Getting irritated....Update #34

[buddy&wooz]

Last year I invited 20 kids to my son's party. 5 RSVPed yes, 2 RSVPed no, and the rest just didn't show up. Plus we ended up with two siblings who were just left here- one didn't even know my son, and the other was a boy (twin of the invitee) who totally shunned my son the year before when they shared a class.

In the 12 years I've had kids of school age I've done a total of two birthday parties like this- it's just not worth the effort. My kids don't miss them- we do something special as a family instead.

 

[luv2nascar]

I would never show up without calling to say we are coming. But invites really have become call only if you are coming. It is rude but true.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I had a big problem with this for my son's party last month. Never had such a big problem with any of my other kids. For them there were a few that didn't RSVP and I would call if it was at a place that I would need a firm head count and not worry about it if it didn't matter, but for Jake's party last month on the RSVP date probably half of them hadn't RSVPed. We did call and reach most of the people and most of those were not planning on coming. Guess they were just going to blow it off. A couple girls (twins) were in WDW with their mom and she'd forgotten to RSVP (that I could forgive ) and another one girl's mom called after the party when she got the message and explained that she'd gotten the message and thought that the girl's dad had RVSVed and was coming and the girls was upset when she realized she'd missed it (the mom was out of town). I understand that people have things going on, but some people are just plain old rude. Frustrating and I hate calling people and actually my DH volunteered for the job.

 

[rt2dz]

coming. But invites really have become call only if you are coming.

SEE! SEE! SEE! THAT is the problem. That is not the case.

RSVP means to respond, period. If you don't care if people respond, you don't put it on there. If you want regrets only you write "RSVP regrets only". Otherwise you call and tell the person yes or no. And you really are supposed to call as soon as you know. The deadline is there to tell people what date is the last date they have to know by.

The funny thing is, last year we invited 30 kids. I had to call about 10 after RSVP's were due. 2/3 RSVP'd, not what should have been, but fairly acceptable. It turned out everyone I called was coming.

I understand that things slip by. But 25 people? It's just common curtiousy. They know from the invitation there is dinner. They know from the invitation that it is not at our house, and people around here know that means a firm head count.

 

[FayeW]

They had 10 days, not 3 weeks. If I had waited for Monday with a weekend party, chances are no one would be able to come. The people who do that, don't have anyone attend. It's just not enough time. People are really active around here and need time to schedule it in or not schedule something else in. And since it is 29 kids, I'm certainly not having it at my house. The party center we are having it at needs the RSVP count (they provide themed plates, napkins, cups, drinks and dinner) on the 23rd. That is also when they do the final pricing of the party.

Sorry, my math sucks! I read "29 kids" and for some reason decided the party was on the 29th! (Never mind that there isn't a Feb 29th this year, that's what I get for posting after taking sleeping meds.)

 

[rt2dz]

Sorry, my math sucks! I read "29 kids" and for some reason decided the party was on the 29th! (Never mind that there isn't a Feb 29th this year, that's what I get for posting after taking sleeping meds.)

Been there.

 

[Jeanny]

I completely understand what you're going through. The thing is people DON'T know what RSVP means!!!!! I coordinate end of the season dinners for all eleven teams at my school (Football has close to 75 people).... only a handful ever call me to let me know they're coming or not. I give them a week to RSVP, most of them see me daily, any longer than a week and they forget!!!

I actually went to a baseball team practice and asked "who knows what RSVP means?"....none of them knew. When I asked "are you coming to the team dinner?" they all said, "oh yeah, that? yes I'm coming."

It doesn't get any easier... these are all college kids!!! I hope you have a great party!

 

[nwdisgal]

Still, not one call or email. The only reason it is irritating me so much is that if they hadn't done it by now, very few will by tomorrow. So many people are out of town for this long weekend. I don't have a problem with last minute RSVPs, they do have until the final date, but I expected more than this out of 29 kids. I just know I'm going to be making 20 phone calls. I have to know if they are coming or not because of the place where we are having it at.

I know. It's frustrating. BTW, it sounds like you are having quite a party. I'd RSVP.

I recall that RSVP means respondez s'il vous plait (Respond if you please).

People have started putting "Regrets only" on their cards and I personally hate that, but it does cause a lot of confusion because people are now used to it and act is such. Can we just go back to RSVP as a universal acknowledgement?

 

[rt2dz]

OK, this is a "hot" thread, and I know you non-RSVPers are out there.

Just tell me WHY!?! Why can't you/don't you respond to us poor souls who take the time to write it out? I'll try to be understanding...

By the way, it's coming up on dinner time on the 19th and still not another single RSVP. And I'm getting anal about checking my email!!! And, yes, I have DSL, so any phone calls could get through. I've even checked to make sure my phone is working. I think I'm going to loose it by tomorrow.

 

[mchames]

How did you deliver the invitations? Did you send them in the mail or did your son pass them out at school? If at this point you haven't heard from anyone, I would make a couple of phone calls to those people I know fairly well and would be expecting to come to see if they received the invitation. It's quite possible that there has been a delivery snafu. I just find it really odd that out of 29 invitations you've had no responses. I've had this happen to me a few times where one of my DD's have been invited to a party and for whatever reason we never received the invitation.

Another thing you can do if you have people's e-mail addresses is send an e-mail with a "digital invite" as a reminder and see if you get any response. This will save you from making 29 phone calls.

Good luck.
Mary

 

[pjtjm]

Just tell me WHY!?! Why can't you/don't you respond to us poor souls who take the time to write it out? I'll try to be understanding...

Okay, I'll admit it... There have been times I've forgotten to RSVP...

I work full time, and my DH works part time, and picks up our 3 kids from school. I also go to school at night 2x's a week.

The kids come home, and there are at least 3-6 pieces of paper from school for each child, each night!!!! (I can just hear the trees being chopped down just for all this correspondence...)

So, I get home from work, attempt to wade through all these papers, and will see the invitations. So they come out, and I’ll post them to our overflowing bulletin board, so I won’t forget! Haha…

Then, it’s homework for the kids, homework for me, dinner, bath, bed, collapse… Repeat the next day!

And one day I get the call from the mom asking if we’re coming to the party!!! Oh gosh, I can’t believe I forgot! I’m sorry, yes – we’ll be there! Mark the date on the calendar!

I’m impressed with myself if I have the gift ready the morning of the party. Really, it’s usually bought and wrapped half an hour before the party begins…

I think my life is just overwhelms me … I can’t keep up with everything. My husband tries too, but we’re not organized. Honestly, I get stressed every time they get these invitations…. (Oh NOOOOOO…. Not another one…. Why must you be sooooo popular???)

So, you promised to try to be understanding… Really, please try to have sympathy for the overwhelmed and unorganized among us. I usually do remember the RSVP, but sometimes, I don’t.

I don’t mean to forget really, and I’m not trying to be so rude… It's not personal, and in fact sometimes it’s so embarrassing when I see the date has passed……….

Anyway, you asked why, and in my case, this is why…

 

[rt2dz]

How did you deliver the invitations? Did you send them in the mail or did your son pass them out at school? If at this point you haven't heard from anyone, I would make a couple of phone calls to those people I know fairly well and would be expecting to come to see if they received the invitation. It's quite possible that there has been a delivery snafu. I just find it really odd that out of 29 invitations you've had no responses. I've had this happen to me a few times where one of my DD's have been invited to a party and for whatever reason we never received the invitation.

Another thing you can do if you have people's e-mail addresses is send an e-mail with a "digital invite" as a reminder and see if you get any response. This will save you from making 29 phone calls.

Good luck.
Mary

The kids have a folder that the teachers put their stuff in for going home. I was up at the school helping out with a special activity the day the invitations went out, so to help his teachers, I put the invitations in the folders myself. Three were mailed (were I got 2 of my RSVPs from). And 6 went out for his after school activity and those were handed to the parents directly by the Administrative Assistant at the school (were the activity is)--she volunteered and told me she handed them out to the parents directly to be sure they got them. No access to the folders there.

Unfortunately, I don't have many of the email addresses, just phone numbers. Besides, even though I check email daily, I never trust that others do--especially when it comes to time sensative information.

When I make my 25 phone calls, I will be saying "I just wanted to make sure you received the invitation..." in my sweetest voice.

 

[rt2dz]

Okay, I'll admit it... There have been times I've forgotten to RSVP...

I work full time, and my DH works part time, and picks up our 3 kids from school. I also go to school at night 2x's a week.

The kids come home, and there are at least 3-6 pieces of paper from school for each child, each night!!!! (I can just hear the trees being chopped down just for all this correspondence...)

So, I get home from work, attempt to wade through all these papers, and will see the invitations. So they come out, and I’ll post them to our overflowing bulletin board, so I won’t forget! Haha…

Then, it’s homework for the kids, homework for me, dinner, bath, bed, collapse… Repeat the next day!

And one day I get the call from the mom asking if we’re coming to the party!!! Oh gosh, I can’t believe I forgot! I’m sorry, yes – we’ll be there! Mark the date on the calendar!

I’m impressed with myself if I have the gift ready the morning of the party. Really, it’s usually bought and wrapped half an hour before the party begins…

I think my life is just overwhelms me … I can’t keep up with everything. My husband tries too, but we’re not organized. Honestly, I get stressed every time they get these invitations…. (Oh NOOOOOO…. Not another one…. Why must you be sooooo popular???)

So, you promised to try to be understanding… Really, please try to have sympathy for the overwhelmed and unorganized among us. I usually do remember the RSVP, but sometimes, I don’t.

I don’t mean to forget really, and I’m not trying to be so rude… It's not personal, and in fact sometimes it’s so embarrassing when I see the date has passed……….

Anyway, you asked why, and in my case, this is why…

I understand that. I totally do. And, I prepare for that. That is why I don't have RSVPs due the date the party place wants them, so that I can give a few people phone calls when it falls through the cracks.

What is getting to me over this is the sheer number of people who haven't RSVP'd. Every kid in his class has a SAHM--not that that means not exteremly busy. And of the other kids, several do work at least part time.

Another mom asked me how many RSVP'd. When I told her, she told me she had the exact same thing happen to her. All the same kids. She wanted to see if it was a fluke, or just the habits of these parents. I'm guessing habits.

 

[rt2dz]

Yes, it is now the 21st. I received 3 RSVPs on the 20th--2 yes, 1 no. So I have made all but 3 of my 22 phone calls. With 4 I left messages on answering machines/call notes and I have received 2 no's with the rest yes. Good thing they told me.