Getting Through to Them

[emma'smom]

So...today we did the "big reveal" that we are taking our girls to Disney for New Year's Eve. We put a balloon outside on the deck with a Disney Postcard attached with a poem that ended with

On Thursday Morning, before it gets light
Get ready for an airplane flight
So let's all get ready for the New Year's Eve Fun"
"We'll be ringing in 2010 in the Florida sun"

My dd7 read the card out loud and I asked her if she understood---she said "Yes, we're going to Disney on Thursday". Just like that....matter of fact. No excitement, no thank you's, nothing.....

So I called dd4 over from watching television and had dd7 read it again....the reaction was the same. "OK....can I go back to watching TV?"

I clarified to see that they both understood (and yes they did)....but they both seemed so disinterested.

I'm very frustrated, mostly with myself, because clearly we've spoiled them rotten and they have no appreciation of how lucky they are.


So, I'm thinking of canceling the whole trip.....but its with DVC, so we'll have to put the points in holding (and probably end up not using them), suspend our flight reservations (at 50.00 a person). It will end up costing just as much not to go....and the selfish truth is, DH AND I want to go. This was going to be to celebrate our anniversary. I think we appreciate the things we didn't do/buy to budget and plan for the trip.

So, any suggestions on how we can get through to them to be more appreciative of all that they have? I can make them do work around the house...but that's just punishment, not really connected to being appreciative and thoughtful.

Any ideas? Now its a 4 year old and a 7 year old. I'm not really so upset about dd4 because she is just 4 years old---but she is old enough to be a bit more aware of privileges.

I have just four days.

 

[Poohbug]

Well, if you want to get them more excited maybe watch some Disney movies. Get our park maps and WDW brochures, watch the WDW promo video.

I would think about leaving them home if you have someone to watch them. Then you can really celebrate your anniversary.

Maybe they will appreciate the next visit more if they get left behind once???

 

[jenseib]

Wow, my DD would be really excited, but some kids might not totally understand the concept either, I guess. I would not cancel your plans, but take them aside and tell them you were disspaointed in the way they acted about a big surprise you had planned for them. Let them know how this is a big deal and cost lots of money and many people can't do this. Let them know that big surprises like this deserve a big thank you, and if htey really aren't that excited about it, then you could arrange for them to stay home while you and DH go.
Now if you idid it for me, I would be doing cartwheels! LOL!

One other thought, is if maybe in the past when you have gone, they had to hold back the excitement some, as not to drive you or themselves crazy, so maybe they are used to trying to hold back?

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

I wouldn't cancel because Ilove to go! I think we get more into the surprise and cute ways to tell kids than the kids do (except for the actors on tv...). It also looks like you've taken them before, according to the list under your sig...maybe it's not a big surprise to be going again?

Not to try to talk you down or anything...I feel your pain, I have kids too, not always giving me the reactions or thank yous I think I should get

BUT it sounds like an awesome trip - I hope you still go.

How to get through to them...hmmm. I think about that with mine too. How about doing the days of community service for Disney this year? Maybe have the 7 year old plan something special for the family for the next holiday - tell her she's in charge of how to make that day special, plan a menu, make decorations, etc...get that feeling of doing things to make others feel good

I'm rambling....hope things turn around for you

 

[ireland_nicole]

I understand you're dissapointed in their reaction, but I wouldn't even consider cancelling the trip because of it. To be fair, it's the day after Christmas, and they're probably still coming off the adrenaline of that. Give them a little time, have a Disney theme night; watch planning videos, show you tube of what you're going to see, ask what they want to do when they get there, etc.

 

[daisyduck123]

I think you're being a little hard on them. No, they didn't get all excited about the upcoming trip, but...we just had Xmas & I'm sure they were overwhelmed with that. The idea of heading to WDW I'm sure just has not sunk into them.

Believe me, they'll be excited that morning to go!!

Have a great trip!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wouldn't punish my kids for not being excited about something. I would still go on the trip though. They will have a good time. You can't get mad at someone because they didn't react the way you wanted them to.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

If your kids have been on all of the trips in your signature it's probably not much of a surprise to them to be going again. Instead of being spoiled and unappreciative maybe the novelty has just worn off.

I would still go on the trip if it's something all of you enjoy, but maybe your next trip should be different if you want to really suprise them.

 

[AJPPGH]

When I told my 2 boys (8 and 5) that we were going to Disney I got a tepid "Wow-thats great" I was REALLY bummed that they weren't more excited about it. I am hoping as we get closer to the day (Jan 30) they will be but until then its all I can do to rev them up. Meanwhile-of course my husband and I can't wait!
This will be our 3rd time there with the kids and from what I can see you have gone many times also. I think maybe its just nothing new to them anymore..they almost expect to be going and they take it for granted. Not sure what to do about that. I just keep thinking how some kids would be ecstatic if they were going to WDW. But I am not going to STOP going because of this because my husband and I love it there.

 

[bear_mom]

We told our dds at Christmas the second time we went and got a similiar reaction - not really one at all. I think they were too overwhelmed with all the other stuff going on at the time. As time grew closer (we weren't going until April/May) they got more and more excited.

I wouldn't punish them for their lack of excitement at your announcement.

Emily

 

[MichelleVW]

If your kids have been on all of the trips in your signature it's probably not much of a surprise to them to be going again. Instead of being spoiled and unappreciative maybe the novelty has just worn off.

I would still go on the trip if it's something all of you enjoy, but maybe your next trip should be different if you want to really suprise them.

They are young and it looks like they've been a bunch of times. My kids would probably have the same reaction. The only time I got a big reaction was for our first trip 8 years ago...but not anymore. They still love to go...but don't go into hysterics like they did the first time..but that's what happens when you take them as often as I do!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I wouldn't punish my kids for not being excited about something. I would still go on the trip though. They will have a good time. You can't get mad at someone because they didn't react the way you wanted them to.

Agree!

 

[amyemann]

I got the same reaction from my kids last year. They are not spoiled kids at all, in fact our trip was a Christmas present from my boss.

I think some kids just are reserved or may be the type to get excited when actually going not just hearing they are going.

By the time the trip came all of my kids were very excited and had an amazing trip.

They may not have showed you the reaction YOU wanted, but I am sure they are excited.

 

[emma'smom]

OK...so we had a family meeting and decided to make a list of things they need to do between now and Thursday. These are mostly things they actually already do, but mostly they do them because they are expected---but we've never discussed them in terms how they show their appreciation for the blessings that they have. These include:

(1) Writing Thank You notes for all of their gifts and to the hosts of a few parties they we're invited to over the holidays (to show that they appreciate things that they are given)

(2) Find a place to keep every gift they have received and to put them away neatly (to show that they care for the things that they have)

(3) Showing respect to their parents and grandparents (going out of there way to say please and thank you, offering to be helpful as it is age-appropriate, following directions, etc)

(4)Demonstrating 20 different ways that they can be visibly thoughtful (between the two of them) by Thursday. We talked about examples such as sweeping the floor without being asked, holding a door for someone, helping out a team-mate at swim practice, etc (to encourage them to actively seek out ways to be helpful and kind).


So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

Dd7 is writing thank you notes right now.

 

[Hannathy]

If your kids have been on all of the trips in your signature it's probably not much of a surprise to them to be going again. Instead of being spoiled and unappreciative maybe the novelty has just worn off.

I would still go on the trip if it's something all of you enjoy, but maybe your next trip should be different if you want to really suprise them.

totally agree! 11 times in less than 4 yrs!!!! Ever hear of the saying too much of a good thing?

It has become commonplace, ordinary. If there is no McDonalds in your town and you only go once in a very long while it is thrilling BUT when they build one down the street from you and you go all the time it becomes old hat.

I'd back off the trips for a 2-4 yrs and wait until they ask "when are we going to Disney?" Then it will be something to get excited over again.

Why would you punish them for not being overly thrilled about going somewhere they have been 11 times? It is their feelings you can't control that, just because you got your feelings hurt. Now if they were rude that would be another thing, but it doesn't sound like they were. Believe me you don't want to teach them to lie to you about how they are feeling that will be very troublesome when the teen years hit.

 

[jodifla]

So...today we did the "big reveal" that we are taking our girls to Disney for New Year's Eve. We put a balloon outside on the deck with a Disney Postcard attached with a poem that ended with

On Thursday Morning, before it gets light
Get ready for an airplane flight
So let's all get ready for the New Year's Eve Fun"
"We'll be ringing in 2010 in the Florida sun"

My dd7 read the card out loud and I asked her if she understood---she said "Yes, we're going to Disney on Thursday". Just like that....matter of fact. No excitement, no thank you's, nothing.....

So I called dd4 over from watching television and had dd7 read it again....the reaction was the same. "OK....can I go back to watching TV?"

I clarified to see that they both understood (and yes they did)....but they both seemed so disinterested.

I'm very frustrated, mostly with myself, because clearly we've spoiled them rotten and they have no appreciation of how lucky they are.


So, I'm thinking of canceling the whole trip.....but its with DVC, so we'll have to put the points in holding (and probably end up not using them), suspend our flight reservations (at 50.00 a person). It will end up costing just as much not to go....and the selfish truth is, DH AND I want to go. This was going to be to celebrate our anniversary. I think we appreciate the things we didn't do/buy to budget and plan for the trip.

So, any suggestions on how we can get through to them to be more appreciative of all that they have? I can make them do work around the house...but that's just punishment, not really connected to being appreciative and thoughtful.

Any ideas? Now its a 4 year old and a 7 year old. I'm not really so upset about dd4 because she is just 4 years old---but she is old enough to be a bit more aware of privileges.

I have just four days.

It's your reaction I don't get. Face it, this trip is for you and DH. That's fine!Adults get to have their way, too.

But don't impose your excitement on them as mandatory.

 

[Bonnie40]

totally agree! 11 times in less than 4 yrs!!!! Ever hear of the saying too much of a good thing?

It has become commonplace, ordinary. If there is no McDonalds in your town and you only go once in a very long while it is thrilling BUT when they build one down the street from you and you go all the time it becomes old hat.

I'd back off the trips for a 2-4 yrs and wait until they ask "when are we going to Disney?" Then it will be something to get excited over again.

Why would you punish them for not being overly thrilled about going somewhere they have been 11 times? It is their feelings you can't control that, just because you got your feelings hurt. Now if they were rude that would be another thing, but it doesn't sound like they were. Believe me you don't want to teach them to lie to you about how they are feeling that will be very troublesome when the teen years hit.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OK...so we had a family meeting and decided to make a list of things they need to do between now and Thursday. These are mostly things they actually already do, but mostly they do them because they are expected---but we've never discussed them in terms how they show their appreciation for the blessings that they have. These include:

(1) Writing Thank You notes for all of their gifts and to the hosts of a few parties they we're invited to over the holidays (to show that they appreciate things that they are given)

(2) Find a place to keep every gift they have received and to put them away neatly (to show that they care for the things that they have)

(3) Showing respect to their parents and grandparents (going out of there way to say please and thank you, offering to be helpful as it is age-appropriate, following directions, etc)

(4)Demonstrating 20 different ways that they can be visibly thoughtful (between the two of them) by Thursday. We talked about examples such as sweeping the floor without being asked, holding a door for someone, helping out a team-mate at swim practice, etc (to encourage them to actively seek out ways to be helpful and kind).


So hopefully this will, if nothing else, make me feel like we're guiding them back in the right direction (away from the land of spoiled brat-hood) and give them a little context for why it is important to be appreciative of the people and things around us.

Dd7 is writing thank you notes right now.

If I had to do all that I would tell you to leave me home and go and enjoy your trip without me.
You teach kids appreciation and gratefulness all year long. You are miffed because they didn't jump for joy when you told them about the trip. That doesn't make them bratty. It just makes them not as excited as you are. I am sorry but you seem very misguided here and I think this is about your disappointment about them not being over the moon about another trip to WDW and has nothing to do with them not appreciating it.

 

[tr-ray]

Like PP's have said, maybe it's not that big of a thrill anymore since they have been so often in the past few years?

I get really excited because I only go once every 18 mos or so... but if I was going 2 times a year, or every year, it may lose it's novelty after a few times.

 

[savannahcat]

totally agree! 11 times in less than 4 yrs!!!! Ever hear of the saying too much of a good thing?

It has become commonplace, ordinary. If there is no McDonalds in your town and you only go once in a very long while it is thrilling BUT when they build one down the street from you and you go all the time it becomes old hat.

I'd back off the trips for a 2-4 yrs and wait until they ask "when are we going to Disney?" Then it will be something to get excited over again.

Why would you punish them for not being overly thrilled about going somewhere they have been 11 times? It is their feelings you can't control that, just because you got your feelings hurt. Now if they were rude that would be another thing, but it doesn't sound like they were. Believe me you don't want to teach them to lie to you about how they are feeling that will be very troublesome when the teen years hit.

This is exactly the situation with my kids. DD6 has been to Disney 12 times while its been 7 trips for DD3. Before our last trip, a friend of mine asked DD6 where we were headed and she replied, "Oh, we're just going to Disney... again..." It's not that she doesn't enjoy the trips, but they are defintely not out of the ordinary for her.

DD3 can't wait to go back, but for the sake of DD6, we're taking some time off. We'll plan another trip in 2011. (For me that seems like a long time!!!!)