Full Military Honors burial question

[DisneyBabies]

Hi everyone! I wasn't sure where to put this question, but I figured this was the best place for it.

My PawPaw is dying from stage 4 pancreatic cancer and the doctors are giving him about 6 months or so. Because of this, he is making sure all plans are in place for his funeral and burial so that we literally only have to make one phone call.

He is an Honorably Discharged Veteran and will be having Full Military Honors at his gravesite. Due to some family members believing everything is owed to them (including the Burial Flag) and the potential for an argument at a very inappropriate time, my grandpa has decided that he would rather have the Burial Flag placed in his casket with him. I googled trying to find any information on what process he would have to go through to have this done, but I found nothing. Not even on the DoD or VA websites. All the information I have found states that the flag is to be given to the next of kin or a family friend.

I am just wondering if any of you have heard of this being done before or if you know where I might find some more information on this for my grandpa.

Thank you for all your help!

 

[MnMomtoboys]

I'm sorry about your Grandfather.

I've never heard about burying the flag, hopefully someone will be able to answer you. I'm sorry about your family too. About the only thing my siblings didn't fight over was the flag. It helped that I put my foot down and insisted that it would go to my brother who was the oldest child and the only one that retired from the navy.

Is it possible that you can have the flag donated?

 

[Luvchefmic]

I am from a military family and this one stumped me too...then I found this

go to the section regarding Flag Position "Open Casket" apparently it is allowed for a veteran to be buried wrapped in the flag

http://www.keesler.af.mil/library/factsheets/factsheet.asp?id=6779

I would look into this with the VFW or the funeral director if your family knows who will be handling when the time comes....I'm not sure you want to wait to have the arrangements made re-the flag

My heart goes out to you and please thank him for his service to us

 

[ginna74]

http://www.cem.va.gov/bbene/bflags.asp


Burial Flags
Why Does VA Provide a Burial Flag?

Folded burial flag


A United States flag is provided, at no cost, to drape the casket or accompany the urn of a deceased Veteran who served honorably in the U. S. Armed Forces. It is furnished to honor the memory of a Veteran’s military service to his or her country. VA will furnish a burial flag for memorialization for each other than dishonorable discharged

* Veteran who served during wartime
* Veteran who died on active duty after May 27, 1941
* Veteran who served after January 31, 1955
* peacetime Veteran who was discharged or released before June 27, 1950
* certain persons who served in the organized military forces of the Commonwealth of the Philippines while in service of the U.S. Armed Forces and who died on or after April 25, 1951
* certain former members of the Selected Reserves

Who Is Eligible to Receive the Burial Flag?

Generally, the flag is given to the next-of-kin, as a keepsake, after its use during the funeral service. When there is no next-of-kin, VA will furnish the flag to a friend making request for it. For those VA national cemeteries with an Avenue of Flags, families of Veterans buried in these national cemeteries may donate the burial flags of their loved ones to be flown on patriotic holidays.

How Can You Apply?

You may apply for the flag by completing VA Form 21-2008, Application for United States Flag for Burial Purposes. You may get a flag at any VA regional office or U.S. Post Office. Generally, the funeral director will help you obtain the flag.

Can a Burial Flag Be Replaced?

The law allows us to issue one flag for a Veteran's funeral. We cannot replace it if it is lost, destroyed, or stolen. However, some Veterans' organizations or other community groups may be able to help you get another flag.

How Should the Burial Flag Be Displayed?

The proper way to display the flag depends upon whether the casket is open or closed. VA Form 21-2008 provides the correct method for displaying and folding the flag. The burial flag is not suitable for outside display because of its size and fabric. It is made of cotton and can easily be damaged by weather.

For More Information Call Toll-Free at 1800 827 1000


I would call the number above or the VFW or DAV and ask them. We went through the VFW to get my uncle his due respect even though he never belonged to either of them.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

When my father died we were informed that open caskets are not permitted at National Cemeteries. Therefore, I would imagine that having it on the casket, opening the casket after the ceremony and placing it into the casket would not be permitted.

The flag should go to his widow or oldest child. I received my father's flag.

I'm sorry about your PawPaw. I hope that he will be as comfortable as possible and that your predicament finds a peaceful resolution.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I'm sorry about your Paw Paw and even sorrier that you anticipate a fight at his death. We went through that with my stepgrandfather. Another option I will throw out is that we ended up having two flags on his casket. (The flag that was on the casket in the funeral home and at the cathedral was folded and given to his daughter. We had an additional, shorter service at the veteran's cemetary chapel {this is where they had the military service as well}. That flag was folded and given to my step dad.) The funeral director came up with the solution and it made all involved feel they "got" the flag.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Hi everyone! I wasn't sure where to put this question, but I figured this was the best place for it.

My PawPaw is dying from stage 4 pancreatic cancer and the doctors are giving him about 6 months or so. Because of this, he is making sure all plans are in place for his funeral and burial so that we literally only have to make one phone call.

He is an Honorably Discharged Veteran and will be having Full Military Honors at his gravesite. Due to some family members believing everything is owed to them (including the Burial Flag) and the potential for an argument at a very inappropriate time, my grandpa has decided that he would rather have the Burial Flag placed in his casket with him. I googled trying to find any information on what process he would have to go through to have this done, but I found nothing. Not even on the DoD or VA websites. All the information I have found states that the flag is to be given to the next of kin or a family friend.

I am just wondering if any of you have heard of this being done before or if you know where I might find some more information on this for my grandpa.

Thank you for all your help!

With all due respect to the previous posters the OP stated that this is what her Gandpa wishes (I bolded her quote)
and from the link I provided in my pp
FLAG POSITION (OPEN CASKET)

It is customary to drape the flag on the casket over the part of the cover, which is usually left on the asked during the period that the body is being viewed. The flag is placed in the same position as when it is used to cover the casket (union at the head over the left shoulder) union in full view. The stripes should be folded under so the flag will not hang excessively at the foot. Some interesting trivia pertaining to flags and burials is that it is not improper to bury a war veteran with a small flag or should it be requested, it is proper for a veteran to be buried with his body wrapped in the flag.

God Bless him & your family, and to all the other military personnel and families here thank you too (I am a proud USMC Mom)

 

[DisneyBabies]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Although it doesn't really make it hurt any less, we are very lucky that he survived his first bout with this cancer and we have had him with us much longer than we expected. I am dealing with this as well as I can at this point (which really means I am not dealing with it at all yet) and am doing what I can to help him get things in order since I can't be near him right now. He lives 5 hours away and I have a DS who can't miss school since we don't know when he will really need those excused absences.

If my grandma were alive, I know he would give the flag to her, but she died 16 years ago. His oldest child is one of the family members who feel they are entitled to everything he has even though, until we found out how sick he was a couple of months ago, she had not spoken to my grandpa in more than a year. I think he has someone in mind that he would like to give the flag to, but he doesn't want any of the rest of us to have to deal with those few relatives who would pitch a fit about who recieved the flag, so I think he feels this would be the easier solution.

If he really can't be buried with the flag, can he choose who he wants the flag to go to or does it have to be the next of kin?

Another option I will throw out is that we ended up having two flags on his casket. (The flag that was on the casket in the funeral home and at the cathedral was folded and given to his daughter. We had an additional, shorter service at the veteran's cemetary chapel {this is where they had the military service as well}. That flag was folded and given to my step dad.) The funeral director came up with the solution and it made all involved feel they "got" the flag.

That would be a great idea, but we would need about half a dozen flags to satisfy everyone.

I'm not sure if it makes any difference in people's replies, but he will not be buried in a veteran's or national cemetary and also he was in the US Army. I may have to call the VA or DoD, but I wanted to see if anyone else had dealt with this before.

 

[eliza61]

If he really can't be buried with the flag, can he choose who he wants the flag to go to or does it have to be the next of kin?



That would be a great idea, but we would need about half a dozen flags to satisfy everyone.

I'm not sure if it makes any difference in people's replies, but he will not be buried in a veteran's or national cemetary and also he was in the US Army. I may have to call the VA or DoD, but I wanted to see if anyone else had dealt with this before.

Op, many hugs to you.

Hang "satisfying" everyone Sorry, I don't know what is it about funerals and weddings that make family members act like 3 year olds (I have horror stories from my grandmothers funeral).

Can you speak with your paw paw ask him who HE would like to have the flag? Then here is where you may have to get a bit blunt and rude. carry out his wishes, explain to anyone who is feeling slighted that this is what your grandfather wished and if they still wish to act like park apes, politely tell them to grow up and deal with it.

Your grandfather has earned the right to do as he wishes and have his last wishes respected.

 

[jetprincess]

I haven't read every response but have you called Arlington National Cemetery? Sadly, this is their business and they do this several times a day. They have probably seen just about any variation of requests and protocol that exists.

Honestly, if I were your Paw-Paw - I'd give the flag to the one who would appreciate it the most and keep it a secret. It's honorable that he is trying to make everyone happy though.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am so sorry about your PawPaw and about the stress the family is causing over the flag.

I rather like the idea of being wrapped in the flag. I wonder what your PawPaw would think about that? It might make him happy.