Getting Away without kids?

[meandtheguys2]

Well, let's see, you insinuated that our children are bad and we are insecure...but you don't mean to offend? Gimme a break.

My husband and I enjoy one another's company...alot. That is why we married. We have three boys who love visiting their grandparents, and my siblings. They live for vacations away from us, guess we must be bad parents.

I plan on spending at least 50 years married to my sweety. Maybe you can give 100% to your children and your husband 24/7, but I'm not so hot at it. Oftentimes, since we homeschool, he gets the tired, ragged me at the end of the day. When we take a couple of days...I am again 27, and he isn't grey...and he ahs hair ... We can talk for hours without being interupted, spend 4 hours in a bookstore, and eat at a God-aweful expensive restaurants for dinner... None of these activities hold any interest for three young men.

So while we are dilly-dallying, they are collecting fossils, and being spoiled in one hundred different manners by other people who believe the sun rises and sets on them. Heartless, I know...

 

[MATTERHORN]

Well, let's see, you insinuated that our children are bad and we are insecure...but you don't mean to offend? Gimme a break.

Wow! I guess people aren't allowed to ask questions here. Perhaps I should have phrased it differently but I never said YOUR kids were bad, just wondered why people felt that "need" to get away from them so much. By insecure, I guess I just meant that I don't feel like my marriage is failing because we don't get away alone. I am just a curious person. If you read more into it, then that's an issue I can't really help with. Sorry.

Honestly, I thought maybe there was some earth shattering reason why I should consider getting away with DH that I hadn't ever thought of!! Leaving the kids seems to crop up so frequently on the boards and I seem to be in the minority. I hope everyone else who posted took my questions in the spirit they were intended.

Andrea

 

[sassyMNmom]

Matterhorn seems very immature and judgemental.

She also seems fearful and not very worldy...and definitely not too smooth with words!

People like this see things only in black and white, and are unable to grasp that other people have ways of existing that are just as good as (or much better) than hers. Smallmindedness and condescending words is her core because she simply doesn't know any better.

If she cannot see the offense in her prior statements...she has just proved my point.

 

[mom*to*2*princesses]

Wow. I would never have thought this would be such a hot topic!

When it comes down to it, if you want to go away without kids, do it. If you don't, don't. Don't judge those who choose to take vacations without their children. Don't judge those who don't choose to take vacations without their children. Right?

We don't "need" to take vacations away from our children to have a great marriage. We choose to because we enjoy spending time together without the responsibilities of having young children along with us and we have the resources to do so. We enjoy travel with our kids. We enjoy travel without our kids. I don't care what anyone else does!

As far as the phrase "getting away" and its various forms having some sort of malicious meaning, it doesn't. It's just a phrase that people use when they are referring to taking a vacation. Sheesh!

 

[MATTERHORN]

Matterhorn seems very immature and judgemental.

She also seems fearful and not very worldy...and definitely not too smooth with words!

People like this see things only in black and white, and are unable to grasp that other people have ways of existing that are just as good as (or much better) than hers. Smallmindedness and condescending words is her core because she simply doesn't know any better.

If she cannot see the offense in her prior statements...she has just proved my point.

You're right, I forgot name calling is so mature. You're so much better than me and you just proved it with this post!!! Get over yourself. I don't need to be smooth with words, I just tell the truth in how I am feeling same as anyone else here.

If this ain't the pot calling the kettle black. You're post discredits you because while I asked honest questions, you directly and purposefully insulted. I'm not worldly because I travel with my kids instead of without them. PLEASE!! That's rediculous. You're obviously too afraid to discuss ideas so you resort to name calling. Whatever works for you!!

Andrea

 

[sassyMNmom]

Married at 18? And I should trust your judgement?

 

[MATTERHORN]

Oh so now you're gonna insult everyone on the boards who got married at 18? You think I'm the only one? Hardly. Yes I was smart enough at 18 to realize I found the one. Guess that was bad judgement according to you. And look here we are almost 9 years later, perfectly happy without ever having taken a vacation alone. GASP!!!

Andrea

 

[sassyMNmom]

I swear I can hear banjos playing when I read your posts.

 

[MATTERHORN]

Not many banjos here in Vegas, but if insulting people makes you feel bigger and better about yourself, you go right ahead sweetie. Have a great night!

I truly am sorry OP. Hope you can make a decision that works for your family.

Andrea

 

[DaisyD]

We take a lot of little trips without the kids. My mom comes over and stays with them and DH and I go away for a few days here and there. Last trip was 5 days in Vegas in November. We did Atlantic City for 3 days in September. Our kid free vacations are usually only 7 days or less. Most of the time it is less then that.

 

[DisFam95]

We've been to WDW 2x w/o the kids. 1st was when DS was 6mo old. YES..GASP..I left my infant at home! It was wonderful to enjoy 5-6 days with my husband. We had been through a lot w/ him in business school and basically not seeing each other for 2yrs so we serioulsly needed it.

The next time was when baby #2 was 5months old..seemed fair to do it to the other child.. right .

The kids loved spending the nights w/ the grand parents. They spent 2-3 nights w/ each set of g-parents.

I felt no guilt what so ever and I don't undestand why anyone would. We believe spending time as a couple is critical to a marriage not ot "save it" or anything. Every waking (and sleeping) moment is all about the children every day. I'm not leaving them w/ strangers.

I have absolute faith in my parents and my inlaws so that makes things much easier. If we did not have those resources then we would not have gone obviously.

There's obvioulsy very differing opinions so you need to figure out what feels right for you. I want to enjoy a vacation w/ my husband..plain and simple..not because I need to leave the kids but because I want to spend 5 days somewhere fun w/ DH.

 

[jodifla]

I do agree with there being things kids can't do on vacation. My solution would be to take someone along with us that would be able to spend a few hours with the kids if there was one thing we felt we really had to do to enjoy our trip. Again that's just how I think about things like this.

As for the who knows what tomorrow holds, I totally agree and that is one main reason why I won't travel without them. If we both go on a vacation alone instead of just him or I taking a trip with friends, if something did happen we would leave them totally parentless instead of still having atleast one of us around. If I ever absolutely needed time to recharge, I would go with a friend and leave DH with the kids or vice versa so my kids would not end up without either of us.

And before anyone adds that we could just as easliy leave them parentless if we went out in town, we don't get sitters so that wouldn't ever happen. The only times we have left them and both been together was to have #2 and #3. I know that wouldn't work for everybody. I guess for both sides, it's hard to see the other point of view and truly understand it. I could ask all the questions in the world and I still might not.

Thanks to all who responded!


Andrea

Your posts are astounding on a lot of levels.

Hope your very very very very narrow life works out for you.

 

[Kae]

I have three boys age 2, 4 & 6. So far, my husband and I take a weeklong trip every other year alone (Usually between babies!).
.

Do I see a pattern here

DH & I do long weekends w/o kids a couple a year. We have gone to DL & WDW w/o. We try to do a trip/vacation once a year everyother w/o kids. And DS goes to winter park with my sister for a week each winter.

Kae

 

[MATTERHORN]

Your posts are astounding on a lot of levels.

Hope your very very very very narrow life works out for you.

Thank you very much, I think it will! Because anyone who doesn't agree or think like you must be narrow minded. That makes sense!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Thinking last evening, I can't imagine being for so fearful of leaving my children parentless. Is it more dangerous to drive to a B & B in the next town than it is to run errands in your own town? Or do your children go everywhere with you? Do you send them away to school? People get hurt there all of the time? Or you could get hit by a Mack truck on your way home. If they are homeschooled, do they never spend time at friends, 4-H, Awana or scouts?

When it is your time to go, it is your time to go...just ask Steve Irwin.
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On a lighter note, I was calculating the time my 12 year old has vacationed with us as a family...

4 months at WDW
3 Months in California
3 months in Canada
2 months on a sailboat
1 month in Williamsburg
1 month in the Adirondacks
1 month on the Outer Banks
2 weeks in Mexico
1 week in Honduras
Multitudes of 3 day weekends to Cleveland, Columbus, Charlotte, Dayton, and Roanoke.

Poor baby! I don't think he is lacking any vacation time....

The younger boys haven't logged quite as many hours...not because they were too bad to vacation...just not born...

 

[Grendalynn]

I think one of the points of leaving the kids behind that everyone is missing is that, quite frankly, there are some kinds of trips and activities that one might like to do that may not be possible with the kids in tow (and I don't mean in bed).

We went lava hiking when we were in Hawaii last year at night. It would not be appropriate for young children- it would be dangerous. In 20 years when my children are out on their own, I will be twenty years older and perhaps less able to do some of the hiking/adventure activities that I can do now.

Also, who knows what tomorrow holds for anyone? I love my children more than anything, but I don't want to send the message to my children that I am on the only person in their life who they can rely on. They are surrounded by loving, caring family!

That being said, I wouldn't go to WDW without them because, for my family, that is a "family destination" and the reason we love it is because there are so many things that we can do as a family.

Very well said!

After reading all of the posts from last night it is evident that we all have a different view of things: Life, family, relationships of all kinds, and many others. i think we should all agree to disagree. Name calling doesn't make anyone more right or more wrong.

If everyone were prefect and the same, we would have no Disboards or other things. I hate to see this place that is centered around the so called happiest place on earth cause so much spite and discontent. good luck to all and to each his own.

Maybe you all should sign up for Wife-Swap or Trading Spouces (or whatever that other one is called) ... *wink**wink*

 

[taximomfor4]

Very well said!

After reading all of the posts from last night it is evident that we all have a different view of things: Life, family, relationships of all kinds, and many others. i think we should all agree to disagree. Name calling doesn't make anyone more right or more wrong.

If everyone were prefect and the same, we would have no Disboards or other things. I hate to see this place that is centered around the so called happiest place on earth cause so much spite and discontent. good luck to all and to each his own.

Maybe you all should sign up for Wife-Swap or Trading Spouces (or whatever that other one is called) ... *wink**wink*

I have to agree. I don't see why people taking child-free trips is better or worse than not taking child-free trips. To each their own. I think in general, we all try to make the best choices we can FOR OUR FAMILY/SITUATION. For some, that involves couples-only trips. For others, that involved waiting till the kids are grown, or using dates for couples-only time. WHY is either being attacked? It is not always black or white.

 

[TravelingJen24]

I didn't realize that when I started this thread it would get so heated. I was just curious if I was the only person that wanted to just get away sometimes and how people pulled it off.
I love my children and am so happy I had them, but I warn my friends that are thinking about having children that they should do all the things that they want before they come. I was 20 when I got married and am now 26. We didn't do a lot of big trips, never cruised, before the kids came and now there are all these places that I want to go that would not be the same with two little ones. I am trying not to be selfish and choose myself over them, but when I'm 40 I might not be able to afford to go or any other reason why it won't work out when the kids are off on their own. I really appreciate everyones views, even if they don't agree with my own and am happy to see that I should not feel guilty if I want to get away and relax for a weekend with my DH. Thanks

 

[jodifla]

I didn't realize that when I started this thread it would get so heated. I was just curious if I was the only person that wanted to just get away sometimes and how people pulled it off.
I love my children and am so happy I had them, but I warn my friends that are thinking about having children that they should do all the things that they want before they come. I was 20 when I got married and am now 26. We didn't do a lot of big trips, never cruised, before the kids came and now there are all these places that I want to go that would not be the same with two little ones. I am trying not to be selfish and choose myself over them, but when I'm 40 I might not be able to afford to go or any other reason why it won't work out when the kids are off on their own. I really appreciate everyones views, even if they don't agree with my own and am happy to see that I should not feel guilty if I want to get away and relax for a weekend with my DH. Thanks

A lot of the points you bring up is why DH and I waited 13 years before having DS! We traveled around the world, did a lot of cruises, trips across the country, etc.

We still take an occasional anniversary trip without DS. And we get sitters on a regular basis for some adult time.

Different strokes for different folks. But again, I've seen plenty of marriages crash and burn because the women were so focused on the kids, they didn't pay enough attention to their husbands.

I've also seen people hit their 40s, then start to have serious health concerns. I'd never put all my eggs in the "DH and I will have time when the kids are grown basket," either. After watching my perfectly health DSIL and DBIL spend serious amounts of time in the hospital, my philosophy is:

LIVE NOW! you don't know what the future holds.

 

[AlleyKat]

I've also seen people hit their 40s, then start to have serious health concerns. I'd never put all my eggs in the "DH and I will have time when the kids are grown basket," either.

LIVE NOW! you don't know what the future holds.

TOUCHE!

No one is immune to catastrophy!