That's what we figured. Unfortunately not all are satisfied with our stance and our decisions and people have actually commented to us that we did not take them into consideration and their feelings about it blah blah blah.
My father passed away recently. It was unexpected, very sudden. He was just 66.
My siblings and I with our step mother planned the viewing, cremation etc. We did not have much of a receiving line. Just my step mother and a few of us took turns standing with her just inside the door as you entered the room. The rest of us were sitting on the other side of the coffin. Sometimes with the spouses, sometimes not as they were also tending to the kids(grandchildren). (By us I mean the 4 kids and our spouses)
My fathers siblings made waves and complained to others and to us how they were slighted and their feelings were hurt. Who thinks of themselves at a time like this?
Was just curious if we did something wrong. We did not exclude them, we just did not include them. Does that make sense? We have no relationship with them, they spoke with my dad on occasion but one had not seen him in 3 years and the other one only twice in that time.
That is a tough one. Several years ago, my father's only sibling died. He was survived by his wife, five grown children (with families), and my dad. At the funeral, my aunt asked my dad to handle something before the ceremony (I don't remember what, but he was only able to come into the room to find his seat a few minutes before the service began).
My mom, my sister and our families found seats near the back but my dad said he would be sitting with the family in the reserved section, so we did not save him a seat. By the time he got back from handling whatever-it-was, the reserved section had been filled with grandchildren, spouses, and my aunt's sisters. There was no room for him, so he ended up standing along the wall. (I would have given him my seat, but we were all the way at the back on the other side of the room.) It would have been nice if someone could have at least had one of the children sit on their lap or something to make room for him.
At the reception after the funeral, they had some reserved tables for the family, but again, my dad was not included as "family" (but my aunt's sisters were.) We have a good relationship with this side of the family (and my aunt is very close to her sisters, so I'm not surprised they were there to support her), so I am sure they were just caught up in themselves and didn't *intentionally* leave my dad out. I don't think he has ever said anything to them about it, but I know his feelings were hurt. He had suffered a great loss, too.
Sometimes I think it's easy to forget that the siblings of the deceased are suffering a great loss, too.
