From the mouth of a child...c'mon - share your stories!

[mommy*RN]

So a few weeks ago my DD, DS and I were grocery shopping...well my DS is a pretty friendly kid. He likes to say 'hi' to everyone and he was particulary excited because his 4th birthday was coming up soon. So he's walking around in the produce section say "hey, hi, how do you do" to everyone. He pauses to look at some apples and then notices someone is next to him. He slowly looks up to the HUGE biker-looking guy and goes (in a much softer voice than he ever uses) - "Whoa - you're big!". The guy was great about it and introduced himself and shook DS's hand but it was all I could do not to wet my pants laughing (Depends...Aisle 3????)...

I love kids!

My other favorite was when DS's pillow started loosing some of its "fluff". I went to throw a hunk away and he freaked out..."Nooooo mommy - don't throw the cloud away!"

Okay - now it's your turn!

 

[sskem96]

Last weekend, we were in a hotel in Wisconsin. I know some of you disers are really into what the view out your hotel window is, but I personally don't even usually look out the window at all. I just happened to look out to see if we had a "mall view", and discovered that all we could see was the roof of the building next to us, which happened to be black and sparkly, and a little section of parking lot. 5 minutes later, my 6 year old goes over to the window and opens the drapes and yells, "Wow, what a beautiful roof!" I started cracking up and said I have to post that on the Dis! I knew you would all get a kick out of it!

 

[macfamily]

My husband, unfortunately, has a bit of a potty mouth at times. And though he TRIES very hard to curb it, sometimes things just come out that he regrets saying in front of our daughter.

Back when DD was about 3, in the winter during a gool ol' Maine snowstorm, we were coming home after a full day away, to find that the plow-guy hadn't shown up yet, so our driveway had many inches of white stuff on it. My husband decided to try getting into the driveway in our Hyundai sedan anyway. He pulled as far over to the right as he could, swung wide, and PLOWED right over the drift from the town plow, down into the driveway, and swished around a bit before coming to a stop about halfway down. From the back seat at that point we hear "Oh, Sh**!" In ***exactly*** the same tone of voice my husband would use! The two of us looked at each other and Ii just about wet my pants trying not to laugh out loud and encourage her!

Funniest thing I've ever heard

 

[Nancyg56]

My DGD is 4 and has been "getting married" since my nephew was married last year. She also marries everyone in sight. One evening she decided that her Pa and her Nana would get married, so she told us to hold hands, and proceeded to say, "Do you Pa, take Nana to be your awful wife?" I had to pick my DH up off the floor with that one!

 

[carolfoy]

when my boy was about 2 years old I took him to the swimming baths for a mother and baby session, after we'd swam I was towelling him down whilst he was sitting on a table. He was very curiously eyeing up a little girl who was next to him and she was naked, I could see he was having a good look and he leant in my ear and said 'Mummy, that's a girl', I grinned at the other mum and asked him 'How can you tell?', he replied 'Cos she's got a PINK swimsuit!'

Aw! the innocence!

 

[karliebug]

We went to Myrtle Beach in June. It was Karlie's (age 7) first trip to the ocean. She enjoyed the waves and beach very much but did not like all the sand in her bathing suit. When she got out of the water she exclaimed"Mom, I have sand everywhere-I think it is even in my virgina!". We still laug about this.

 

[belle&beast]

My 2 year old son is learning to potty train and he is very intrigued my his private area. We have taught him correct terminology, so now he is going up to everyone and saying, "I have *****, what you have?" It is shocking at times, but everyone ends up cracking up! This is a new experience for us, DD was not interested in talking about these things..

 

[pperfectmom]

My DD and I were in Sam's Club the other day and an Islamic woman in full dress with burka(SP?) walked by. Loudly, my 3 year old DD said "Look, Mommy, a ghost!". I was mortified. I don't know where that came from. Our family doctor wears everything except doesn't cover her face, so DD should be used to the dress. It was one of those situations where you kind of smile apologetically and go on.

 

[DVCLiz]

OK, this one is pretty morbid, but it still makes me laugh, even if I cringe a little when I remember it.

My mother had died (lung cancer) and my daughters were 9 and 4. The 4 year old obviously understood less of what was happening that my older daughter, which was soon evident. I said the part of Nana that we loved was going to heaven to be with Jesus and God and her body was going to be buried in the ground. DD4 looked up at me and said, "What do you do with her head?"

Poor baby - at the time she was such a sensitive little soul, and a little anxious to boot. My best friend, who has every bit as much of a dry sense of humor as I do, said, "Well, if you want to traumatize her for life, tell her you put it in a cooler under her bed."

It's been almost 9 years since my mom died, and I still think this is hysterical, but I know my mom would have thought it was funny, too, and I wish I could share it with her!!

"In a cooler under your bed..."

 

[barkley]

many years ago dd returned from her first disney cruise (where she adored the food-loved every course, was thrilled when she found out you could repeat some if you wanted) to her little christian preschool where the new topic being taught was 'baptism'. they talked of jesus getting 'baptised'. a few days into the topic they were asking the kids questions to see how much had sunk in, and dd daughter was asked what had happened to jesus in the bible stories they had heard during the week. dd replies "he was appetized". the teacher asked her to repeat what she said, which she did-and then followed it up by saying "you know, they were out in the water and they asked him if he wanted the mushroom puffs or the cheese and crackers-i think he chose the shrimp cocktail cuz it's realy good".

luckily the teacher had a great sense of humor

 

[mulanrouge]

A couple of years ago, my DS (7 at the time) and DD (4 at the time) were having a discussion in the back seat as I was waiting at the drive through. It escalated into an arguement, and DS said I know I am right because I am older. DD says well why are you older? He says because he was born first. DD says why were you born first? DS says geez Kyra because I was the bigger egg!!!

 

[DisneyMissy318]

DVC Liz....

Mine is along the same lines as yours...

My Aunt Louise died in 2000 when Madison was almost 3 - Aunt Louise had always doted on me and when I had Madison the attention was tripled! She loved Madi and Madi loved her! We explained as best we could that Aunt Louise had died and she was now an angel in heaven...

We had been at the funeral home all evening, we get in the car to go home and from the carseat in the back we hear....

"STOP.... we forgot "Wheez".... Of course "Wheez" is what Madison called Aunt Louise and she thought that we left her "sleeping" inside...

I'll NEVER forget that one! Still brings tears to my eyes... And I know Aunt Louise would have been very pleased that Madison didn't want to forget her!

 

[magnumaid]

While walking through the bra area of JC Penny, my DS 6 says, "Ok Mommy, which kind do you need, these (pointing to a padded bra) or one of the used ones?" I inquire, "used ones?" He replies, " You know, those floppy ones."
He thought the un-padded bras were used!

 

[BooScout]

When my nephew was 2 and not speaking in sentences yet he was able to repeat a lot of animal sounds. You could ask him, "what does the goat say?" and he'd make a goat bleat, etc.

There is a wooden duck hanging over the doorway in my mom's kitchen. We'd ask him what the duck says and he'd say "quack, quack."

Well, he was up on his dad's shoulders and they were heading through that doorway. So BIL says, "duck," and my nephew did. And then, in a low voice he said, "quack, quack." BIL lauged and said, "I think you just made your first pun."

It was really cute.

 

[DVCLiz]

many years ago dd returned from her first disney cruise (where she adored the food-loved every course, was thrilled when she found out you could repeat some if you wanted) to her little christian preschool where the new topic being taught was 'baptism'. they talked of jesus getting 'baptised'. a few days into the topic they were asking the kids questions to see how much had sunk in, and dd daughter was asked what had happened to jesus in the bible stories they had heard during the week. dd replies "he was appetized". the teacher asked her to repeat what she said, which she did-and then followed it up by saying "you know, they were out in the water and they asked him if he wanted the mushroom puffs or the cheese and crackers-i think he chose the shrimp cocktail cuz it's realy good".

luckily the teacher had a great sense of humor

barkley, i have been laughing about this all day - it is just precious!!!!!

 

[snickerharley]

These are great keep 'em coming!

 

[rainy~daze]

these are great! It reminds me when my son was 2 and I was in the kitchen making lunch and I said 'go ask daddy if he wants something to eat'. He goes out to him and comes running back and says 'yeah, daddy's horny' I said he's what??? he said it again and again. after the 3rd time I lean out and look at my husband and say' what did you tell him to say??' he said 'i am hungry!' My son said' that is what i said'. it was hysterical!!!! thankfully now he pronounces words so much clearer!!

 

[mommy*RN]

These are great keep 'em coming!

Yes - please do! I'm having such a laugh sitting here reading them...DH just got the phone book and is looking for a reputible funny farm for me...he thinks I went "'round the bend"...

 

[cinjam]

DS5 and I were in the supermarket at the courtesy counter and the woman standing next to us had really bad teeth (some missing, some darkened). DS leans over to me and whispers (although loud enough for everyone to hear), "Mom, that lady needs a you to yell at her to brush her teeth. Look at them, they are falling out."

I didn't know whether the laugh or cry. I guess he's been listening to me when I list the reasons why he needs to brush his teeth!!! I just said that some people have good teeth and some have bad. Once in the car I introduced "if you don't have something nice to say - don't say anything at all"

I guess the lesson didn't fully penetrate because a few days later we are at the drive up for Dunkin Donuts and the cashier had very yellow teeth and was making small talk with us as we waited for my decaf to finish brewing. As we are pulling away, from the back seat, you clearly hear, "I thought teeth were suppose to be white? Did you see how yellow her teeth were?" Well...teeth are suppose to be white

 

[juligrl]

I took my then 2 year old daughter to watch a drum corps practice session at a local high school last year. She was really good and sat in awe watching the corps rehearse. The colorguard entered the stadium and my daughter loudly and excitedly announced their arrival. At that point, DD didn't say l's in words very well yet, so...

Before I tell you what she said let me mention here that there are some very talanted, very artistic men who participate in some of the elite guard groups. I do not know what their personal preferances for partners may be, nor do I particularly care and I would certainly never label such individuals.

That said, my daughter starts jumping up and down excitedly yelling "Fags mommy, those are the fags! Look at the fags mommy! I love the fags!"