Alright, another update coming!!!
By the way, what's a guy have to do around here to get a Nebo shout out?
Jay
This flashback is dedicated to my very good friend out on the least coast, Jay,,, even if he is a Pat's fan.
For anybody reading, go and pour yourselves a cold one, I may not be going out of this report in quality, but it will be with quantity.
As I mentioned, Mother's Day is coming, and it came also during the May, '07 trip. This is from CBR and proof that you don't always have to hurt yourself or have amazing adventures to find a few laughs.
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Question.
If I write this chapter under the influence of manhattans and/or Vicodin, does that qualify as using performance enhancing drugs?
I'd just hate to have that dreaded "asterisk" right next to my name like Barry Bonds is going to have by all his records.
So let me just go on record right now and say I have some hot sassafrass tea and croutons in front of me.
ahem
Now,
Let me tell you how this has normally worked.
When we take a trip, and I think I'm going to write about it, I don't exactly take notes, but I had a little notepad that I would scribble thoughts in once in a while. In no order, just if something weird happened, or if a clever line popped into my head. And no, for the september trips, I didn't do that, cuz I thought I'd just relay the highpoints as soon as we got back, and that would be that.
Now, I'm looking over my notes from the trip I've been writing about, and trying to figure out what half of them meant! And that's if I could make out the writing. What I'm trying to say is, yes, some of it is getting a bit fuzzy, mainly concerning the chronology of events. So, I hope if I do repeat something, you'll all have mercy, and blame it on the sassafrass tea.
When we left our heros, Steve had just managed to get lost on the bridge from Aruba to the main pool, almost had to kill a caretaker that caught him getting lost, and then , while in a lounger, came eye to eye, (or eye to cheek) with the speedo guy.
Afterwords, we had dinner that night at Big River Grill, which culminated in the line, " With foods like these, who needs enemas?"
The most dissapointing aspect of the evening was that we didn't get to go over to the Swan for karaoke.
Sunday, mother's day. May 13th.
If you have read my previous reports, you know that lately we have been in Disney for Mother's Day a lot, recently.
AND I have messed up.
The last time down here, Diane's dad had an emergency hospital visit, 3 days before it was time to leave for the trip. Yes, all was ok with him, but it threw off all the "pretrip" plans. In my defense, as feeble as it sounds, I tried to get a Mother's Day card about 3 weeks before the trip. You know, just in case something happened, and so I wouldn't forget. Well, they were'nt out yet. And it went totally out of my mind after her dad incident. After everything checked out ok with him, I went back into trip planning mode, not Mother's Day planning mode.
And I didn 't think of it again till it was too late.
Yes, I heard about it.
Not this time though. Oh no. I made sure to have a card, all filled out and ready to hand over, two weeks before we even left.
I hid it in the linen closet in the bathroom that I usually use.
Wanna guess where I'm going with this?
When you leave the house at 3:30 in the morning, well, not all the planets in my solar sytem load at the same time.
It wasn't until about Cincy, that I started going through all the stuff in my head, wondering what we forgot that that little bombshell dropped in.
Now, do you remember early in the trip, I had to go to Walgreen's by Universal?
Hee hee, I can pick up my meds, and pick her up a card, and she'll never know the difference.
With Diane, cards are very important. And I can't just pick up a card and do the "Love, Steve" thing at the bottom. No, I once started something that I now have to continue, and that's write my OWN phrase, poetry, love sonnet, whtatever, at the end. For some reason she has got it into her head that I can write a bit.
I'm still trying to correct that false image.
You might be surprised to find out, but,,,,, sometimes,, uh uh, there's just nothing up there to write about. The mind just goes dead, and there is just no waking it up. Shoot, it happens here sometimes. Well, bottom line is, I had a hard time to begin with finding the Walgreens, was scared to death that they wouldn't transfer my prescriptions down there, then couldn't find the "bag clips" for the snacks she wanted me to pick up cuz she forgot the clothespins at home.
So, as I'm waiting for the prescriptions to load, I mean refill, I'm holding a nice card and desperately trying to think of something nice to add.
The more I thought, the uglier it got.
"Happy Mother's Day to my love,
My wife, my life my turtle dove
Life with you means more to me,
It seems I love your pork and beans."
Yeah, that's where my brain was going that morning.
Not good.
So I picked up a different card, and copied the nice prose into the card I was buying.
Man, you talk about plagarism at it's best?
Actually, I thought it was pretty clever.
You hear that Thumper and Ponzi, if you're still out there?
That's the sound of mothers everywhere throwing their keyboards against the monitors.
By the way, yes, I did confess to it later on when we got home.
When I gave her a "second" Mother's Day card.
Fresh out of the linen closet!
Hey, I wasn't going to let it go to waste!
Hmm, now that I think about it, coulda probably saved it for the next year, , shoot, now I think about it.
Ok, it's early sunday morning, check out day at CBR, then check in to Coranado Springs.
ANd It's Mother's Day.
This second card I have in my suitcase, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to give her something to open, also.
She loves opening things.
Especially my wallet.
Crap, did I just say that out loud?
As she's just getting up and finishing packing, I said I'm going down to get the Sunday paper , "For you , honey", I know you like the sunday paper.
Rather than risk getting lost on the bridge again, I took the 13 mile trip around the lake through Jaimaca and all the Trinidads, to get to the gift shop.
Are they adding more Trinidads?
I think they're up to five now!
With the paper, I also bought her a couple of gifts.
Sandy: What gifts, Steve?
Tracy: Yeah, what gifts?
Steve: Gifts.
Marita: Yes, you said that, but what gifts?
Nicole: Why won't he tell us?
Steve: Just some stuff, nothing big.
Marie: You don't remember do you?
Rose: Your right! He doesn't remember.
Connie: I can't believe this.
Janet: He's unbelievable, it's Mother's day for crying out loud!
Steve: Excuse me? Just give me a chance, it'll come to me.
Jay and Bob: Hey, you're on your own, buddy.
Ok, um ok, I got it! I got it! ( I got your number on the wall). Sorry, I hate it when I type something and my brain shoots off in another direction, please disregard the parenthesis above.
Ok, I bought her a necklace with a thing hanging from it.
Yes, a THING! It might be a shark's tooth, or an alligator tooth, something like that. And I also bought her a kind of matching , white seashellish ankel bracelet.
You see , the reason it's not important to remember what I bought her is that any, and I mean ANY jewelryish type of thing that I buy my sweet little Smidgy, will be lost in 2 months anyway.
Now, all I have to do is figure out somehow to wrap this stuff. No wrapping paper, no scotch tape, no scissors. Scizzors. Holy Cow! I can't spell those squeezy things that you cut paper with. What's wrong with me?
Sizzerz.
There!
Ok, but I even amazed myself at my resourcefulness. I asked the girl behind the counter for some tissue paper, which she handed over.
For tape I asked her for some "Mickey " stickers, and she gave me a bunch.
Yeah, this'l work!
And I sat out there early that morning, tying to wrap these things on the patio in about a 25 mile an hour wind, and hold it all together with Mickey stickers. This tissue paper is thinner than toilet paper, picture wrapping up a present in sheets of Charmin.
In a tornado!
The guy in the table next to me by the pool had a hard enough time just trying to keep his page from blowing away reading the newspaper. He finally just folded it up, and decided the better entertainment was watching me.
I was not fairing well and wasting stickers.
At one point I had the sticker all ready, stuck to edge of the table for easy installment, and when I went to get it and stick it on the first foldover of the wrapping paper I am squeezing in my left hand, it almost blew away, and I had to make a desperate "smoosh" with my right hand. My last sticker was almost on it's way to Oz in the wind, but my desperate "lunge" saved it.
I think.
But where is it?
I had knocked my coffee mug over, the rest of the tissue paper is a big pile of smoosh, my smokes and lighter are under a chair but I can't find the sticker.
The problem was, now it was stuck to the back of my free hand, still not quite sure how that happened.
And I'm holding the paper and gift in place with the other hand, if I let go, I'll have to start from scratch.
I was helpless, like a turtle on it's back.
I'm sitting there, trying to get this "sticker" off the back of my free hand, and I'm looking right at the guy at the table next to me. I tried rubbing the back of my hand against the side of the table to make it stick there again, no luck, then I tried rubbing the back of my hand against my nose, hoping I can get it to stick there just long enough to grab it properly......uh uh.
Think the guy would help? HA!
He's now on his cell phone, calling the rest of his family and Disney Casting and i heard the name, Tom Bergeron, whoever that is, to come watch.
I can tell by the looks on your faces, that this whole scene seems pretty frivolous, what's the big deal. But you don't understand. THis was my last sticker, I had used the other ones, "unwisly", and now I am out, with major "stickage" needing to be done. And just try to do this in the wind with an audience.
I stood up, let the chair fall forward and before it hit the table, pinch right in the spot that I was holding the present shut, rippped the sticker off my hand with my now free hand and ripped in half right away. Jammed the first half on the part I was holding, flipped the package and folded the other half over, and jammed down the second half of the sticker. !!!
I didn't even glance at the guy, just got up and left, I'm sure, with his mouth just hanging open in awe and shock! No, wasn't in the mood for signing autographs that morning.
Hmm, awe and shock. That could be catchy!
When I got back, she was in the shower, and, hee hee, I put the presents in my suitcase, like they have always been there.
time out, stretch the back, intermission time.
Please visit our lobby, we have hot , fresh popcorn, and many cola products.
I was already to go, she was getting dressed, and baggage, or luggage, would be up in 20 minutes.
Buggage?
Yeah, I like that.
" I don't suppose you know what day this is?"
yep, I knew it was coming.
"Of course I do honey, we're checking into Coranado, then fiinishing the day for EMH at Magic Kingdom tonight."
"Yep, you're right." (voice dripping with contempt.)
"But before we do, I have something I'd like to give you this morning." (me, with a smiley face in my voice)
"Oh, you do , do you?" (smiley face now implanted in her voice)
"Yes, here's the reciept from the dinner last night, even though they are free, you know I like to keep track of them,to see what the total would have been."
At this point here, I can't type the response, since all smiley faces and smiley voices have now been violently removed.
So, before "I" was violently removed, I went over and gave her the card from my suitcase, then, all smileys returned.
Then I gave her thing one and thing two. I mean gift one and gift two.
And whadaya know? She actually seemed to like them.
Yay me! This day has started off an a great start.
Oh, you dumb, naive little Nebo, you.
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Back to the present.
By the way, anyone want to guess what was her favorite gift that morning?
Janet, is that you with your hand up?
Your are correct.
The newspaper.
yes, I obviously changed a few names in there, the originals still pop in now and then, but, what the heck, why not make it more current
We are going to jump ahead to the very next day now, over at Coronado Springs.
This starts with something I totally forgot about til I read it last week.
Soooooo......
Sometimes, dumb things happen not only to me, but to Smidgy too. This was in the same chapter.
So when your day starts out on the wrong foot, and you think fate is out to get you, think back to what you're about to read, and how my day started. Bound to put a smile on your face.
I left the Smidgy part in to show Sandy she's not alone, and, I guess, to show that sometimes I can be a contagion.
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Monday, may 14th, a no-park day. Here's the plan, Dan.
A little pool time in the morning, Then on to Planet Hollywood with our 15 dollar voucher for lunch, stop at Saratoga Springs to just check it out on the way back, and then maybe at night over to the Swan for some karaoke.
Yes, usually the "do nothing " days turn out to be the most hectic.
Well, we did everything I just mentioned. With a little owwy stuff thrown in for flavoring.
I am very sorry to say that you are going to be using a lot of mental imaging in this reading, like it or not and it will be NOT.
It started like this:
That morning, I'm up early like always, I get coffee going, and am trying not to disturb, "She who must not be disturbed".
I know, deep down in my heart, that I shouldn't be telling you guys this, but I'm going to anyway. I figure in a month you'll be done posting it.
This does fall into the " You had to be there" type of thing, so I'm going to laboriously descibe this, so you can get the proper image in your mind.
And it's about me, alone, in the bathroom.
With the candlestick.
Ok, scratch the last part, nobody probably got it anyway.
It's like this, I often "multi- task" especially when I'm trying to be quiet, like I am this morning.
I pulled the curtain that separates the room from the vanity area, and grabbed my suit, my shorts, my shoes, and my book, and went into the john to settle down for a long, winters nap.
My cigs, lighter and ash tray are in there too, I've already got a tank top on.
I still can't believe I did this. And I never told her about this either, I just told her later that one of these days in the next trip report, you are going to read something really weird.
So, I'm sitting in there, reading my Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, having a smoke, and pull on my suit halfway.
Then, I pull on my shorts halfway, with the belt already laced through the loops.
Now I reach over and grab my shoes and put them on.
I lean forward and tie them.
Anybody know where I'm going with this story yet?
I'll bet any money,,,,,,,,NOT!
My shorts are still bunched around my ankles, when I tied my shoes.
I read a bit more, then finish up.
I stood up, yanked up my suit and tied the drawstring, then I yanked up my shorts, ,,,,,,
And propelled myself across the tiny room into the tub, and just got my hand up in time before I slammed into the wall on the inside of the tub!
I was surprised my hand didn't go through the drywall, but it made a heckuva bang.
I heard Diane yell, "You ok in there?"
"Yeah, yeah, sorry, dropped the ash tray in the tub, it didn't break, though."
What I had done, was tie my shoe around my belt, when they were all lying at my feet, and I got the belt right between two of the loops in my pants so shoe, and shorts, were totally connected. When I yanked up the shorts, my foot came with, balance went bye bye, and I had to let go and leap across the tub to keep from bashing into it.
I also almost knocked my teeth out with my knee!
Yeah, my days can start like this.
A lot.
I'll wait a while till your done running that image through your minds.
Ok, are you finished? No, don't stop reading and rush to the reply button JUST yet, we are not quite done here!
Since my tiptoeing was all for naught, I told her that I'm going for a paper, and will meet her at the dig site pool, the main pool.
DId you ever do something so stupid, like I just did, that you feel a strange need to tell people how dumb you just were? It's like it was bursting in me, and it was all I could do not to try and explain it to the poor lady that sold me the newspaper.
How do you explain something this stupid to strangers and try to have it make sense?
Oh, I just did.
Now, telling Smidgy what really happened in the bathroom?
That's a different story.
I'm telling her, it just took six months.
Now I know what they mean by "more accidents happen in the bathroom." Is this what they had in mind?
With paper, coffee in hand, I decided to take the long way through the casitas to the pool.
I don't think I've posted these yet, if I have? Tough.
About half way there, I realized that my little "adventure" didn't do my back a durn bit o'good. And that I should have cut through the cabanas instead. But, nooooooooo, I have to stick to my original plan.
Luckily, I== am---- prepared.
You know what I mean by that.
At the pool, I pushed a couple of end loungers off to the side a bit, then walked down to Siesta's , where the drinking fountain is.
To swallow.
Works better than with coffee. While I was in the area, I also grabbed 3 towels, one for me, one for Smidgy, and one for Smidgy.
Yes, that's the way it works.
And she always wants the "end" lounger.
She's got the Maraena thing going on too, "My space, your space, empty space, and Mission Space."
It is just an incredible morning, so far not a cloud in the sky, not a kid by the pool, and not a love bug in sight.
Just me.
And my back.
After a while, a lifeguard shows up and starts her set=up procedure.
Since she was right in my area, I made the mistake of saying hi to her, she didn't just say hi back, like I expected, nooooo, she starts talkiing to me.
And I couldn't hear her.
So I had to get up, which shot a bolt up my spinal column, and walked over by her.
"I just said hope you're having a nice stay."
Oh, ok, thanks. Thanks A Lot.
I looked at my watch, ten more minutes until ignition. Yes, us painkiller people are pathetic, we know just when we "Shall be Liberated!" At least for a while, anyway. It's funny, as I type this, I haven't had one in almost a month, but when I'm in Disney? I do not want any pain that I normally deal with to infringe on my Disney experience.
Ten minutes left, so since I'm now up anyway, I took a walk over to look at the menus at the snack bar. Which was really stupid cuz the shutters were still pulled down and the menu is on the back wall, inside. So I walked next door over to the playground.
There, way out in the open, is an early bird rising anole.
I didn't try to catch him, that would have just hurt him and me, but I had more fun just walking up to him, and watching him desperately try to seek cover. He changed directions about 3 times, then ended up where he started from. After a bit, I saw 3 kids coming, so I made sure to "walk" him over to the bushes. I saw what a kid did once to one at French Quarter. When I realized I was just a tad too happy seeing him escape, I realized that my friends finally arrived, so I went and settled back into the lounger.
Diane came down, and shortly after they did the countdown to start up the water spouts and the slide. It was just a glorious time to spend at that pool, it never got crowded, and we just sat there reading the paper and looking around.
After a couple of hours, she said she was heading back, and grabbed the newspaper to take with her. I said I'll be along in about 5 minutes.
Guess I shouldn't have let her go alone!
On my way back to the room, I paused when I got to the pool, and decided to take the "through the pool" path, instead of the one that leads right to our room. The one a little farther down, that we had been taking.
Just when I started to take a left turn, I thought I heard a
"STEVE!"
I turned to look around, and I didn't see anything. Nah, must have imagined it. When I turned back again, it was repeated, so I looked around again.
Then I realized why I never saw her. I wasn't looking for someone lying on the ground in the sand.
I ran over to her, and she was now sitting up, yelling "GET THE PAPERS"
The newspapers were blowing all over the place, and I snatched them all before they went into the water. When I got back to her, she said she was walking along the yellow brick road, looking out over the lake, and thought this would make a nice picture. WHen all of a sudden her foot landed on the edge of the sidewalk and the sand, twisted her ankle and sent her flying.
(boy, this family is doing a lot of unsuspecting flying around this morning)
I asked her if she's alright, she said her ankle is ok, but her leg was pretty scraped up. And she was right. It was.
Since I could see she wasn't knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door, I did the first thing I could think of.
I started to discretely open up the camera case!
She caught me.
"DON"T EVEN THINK IT!"
"But honey, what about the trip report?"
"DON"T"!!!
This picture comes from the following day, while sitting on a bench at MGM, a woman walking past noticed her leg and started talking about it. So then it was ok to take the photo. It would have been a much better pic right after it happened though.
There really wasn't much you could do but rub some antibacterial salve on it.
Back in the room, we just relaxed for awhile, but I had some strange, mixed emotions running through me.
Wow! Something happened and it didn't happen to me!
and,,,,,
"She's trying to steal my THUNDER!"
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Ok kids, that 's it.
If you want to comment, please do, i always love reading them.
And we hope to see some of you in September, as usual, i am hoping for a safe, but interesting, trip. For you folks with trips upcoming real soon, be safe, have fun, don't forget the vikes. Nicole,,,arent you going soon? , yes, we'd love to hear about a report.
... Too much crazyness - craziness - I don't know they both look wrong, anyway too much going on in my house over the weekends to have a few minutes of computer time... It goes like this, 
