From the mouth of a child...c'mon - share your stories!

[CharityLynn]

too funny.

When I was teaching my son to count i'd have him repeat me (1-1, 2-2- etc) well when i got to five he looked at me strangely and then he picked my hand and high fived me. I just laughed, it was too cute.

Then more recently he was like Mom we need to oil my shoes. I looked at him starngely. I aske Why? and he said because the squeek on the floors at school. LOL

 

[hopesmommy]

My DD (2 1/2 at the time) also could tell us what a certain animal said. Key word "said".

We were at a neighbors house have dinner. (Neighbors Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Frank, Bubba (16 yr at the time), and Erin (13 yr at the time)) We all were asking DD to tell us what the animals said. One of the animals was a pig. Of course DD said, "oink oink". DH then asked what does Bubba say and without missing a beat (and was not taught to say this) DD said, "OINK OINK". Everyone died laughing. I am sure everyone here knows 16 yr old boys eat everything in sight. Bubba was not an exception. He still believes we taught her that. But honest we did not.

 

[tatooed goofy]

These are just too funny. Leave it to SIL to start a thread about this. Very enjoyable everyone. Keep them coming.

 

[isla bonita]

Every Thanksgiving I take my children and we deliver to shut in people who have no where to go for the holiday.

My sons where 3 and 9 and we were delivering meals in a high rise.
We knocked on the door and a woman who was very hairy and crippled over answered the door.
My sons went behind me some what and the youngest asked if he was a monkey man?
If that wasn't bad enough my older son said he's not a man, he's a lady.
I whished her a happy thanksgiving and tried to leave as quick as I could.
I am not sure what kind of day she had but I do hope the food was worth the abuse she received.

 

[sara74]

OK - so my kid isn't the only one who says offensive things that make me want to pee my pants! (even when I'm not pregnant!)

1) she wanted to know why Grandpa was old and tired - meant retired but he got the drift.

2) she told me that when she gets old she doesn't want 'ankles' like her great-grammy (wrinkles)

And then there is the morbid humor. My father died very suddenly a year and a half ago and DD was very affected by it. She still talks about him (which is good) and his death (not so good) frequently. She is very concerned about his welfare in heaven - and also concerned about his wife.

One night, DD was tearful talking about her Papa, but was pretty much OK. All of a sudden she burst into tears and was inconsolable! When pressed on the issue it came out that she was sad for Nonni (my dad's wife) because she needed to get married again so she wouldn't turn into an old cat lady! (Nonni lives alone with her cat now) Where DD ever heard that term I can't imagine!

And then there was the time that DD finally noticed what a cemetary was. She had slept through my dad's burial so we hadn't really touched on the topic. I explained what a cemetary was for and that Papa was in one in NH. She asked if I would take her there to see his statue. Sure, I replied. And then she asked me if we could bring a shovel to dig up his bones! I almost crashed the car when she said that one!

 

[pigget74]

Well there have been several over the years but here are a few:

DS ( 3 at time) could not say his "tr" blend at all. It always came out "f". So we are in Wal-Mart on the toy aisle and he yells, "Mommy, I want A TRUCK", but insert F. The man next to me just glared at me and I replied, "He really wants that red truck up there." I grabbed my son and left.

Same year at Christmas we are driving to church and the hospital is starting to get ready for the hloiday. On the way to church we pass the storage place for the hospitals Christmas items and Santa and Mrs. Claus are sitting outside. He yells from the back seat, "Stop this car, I have to see Santa."

 

[Mom2DS]

When my oldest DS was around 2, he and my DH and I were getting ready to go out somewhere and decided to all jump in the shower together to save time. While the water was getting warm, DH decided he needed to use the restroom, so DS (being newly potty-trained) jumped right on the opportunity to go like Daddy! "Come on, Mom, go potty with us!" he says. I then explained to him that I did not have the same anatomy as he and Daddy, so therefore could not stand and go. He looks at me with this horrified look and says "What did you do with it?????" I think my DH and I both about fell in the floor over that one!

 

[blanq]

Oh, I just love cute kid stories; these have been so funny to read! Here's mine, with a "disney" twist:

When my DS was 6, we were on our winter vacation in Palm Springs, and happened to stop by Costco. If you are not familiar with this town, I believe that Palm Springs, and the entire Cochella Valley for that matter, is the plastic surgery capitol of the world. So we are shopping and we happen upon this lady, who is probably 80. She has a pretty good shape for 80, but believe me, she has been nipped and tucked from head to toe. On top of that, she is dressed in pink from head to toe: tight pink leggings, pink high-heeled pumps, a tight pink shirt, a pink cowboy hat, and pink purse. Now, believe me when I say, this lady turned heads all through Costco, and I don't mean in a good way. We get in line to make our purchases and the "pink lady" happened to be in line ahead of us, but not directly next to us, checking out. We had not made any comments about her, but our DS had done a double-take when we initally walked past her in the store. When we got in line, he realized he could get a good long look at her and he checked her out for a bit, discreetly as a 6 y.o. possibly could. After a bit, he leans over to me, DH and my parents and says quietly "That lady has been watching a little too much disney." I thought I would wet my pants. The lady just in front of us, who was one of the buffers between the "pink lady" and our family, overheard and leaned down to my DS's level and responded "That my little friend, is an understatement."

 

[lovesmurfs]

When my son was 7, he asked me about Santa Claus. I said, "Well, Tim, what do YOU think?" His response -- "Mom, there's got to be a Santa because you'd never spend that much money on me!"

 

[aubriee]

This was years ago when my eldest son was about 4 or 5 y/o. We were on our way to church one morning when he saw a dead oppossum on the road. He suddenly cried out "Karen lied to us". Karen was his Sunday School teacher at the time. He sounded so upset and disillusioned, then he got angry thinking she had lied to his class. He finally told us that Karen had told them the Sunday before that God knew everything about all creatures great and small and He took care of all the animals and people. He then said 'God sure didn't take care of that possum. Karen lied to us'. We talked about it and we thought everything was fine until we arrived at the church and he ran away from us and made a bee line up the aisle where his Sunday School teacher was talking to the pastor at the very front of the church. He then placed both hands on his hips and loudly said "Karen you lied and God's gonna get you for that". We all almost died of embarrassment.

A few years later on the night he was going to be baptized a friend agreed to keep an eye on my younger son (then about five years old) so I could help my elder son change clothes and so my parents and husband could watch the baptism. My friends were sitting on the opposite side of the church from my family and about the third row from the front. I was standing out of site in the dressing room off to the side of the baptismal. Just as the preacher dipped my son under water my younger son suddenly darted away from my friends and ran to the bottom of the choir stairs yelling 'don't drown my brother, don't drown my brother'. What was really funny was that as my elder son came up from the water he turned, looked down on his little brother and said 'shut up Scott, he's not drowning me'. So much for a solemn occassion!

 

[3princesses+aprince]

One that stands out in my mind is from when my oldest DD was about 4. We were in a market and this lady passed us with a very "tall" hairdo , it was up very high, my dd says" oh my god mommy, look at that lady, look at her hair" very loudly for all to hear. So embarrassed, I said yea it looks neat doesn't it. And quickly started walking. So, of course I wasn't getting out that easy because we pass her again. " Look, Look , Look Mommy, it's her again, the lady with the big hair" I kept walking motioning to my dd, to shhh! But she didn't think I heard her so she yells it again. " Look, the lady with the big hair"
Needless to say we had our first talk that day on how you shouldn't say things out loud about anybody! I'll always remember that day!

I like this thread and I have 4 kids, so i'm sure I can come up with more, if I do i'll post back.

 

[hsmamato2]

When ds1 was about 1 1/2 or 2,he was still nursing.... so one day I needed to go to walmart to buy a bra, and he followed me into the section,his eyes wide with wonder(he was so short,they were all dangling above him) and exclaimed,"(loudly) Momma,look at all the ningy-nong holders!" that was his name for his nursies when he was tiny...he's 13 now,and would die of he knew I told anyone this story...

 

[airtime247]

These are great! I don't have any from my DD yet since she's not speaking yet but I know I'll be experiencing these sooner than later!

One time I was sitting in a Carl's Jr. fast food restaurant and a woman and her DD (maybe 4ish) sat down behind me. They had little boxes with sugar, Sweet & Low, and Equal at each table.

I probably laughed harder than I ever had when I heard the little girl blurt out loud, "Mommy, the pink sugar is for fat ladies, ha?"

-steve

 

[luvpoohbear]

Three years ago my SIL had her first child. When she and the baby came home I took my two boys to visit their new cousin. Needless to say, my boys were not that educated in the ways of taking care of a baby, especially breast feeding. So, my SIL was sitting on the sofa nursing the baby when my youngest son (who was 5 at the time) goes over to her and says "What are you doing?" To which she replies, "I am feeding the baby". Well of course my son gets this total look of confusion on his face and he comes over to me and says, "How is she feeding the baby?", so I went on to explain (in a simple manner) that mommies made milk for the baby and that is what the baby was drinking. My son then gets this look of understanding on his face and says "Oh, I get it!" Then he says, "What's in the other one, sweet tea?"

I nearly fell over laughing.

 

[Tigger113]

. My son then gets this look of understanding on his face and says "Oh, I get it!" Then he says, "What's in the other one, sweet tea?"

I nearly fell over laughing.

That is to funny!

 

[DisneyDotty]

Great thread! Great thread!

While my son was potty training, I was waiting for him to finish up on the toilet so I could help him wipe. He said, "Mom, sometimes when I'm sitting on the toilet I'm afraid I'm gonna fall in." As I turned my back to him to reach under the sink for more toilet paper, he said, "Gosh mommy, you'd never fall in!"

My daughter, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, replied, "the Easter Bunny!"

During a family reunion trip to Austria and Denmark two years ago, my then 6 year old son got his first taste of beer at a brewery and later saw several naked sunbathers on the beach. Upon our return, my DH took him to work (he's a school administrator) one day, where the principal asked our son how he liked his trip. He replied, "It was great! I got to drink beer and see naked ladies!" My husband added, "Yea, he got to do something at the age of six that I didn't do til my wedding night!" When we later told this story to some friends in front of my DD10, she thought a moment and then said, "Daddy, what naked lady did you see on your wedding night?" She thought, and thought, and then a look of horror flashed across her face as she looked over at me and squeaked out, "Never mind." Ahh, the end of innocence!

 

[english rose 47]

Dgs then aged 3 was getting into bed when I arrived home from work with a touch of laryngitis. "What's wrong with your voice Grandma " he asked " I lost it " "Grandma go back to work and find it" Another evening tired after work he asked me to do something with him "Grandma's Pooped" I repiled " Grandma you should use the potty"We still laugh about those 2 gems!!

 

[xtinkerbellax]

A while back, I was getting a check-up at the dr.'s office with my mom and little brother. My dr. was telling me not to smoke or drink or do anything w/ my boyfriend. All of a sudden my "cute" brother announces, "Boyfriend? What boyfriend? She doesn't have a boyfriend." I was so embarressed.
And I'm embarressed now telling this story. Lol.

 

[Reese]

We are going back a few years when my now teenager was just two or three. It was when Toy Story had just come out. Well he had a Buzz Lightyear so you can guess what was tops on his wish list for Santa. Well sitting on Santa's knee he announced that he has "a Buzz now I just need a Woody". He recieved an even better look from the grandparents when he informed them.

 

[goofyfatherof2]

When my nephew "had" to go on the tot at age 10 I thought he would be ok with it. As we were walking out he said 'uncle I am going to be sick" and the next sentence was "can we go on it again?"
A few days ago dd11 said to my dw and I "I am going to get married real young". We asked why she wanted to get married young, and she said "so you and mom will still be alive and can be at my wedding. Is 42 really that old?