Frustrated, embaressed and mad!

[Magic Mom]

I agree completely. Sounds like she qualifies regardless of what her ex and his gf are doing. That would be like saying a single mom doesn't qualify for food stamps because her ex makes too much money; the only thing that counts on his income is the amount of child support that is paid.

In all reality, this may be much more embarrassing for her than it is for the OP. I think I would just be thankful that I didn't feel the need to ask for help.

This.

And a person sitting on a charity social services board probably shouldn't be discussing the personal information of an applicant even if that applicant did lie.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I agree completely. Sounds like she qualifies regardless of what her ex and his gf are doing. That would be like saying a single mom doesn't qualify for food stamps because her ex makes too much money; the only thing that counts on his income is the amount of child support that is paid.

In all reality, this may be much more embarrassing for her than it is for the OP. I think I would just be thankful that I didn't feel the need to ask for help.

I agree completely. Christmas is a very stressful time of the year, especially in poor households. It sounds like this mother needs the help to give her child a Christmas, and I hope that she gets it. Perhaps the lie was simply a sign of her desperation?

 

[luvsJack]

I agree completely. Christmas is a very stressful time of the year, especially in poor households. It sounds like this mother needs the help to give her child a Christmas, and I hope that she gets it. Perhaps the lie was simply a sign of her desperation?

I wouldn't be surprised at all if it was. A single mom who is disabled and her ex is giving the child a "big" Christmas--yep that can definitly equal a feeling of desperation. (not meaning the OP should feel guilty, maybe just a bit of empathy)

 

[MooGooGai]

As far as the adults living in the house.

Mom is disabled...none of the other adults are and all live on her disability and the childs. He is autistic.

That poor woman

She is being taken advantage of and perhaps emotionally abused by all the adults that refuse to work in her house. If they all live off of her money, where do you think she is getting money to give that child Christmas gifts?

You have posted on these boards that you were taken advantage of and emotionally abused by your ex husband. Why don’t you have compassion for your husband’s ex wife? The woman he created a child with? Can’t you empathize with her in the least bit?

 

[DisneyMomx7]

this.

And a person sitting on a charity social services board probably shouldn't be discussing the personal information of an applicant even if that applicant did lie.

ita.

 

[disneyjunkie]

This.

And a person sitting on a charity social services board probably shouldn't be discussing the personal information of an applicant even if that applicant did lie.

 

[christiane]

Lying so your children can get free gifts is a little hard to swallow. Especially in this case where the child probably already qualifies for the program. When the mother filled out the application & "put sons father left us and won't see him and refuses to pay child support", facts the OP disputes, I wonder what she was trying to do?

The charity we volunteer with has all of the screening done by a government agency. I don't know the exact criteria but I know they have to be on some form of social assistance to qualify. I think it would be difficult to embellish your application to push you from not qualifying for the program to qualifying for it.

The only information we know about the children are their first names & ages. We also know their addresses because we deliver the packages to their homes. I don't really need to know any more than that. It is often painfully clear the families are living in poverty when we visit their homes.

 

[rigs32]

Regardless of whether the ex qualifies for the program and regardless of what she wrote on the application, its contents should NEVER have been shared with the OP. As soon as someone suspected it was the ex, the OP and her DH should have been asked if it was. Maybe a follow up question or 2 if the content's truthfulness was questioned, but it's just so wrong to have shared that application with the OP.

We also don't know what happened in court to determine the amount of child support, which is none of our business, but can certainly affect the ex's feelings on the matter.

 

[tlbwriter]

I know a few people that don't bother with the angel tree. Apparently, they were turned off by the requests for Itunes Gift cards and DS games.

So kids who might have owned iPods or DS systems before their family fell on hard times don't deserve gifts? Nice.

I'm surprised at the sympathy for the mom in the OP. Yes, she might feel her gifts will be overshadowed by the gifts her child receives from his father. So it's okay for her to lie, taking gifts from other needy kids who won't get anything else, in order to make herself look better? If that's why she's doing it, it's not about the child, it's about her, and making herself look/feel better. And I have no sympathy for anyone who would do that at the expense of truly needy kids.

 

[pls5286]

Let me say we already knew mom did not have the money to give DSS a huge Christmas by herself. Together, the 3 of us had planned to give him a big Christmas, along with my two kids.

It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

You say "us" a few times - you didn't tell "DF" did you?

 

[MooGooGai]

It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

How does the community know what is going on?

 

[Magic Mom]

Let me say we already knew mom did not have the money to give DSS a huge Christmas by herself. Together, the 3 of us had planned to give him a big Christmas, along with my two kids.
It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

At your house or hers? I can see how a mom or a dad would want to make sure their child had something to open and enjoy at their house too.

And no one in the community should know what she said on her application so there is probably no need to worry about that.

 

[Tink888]

Let me say we already knew mom did not have the money to give DSS a huge Christmas by herself. Together, the 3 of us had planned to give him a big Christmas, along with my two kids.

It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

Understandably, that's a reason to be upset. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't be upset by it. The best thing to do is let it roll off your back. It's an unfortunate truth that sometimes, with exes, they are going to say things like that about the ex, especially when they've moved on with their life, regardless of how true it is, to anyone who will listen. X doesn't see his kids enough, X doesn't pay enough support, X is late with support and on and on it goes.

Best thing you can do is get a thick skin and try not to let it bother you. People believe what they believe. People say what they say. Nothing you can do about that. Actions speak louder than words. If your DF is a good dad, that's what people are going to see and believe.

If the woman is truly needy, then forget about it. Honestly, you might think no one knows what charity you're involved with but maybe she does know and maybe she wrote those things just to get a rise out of you. And it worked.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Let me say we already knew mom did not have the money to give DSS a huge Christmas by herself. Together, the 3 of us had planned to give him a big Christmas, along with my two kids.

It is not the fact that she applied for help that upset us. The fact that she lied about DFs involvement in his sons life that upsets us and his payment in child support that upsets us as we are well known in our community.

How will the whole community know what the mom did/said?

 

[pls5286]

We are leaders in an organization in our community and are seen w/ DSS all the time. We were working with the heads of other civic organizations w/ the ESS for the Sheriffs Dept. Him being accused in writing of abandoning his son and not paying Child Support was embarrassing. DF was there as well. There was no way to not tell him.

And unless you tell , which we are asked not to do to avoid any hard feelings, we are asked to not reveal that we work with them and let everyone believe that the Sheriffs Dept only makes decisions.

 

[pls5286]

How will the whole community know what the mom did/said?

The community will not know, however, those in the room do, and it was embarrassing for us.

Regardless of whether the Sheriff approves her app, he is going to have a Christmas. We were planning on buying gifts to take to her house and she knew this, in addition to what he gets from us. The only gift we said we would not buy him was a new computer this year and it made her mad.

 

[torinsmom]

If she is lying on that application, chances are she is also telling others that her ex abandoned her and does not pay CS. What someone else is true though, OP. You can't control what she says. The people in your life that matter will know that her lies aren't true and karma will bite her in the behind if she keeps it up.

So, in the ex's household, is SHE disabled or is HER MOM disabled? I couldn't figure it out, since you said "the mom". And is the autistic child your step child or another child, like ex's brother? Just curious to who is getting the assistance.

 

[Acklander]

The community will not know, however, those in the room do, and it was embarrassing for us.

Regardless of whether the Sheriff approves her app, he is going to have a Christmas. We were planning on buying gifts to take to her house and she knew this, in addition to what he gets from us. The only gift we said we would not buy him was a new computer this year and it made her mad.

if you were planning buying gifts to take over to her house for her to give, why don't you just be the one's to fill her empty stocking??? Would you be able to do that without her or anyone beyond the organization knowing???

 

[Disney Doll]

I am ready to paint her as the villain. It must suck to be one-uped by your ex over Christmas presents. And I do feel bad for her in that regard. And I will agree that it is a miserable position to be in.

BUT... the second she applied - fraudulently - to a charity for more presents for her son, I lost all compassion. Her son will be getting Christmas presents this year. She was so concerned about herself, and how she would look that she was willing to take presents away from children who would not be anything. And that I can not stand.

I agree wit this. The 5 non-working adults in the house is a bit annoying as well.