From fat to Coast to Coast - Challenging myself

[flvy]

Dear viewers you can comment I wouldn't mind input on my post run rambling. I'm sure most don't make any sense, and I am going at this alone so advice, and support are always welcome.

I did not run inside yesterday, or today. I just couldn't find the motivation to go into a humid smelly gym and fight for a dreadmill. I went to cross train the other day and all the treadmills were taken. The roads are at a point where I think I should be able to run the back roads around my house tomorrow even if it's on one street back and forth. It's amazing to think that a little less than a year ago I was completely against running outside because I was embarrassed for whatever reason. I know I can't skip every easy run that ends up being inside, but with some stress and lady things it felt okay to skip this one.

So, this is my journal and I guess it's time to talk out some feelings. I teared up today after someone told me they respected what I was doing (as far as training) after I had vented about feeling a bullied yesterday. I am at a point where I actively avoid talking about running/fitness in my everyday life. My family doesn't even really remember that I run never mind openly support it, but that's typical behavior from my family. My significant other hates runners and has a negative opinion on all of them because his ex fiance cheated on him with a coworker who she said she was just going on runs with. Work is a solid huge no to the point where I get uncomfortable when people talk to me about running.

This brings me to why am I doing this. I still have no idea. I think about the why every single run. I don't have support, and might even have a person or two wanting me to fail. If I'm honest pre November running had zero positives, and led to lots of drama and negative interpersonal effects. Sometime around Wine and Dine, or right after I think I remembered that I actually like running. I've always liked running, and have always wanted to be a runner not just someone that goes out when the weather is nice. Maybe that's my motivation, just to feel like a real runner.

Last year I committed myself to running for the wrong reasons, and lost all focus on what I was doing pretty quickly. I could nit pick the negatives of running last year for hours. From being disappointed in myself, to jealous, to gutted and sobbing over not finishing a race I shouldn't have run in the first place, to W&D reminding me how much fun races can be, and how amazing the running community is. I think per usual I have to go through everything the hardest way possible, and 2015 taught me a lot about myself and other people and flushed out a very negative part of my life that I considered the best part of it.

Now I'm ready to go. February is my first race that's just for me which I couldn't be more excited for. I just want to line up and not feel sick to my stomach and know that I can do it. I have solid training to trust now, and that's a great feeling. Then the races just fall in line from there with Dark Side, Tink, a local 10 miler, my redemption 10k, and depending on if I sign up for W&D or not my first full in the fall. I might take me 6 hours, but I'll do it.

 

[Blue Caterpillar]

Running because you like is a great reason to run. Congrats having got rid of negativity in your life.

I too am hoping to do my first full this fall. Sounds like you have an awesome running year lined up.

 

[flvy]

Thank you @Blue Caterpillar I hope you can gear up for a full this fall! Posting that was actually the first time doing a full crossed my mind. I think if I don't do it in the fall I'll do the full at the race I'm doing the half at this February. I just really have to see if I'm going to sign up for W&D. The race I'd do for the full would be about a month before W&D and I don't know if my body is going to want to do that even with all that training time.​

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Today's Run

Dear self, an average run is not a bad run. It actually wasn't even bad. There was a lot of slush, and I was pretty afraid I was going to fall in some spots and felt like I was taking it pretty easy. Apparently I wasn't because it beat my other easy run times by about 30 seconds. When I'm not 100% ashamed of how slow I am I'll post actual times. So I don't even think this counts as an average run. I think I might have finally gotten to a place fitness wise where I just improved naturally. I'm almost excited for my next long run which is going to clock in at 6.5 miles. We'll see where I'm at for pace. I'd just like to be under what I was for the 5 miles I did my last longer run.

I went to the local running store today. I had to stock up on GU. I don't know if it's mental, or the caffeine or what but I swear it helps. I also always buy socks and in October made the switch from Feetures to Darn Tough. I couldn't be happier with these socks so far. They're a wool blend and just perfect with a lifetime warranty. I never in my life thought I'd ever be a fan of socks, but here I am.

I love the running store I get zero judgment in there. They have to ask what I'm training for and every time it turns into a longer conversation which I love because I don't normally get to talk about running with local runners or just out loud. It's nice to go over races and get some recommendations and even talk about running routes because they all either live near me or go to a school near me. Plus it's nice to hear that the girl with the 9 min mile hasn't ran over 3 miles in the last few months haha. That's the side of the running community that I love though. There is zero judgement that I'm pudgy or slower. They hear that I'm running and that's it.

 

[momabaarjo]

We all have days where the training just STINKS...emotionally or physically. A journal is a great way to see those good training days that we forget about and are clouded over by self doubting days. Your on the right path with this journal.

I love SOCKS too and just thinking I need a few new pairs to go with my new shoes (last pair had way too many miles on them and my feet were beginning to hurt). I am still so self conscious going into a running store. I train using Galloway because that works for me and has made me an active participant in life and not on the sidelines anymore. I hate calling myself a runner...mainly because where I live the running community & run store is small and very elitest...they don't except run/walk and after a few bad experiences with local races (where they have phyically taken down all the timing system as I was finishing and told me that they did not want to wait...even though I as well within time limit stated for race) I now drive some distance to larger markets to run and also found a running store in the process that makes me feel a little bit better! YOU ARE SO LUCKY!

Now for the GU...you do what you need to no matter what. For me personally, its just a couple of peppermints and a stick of gum to get me through.

Looking forward to following your WISH journal!

 

[flvy]

Thank you for that great comment @momabaarjo ! I actually need to get some new sneakers at the end of the month. Mine have just about hit their mileage. I'm sorry to hear you've had some bad experiences with races. I've worried about that happening to me, and have finished close to last when they're opening the streets back up and have had a cop yell at me to get on the sidewalk. I try to stick to bigger races for now too because at least I won't be the only back of the packer. I'm glad you found a better running store!

 

[flvy]

"You gotta make yourself your priority. Not the person you like or your friends that want to go out on a Saturday night. You gotta do what you wanna do and not care if people like it, because this is your life. Don't wake up in 10 years and wish you'd done it differently".
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Today's Run
Today was my longest outside run at 6.54 miles (W&D not counting because I still have no idea how long that race was). It was part of training, and my not a morning person self got up in the cold to get it done. The first mile was miserable. I was swearing at my legs for being cinder blocks. Then at around mile 2.5 my legs started to loosen up a bit. I need more stretching post runs, and a longer warm up. At that point in the run I was reminding myself how good I felt after 3 miles the other day and how this would be double the happy. I might have lost my mind for a mile there. I was also bouncing and needed to remind myself I wasn't a rabbit, and I wanted to be a deer. Yup, lost it. Miles 3,4, and 5 flowed pretty well and were quick enough to help with my over all pace. Mile 6 was right back to hellish. My legs were just tired which could have been poor fueling pre run, I was also feeling some effects of dehydration. Over all it hurt and it was kind of terrible I wouldn't have wanted that to be a race day. Though I succeeded in two ways. One I did it, and two I did beat my goal of being quicker than my 5 mile run. I beat it by 4 seconds which is fine by me. I really pushed those middle miles to get there.

I also lost 4 pounds from last week after maintaining so I was feeling pretty good for 75% of my day. I wish I could keep that feeling going. I've been struggling lately so right now I'm just trying to go through the motions, and at least start my day off well. I'm feeling pretty burnt out on life right now.

I really need to foam roll tomorrow even after a day with compression socks I can feel the fatigue in my legs. I've never rolled my thighs so I'm kind of excited about that even though the foam roller is the definition of hurts so good.

Also peanut butter chocolate gu is bad. I got it by mistake. Peanut butter taste is the LAST flavor you want in your mouth when running.

 

[flvy]

"Sometimes we keep our feelings to ourselves because we're tired of pouring our hearts out to the wrong people."
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Last night's run
I debated running for the majority of the day and was going to put it off and do my LR on Saturday before weather showed up (that's no longer going to show up). I got home from work and went out and did it. Some days I hardly have the energy to get out of bed, but for the last two months I've gone out and ran every time I've needed to unless I had a weather related reason. I'm still not sure where the motivation is coming from. I keep getting faster too. I feel like every post I'm mentioning being faster or longer. This one was faster. I think it was natural gains and really just working on my form. I tend to slouch and have to remind myself to pick up my shoulders and really focus on my strides. That's where running gets kind of zen and I love that. All I can hear is my foot falls. That's another reason I like night running. It's the cold, my breathing, and my shoes hitting the pavement. It's so good. Better form also means less pain. What I was blaming on my shoes might have just been form. Recovering from last nights run was nothing. I think my half hours need to be 45 min. I also need to mix in some days with hill repeats. So I think every other week hill repeats to mix it up, and speed work the other weeks.

I won't dwell on this even though I know my psychical health goes hand in hand with my emotional health, but I've been so emotionally exhausted lately from holding it together. Enough that my management was gossiping as to why I've been off. Honestly I just need a few days off and to be left alone.

 

[Blue Caterpillar]

Sounds like you are in a really great grove! I'm glad that you feeling good with your running, even though I think you are crazy to like cold night running

Can you take a day or two off to just be? Sometimes it's hard to take a personal day without being sick or having something planned in advance I think. But I have done it and it really helps.

 

[flvy]

Sounds like you are in a really great grove! I'm glad that you feeling good with your running, even though I think you are crazy to like cold night running

Can you take a day or two off to just be? Sometimes it's hard to take a personal day without being sick or having something planned in advance I think. But I have done it and it really helps.

It is crazy. I'm worried I won't like the nice weather as much. There is 100% something wrong with me.

There really isn't that option at work for me. I wish there was. I've had interpersonal drama at work too so that with the rest is just struggle. The next two weeks I have two days off in a row. I just need to get to Monday and I can recharge and refresh for two days.

 

[dsnyfn1022]

Your running motivation is so inspiring! I get what you mean about people hating on runners. People around me are "impressed" by the running but then they turn around and call runners crazy. I just don't talk about it. Partly, because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging and partly because I don't want to turn into one of those fitness people who annoy people with their fitness. My MIL is one of those. Constantly talking about running, weight lifting, her upcoming race, etc. I enjoy discussing it but with her it gets to the point where you start to feel inferior because you're not doing everything she is. That's why WISH is so awesome! It's all support, no bragging and no inferiority.

And yes, running outside in the cold is INSANE. But fighting for treadmills is miserable, so I can't blame you.

Also, do you not listen to music or anything while you run?

 

[flvy]

@dsnyfn1022 Haha my motivation that I haven't found yet? I mean something has to be there, or I wouldn't go out and do it. I don't talk about my running because it's a point of massive drama that I'm neck deep in. It's hard when you do a new distance or do a faster pace and want someone to celebrate with you and you don't have that outlet. As of right now I don't listen to music or anything. I swear my myself/my legs, talk to random critters or cats inside of houses, give myself motivational talks, swear randomly, tell myself runners are so sexy after spitting, and sometimes I'm just silent and focused on my form and the sound of my shoes on the pavement. That's kind of the difference between a good run and a bad one. There's always lots of swearing though. I'm a potty mouth.

 

[flvy]

​

No runs to report on. I did start some strength training today mostly a lower body focus with some planks thrown in. I made my own little circuit. Nothing crazy. Squats, lunges, wall sits, planks and repeat a few times. I stretched everything out and foam rolled as well. I need to get some weights and sort stuff out more. These are waters I haven't waded into for a few years. I'm really aiming to be able to cut out the gym completely.

So, I need to sort some feelings out and this is my journal so here it goes. Feel free to skip over this part, and lurkers enjoy

The fact is people don't see me frustrated at my legs when I'm going slower than I want. They don't see me push past bad first miles to make up my pace and even have negative splits. No one sees when I do a happy dance (unless they're looking out their window wondering who the crazy girl is) after I know I've achieved something. I don't go out at 10 pm in 20 degree weather just because. This is something I do alone with no support, and a few people actively rooting against me. Lately the only moments of peace I've gotten in my life are the ones where I'm out running. Right now that's my motivation. Seeing or hearing a snapshot of me in a moment where I'm too excited to keep things in does not mean that those things define me as a runner. The best part of my life right now is something I'm not comfortable talking about.

Right now all I know is I'm getting super excited for my first half (grrr W&D). It's going to be a challenge, but I'm ready. I'm taking this year one race at a time and have a good schedule through June. I just want the snow to be over so I can get out and get it done. I've ran off and on since I was 18. It's not new to me, enjoying it isn't new to me. Racing is the part that's new to me. Training to achieve a goal and pushing myself to get there is just a whole new world. I've always felt the freedom of running even if it was a casual mile or two, and that's why I've always wanted to be an actual runner. In the past it was the romantic idea of it, and now it's proving that I can put work in, get results and stick with it.

I do not dedicate my time, money, and effort into things I'm not passionate about.

 

[dsnyfn1022]

@dsnyfn1022 Haha my motivation that I haven't found yet? I mean something has to be there, or I wouldn't go out and do it. I don't talk about my running because it's a point of massive drama that I'm neck deep in. It's hard when you do a new distance or do a faster pace and want someone to celebrate with you and you don't have that outlet. As of right now I don't listen to music or anything. I swear my myself/my legs, talk to random critters or cats inside of houses, give myself motivational talks, swear randomly, tell myself runners are so sexy after spitting, and sometimes I'm just silent and focused on my form and the sound of my shoes on the pavement. That's kind of the difference between a good run and a bad one. There's always lots of swearing though. I'm a potty mouth.

Right! You're motivated enough to run out in 20 degree weather, I'd say that's something. And I agree! I think about posting it on FB/Instagram when I hit some sort of milestone but there are more people who don't care than who celebrate. Which is why I end up posting so much of it on here. I'm impressed that you don't listen to music or anything! I'd be thinking about how my breath sounds like I'm going to die haha. I need to have something to drown out the sound of my own breathing

 

[flvy]

Well @dsnyfn1022 all I'm getting from this is that we need to celebrate our accomplishments a little. I typed this telling you to be proud of yourself and then realized I sounded like a crazy hypocrite so I retyped it haha. I'll post when I finish a race, and I have done quick things on FB like posting 6.53 when I did that long run. There's no reason we shouldn't celebrate doing awesome stuff! Haha don't be impressed it started because I couldn't hear when my garmin beeped at me. Now I just like it better. At night when there's nothing going on I just focus on the sounds of my footfalls and breathing. Which don't worry gets to that nice almost wheezing point after an uphill run, which I most assuredly swore at myself for miss timing before I started running up it! Haha.

 

[DopeyBadger]

Well @dsnyfn1022 all I'm getting from this is that we need to celebrate our accomplishments a little. I typed this telling you to be proud of yourself and then realized I sounded like a crazy hypocrite so I retyped it haha. I'll post when I finish a race, and I have done quick things on FB like posting 6.53 when I did that long run. There's no reason we shouldn't celebrate doing awesome stuff! Haha don't be impressed it started because I couldn't hear when my garmin beeped at me. Now I just like it better. At night when there's nothing going on I just focus on the sounds of my footfalls and breathing. Which don't worry gets to that nice almost wheezing point after an uphill run, which I most assuredly swore at myself for miss timing before I started running up it! Haha.

I agree with the sentiment about Facebook. I found out that many of my "friends" stopped following me because I posted too much about running and weight loss. Oh well. I'm thankful for a place like here where everyone has a shared interest in running, and genuinely care about others progress.

 

[flvy]

I agree with the sentiment about Facebook. I found out that many of my "friends" stopped following me because I posted too much about running and weight loss. Oh well. I'm thankful for a place like here where everyone has a shared interest in running, and genuinely care about others progress.

It's almost like how I used to roll my eyes when people tagged themselves at the gym daily. And I have to agree with you if I didn't have an outlet to talk about running, and the sport that I get from it here I wouldn't be doing it.


On an unrelated note the soreness from the squats is setting in. Should be a stiff start to tomorrows run.

 

[flvy]

"Run harder when it's hard to run." Paavo Nurmi​

Today's Run

I'm never doing squats ever again(I might I say this every single time I do them). Three sets of ten wrecked my thighs, like you think you have built up muscle and then you do squats and remember how little muscle you actually have. So this was actually a bad run. Pace wasn't actually all that bad but everything hurt. My thighs hurt, I got shin splints, side stitches and my throat felt raw. Why? Because the last three days I've been a depressed lump. I haven't eaten well, I haven't taken care of myself, and I drank two bottles of wine. In order to do this, and be successful I need to take care of myself. I can't just shrink back into old habits when life gets too much. I also made this run harder on myself without realizing it. There was a lot of elevation gain and I went out way to fast. It was a wake up call. I actually had to stop and have a pep talk with myself at around a mile and a half. I just went up a hill and was wrecked.

I finished though. I did the 4 miles I needed to, and at the end of the day that's all that mattered. Today running was about pushing through the hard stuff and that was a lesson I needed right now. I'm stronger than I think.

 

[flvy]

I'll be breaking my own organizational format.

Sine my four day long I'm going to feel bad for myself and not get out of bed and feel bad for myself break from life things have been good. I feel really driven and focused which is such a welcome feeling.

After a horrible run, came the best one I've had thus far. I felt strong, and I felt ready to go. I can only hope the half I'm running in a month feels like that.

I still have one more maintenance run, and one more long run this month, but last night I took a look at my numbers. I've improved my average pace by about a full min which is just mind boggling to me. It's nice to actually see the gains. I also pushed myself a lot more than I normally do last night. The last mile I did was a min quicker than the first, and 30 seconds quicker than my fastest mile that I had previously done. I still felt good after pushing it the last half mile. I was going to look at changing my intervals after my next half, but I think it needs to happen my next run.

I worry about not pushing myself hard enough, and not knowing when to switch up my intervals. I guess I can't live and die by the beeps of my Garmin.

It was so nice to just feel strong during a run.

 

[flvy]

Today's Run

Today I learned how awful cold wind is. I wasn't even close to being dressed correctly. I saw that it was 30 degrees and wore my thermal tights, two tops and covered my ears and headed out. I ignored being cold at first, but couldn't shake it. An hour later I'm still shivering and my nose hasn't recovered. It just cut right through me. So I'll be looking at wind chills from now on. I don't know whats up with me and always learning things the hard way haha.

It was another strong maintenance run. I didn't fully change up my intervals yet. I wanted to make sure the last run wasn't a fluke and that I could repeat it. Well, even in that stupid wind I repeated the progress. This means my next long run I'm making those changes that I need to. I'm going to set my garmin to 30:30 intervals because that's still easy to keep track of and play with my intervals from there with 30 seconds being my longest walk break. Again, I can't live and die by the beeps on my garmin. There is a clock on it, and I don't have to do the same intervals the whole time. I need to push myself to run more. According to my garmin my actually running pace is pretty fast so now I just need to push to do it more.

I've pushed myself a lot this week both in running and personally and it's been great. I think this whole running thing is starting to click with the rest of my life. It's an awesome feeling.

 

[flvy]

Today's Run

I finally finished my 8 miles today two days later than I wanted. An ex-boyfriend of mine passed away and I found out monday and it just threw me off balance and being in contact with so many people gave me a killer headache. Then Tuesday I just didn't time getting up early correctly and the whole day ended up failing.

Anyway, this included my fastest 5k and 10k time. No idea how seeing as the first two miles were slow hell till it started to drizzle a little and I got mad at myself and the weather and opened up a little. Fatigue set in a little bit around mile 6.5, but I pushed through it. Cars were a HUGE issue this run. I had to stop a ton of times to let them go safely. There were wayyyy to many turns that people took too close to me so I just started being safe about it.

That's about it though, my legs are tired, and I did my long run. So very not exciting.