that. He just wants me to have something to open and he is not hurt at all if I return things. I feel the same about gifts that I buy for him. We both think it's ridiculous to waste money by keeping something that we will never use. The one thing he can buy me and almost always guarantee that I won't return is jewelry so most holidays I usually get at least one piece of jewelry. He has it extra hard because my birthday is 12/29 (tomorrow!!).

The thing is, you and your husband both feel the same way about gift giving. The OP and her husband don't seem to be on the same page here -- her DH is offended by her actions. In a situation like that, I think it would be more considerate to handle it more sensitively.

 

[pjtjm]

If that was the case I think every gift from that point forward woudl be a gift card or cash.

Why put the effort into finding something special if you are just gonig to return it?

Hmmmm.... It seems to me that the OP wouldn't be upset by getting a gift card... ** And that's okay **

I'm a practical person myself, and when I read the OP, I was in complete agreement with her. I guess we don't have the extra $$$ to throw away on items that we wouldn't want. We do spurge now and then, but if we do, it better be worth it!! If I bought hardcover books for my DH, and he'd be okay with the pb, well, go exchange them now honey, what are you waiting for??? (Please go the next day, you know the stores are getting finicky about returns!!)

I loved the idea one poster suggested of the folder, (sort of an paper version Amazon wish list..) I'm assuming that most of you would absolutely hate what my DH and I do. We both think of what we'd really like, and if the budget can swing it, we agree to get it. Exciting? Well, I'm sure many will not agree, but I honestly am happy just knowing that I'll be getting something I really want! Sometimes he'll go out and pick it up, and (horrors!) sometimes, I'll do it myself and just let him know what it is!

I've gotten myself hopelessly addicted to Sudoku, and even got 2 books for myself. He tried to surprize me this year by buying an electronic game that you can play Sudoku. It was about $20, but I wouldn't be able to play the way I do, (you couldn't put the little "possible" #'s in), so guess what? Not only did I not keep it, but he returned it for me!!!!

Is he the sweetest thing for trying?? You betcha! Would he have been annoyed at spending the $$ and never see me use it?? Absolutely!! He was more than happy to get the $$ back, (and now I'll buy more books which I truely enjoy .) I guess the thing is that he knows that I really did appreicate the effort.

To me, his effort at trying AND his understanding are what make him gold.

Also, my favorite gift that I gave to my kids this year was a coupon book for our time.. (One day with mom, one night you choose your favorite dinner, etc..) These are the "thoughtful" gifts that will create the best memories.

The rest are just things....

 

[declansdad]

Hmmmm.... It seems to me that the OP wouldn't be upset by getting a gift card... ** And that's okay **

My point was if you are just going to return the items, why bother with the time and effort. Give a gift card that shows that either you can't be bothered to think about the gift or that you know that the gift will be returned anyway.

Heck, just give the cash and be done with it. Should I make the check out to cash?

 

[Pugdog007]

My DH has purchased things I didn't like many times over the years. I would never take something back. But I have learned to tell him exactly what I'd like. I even send him links.

And I would be upset if he took something back that I purchased for him.

 

[vivilasvegas]

My boyfriend wouldn't care if I took something he bought me back and vice-versa.

I don't think returning a gift means you are saying "I don't respect you and think nothing of your feelings".

It just means, hey nice try, but I think I'd like something else a little more....