Future In Laws Seriously Gambling with our future!!! Any attorneys here for insight?

[TinkBride]

OMG! OMG! OMG! i am absolutely nauseated with my future in-laws!!!

Background:

DF and his ex GF purchased a house together. Ex GF was not on the title or the insuramce. Instead DF and FFIL bought the house in both their names. (Bad already right?)

When DF and GF split he moved out and rented the house to her (trust me it gets worse....)

She moved out last January (after we met ) I told DF I would never live there. He planned to sell the house. FIL's get the bright idea to purchase the home from him and just give him cash, but with no legally binding documents signed. (Normally i would have REFUSED to let this happen, I believe that family members conducting any business together financially is a TERRIBLE idea. But, since the relationship was new i kept my mouth shut).

FIL's decide to rent the house, but never actually pursue it aggressively. Then they realize it is a money pit and put it up for sale by owner. The insurance company realize the house is unoccupied and wrn them to get it occupied or they will raise the rate. So FFIL LIES TO THEM!!!! and tells them it is occupied.

Now DF's name is still on this house and the insurance policy, but his parents have done this WITHOUT his consent. He is morally appalled at this.

Call me a B**** but I told him it MUST be refinanced into his parents name only or he needs to list it with a realtor and be free and clear. This is not an option in my eyes. I am at a point that the wedding is contingent on this. We are talking about possible insurance fraud right?

Any advice or opinions? HELP!!! PLEASE!!!!

 

[sajetto]

I am ON YOUR SIDE. However, as someone who is going through one of the worst in-law experiences ever heard of I would strongly advise that you don't give an ultimatum that he do this...WHY? Because the in-laws will see you as trying to control their son and it could cause a rift between your DF and his parents. Its not something you would want to be in the middle of. I say you "suggest" what possibly could happen if he continues that arrangement, but let it be his own brain that makes this decision.

I know that this is BAD because in the end it could eventually affect you and your finacial situation, but a horrible in-law situation isn't any better.

I'm so sorry you're stuck in this

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would suggest he call the insurance company now and tell them the truthm once he knows about the fraud he is a party to it. Then get a lawyer and see how to get rid of the home and get his money out of it too.

 

[TinkBride]

He is meeting his Dad for lunch today and giving him these options.

1) Refinance the house to get his name off.

2) Call the insurance co. and tell the truth.

3) DF will call and tell them the truth.

But in the end regardless of what he chooses, Doug is still going to demand a refinance, or he will list the house with a realtor. (A choice we made together)

Sajetto:

His parents have already made it very clear they think I am controlling, but can never give an instance as to why......so i guess this will just be icing on the cake for them, even if they don't think I am involved. They are the type that if Doug disagrees with them on anything it is my fault, even when i don't even know about the disagreement.

 

[sajetto]

Why are some in-laws like this

Bless you hun. I know how hard it can be when your SO's family has issue with you for no reason

 

[TinkBride]

I am with you, we should start a crappy in laws club!

 

[sajetto]

Boy, do I know it! Trust me, we wouldn't be the only ones in it

 

[kimnkel]

Okay. No one has a worse MIL than I do. I am President of the Crazy FIL Club.

I am not talking a few ratty barbs thrown my way during Christmas, I am talking other relatives pulling me aside and warning me. Praying for me. Seriously.

Good advice about not being the wedge between DF and FIL, but you know what? The FIL will accuse you of being "controlling" no matter what. They resent that their "child" has grown up and has made someone else (you) the focus of their life. NEVER MIND THIS IS HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE !!!!

Aaaugggh....makes me....ooohhhh....

But listen, as I said before, we have to try to be as kind and forgiving as possible, for all kinds of reasons. Our future children, for one. And some day--hard as it is to believe--we will be the IN LAWS, too!

Good luck with this situation. I think your DF is doing the right thing.

 

[msmayor]

He is meeting his Dad for lunch today and giving him these options.

1) Refinance the house to get his name off.

2) Call the insurance co. and tell the truth.

3) DF will call and tell them the truth.

But in the end regardless of what he chooses, Doug is still going to demand a refinance, or he will list the house with a realtor. (A choice we made together)

Sajetto:

His parents have already made it very clear they think I am controlling, but can never give an instance as to why......so i guess this will just be icing on the cake for them, even if they don't think I am involved. They are the type that if Doug disagrees with them on anything it is my fault, even when i don't even know about the disagreement.

The problem with this option is that he is NOT the sole owner of the house. Any legal documents concerning the house must be signed by all the owners; chances are no realtor will list it unless all the owners sign the listing.

 

[sajetto]

Okay. No one has a worse MIL than I do. I am President of the Crazy FIL Club.

I am not talking a few ratty barbs thrown my way during Christmas, I am talking other relatives pulling me aside and warning me. Praying for me. Seriously.

Good advice about not being the wedge between DF and FIL, but you know what? The FIL will accuse you of being "controlling" no matter what. They resent that their "child" has grown up and has made someone else (you) the focus of their life. NEVER MIND THIS IS HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE !!!!

Aaaugggh....makes me....ooohhhh....

But listen, as I said before, we have to try to be as kind and forgiving as possible, for all kinds of reasons. Our future children, for one. And some day--hard as it is to believe--we will be the IN LAWS, too!

Good luck with this situation. I think your DF is doing the right thing.

I do. My future MIL attacked me. Told us that she will not be coming the wedding because I will be there, that she despises me, that my DF made his choice when he chose me, and called me some names I'll not post on here. This all started because she stole nearly $1,000 dollars worth in brand new merchandise from me. She is seriously unstable and didn't like being called out on it. I guess she thought I wouldn't notice when the best things I owned disappeared


We have to be NON-Forgiving FOR our future children. We are moving in 5 months almost 5 hours away specifically to get away from her. She practically stalks our home and could be potentially dangerous.

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

Does anyone else notice that it's always the man's mother, who is nuts and they never have a good relationship with their son anyway!?

I'm not going to rant because I'm not in the mood now...haha! Too happy, but my ex-boyfriend's mother was a nut and tried to break us up for over two years! My MIL is okay now because she lives in Texas!

They always have to start stuff! When my DH met me...she told him...I hope she isn't after you for your money!

 

[jojoandhb]

I have a FMIL from Hell as well. When my baby was about 3 weeks old, I had to go to work for a few hours. She lives close to my employer, so I said it was ok.
When I dropped off the baby, she asked for her car seat. I asked her why she needed it, and she couldn't give me a reason. So, I didn't give it to her. I went to work, and I thought things were fine. When I went to pick up my daughter, the mom's daughter, my future sis-in-law started yelling at me. She said they needed the car seat. They wanted to take the baby to the mall. I told her the baby was too young for the mall, and it was raining, and her car was broken down, so it didn't make any sense.
Next thing I know, there's a cop knocking on the door. The sister goes, "I all ready called the police." I was like, "For what?" They let the cop in. He asks what is wrong, and the mother says, "She won't give us the car seat." Then rants and raves how this is her grandchild and she can do whatever she wants with her while she is at her house, and she can take her to the mall if she wants to because babies like to look at lights! There was obviously no crime, so the cop let me leave. I went to my fiance's work to tell him what happened. Well, his brother was there. FMIL called the brother to say that I attacked her, and she had to call the police on me!! Lucky for me, the brother did not believe her, and it was dropped, but I have not spoken to her except for a polite hello here and there. She's nuts.

 

[kimnkel]

MY FMIL told my DF that, "I am not going to allow you to support some woman so that she can sit on her butt all day."

Okay, well. My DF is a grown man. She "won't let" him? I have had a full time job since I was out of college, and part time ones before that, from the time I was 15. I make about as much as my DF does. What she was talking about, we have no idea. Maybe the theoretical idea of me staying home to raise any children---which, as we all know, is a LOT of work! ! ! and hardly qualifies as "sitting on your butt" ! ! !

Fairy Tale Bride, the mother of the bride is the one with the reputation, but you are soooo right--most of the time it is the man's mother.

My DF barely speaks to his mom, and has flat out said his mother does not 'deserve' to have me in her life. His words. And I--well--I agree.

And, uh, jojo--man alive. You poor girl. Grandmas are really special, but they don't get to call the shots--the parents do--and in exchange for not getting to call the shots, they also don't have the HUGE responsibilitythat comes along with parenting. Why don't they just sit back and enjoy?

And the MAIN QUESTION: Why don't these women get some counseling, or something?

 

[sajetto]

And the MAIN QUESTION: Why don't these women get some counseling, or something?

I have no idea, but Fairy Tale Bride is right. There is just something about men's moms.

Mine needs more than counseling, she needs someone who can perscribe drugs. Her level of mental instability is beyond what I can tolerate being around and its even turned her own son against her She's to narcissistic to believe she needs help.

 

[kimnkel]

Yeah, sajetto--the only people in counseling are people like us, sent there because of people like our FMILs. LOL. Not.

Anyway, girlfriend, I am sorry for you. For al of us, dealing with this stupidity and insanity.

It's such a waste, but we have to deal with what IS the case, not what we WISH WAS the case.

I learned that the hard way.

 

[sajetto]

Thanks girl. You're so right. There are so many things that I wish our family was, but just never will be. Its so depressing

I didn't learn how bad it was going to be with his mom until recently. I think after its had some time to sink in I won't be so bummed about it anymore.

Thanks for the words of wisdom

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

I have no idea, but Fairy Tale Bride is right. There is just something about men's moms.

Mine needs more than counseling, she needs someone who can perscribe drugs. Her level of mental instability is beyond what I can tolerate being around and its even turned her own son against her She's to narcissistic to believe she needs help.

I just know how welcoming and wondeful my parents and entire family have been to every boyfriend I have ever had and my now hubby! They're the parents of a girl and the parents of the bride! It's crazy to me that the bride and her parents plan the entire wedding and usually pay for almost everything...but attitude is given from the groom's family!? It's just not right. I know my DH's parents did nothing for our wedding at all...didn't help plan anything or help with money. All they did was show up and complain!! They were more concerned with their own vacation, than it being their son's wedding. Not to mention my entire family was there and just his parents and Grandmother came to our wedding. Oh well! I am very lucky DH's parents live in Texas and the rest of his family is in Rhode Island. I don't plan on visiting his family in RI ever again! We didn't get any wedding gifts from them...not even a card!!

 

[twojo21]

im not a lawyer but i do work for a major property & casualty insurance company & yes that lie can create a huge problem. definetly push your fh to get off the title. in the meantime rent/get someone in the house or have furniture inside so it is &/or looks occupied then get landlords insurance immediately since neither owner is occuping the residence. if its not owner occupied & you have just a homeowners policy a claim would be void. most companies require someone in the home within 30 days or the policy would be nonrenewed so the home would be uninsured & that causes a whole set of problems since theres a mortgage & for your future insurance needs.

 

[sajetto]

That sounds like me. DF's family had contributed NOTHING to the wedding. They never had any interest or offered a dime. When my invitations went out my family rushed to return their "yes" R.S.V.Ps. His family took months and every single one of them was a "no". Yes, even his parents and grandparents. They are such selfish people that they didn't even bother to consider how much it would hurt their son because "they didn't feel like taking a 10 hour trip"

I have a great family, I'm in graduate school, I make my own money, I've never taken and issue with ANYONE. When I told my friends and family that his family and I didn't get along they couldn't believe it because I'm friendly to pretty much everyone. My fiance is the only person I need and I've got a loving and caring family so I certainly don't need his especially when they act the way they do.

 

[jojoandhb]

I feel bad for all of you, but I also feel better because I'm not alone. I don't have much family, and what I do have doesn't always get along. I always wanted to marry someone with a huge family and be welcomed like it was my own. That is not going to happen. It was almost from day 1 that she didn't like me. It used to cause so much tension between the two of us. We would always fight on holidays over where we would go.
When my daughter was first born, we took her to his mom's house. His mom put prune juice in my newborn's bottle. She said the baby wasn't pooping enough! What? She also fed her a different formula than I was feeding her because she saw it on TV, and thought it was better! This can make a baby sick. We would bring the baby in, and the first things she would do was pick her up and say, "Oh no, it's too cold outside for this outfit. How could your mommy do that to you? I have a new one right here." Then, she'd change her clothes. I just smiled, but I was not happy.
She was always telling my fiance that I am a first time mother, and I couldn't possibly know what I am doing. Then she would call with all these things I should be doing for the baby.
After the police incident, that was it. Talk about needing medication. She called us on Sept 11 this year worried that terrorists were going to get in a boat, go to California and wipe out L.A. She said Clinton is working with them to get his wife elected! What? So bizzare...