Funeral etiquette help....ex inlaws

[wdwmom2]

My ex GM inlaw passed away last evening. I'm not sure whether to go to the viewing or not.

Background:

I left my exDH 11 years ago. Not a nice divorce. His dad was not very pleasant to me during this process, understandably. I left his little boy.

My relationship with exDH's family now is pleasant. No, we don't exchange Christmas cards or the like, but we speak anytime that we run into each other, including exFIL. ExDH and I speak to each other with no problem, even though I don't care to be around him because of the unpleasant memories. He could very possibly feel the same about me. But we have 2 children together so good communication is a requirement, at least for us it is important.

ExGM inlaw passed away Christmas night. I did stop by today to visit and show support to my ex inlaws. Probably spent a good hour with them.

So, the question that I am asking is, should I go to the viewing or would it be best to send them a condolence card??? I really don't know what is the best thing to do. Anyone with any advice or have been in this position in the past???

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I've never been in this postition before, but I have attended funerals and viewings. (A lot of them.) I think the best advice is to go and pay your final respects to her, and only stay if you thing your ex's family would like or need your company.​

 

[Heidict]

I have never been in this position, but I dont' see a problem with stopping by for the veiwing to show your support of the family and your love of the deceased. You are on good terms with ex fil and mil and speaking terms with your ex hus. As long as you know that your presence there would not cause a problem, then I would say go.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

If it is convenient to go, they'd I'd stop in for 5 minutes. I'd probably go at early when no one is there, just go in pay your respects, sign the book and leave. This way if it should ever come up (for whatever reason), you know you went. Ex GM IL didn't do anything to you did she?

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Definitely go if you want to. It's more than appropriate.

 

[wdwmom2]

Ex GM IL didn't do anything to you did she?

No, she never did anything to me. Spirited and sassy as all get out, but never was unpleasant to me during exDH and I's marriage.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

No, she never did anything to me. Spirited and sassy as all get out, but never was unpleasant to me during exDH and I's marriage.

Sounds like a nice lady I'd go.

 

[SC Minnie]

I'd go for my children if nothing else. You don't have to stay long.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since it is your children's family, I would go and pay my respects.

 

[rie'smom]

If you want to go,then you should.

 

[poohandwendy]

IMO, it is never inappropriate to pay your respects. I am sure the family will really appreciate your stopping by. Especially with the children.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'd go, but I probably wouldn't stay too long.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I have to disagree with all the previous posters.

This time is incredibly difficult for your ex's family. Your being there might give them anger to add to their sadness.

If you already visited with the immediate family, then send a card or some flowers along with your condolences. The family would certainly not be missing you if you were absent, but your being there could be inflammatory to the ex-FIL.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I have to disagree with all the previous posters.

This time is incredibly difficult for your ex's family. Your being there might give them anger to add to their sadness.

If you already visited with the immediate family, then send a card or some flowers along with your condolences. The family would certainly not be missing you if you were absent, but your being there could be inflammatory to the ex-FIL.

I agree with this as well.

 

[Freyja]

I have never been in this position, but I dont' see a problem with stopping by for the veiwing to show your support of the family and your love of the deceased. You are on good terms with ex fil and mil and speaking terms with your ex hus. As long as you know that your presence there would not cause a problem, then I would say go.

Exactly what I was going to say.

 

[wdwmom2]

The family would certainly not be missing you if you were absent, but your being there could be inflammatory to the ex-FIL.

While I do agree that they may not miss me if I didn't show up, I really don't believe that it would cause any stress on my exFIL. I truly believe that he has gotten past his anger. We have chatted pleasantly several times in the past years that I have ran into him. Today when I stopped by, exMIL immediately grabbed me and hugged me so long that I thought she wasn't going to let go. She just cried and cried. I hugged her back and tried my best to comfort her. ExFIL also hugged me before I left and said that he was appreciative that I stopped by. He took part in the conversations the whole time I was there.

Since starting this post, I now know the reason the I am slightly hesitate about going to the viewing. It is not my inlaws, but my ex. I know that he will be standing in the line along with his parents. Please don't take what I am going to say as being cold, I really am a caring person. But the thought of touching (read this as my ex grabbing me in a hug and crying) my ex, it's just something I don't want to happen. I do feel sad for the whole family, including ex, that a very loved member of the family has passed away. But there was so much mental abuse in my marriage to him, that the thought of him touching me has me scared to death.

Any ideas on how to politely avoid any touching of the ex, but still letting him know that I am sorry for the loss of his GM????

 

[tinatark]

This is your kids' g grandmother, right? So you should go.

As far as the receiving line - skip it if you need to avoid your ex.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I just buried my mom earlier this month. I went thru a nasty divorce 15 years ago. I would not have wanted my ex or any of his family at my mom's viewing or funeral.

TC

 

[KelNottAt]

I think staying away would be worse than going.

Your children might like to have you there, too.

 

[Mono~rail]

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