Getting this off my chest

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

my wifes grandmother tried something like this, when we first got married she wanted to give us money to pay for my wifes college, but the attached strings were to much. 1st i had to bare her insults of how a poor fisherman(me) couldn't provide for he grandaughters education, well DW graduates this year. 2nd she wanted to rub it in my wifes sister and cousins face.

 

[tonilea]

I am afraid my MIL has done the same, but DS is the "A" team. We live next door, so she has seen him more, plus the other grands are significantly older. The youngest grandchild graduated from college on a Friday and Thomas was born the next Monday.

 

[jen0610]

Send it!!

Hanging head in shame , I will admit getting tongue tied at times on certain names ...believe me, it isn't easy having 3 daughters that begin with 'T' or 3 grands that being with 'R' ! But, such is life, and hopefully I'm forgiven, as at 63yo my memory simply isn't as sharp as it once was!

Awww....you have it pretty easy. This is how it plays out in my IL's house.

Jake and Alice had

DD #1 Linda, who married Bill and they have Jeff and Julie.

DD #2 Lois, who married Tom and they have Leia, Lauren, and Lindsey. Thrown in for good measure, Leia married Joel.

DS #1 Tony, who married Jen (me) and we have Logan and Delaney, but everybody shortened it up and has to call her Laney.

God love my 84 year old MIL. She trips all over herself with all the girl L names. When it's just one of them around her, they all pretty much answer to whatever name she calls them. Although here lately she has been calling DD Julie instead of one of the L names, which threw her for a loop as Julie isn't around here much. They do look an awful lot alike, though.

And seeing as everybody has shortened DD name, we keep telling Alice and Bill the are the odd men out. We have sets of J, L, and T names.

The first time I was pregnant, we swore up and down we were NOT going with an L name for a girl. Didn't even dawn on us, until he was 3 months old that we went ahead with a L name for a boy.

 

[MomofKatie]

Op- we are in the same boat with DH's mom and dad. Their DD and her 3 wonderful, amazing, talented, well behaved kids live 20 minutes away from them. We and our DD, who rates a "well, she certainly is headstrong, isn't she?' on the compliment scale, live 9 hours away.

When Grandma and Granddad make it to see us (once a year, if that- they are retired and DH works long hours with travel), we get to hear endless praise for the cousins. DD gets, "Oh, you are in the gifted program? They don't have that in Dayton- really, it's just a way to make kids feel good about themselves, it doesn't relly mean they are smarter" and "Travel team soccer? How nice. We can't go to any games, dear, but Tess and Emma looked soooo adorable at their dance recital..."

The saddest part? DD has resigned herself to the fact that she isn't as loved as the other cousins. I try to tell her otherwise, but it's hard to make her believe they love her just as much when everything they do and say demonstrates otherwise.

 

[JessicaR]

I typically hate MIL bashing threads, and my MIL is a good MIL for the most part. But this has been building up.

To my MIL,
It's your money and your time. You can spend it on anyone you want, but why do you think it's OK to tell my kids all about how much time and money you spend on your other grandkids, when you do so very little for them. It's just your nature to be more loving and attentive and generous to the grandchildren that live near you, but you don't need to share it with us. And while I'm at it, at least pretend to be interested when mine tell you about the race they did well in or the award they got at school. You wonder why they aren't interested in spending time with you over the summer...it's because you haven't put anything into building a relatinship with them. The biggest thing they know about you is that you love to shop for and talk about their cousin. My son is 19 and you still call him the wrong name most of the time!

We all love you, but you reap what you sow. We won't be visiting when your son is home on R&R.

I hear you loud and clear. It is such a shame. Her loss. I could have written your post.

 

[tlbwriter]

Dh just laughs at me and says "Then why do you answer her phone calls?? I don't."

Well, there's your answer. Minimize contact. Don't force your kids to listen to her go on and on about the golden grandchildren. No need to let their faces be rubbed in it. Just be "busy" when she calls.

 

[binny]

I could have written the same letter. ((hugs)) Im very sorry youre giong through this.


They do reap what they sow though.

BTW there was ONE picture up of my kids (on the fridge) at her house and the walls were overflowing with her boyfriends kids' pictures. Whatever. My kids arent stupid they know who loves them

 

[golfgal]

Ok, the mixing up names thing happens to everyone-even worse when you occasionally call the kids by the dog's name but NEVER calling him by the correct name is totally different. If you want to give grandma the benefit of the doubt, POSSIBLY it could be a hearing issue because Shane and Sean sound a lot alike when your ears don't work all that well.

 

[RadioFanatic]

It's not worth it to tell her. And honestly, I don't care (most of the time) how she spends her time and money. we have always lived far away so it didn't impact the kids when they were younger and more sensetive. What gets me is that she talks NONSTOP about one particular grandchild. No matter what I say about my kids she can find some way to segway back into conversation about the other. She even does this with DD. As if my daughter wants to spend 20 minutes listening to how wonderful her cousin is or how narrow her cousins feet are.

Dh just laughs at me and says "Then why do you answer her phone calls?? I don't."

I have the same problem. My dh's sister is a single mom living with them with her one year old so everything is about him, even when we are in town. The only time they come to us is if they need something.

 

[golfgal]

Ok, the mixing up names thing happens to everyone-even worse when you occasionally call the kids by the dog's name but NEVER calling him by the correct name is totally different. If you want to give grandma the benefit of the doubt, POSSIBLY it could be a hearing issue because Shane and Sean sound a lot alike when your ears don't work all that well.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have always said people reap what they so and that kids aren't stupid and will pick up on it. The day my kids' grandmother said to me "Why don't your kids want to spend any time with me?" would be the day I said "Well, do you blame them?You treated them like 2nd class citizens all their life & now you expect them to fall all over you?".

I love my DMIL but when my children were younger she really did not make much time for them. SHe thought that she did but she really never managed to make them a priority. My Mom had 12 GC's, no money and spent plenty of time with all of them. She went to all of their events, games, concerts adn had them over to stay constantly. My kids remembered that when they were adults. Two of my sons stayed with her when she was living alone, the oldest remained there until the day that she died, DD and her DH were there every day to run errands, shop adn just check in.

They love their Meme and spend time with her but I doubt that they would ever put themselves out the way that they did for my Mother. DMIL doesn't really know that they felt this wasy and they will never tell her because they know that she did the best she could but she knows they spent way more time with my Mom when the choice was theirs to make.

I totally understand mixing up your grand kids names. My grandmother did it to me and my cousins. That's not MIL's issue. She has never seemed to process that DS's name is Shane and not Sean. If you ask what his name is, she knows, she just can't call him that when she address's him.

Oh my goodness, I cannot even get my kids names straight

The saddest part? DD has resigned herself to the fact that she isn't as loved as the other cousins. I try to tell her otherwise, but it's hard to make her believe they love her just as much when everything they do and say demonstrates otherwise.

This is just breaking my heart My DDIL once told me that she was afraid that if she and my DS had children that we would not love their baby as much as we love our Kady. I had to tell her that there is always room in our hearts for one more and another after that and then another. Kady is always going to be special for being Kady but if we are ever blessed with more they will be special for their own reason.

I am so sad for all of these kids who are not special just because...... DH and I always pictured our home filled with grandchildren, I cannot imagine not making every one of them know how much they are loved