funeral clothes question

[Stitchfans]

I lost my mom and dad within the last few years, I don't remember what anyone wore, I was just glad that they were there.

Also she is a child, I sure wouldn't worry about what someone thought about what a child was wearing to a funeral.

Finally someone who said what I was thinking. Did not read past here. From what I have seen anything goes now a days. No matter what the occasion. For our wedding DH's brother's (at the time)two teen aged daughters wore jeans and a sweater to our wedding. I was not offended. Did not care.

IMO it is no ones business what I or anyone else is wearing at long as it is clean and fits properly. Plus of course is not too "sexy" or too revealing. Again, IMO if someone is offended. Well I guess they will have to "get over it". Some people do not have the money to run out and buy new clothes for all occasions that arise. People need to get over themselves and stop worrying about what everyone is doing. JMO>

 

[Disney Doll]

I would go with the floral skirt. If you can get another top, that's fine. otherwise does she have a cardigan sweater or something that could cover the t-shirt nicely so it looks a bit more like the idea of a twinset?

 

[DVCLiz]

Finally someone who said what I was thinking. Did not read past here. From what I have seen anything goes now a days. No matter what the occasion. For our wedding DH's brother's (at the time)two teen aged daughters wore jeans and a sweater to our wedding. I was not offended. Did not care.

IMO it is no ones business what I or anyone else is wearing at long as it is clean and fits properly. Plus of course is not too "sexy" or too revealing. Again, IMO if someone is offended. Well I guess they will have to "get over it". Some people do not have the money to run out and buy new clothes for all occasions that arise. People need to get over themselves and stop worrying about what everyone is doing. JMO>

Ah, that's exactly what I was talking about - were you on the other thread?

To each her own -

 

[kristilew]

Oh, I hope you don't think I was referring to you - I wasn't! I am sure your daughter will be fine in whatever you choose. I was just remembering that thread and how mad people got - it was more of a comment on how people seem to think the occasion should change to suit whatever they want to wear to a more formal occasion (wedding, church, funeral, etc.) rather than being willing to buy the appropriate clothing to suit the occasion.

And I am sorry for your loss, too, btw.

Oh, you're sweet. I didn't take it personally. More just using your comment as an excuse to whine about the circumstance. If the funeral was a week later, we'd probably have something appropriate in the closet. Just hard to think about saying "welcome back! let's go! wear this!" all in one breath. Not how I wanted to spend my first few days with my kid since seeing her in June.


I appreciate all the comments. I was hoping to get a feel for general attitudes about kids and funeral clothes and I feel very reassured. I have a little black shrug that should fit DD. I will look for a nicer top, then let her wear the shrug over that or over the tee shirt with the black skirt and she should look fine.

 

[ksjayhawks]

If you have time, get a dressier shirt for the floral skirt. A fancier tee would work. should be able to find some summer ones on clearance right now. Or, if part of her uniform is a white shirt, can she wear that over the dark tee that she has?

 

[Stitchfans]

Ah, that's exactly what I was talking about - were you on the other thread?

To each her own -

not sure what thread you are talking about? so I am not sure what you are referring to . I think you are agreeing with me. Right? If not- that is okay too.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Purchase new.

We went to dh grandfather's funeral on Valentine's day 2009. I had red v-day dresses for the girls but could not use them fir that. We actually found black dresses with subdued colorful hearts. Much more appropriate.

Unless the deceased has a specific request for bright colors, a child's dress should be as subdued as possible, IMHO. It is more a
reflection on the parent than the child and you just can't be certain how others would feel if she wore the red.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[DVCLiz]

Ah, that's exactly what I was talking about - were you on the other thread?

To each her own -

not sure what thread you are talking about? so I am not sure what you are referring to . I think you are agreeing with me. Right? If not- that is okay too.

lol - the thread I was talking about was a previous DIS thread from several months ago that had this same argument erupt. There were two trains of thought - some people thought it was inappropriate to "dress down" for a funeral and that everyone should have in their wardrobe something to wear that was modest and respectful, while others thought it shouldn't matter and that no one would/should pay attention or care what anyone else was wearing.

And for the record, I disagree 100% with you. I think it is rude and tacky to wear anything you want to a funeral.

 

[minkydog]

I'd let her wear what fits and what she feels comfortable wearing. I don't know if you all do high church funerals, with all black and veils and whatever. In my family, pretty much anything goes. About the only thing I have not seen is cut off jeans and parachute pants. Colors, off the shoulder, spaghetti straps, khakis, polo shirts, suits & ties, all black. You name, we've had it. And I promise you, nobody in our family even bats an eye. My own mother wore a beautiful BRIGHT turquoise blue dress with silver embroidery on it to my step-dads funeral. It was lovely, but wow! eye-popping. She didn't care. My step-dad had bought her that dress for a trip they were going to take. I imagine there were some parishioners who were pretty shocked--this was a Russian Orthodox church. But Step-dad would have been really proud of her.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

30+ years ago when I was a PK, I would wear a muted color dress to funerals. (I went to about, oh, 4 funerals or more a year then.) No one expects children to dress in black or even dark colors, especially in summer. Get a dressier top if you can find it, or can find time to go get one, but don't worry if you can't. I wouldn't buy a cardigan, as it will be too hot for it at the cemetery.

 

[Stitchfans]

lol - the thread I was talking about was a previous DIS thread from several months ago that had this same argument erupt. There were two trains of thought - some people thought it was inappropriate to "dress down" for a funeral and that everyone should have in their wardrobe something to wear that was modest and respectful, while others thought it shouldn't matter and that no one would/should pay attention or care what anyone else was wearing.

And for the record, I disagree 100% with you. I think it is rude and tacky to wear anything you want to a funeral.

Oh thanks for setting me straight. Throwing your own words back at you. To each her own.

 

[Mimi1965]

I appreciate all the comments. I was hoping to get a feel for general attitudes about kids and funeral clothes and I feel very reassured. I have a little black shrug that should fit DD. I will look for a nicer top, then let her wear the shrug over that or over the tee shirt with the black skirt and she should look fine.

I like that idea-I have a shrug type sweater and it seems to make my plainer tops "fancier"

 

[debster812]

MIL passed away 2+ years ago, and DS was 11. He had a nice pair of gray chinos, and a button down shirt. My biggest point of angst? He had no 'real' shoes. All he had at the time were sneakers! I was honestly flipping out about his footwear, calling everyone I knew to see if they might have a pair of black shoes that he could get his feet into.

Ultimately, a girlfriend finally told me, that "NO ONE will care, or even notice what he's wearing, put his black sneakers on him and call it a day", and she was 100% correct.

OP I think you're totally on the right track, floral skirt, nice T, shrug will be perfectly appropriate.

 

[walden]

I have been through 4 close family funerals in the last year.

It is just meaningful if you show up and extend your sympathies. I think a few mourners may have turned up in jeans. I (and my familiy) did not notice because we focused on faces.

Having said that I never noticed what people wore. I guess I might have noticed bright red or florescent pink - but that would not have mattered. What did matter is that you paid respect and attended. Clothing aside.

Just wear and have your daughter wear, something a bit subdued. Honestly, those who are really grieving have other things on their minds than a dress code.

 

[fairestoneofall]

i'm very sorry for your loss. we lost my uncle last month. and it's still hard to believe he's gone.

my DD wore a black, knit dress to his funeral. it was something i happened to pick up on the clearance rack at the end of winter. i think that the black, floral skirt sounds fine. i think a nicer, knit top would be fine with it (slightly upgraded from a t-shirt).

 

[PebblesMK]

My grandma died in May and the younger kids wore colorful dresses, my 9 year old wore a skirt and nice top. I'm pretty sure that nobody gave a second thought to what they wore. At the funeral, everybody was dressed in blacks/greys....as for me, I wore a dress with bright flowers all over it. My grandma would have loved my dress and I was dressing in memory of her, I honestly couldn't have cared less about what others thought of my outfit. Besides, she hated black. If it's family or friends, they will just be happy to have you there during such a difficult time. I hope you can find peace amidst the chaos, your daughter will look fine in either option.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

When my dad died last year i had the same question. As it turns out, it seems that when dressing smaller children for a funeral (DD was 7) it is actually more correct to dress them in nice clothes that are NOT dark. I forget where I read that, but it was on one of the dear-etiquette-ladies sites.

The image of JFK Jr. saluting his father's coffin as it went past, in his little light blue coat, comes to my mind whenever I think of children at funerals. Certainly noone knew ettiquette better than his mother.

I think that colors are appropriate at funerals for children, and darker more somber wear is appropriate for young adults. At 12 I think one can go either way, and I'd let my daughter choose what made her most comfortable.

 

[Bethenny]

The skirt sounds just fine. I would avoid the red dress though. I just had to attend a funeral and went out to buy a new top to wear with black slacks. I was at the store for over an hour trying to find the "perfect" shirt. I finally picked one out. When I got there I realized that I would have been fine in anything. There was such a variety of what people were wearing and I was firmly in the middle. In fact the person next to me was wearing one of those strapless swimsuit cover ups and flip flops, I kid you not. (It was a very hot day, but still). I'm sure no one else noticed that but me. Wear what you have and are comfortable in.

I'm sorry for your loss.