Getting Through to Them

[MichelleVW]

If I had to do all that I would tell you to leave me home and go and enjoy your trip without me.
You teach kids appreciation and gratefulness all year long. You are miffed because they didn't jump for joy when you told them about the trip. That doesn't make them bratty. It just makes them not as excited as you are. I am sorry but you seem very misguided here and I think this is about your disappointment about them not being over the moon about another trip to WDW and has nothing to do with them not appreciating it.

I agree...I don't see them as ungrateful or spoiled brats...just little kids that are used to going to Disney all the time.

 

[fireflymedic]

So...and the selfish truth is, DH AND I want to go. This was going to be to celebrate our anniversary. ...
Any ideas? Now its a 4 year old and a 7 year old. I'm not really so upset about dd4 because she is just 4 years old---but she is old enough to be a bit more aware of privileges.

I have just four days.

have not read all the posts only the first page but I would try to find a baby sitter I trust to keep the kids (maybe you have grandma or uncle/aunt something) and leave thim home on a trip, exp if it is to celabrate a anniversary.

 

[MrsBlovesDisney]

How about getting a sitter while you're all down there?

...Fairy Godmothers....Kids Nite Out.... perhaps you and DH could get out 1 or 2 nights...especially to celebrate your Anniversary!!

Good Luck and Best Wishes!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Judging from your siggy, they've been many times - why would you expect them to be excited? My kids have been once (that they remember - the 2 oldest went when they were 2 and 4, but have no memory of it), so they'd be excited.

My next door neighbor had her oldest child in many activities, that required a lot of work on her part (driving 30 minutes several times a week to lessons, lots of $). She complained to me that her dd didn't seem to appreciate it. Hello, she's a child, and it's her norm!

Fast forward to my life now. My kids are in baseball, basketball, soccer, ballet, irish dance, tae kwon do, daisys, cubscouts, brownies, voice, theater, football, gymnastics, not to mention hockey, swimming, and ice skating in the past (plus several other things). Do they realize all we do for them? Nope. I figure they'll figure it out when they have their own kids. We don't do it in order to be appreciated - we do it because we love them.

Don't punish them by taking away the trip - there is no reason why they should feel lucky to go, because going to WDW a lot is their reality. Again, my kids would be crying tears of joy, because it would be special for them.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

totally agree! 11 times in less than 4 yrs!!!! Ever hear of the saying too much of a good thing?

It has become commonplace, ordinary. If there is no McDonalds in your town and you only go once in a very long while it is thrilling BUT when they build one down the street from you and you go all the time it becomes old hat.

I'd back off the trips for a 2-4 yrs and wait until they ask "when are we going to Disney?" Then it will be something to get excited over again.

Why would you punish them for not being overly thrilled about going somewhere they have been 11 times? It is their feelings you can't control that, just because you got your feelings hurt. Now if they were rude that would be another thing, but it doesn't sound like they were. Believe me you don't want to teach them to lie to you about how they are feeling that will be very troublesome when the teen years hit.

ITA! They've already been 3 times this year, so I think the reaction you got was completely natural. Take this trip and then take a break. My DD and I love WDW, but I space our trips 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. That way there's enough time for the excitement to build.

 

[mjkacmom]

OK...so we had a family meeting and decided to make a list of things they need to do between now and Thursday. These are mostly things they actually already do, but mostly they do them because they are expected---but we've never discussed them in terms how they show their appreciation for the blessings that they have. These include:

(1) Writing Thank You notes for all of their gifts and to the hosts of a few parties they we're invited to over the holidays (to show that they appreciate things that they are given)

(2) Find a place to keep every gift they have received and to put them away neatly (to show that they care for the things that they have)

(3) Showing respect to their parents and grandparents (going out of there way to say please and thank you, offering to be helpful as it is age-appropriate, following directions, etc)

(4)Demonstrating 20 different ways that they can be visibly thoughtful (between the two of them) by Thursday. We talked about examples such as sweeping the floor without being asked, holding a door for someone, helping out a team-mate at swim practice, etc (to encourage them to actively seek out ways to be helpful and kind).


So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

Dd7 is writing thank you notes right now.

Would they have to do these things if they jumped up and down with excitement? Their reaction was normal, and now they are being punished. I'm guessing they will always remember this trip...

 

[sunnyday123]

OK...so we had a family meeting and decided to make a list of things they need to do between now and Thursday. These are mostly things they actually already do, but mostly they do them because they are expected---but we've never discussed them in terms how they show their appreciation for the blessings that they have. These include:

(1) Writing Thank You notes for all of their gifts and to the hosts of a few parties they we're invited to over the holidays (to show that they appreciate things that they are given)

(2) Find a place to keep every gift they have received and to put them away neatly (to show that they care for the things that they have)

(3) Showing respect to their parents and grandparents (going out of there way to say please and thank you, offering to be helpful as it is age-appropriate, following directions, etc)

(4)Demonstrating 20 different ways that they can be visibly thoughtful (between the two of them) by Thursday. We talked about examples such as sweeping the floor without being asked, holding a door for someone, helping out a team-mate at swim practice, etc (to encourage them to actively seek out ways to be helpful and kind).


So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

Dd7 is writing thank you notes right now.

Good ideas...but they should be doing that all the time. And I agree with the PP who said the novelty might have just worn off. Some kids aren't that interested in Disney or whatever, you can't really punish them for not having the same interests as you.

Maybe having a little treasure hunt while you're there could spice up the trip? Tell them whoever finds the most hidden Mickeys wins a prize? ( Give them both a prize of course, but it woudl be fun for them to look)

 

[jenseib]

I jsut want to add that kids do not have the same interests as there parents too. My DD just went to FL for a week with her dads family and complained the whole time. She is 17 and was mad she was missing time with friends. I would've been jumping for joy if it was me. I have even talked to her about going to Disney some time with us, and she pretty much says no. It's not her thing, and she would only want to go about a 1/2 a day, while we run all day.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I see you've been to WDW 3 times already this year. It's probably not a big deal for them anymore. I wouldn't be too hard on the kids. It kind of sounds like they are being punished for not liking Disney as much as their parents. Kids should always thank relatives for gifts. Hopefully that is something you keep up with.

 

[bumbershoot]

So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

I feel that you are drastically over reacting.

And I think you said it right there...YOU are feeling a certain way, and by punishing them, YOU feel like YOU are heading in some other direction. This isn't about them at all.

Thank you notes are good. For, oh, 9 year olds. Under that, you don't get it. I was forced by my father to write thank you notes (for things that didn't even involve thought, so the thought did NOT count....stinkin' state spoons from my mean mean grandmother, for a little little kid) and it did not teach me a thing except I hated getting gifts while at his house!

In my house now, my son expresses appreciation every day. Not just a one time thing b/c he didn't meet my pre-set standard for reactions. On the 25th, his fave gift was very likely the bike my brother and SIL made possible. But his hugest reaction was to a $10 Power Miner Lego set...his face was pure joy, he said he was so excited he couldn't breathe!

Kids are strange sometimes. They react in ways you can't understand.

But in this case, you are the one having a too-big reaction to something that doesn't show that they are spoiled at all.

Judging from your siggy, they've been many times - why would you expect them to be excited?

Seriously. At this point it's like going to the zoo for the 10th time in a year membership. They like it, they enjoy themselves, but they aren't going to go into a tizzy at the *thought* of it.

Stop it with the forced appreciation for all these things that have nothing to do with YOUR issue, and wait for the fun to begin when you are actually there AT WDW! You'll get the good reactions there.

 

[maxiesmom]

Would they have to do these things if they jumped up and down with excitement? Their reaction was normal, and now they are being punished. I'm guessing they will always remember this trip...

Yeah, nothing like being punished for not being excited enough to suit the parents.

 

[JUJU814]

OK...so we had a family meeting and decided to make a list of things they need to do between now and Thursday. These are mostly things they actually already do, but mostly they do them because they are expected---but we've never discussed them in terms how they show their appreciation for the blessings that they have. These include:

(1) Writing Thank You notes for all of their gifts and to the hosts of a few parties they we're invited to over the holidays (to show that they appreciate things that they are given)

(2) Find a place to keep every gift they have received and to put them away neatly (to show that they care for the things that they have)

(3) Showing respect to their parents and grandparents (going out of there way to say please and thank you, offering to be helpful as it is age-appropriate, following directions, etc)

(4)Demonstrating 20 different ways that they can be visibly thoughtful (between the two of them) by Thursday. We talked about examples such as sweeping the floor without being asked, holding a door for someone, helping out a team-mate at swim practice, etc (to encourage them to actively seek out ways to be helpful and kind).


So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

Dd7 is writing thank you notes right now.

Sorry, but this is just over the top, along with the zillions of times you've already taken them to Disney. IF they are spoiled brats (their reaction doesn't say that..just what you've said), but if they are, it's your own darn fault.

This trip is clearly not about them, but about you.

It's kind of sad.....they're getting punished at the ages of 4 and 7 and you're calling them spoiled brats, because they are not flipping out doing cartwheels over going to Disney for the TWELVETH time???

 

[yakkin' yeti]

I think that on Christmas, kids' mindsets are just geared toward opening presents. And with a trip, there's no instant gratification, so for that age, it kind of doesn't seem as real yet as, oh, say Lego Star Wars.

If it's any comfort, my DS7 wasn't jumping up and down Christmas morning either, when he opened the box saying we were going in March. And we haven't been to Disney in two years, so overload is NOT the problem with us. (I'm in deep withdrawal over here.)

Our son said thanks, and that's great ... and then wanted to get down to business. My husband and I just laughed, and I said, "Well, I guess the surprise is more for me."

Thumbs-up on the thank-you cards, though. Personally, I don't see that as a punishment, but more as instilling good manners.

 

[CF'er]

Thumbs-up on the thank-you cards, though. Personally, I don't see that as a punishment, but more as instilling good manners.

ITA with the thank you notes....but.... in this instance it does come across as punishment. If they are made to write them for all gifts all the time and they just need to get them done before leaving that's one thing. But to be honest I don't think forcing a thank you note to be written by 4 and 7yo's is going to instill a sense of appreciation in them.

 

[jenseib]

How do you make a 4 year old write thankyyous? I have a 5 year old and I write them. She knows I am writing them and I usually ask her what did you get from so and so, but she can't write, so if they are going to be done, it's me.

 

[yakkin' yeti]

How do you make a 4 year old write thankyyous? I have a 5 year old and I write them. She knows I am writing them and I usually ask her what did you get from so and so, but she can't write, so if they are going to be done, it's me.

With my son, I wrote them until he was 6. I would have him sit next to me, and write what he wanted to say. Then he'd write his name, or add a little picture. Now he does them himself, but I only ask him to do one or two a day, so he doesn't think of it as some horrible chore.

 

[sk!mom]

So...today we did the "big reveal" that we are taking our girls to Disney for New Year's Eve. We put a balloon outside on the deck with a Disney Postcard attached with a poem that ended with

On Thursday Morning, before it gets light
Get ready for an airplane flight
So let's all get ready for the New Year's Eve Fun"
"We'll be ringing in 2010 in the Florida sun"

My dd7 read the card out loud and I asked her if she understood---she said "Yes, we're going to Disney on Thursday". Just like that....matter of fact. No excitement, no thank you's, nothing.....

So I called dd4 over from watching television and had dd7 read it again....the reaction was the same. "OK....can I go back to watching TV?"

I clarified to see that they both understood (and yes they did)....but they both seemed so disinterested.

I'm very frustrated, mostly with myself, because clearly we've spoiled them rotten and they have no appreciation of how lucky they are.


So, I'm thinking of canceling the whole trip.....but its with DVC, so we'll have to put the points in holding (and probably end up not using them), suspend our flight reservations (at 50.00 a person). It will end up costing just as much not to go....and the selfish truth is, DH AND I want to go. This was going to be to celebrate our anniversary. I think we appreciate the things we didn't do/buy to budget and plan for the trip.

So, any suggestions on how we can get through to them to be more appreciative of all that they have? I can make them do work around the house...but that's just punishment, not really connected to being appreciative and thoughtful.

Any ideas? Now its a 4 year old and a 7 year old. I'm not really so upset about dd4 because she is just 4 years old---but she is old enough to be a bit more aware of privileges.

I have just four days.

In looking at your siggie it looks like this is your 8th or 9th trip in 4 years. If that's correct, then to be frank, why would your children be excited? Disney is someplace that they have gone often. Most of us get excited about things that are new, uncommon, or unexpected. Disney, for your children, is none of these.

I don't think it makes them spoiled or means that they don't want to go but just that it's long past the "wow, Disney, that's my dream vacation!" reaction that you were hoping for. Not to mention that many of us have had these surprise reveals fall flat.

I wouldn't cancel. If you and your DH are looking forward to it and your family obviously enjoys Disney, then go and have a good time.

 

[sk!mom]

It's kind of sad.....they're getting punished at the ages of 4 and 7 and you're calling them spoiled brats, because they are not flipping out doing cartwheels over going to Disney for the TWELVETH time???

Very well said!

 

[Derby]

Sorry, but this is just over the top, along with the zillions of times you've already taken them to Disney. IF they are spoiled brats (their reaction doesn't say that..just what you've said), but if they are, it's your own darn fault.

This trip is clearly not about them, but about you.

It's kind of sad.....they're getting punished at the ages of 4 and 7 and you're calling them spoiled brats, because they are not flipping out doing cartwheels over going to Disney for the TWELVETH time???

I agree with you 100%. This is just sad. I can't imagine punishing my DD b/c her reaction wasn't what I'd wanted. I'd be disappointed, yes, but punish for it? No way.

 

[KateMW]

If I had to do all that I would tell you to leave me home and go and enjoy your trip without me.
You teach kids appreciation and gratefulness all year long. You are miffed because they didn't jump for joy when you told them about the trip. That doesn't make them bratty. It just makes them not as excited as you are. I am sorry but you seem very misguided here and I think this is about your disappointment about them not being over the moon about another trip to WDW and has nothing to do with them not appreciating it.

I couldn't agree more. Making them do this list before they go on a trip you planned because you wanted to go isn't going to make them want to go more. Just let it go. They'll have fun once they get there. Also, your kids aren't ungrateful, they're probably bored! 11 times in 4 years is totally over the top, IMO.