Friends refusing to pay for their dinner

[VandVsmama]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

Dang.

Well, there you have it...the REAL reason why they stiffed you on the $200 dinner is because they're mad that you didn't bring them with you to on a Disney trip. So she's basically jealous. And entitled. As if just because your kid and her kid are friends, this means that all of you are now obligated to VACATION together? Please. Could you imagine what a nightmare it would be to go on vacation with her?

How old is your son & hers? Like elementary school, middle school, or high school?

You should probably expect that out of spite, she might not allow your son to have sleepovers at their house. Or if your kids are all still of the age that at birthday parties, the parents hang around for the b-day party, your kid might not be invited to her son's birthday party. You could still invite her son over to your house, but expect the mom to say no. But at this point, I wouldn't be offering up suggestions to your kid about getting together outside of school with Grifter Mom's son.

things have a way of sorting themselves out sometimes in situations like this. Eventually, your kid and hers might drift apart...especially if she's talking smack about you at home in front of her son a lot.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Dang.

Well, there you have it...the REAL reason why they stiffed you on the $200 dinner is because they're mad that you didn't bring them with you to on a Disney trip. So she's basically jealous. And entitled. As if just because your kid and her kid are friends, this means that all of you are now obligated to VACATION together? Please. Could you imagine what a nightmare it would be to go on vacation with her?

How old is your son & hers? Like elementary school, middle school, or high school?

You should probably expect that out of spite, she might not allow your son to have sleepovers at their house. Or if your kids are all still of the age that at birthday parties, the parents hang around for the b-day party, your kid might not be invited to her son's birthday party. You could still invite her son over to your house, but expect the mom to say no. But at this point, I wouldn't be offering up suggestions to your kid about getting together outside of school with Grifter Mom's son.

things have a way of sorting themselves out sometimes in situations like this. Eventually, your kid and hers might drift apart...especially if she's talking smack about you at home in front of her son a lot.

Both of our sons are 9. The funny thing is we were talking about letting DS bring a friend of his choosing within the next year or two, because our older DDs aren’t into Disney anymore and won’t be going on all of our trips with us (they’re insane lol) so we’d have room. Definitely won’t be this kid now though because I feel it would be too much drama dealing with the parents

 

[Pooh2]

Yikes! Who needs friends like that??!
What are the chances that both halves of a couple would forget their wallet on the same night??
Been married for decades, never happened to us both on the same night.
Good luck OP!
It's not likely your drama is over with that mama!

 

[fly girl]

Sweet fancy Moses, this woman is a piece of work.

This is nothing to do with you, this is her issue and she is projecting for reasons unknown. I had to laugh at she doesn't need this drama ... girl, you were the one who created it!

Hopefully the boys can remain friends without "drama mama" interfering, but that really feels like a crap shoot. Sounds to me like she is capable of anything. If it were me, if the boys do want to get together, I would make sure it is at my house for the time being. I would wait until you can see she is in fact an adult and can separate this craziness from her child and his friends.

And yeah, no way would that kid be going to Disney with the family. Shame his mom ruined it, but you have to error on the side of caution.

 

[gsdweller]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

This sounds to me like maybe she is a Disboards reader and has seen all of this.

 

[Jodo98]

its honestly sounds like they never had any intention of paying with a comment like you "should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place".... if the money is really not needed by you, i would never contact them again and forget about them. They seem like they like to take advantage. If they couldnt afford they could be honest or at the least not spend $200+!

 

[cabanafrau]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

Brace yourself. She telegraphs how her mind works. Before the dinner she voiced her critiques of your spending. Then they set the trap to rip you off.

In light of the dinner and your requests for payment she now has stated she doesn't need the drama and took steps to block you. You can bet she'll be spinning her tales about your behavior to an audience and has laid the groundwork to be able to do so unchallenged. Be on alert for signs of sharks in the water at all times. They like to pounce when you least expect it. If others in the pond change their behavior towards you or your child make gentle inquiries "I've noticed you've stopped talking to me at games/avoided me in the stands, have I done something to offend you? Has (grifter) perhaps been talking about me?" Be ready with a very concise explanation of your dinner experience -- and then allow them to review the documented aftermath for themselves. Let them see it for themselves in black and white without comment from you. Be prepared to walk away judged but don't engage in persuasion. Be prepared for the potential she will have put a lot of effort into making herself pitiful in an effort to make you the overbearing, blowhard spendthrift as a counterpoint to garner sympathy. It may work on some people. Eventually those who elect to believe what she's selling will no doubt find themselves chum in the water at some point.

Unfortunately your son is at an ugly age for this garbage, with the chaos of the middle school social scene fast approaching. Best of luck the kid thing doesn't get ugly.

 

[5kidsmommy]

Update- I received a long text today from the wife saying that she no longer wants to associate with us because she “doesn’t need the drama in her life”. And then she blocked me on social media and my phone number. I was just going to write them and the money off anyway, so no skin off my nose but I find in funny she’s convinced herself that we’re the ones bringing the drama. And in her long text she also mentioned how we have never offered to take them or their son along on one of our DVC Disney trips (this seems to be a hot button topic for her for some reason) how we didn’t ask them if they wanted to sell things at our yard sale and a bunch of other strange accusations that she apparently feels justifies her stiffing us for the $200. I’m glad I found out how she really is, it’s a shame it cost $200 to do so though. As for our kids, they go to school together and I’m sure will continue to be friends, I haven’t spoken about this in front of my son and I hope his friends parents will still allow him to hang out with my son.

Insanity. Sounds like jealous. Just walk away, at least you only lost $216. But seriously envy is an ugly beast and brings out the worst in some people.

 

[evilmommie]

Just gross. You won. She’s done you a favor by blowing herself out of your life. I had a crazy *** “friend” pull similar shenanigans and then threw out accusations that my husband and I were slandering them and they were going to retain an attorney. Utter nonsense. We’ll see if she’s going to be ok with your kids remaining friends. Someone like that has some serious mental illness going on and they don’t usually go quietly into the night.

 

[Tuffcookie]

DH and I went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant with another couple who are friends of ours last week (they chose the restaurant). When we arrived this couple said they both “forgot their wallets” and asked if we could pay and they’d Zelle or Cashapp us right back. We said of course. They ordered $216 worth of food and drink (excluding tip and tax). After dinner they said they couldn’t get into their bank app and they’d “catch up with us tomorrow”. A few days went by without hearing from them, so I texted to see if they could send the money. The wife apologized and said she thought they sent it already. Another 2 days go by, no money. I texted her again and she got angry and said that she was tired of me harassing her and we should just have treated them to the dinner in the first place when they said they forgot their wallets. She said I was “obsessed” with this and said she’d send it. That was days ago and still no money. I texted her again today and she said if I valued our friendship I’d just drop it. She’s under the impression that because we’re “doing better” than them financially we shouldn’t be worried over it. I’ve only been friends with these people for around two years now, but up until now I liked them. Now I’m trying to decide if I just drop it and stay friends, drop it and not talk to her again or keep trying to get back the money. She seems weirdly sensitive about this. It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not small change either. What would you do?

Are you for real? You take them to small claims court and write them off for good!

 

[pens4821]

I would also take them to court for the money if that’s possible (not sure how court works for something so minor). I know it’s honestly not worth your time, but at the same time I would do it to prove a point. I would assume court would be on your side, so then maybe she’d realize how idiotic she’s being.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I would tell them I expect the money by XYZ. I would not go to dinner with them again and I would likely no longer socialize with them.


Unfortunately it is unlikely to be worth the court costs to file a small claims case.

Yes, but the op could add the costs it took to file the small claim onto the total. If they don’t pay, garnishee their wages.

 

[kyton]

Brace yourself. She telegraphs how her mind works. Before the dinner she voiced her critiques of your spending. Then they set the trap to rip you off.

Yep, I’m so not a drama queen but I’d be putting something on my social media about how “friends” can turn into users - obtuse enough but to let your circle know that something has occurred recently. Then you can discuss details in person if asked.

I had a woman I was very close to - our 3 children were exactly the same ages. I watched her target another mutual friend when our eldest were 10, starting rumours. Then she decided it was my turn when our second got to the same age. This didn’t worry me - I cut her completely from my life but the sad part was our youngest children were actual best friends since they were 2. She no longer let him spend any time with our son, he wasn’t even allowed to get a lift if it was raining etc. They are now 15 and hang together at school but once they reach our suburb the other young man knows to keep his distance so as not to upset his mother.

 

[irlandaise]

Both of our sons are 9. The funny thing is we were talking about letting DS bring a friend of his choosing within the next year or two, because our older DDs aren’t into Disney anymore and won’t be going on all of our trips with us (they’re insane lol) so we’d have room. Definitely won’t be this kid now though because I feel it would be too much drama dealing with the parents

Absolutely that would trigger more drama from her. She would find some way to sour your trip even if she and her husband didn't accompany their son on it.

She's an immature person who's envious of other people and tries to cut them down to her level. I hope the universe brings you an unexpected $200 to make up for this person's deceit.

 

[RangerPooh]

It sounds like she's being manipulative and shallow, using people until they catch on. The whole situation feels like a setup—conveniently forgetting both of their wallets, then switching to delay tactics, and finally accusing you of "harassing" them. There was clearly no intention of paying you back from the start. It seems like she's jealous of your income and trips, but honestly, let her be jealous. This situation is revealing her true colors, and it's better you see it now rather than later.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Yep, I’m so not a drama queen but I’d be putting something on my social media about how “friends” can turn into users - obtuse enough but to let your circle know that something has occurred recently. Then you can discuss details in person if asked.

I had a woman I was very close to - our 3 children were exactly the same ages. I watched her target another mutual friend when our eldest were 10, starting rumours. Then she decided it was my turn when our second got to the same age. This didn’t worry me - I cut her completely from my life but the sad part was our youngest children were actual best friends since they were 2. She no longer let him spend any time with our son, he wasn’t even allowed to get a lift if it was raining etc. They are now 15 and hang together at school but once they reach our suburb the other young man knows to keep his distance so as not to upset his mother.

Never post any drama on social media. It may feel good, in the heat of the moment, but it will always come back to bite you. This is taking the high road but just because you chose the high road does not mean you have to be a chump. Take them to small claims court. I might also have a talk with my 9 year old and explain what happened so in case this couple’s child says something to him.

 

[princesscinderella]

I definitely would let my kid still hang out with their son. I'd also let my kid go hang out at their house especially if they were taking them somewhere and "forget" to give my kid spending money so hopefully it would shame them into paying since they invited him, make up some of the money they owe you. If there was any question of the parents having substance abuse issues it would be a hard no to ever seeing them again or my kid going over, however.

 

[kyton]

Never post any drama on social media. It may feel good, in the heat of the moment, but it will always come back to bite you.

I would never post names - just allude to being taken advantage of and finding out that friends were not truly who they say they are. Can’t bite you if it’s the cold honest truth.

I’m 55 this year and very intolerant of bull manure. In Australia we wouldn’t threaten someone with Court - we aren’t as litigious as the US, but telling your truth - yep go right ahead.

 

[Einstein509]

Sounds like the lady is a narcissist. You can't win with them. Only thing to do is ignore or break off completely.

I would be on the lookout for retaliation against your son as well. I wouldn't trust him going over to their house or them taking him anywhere. These type of people sometimes don't have any qualms about taking things out on an innocent kid.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I would be on the lookout for retaliation against your son as well. I wouldn't trust him going over to their house or them taking him anywhere. These type of people sometimes don't have any qualms about taking things out on an innocent kid.

This.
Parents aren’t engaging so taking it out on children sounds just up their alley. Continues the “whirling vortex”.