Getting Away without kids?

[MATTERHORN]

My parents went on short trips and long without us many times. Of course, as a child, sometimes I hated it because I wanted to go. To travel. As an adult I see if as something that our generation has lost. And good for my parents to go despite any wanting from us!!! Separation of parenting and marriage at times. And that is too bad that it is not a priority in our generation. My parents didn't have a lot of money at all. But somehow they went alone and with us. I suppose their time away was a lot of weekends but some larger trips. I think it's so important for couples to have that time.

I don't know if it was a factor but my parent's just had their 50th last year. I honestly think this world is too child centered. I know not everyone's opinion. But I cringe when I hear parent's worrying excessively whether their children will be okay/like their Disney resort. I always want to say, "WHAT?" I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

While I agree with parts, I'm sorry but I don't agree that I have to leave my children at young ages for them to grow up and not be self-absorbed. If I wanted to get away for lots of trips without kids, I probably shouldn't have had kids then!! My life is for my family and I am not ashamed of that.


Andrea

 

[AlleyKat]

My parents went on short trips and long without us many times.

I think it's so important for couples to have that time.

I honestly think this world is too child centered. But I cringe when I hear parent's worrying excessively whether their children will be okay/like their Disney resort.

I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

YOU ARE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR!

I HATE when a reply to the mention of an "adult only" trip is nothing but an unasked for explaination of why someone can't tear themselves away from their children, spewing guilt, all the while never touching point with the subject brought up by an OP!

Even if the subject is mentioned, the dribble of how parents can't bear the thought of "leaving the children behind" is absurd!

The mere mention of taking trips without kids has some posters opening the gates of hell, casting those who value their own self worth as a healthy adult, an indivdual wanting to partake in all of life's opportunities, to damnation for all eternity.

THANK YOU!

 

[taximomfor4]

I don't equate my trips without kids to "should not have had kids." It has been hard to do...the first couple times, it was a weekend conference once a year (not at WDW). It took great effort not to think about the kids the entire time. THen, last year, I took a weekend trip with my mom. With a lifetime of rocky relationship and MUCH baggage, this was probably an important step for us. That trip WAS to WDW. Yes, I saw things the kids would love, and I felt guilty -- but it was just a long weekend and we had a family WDW trip scheduled a few months later.

I am itching to get away WITH DH, without the kids -- there are tons of adult things I want to do around WDW with him, and stay at a great hotel in a king bed. We just have nobody to leave the kids with that long, till the youngest is a little older. I think for our 10th anniversary, we will finally take our Honeymoon -- to WDW if I can swing it.

Honestly, I feel more guilty for travelling without dh than I do about travelling without the kids -- dh and I have really drifted into co-parents more than a true couple and could use the time to really reconnect. Dh just isn't as itchy-footed as I am, though.

I am rambling, but my point was that I think there are happy mediums...it isn't a poor reflection on one's parenting, if they choose to travel without kids sometimes (even to WDW). In fact, I think it sets a good example for the kids, about parents ALSO being a couple in a healthy, valuable relationship.

Beth

 

[tjmw2727]

Dh and I try and do a long weekend alone together once a year. Its a chance to re-charge and reconnect and spoil ourselves a bit. Yes, I miss my kids like crazy while they are home being spoiled by nana or auntie. FWIW my sister (auntie) loves it as well as she gets time with the kids alone as well. Now that they are older I thought we would miss them less but we actually miss them more. They are turning out to be interesting people and great fund to be with. However - we manage

One year we did do a long weekend at WDW. We had AP's, got a great rate at a moderate and one of those famous SWA airfares. They wished us well, told us to ride all the things they don't like and enjoy the boring shows all we want!!

My best girlfriend however would never leave her kids for a long weekend, it just dosen't work for her family. She does however get more evenings out with just her dh than I do so it evens out I guess.

TJ

 

[MATTERHORN]

I don't equate my trips without kids to "should not have had kids."

I am rambling, but my point was that I think there are happy mediums...it isn't a poor reflection on one's parenting, if they choose to travel without kids sometimes (even to WDW). In fact, I think it sets a good example for the kids, about parents ALSO being a couple in a healthy, valuable relationship.

Beth

That's funny though that taking trips without kids shouldn't equate to poor parenting, but NOT taking trips alone or giving a little thought to what they would like on vacation does equal poor parenting since I would be raising a self-absorbed adult??? My comments regard this post:

I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

Having said that: (Sorry this is off topic, maybe I should start a new thread!)

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

Andrea

 

[LJRJR]

I have three children DD6, DS4 and DS2 and have never left them so that my DH and I could go away for a weekend, however, the only reason that I have not gone away for a day or so, is because I have no one to leave them with. I think it is necessary for adults to get time to themselves, it helps to clear your mind.

 

[jodifla]

That's funny though that taking trips without kids shouldn't equate to poor parenting, but NOT taking trips alone or giving a little thought to what they would like on vacation does equal poor parenting since I would be raising a self-absorbed adult??? My comments regard this post:

I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

Having said that: (Sorry this is off topic, maybe I should start a new thread!)

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

Andrea

I think it depends on how you approach it. If you NEVER make time for your marriage, and the kids get the message that they are the be-all, end-all of the universe, then I think it can send that message.

In my family, my son is a member of the family. We probably cater to him more than many, since he's an only, but he has to learn that sometimes his wants and needs take a backseat to the wants and needs of DH and myself. Everybody gets a turn in the family being centerstage.

Sometimes that means we travel without him to places he wouldn't really enjoy that much (haven't done WDW without him...)
Often it means we get sitters, so we can have a nice adult evening, and he can turn in for a normal bedtime.

And given the rash of women on these DIS boards who got their walking papers over the holidays from their husbands, you can see there are PLENTY of people WHO SHOULD HAVE gotten away and taken care of those precious marriages, because that's what kids depend on.

I only have the one kid, but I've been married almost 19 years, so I know a thing or two about marriage. And I've seen many of them crumble around me because they adults (particularly the women) are so focused on the kids they don't focus on their relationship with their life partner, WHICH SHOULD COME FIRST.

 

[sassyMNmom]

I have three boys age 2, 4 & 6. So far, my husband and I take a weeklong trip every other year alone (Usually between babies!).

It has nothing to do with needing to 'get away' from our family situation. I adore my children and am a SAHM. I want to do something that is just for myself...after all, 'mother' is not my only role. I feel it is extremely healthy to be seperated from children occasionally.

There are homebodies and there are adventourers. It really has nothing to do with how well you parent or how much you love your children. Some people dream of visiting far away places...and some love the security and predictableness of home. It really has much more to do with your personality type.

 

[Grendalynn]

I left my little man for the first time when he was about 9 mths old for 3 nights and LOL i had to be reminded to call my mom and check on him. I did miss him, but knew he was fine. We have been away from him a few other times, but usually 4 nights at the most and never more than about 6 hrs away. I get to go on girl trips sometimes for a cpl of nights also, I think ive don that about 3 times since he was born. Hopefully we will go to Mexico this yr and my mom or my MIL will keep him.

I s agree the this quote!! I also left our first Son when he was only a few months old. I knew my Mom was perfectly capable and was in the best of hands! I was young and had no problmes leaving a colicy baby for a night or two. We have also had weekends here or there when the boys would go with my Sister not far too away. Or for 5 days to a week in the summer with my inlaws; they were 18months+ old for those trips... Now I look forward to it every year! I know thay are safe and its good for them to be away from the clutches of Mommy and Daddy too!

We will attempt our first solo trip this Fall. Dear Hubby and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and have thought about a Cruise. We will be leaving the boys with my mom if she does actually retire this year from teching like she says, or I will ask my sister to come and stay for a week. She is single and Loves my boys, so its always a treat for her to have them! I guess we are pretty fortunate to have such a group to tap into if needed....

It will not be a Disney cruise, however. WDW is way too magical to experience with out the kids! It just wouldn't be the same. DS3 months will experience his firt trip to WDW next march (of 08) if all goes well... Dont get me wrong, DH and I would love to have some "us" time while there on our next trip, and we will get that by either using The Fairy Godmothers Services or bring our own sitter/nanny!

Good luck!! I am looking forward to more replies!!

 

[sl_underwood]

We are in the same situation. We also would probably go on vacation but have never had the luxury of family to leave them with.

 

[blessedby3]

That's funny though that taking trips without kids shouldn't equate to poor parenting, but NOT taking trips alone or giving a little thought to what they would like on vacation does equal poor parenting since I would be raising a self-absorbed adult??? My comments regard this post:

I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

Having said that: (Sorry this is off topic, maybe I should start a new thread!)

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

Andrea

I agree. I am approaching my 20th anniversary this August and we have never vacationed without the kids. We are a family and vacations for us are for our family. There will be so much time later when there will be no children and it will just be DH and I. I dont understand why people say they have to get away from their kids to recharge. I find that just getting out of town as a family recharges me. To have that time to spend together is priceless. DH and I decided to marry and then have kids and we all go together. I also dont feel the need to vacation without DH. Doesnt make sense to me. I also am blessed to have all my family living within a few miles of our home, and know that any of them would keep our kids if we wanted to vacation without the kids- but that wont happen.

 

[dsnymomof4]

I can see that some have very strong feelings on this matter. I used to be one of those parents who could never imagine going to WDW without the kids. After all, it's a family destination. However, during our August trip (5th trip in 5 years with the 4 kids), I began to think about what it would be like if I weren't always trying to figure out what the kids all wanted to do every minute of every day. What it would be like to NOT worry about keeping everybody happy, but just do what I wanted to do. As a mother, I am always putting my kids first. That's not to say that we don't do things that I want to do on our trips. I love everything we do at Disney. I just thought it would be nice to experience Disney for myself. So, DH and I decided to take a short trip in December. Did I feel guilty about leaving the kids and going to their favorite place without them? Of course I did. I thought very carefully about how I would tell them as not to make them feel bad. I thought the best way was to have the next trip planned, so even thought they weren't going this time, they would have a trip to look forward to soon. I also think that it is important to show the kids that their parents are a couple and they like spending time with each other. It's good for our relationship as well as setting a good example for our children. We did get to do things we normally wouldn't do at Disney. We took a tour, we ate at a few places I know the kids wouldn't have enjoyed (they're picky eaters), and we walked on and off attractions without parking the stroller and lugging bags (I'm always the one doing the lugging) and making sure everyone is behaving, etc. It was really nice to enjoy some of our favorite things in Disney in a different way. Not better, just different. Of course I missed the kids terribly and thought about them constantly and was always pointing out to DH the things they would have liked while we were there. But, we had a WONDERFUL time and will definitely be going back for more adults-only trips in the future. I don't look at it as "getting away" from the kids. Rather, I look at it as "going away" to spend quality time with DH, somewhere that we enjoy. I know the OP wasn't asking specifically about Disney, but even if it's not to Disney, I would recommend going anywhere by yourselves. It's wonderful to concentrate on your relationship as husband and wife. Have fun together. Enjoy each other's company. Then go home and plan your next Disney vacation WITH the kids.

 

[Fintastic]

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

The way I look at it, I plan to be married to DH for a long, long time. My kid(s) will grow up and leave home and start their own families - DH is around for the long haul. So it's probably wise to give him some time on center stage.

We probably wouldn't go to Disney without DD. We've taken overnight trips without her but that's about it - but that's because we're cheap and don't want to spend the money to go anywhere. DD spends the night with relatives all the time and we stay home and enjoy sleeping in and relaxing. Honestly, I don't think I would want to spend more than two nights away from her, but that's because I work full-time and only get to see her for three hours a night during the week. When I'm not working, I want to be with her. But those nights she stays over with relatives are nice breaks.

 

[Grendalynn]

My parents went on short trips and long without us many times. Of course, as a child, sometimes I hated it because I wanted to go. To travel. As an adult I see if as something that our generation has lost. And good for my parents to go despite any wanting from us!!! Separation of parenting and marriage at times. And that is too bad that it is not a priority in our generation. My parents didn't have a lot of money at all. But somehow they went alone and with us. I suppose their time away was a lot of weekends but some larger trips. I think it's so important for couples to have that time.

I don't know if it was a factor but my parent's just had their 50th last year. I honestly think this world is too child centered. I know not everyone's opinion. But I cringe when I hear parent's worrying excessively whether their children will be okay/like their Disney resort. I always want to say, "WHAT?" I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

Let me start first by saying that I work in the local public school system and see many families day in and day out, year in and year out. I commend all of you who are so very much involved and a part of their children's lives. There are many out there that couldn't give two hoots about where their kids are, who they hang out with and what they do/don't do on a daily basis...

But I also agree with Lisaviolet! I am one of 5 girls in my family and often traveled w/o us when we were kids. We would take a 2 week vacation every year. 1 week we would have a family vaca - be it at WDW or where ever, and the other week we would stay with my grandparents in Florida while our parents went away by themselves - to Mexico, the Bahamas or wherever. We got a week with my grandparents - w/o mom and dad -which was very special and I have many fond memories to this day from those times my parents were away. Its healthy all around. My inlaws did the same thing as well.

I think its a bonus to get some time alone with DH. We need our own relationship aside from what we have from with the boys. We were alone before the kids were born and will be again after they leave the nest in 18 years or so - we need to keep that spark going. Or so I believe. There are many relationships that fall apart once the kids are older and/or grown beacuse their lives were so consumed by the kids, they have no common thread any more. My Parents will celebrate their 40th anniversay this June, thats more uncommon than common these days. With no Divorces in eithe family, it seems to be ok.

I am a working mother who is fortunate enough to bring my 3 month old son to work 4 days a week, I am the maid, financial organizer, taxi service, chief cook and bottle washer; recently retired from milk maid. I mean this in the most respectful way to all, but Damn it! I deserve a vacation, too!

PS - I apologize for any and all typos, as I am learning to type one handed while feeding my babe....

 

[Grendalynn]

I s agree the this quote!! I also left our first Son when he was only a few months old. I knew my Mom was perfectly capable and was in the best of hands! I was young and had no problmes leaving a colicy baby for a night or two. We have also had weekends here or there when the boys would go with my Sister not far too away. Or for 5 days to a week in the summer with my inlaws; they were 18months+ old for those trips... Now I look forward to it every year! I know thay are safe and its good for them to be away from the clutches of Mommy and Daddy too!

We will attempt our first solo trip this Fall. Dear Hubby and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and have thought about a Cruise. We will be leaving the boys with my mom if she does actually retire this year from teching like she says, or I will ask my sister to come and stay for a week. She is single and Loves my boys, so its always a treat for her to have them! I guess we are pretty fortunate to have such a group to tap into if needed....

It will not be a Disney cruise, however. WDW is way too magical to experience with out the kids! It just wouldn't be the same. DS3 months will experience his firt trip to WDW next march (of 08) if all goes well... Dont get me wrong, DH and I would love to have some "us" time while there on our next trip, and we will get that by either using The Fairy Godmothers Services or bring our own sitter/nanny!

Good luck!! I am looking forward to more replies!!

I did forget to mention, as I reread the OP, that if this were a free or almost free trip to WDW, I might consider a day or two w/o the kids there. But I certainly would not mention a word of where we were going to keep the disappointment to a minimum. But only for a couple day - deff. not a week! My last two cents on that. Moving on.....

 

[taximomfor4]

That's funny though that taking trips without kids shouldn't equate to poor parenting, but NOT taking trips alone or giving a little thought to what they would like on vacation does equal poor parenting since I would be raising a self-absorbed adult??? My comments regard this post:

I can't imagine being given that much thought to when I was younger and honestly I think it produces self-absorbed children/adults.

Having said that: (Sorry this is off topic, maybe I should start a new thread!)

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

Andrea

I don't think for a minute that NOT taking couples-only trips will make kids self-absorbed. I just know what seems to work for our family. In this, to each their own.

My choosing to get away has nothing to do with my kids being bad to be around. What a horrible assumption. My hobby has always been travelling. For years, I didn't do it because I didn't want to leave the kids. However, I have since figured out that it doesn't harm my children in the least for me to take a weekend or 2 a year without them. For me, it seems healthiest to regain that little piece of myself that I let go. As my kids get older, I still miss them but adjust to the fact that they don't suffer any damage if they don't see me for 4 days.

As for my marriage and getting away with my dh, we haven't ever done that yet (if one of us goes away for a few days, the other parent has the kids). The kids don't go to daycare, and never have...we tag-team while I am in nights/weekends nursing school. But for our 10th anniversary, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get that honeymoon we've been putting off "till the kids are older." We didn't take a honeymoon because I had a very young daughter when we got married.

Beth

 

[tjmw2727]

That's funny though that taking trips without kids shouldn't equate to poor parenting, but NOT taking trips alone or giving a little thought to what they would like on vacation does equal poor parenting since I would be raising a self-absorbed adult???

Having said that: (Sorry this is off topic, maybe I should start a new thread!)

I just don't understand why everyone has to "get away". Are your kids that bad to be around that you absolutely HAVE to go away by yourselves while they are still so young? I can maybe (maybe) see when they get older and can't leave school, etc. But is everyone so insecure in their marriages that if they don't get time away alone with just DH for a few years that their marriage will fall apart? And I am seriously asking this, I am not being sarchastic at all. I know it's hard to read tones online, but I literally have just never understood that need and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

Andrea

ITA with your first paragraph !! I don't see this as a right or wrong just different things for different families.

I will tackle your second paragraph because I used the word re-charge. You are totally right, we don't HAVE to leave the kids to "recharge" but we choose too. It works for us and for our family. My kids are 10 an 12 and we probably started doing a weekend alone when they were about 3 and 5. It wasn't planned it just happend, DH had a conference where spouses were welcome but it wasn't a kid friendly place. My sister was single at the time and came to stay with the girls. They had a blast and so did we, we have been doing a solo vacation about every 18 mos or so since then.

TJ

 

[emma'smom]

I think one of the points of leaving the kids behind that everyone is missing is that, quite frankly, there are some kinds of trips and activities that one might like to do that may not be possible with the kids in tow (and I don't mean in bed).

We went lava hiking when we were in Hawaii last year at night. It would not be appropriate for young children- it would be dangerous. In 20 years when my children are out on their own, I will be twenty years older and perhaps less able to do some of the hiking/adventure activities that I can do now.

Also, who knows what tomorrow holds for anyone? I love my children more than anything, but I don't want to send the message to my children that I am on the only person in their life who they can rely on. They are surrounded by loving, caring family!

That being said, I wouldn't go to WDW without them because, for my family, that is a "family destination" and the reason we love it is because there are so many things that we can do as a family.

 

[MATTERHORN]

Like I said, I truly meant no disrespect when I asked about why you need to take vacations without the kids. I just truly do not understand. I guess I am in the minority because I am able to multi task and pay attention to both my kids and my DH. I can make him feel "center stage" without having to leave my kids and go out of town. I gues for those that find that hard to do, going away might be a neccesity.

If I need to recharge, I spend a few hours every 3 or 4 months scrapbooking or doing something I enjoy. I don't have to leave them overnight to get a few moments alone, so I really was just curious why everyone always feels as though this is something that has to be done to save a marriage. I guess people that can't afford vacations are S.O.L in the marriage department.

I agree my children will not be scarred for life if I went away for a week as they are loved by many people, but like a PP said, I find that family vacations are for family. I too never got a honeymoon and married young at 18. I guess it's just different strokes, I just honestly never understood the reasoning behind having to get away while the kids are so young.

And I do deserve a vacation, and I get them. My kids are just with me during them! I guess I just don't feel like I need a vacation "from" them. Which just goes to show how different we all are. I really wasn't asking the previous questions to be snotty, I truly was curious for reasons why you all feel the need to get away alone. Thanks


Andrea

 

[MATTERHORN]

We went lava hiking when we were in Hawaii last year at night. It would not be appropriate for young children- it would be dangerous. In 20 years when my children are out on their own, I will be twenty years older and perhaps less able to do some of the hiking/adventure activities that I can do now.

Also, who knows what tomorrow holds for anyone? I love my children more than anything, but I don't want to send the message to my children that I am on the only person in their life who they can rely on. They are surrounded by loving, caring family!
.

I do agree with there being things kids can't do on vacation. My solution would be to take someone along with us that would be able to spend a few hours with the kids if there was one thing we felt we really had to do to enjoy our trip. Again that's just how I think about things like this.

As for the who knows what tomorrow holds, I totally agree and that is one main reason why I won't travel without them. If we both go on a vacation alone instead of just him or I taking a trip with friends, if something did happen we would leave them totally parentless instead of still having atleast one of us around. If I ever absolutely needed time to recharge, I would go with a friend and leave DH with the kids or vice versa so my kids would not end up without either of us.

And before anyone adds that we could just as easliy leave them parentless if we went out in town, we don't get sitters so that wouldn't ever happen. The only times we have left them and both been together was to have #2 and #3. I know that wouldn't work for everybody. I guess for both sides, it's hard to see the other point of view and truly understand it. I could ask all the questions in the world and I still might not.

Thanks to all who responded!


Andrea