Friend trip that is becoming a big mistake

[Halloweenqueen]

Advice PLEASE! I'm in a pickle and I don't know what to do.

Like most of you, I'm a big Disney nut, so I often talk to with friends about the joy of going to Disney. My youngest daughter has a friend and I discussed with his mother the possiblility of going to Disney together. Just a Mom and Me type of trip. I was surprised she said yes and we proceeded to make plans for a holiday weekend trip.

She quickly made airline reservations. I then spent many weeks trying to sit down with her about our hotel plans. It was difficult, but I ended up compromising because she didn't want to stay at the place we usually stay. She also wanted conceirge because she wanted wine in the evenings. She then asked if we could split a room.

I didn't realize how my daughter would react to spliting a room with the mom and son. She is so upset that she is begging me to cancel. I told the mom right away and she told me we should just "wing it". I made reservations at our usual place as a back up. (the mom doesn't know).

Then came time to talk touring and dining plans. The mom couldn't understand the reason for planning so far in advance and just asked me to "wing it". I told her that we were going on a busy weekend, etc. Still she had no interest in hearing about our choices, etc. I made ADRs without telling her.

Now our trip is less than a month away and I really want to talk about the trip. She keeps stalling and not answering my facebook posts, emails. I called her and told her it was okay for her to cancel. I told her I could go with all of my daughters instead. NO PROBLEM. She said she is a go, but doesn't see why we can't just "wing it".


I considered her a friend, but we have only seen each other once since making the committment to do the trip. Her son was in my daughter's class, but she took him out to homeschool after one month. Now my daughter really isn't her son's friend either.

I called her and told her that I wanted to get together once before our trip to go over things. I wanted to tell her that my daughter refuses to share a room, mostly because she has had accidents in the past at Disney. I think she gets so tired that she gets into such a deep sleep. She wears goodnights at Disney because of this. I understand that she doesn't want her friend to know.

The mom finally gave in and agreed to meet me at a local coffee shop. I sat there for 45 minutes, but she never showed. I finally got a hold of her and she had gone on a bike ride and said she completely forgot about it.

I'm so angry right now. I wish I could telll her off and say I'm going to Disney with my daughters. I know she bought refundable plane tickets since her husband is a doctor and she said something could come up. She would not be losing any money. The Disney reservation is in my name with my deposit.

I have no clue what to do. PLEASE help me!

 

[Jennasis]

Tell her you are going and doing your own thing with your DD's. And DO IT! Trust me...I see disaster written all over this one.

 

[clarabelle]

I would just cancel
Go another time

 

[LuvLDM]

I wouldn't even consider vacationing w/ her. Tell her you are doing your own thing ASAP.

 

[Eliza32]

Tell her you have to cancel, then go anyway. If you hardly see her, how's she gonna know. Dishonest I know, but there's clearly something going on with her and I feel she's going to let you down at the last minute anyway.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Thanks for the responses. I would just cancel, but I bought non-refundable plane tickets, plus I'm past the deposit deadline. I would lose $$$.

I called her and told her I had some issues I wanted to discuss, but didn't want them to be discussed via email or phone. She told me that she is going shoe shopping and I could join her if I wanted to talk.

Seriously? Grrrrr.

 

[lovetoscrap]

It sounds like the two of you already have 2 separate trips booked. I would send her an email with your plans. Tell her that it sounds like your vacation styles may not work together well, but here is the information of what you are planning to do. What park which day, what ADR's you have made (the times and location-- NOT the number), and your cell phone number. Tell her you to give you a call if she would like to meet up while you are both there. Maybe even an "we would love to have dinner on Saturday with you" or "DD would love to ride Splash mountain with your son".

This way you have not canceled the trip. You have given her the option to vacation with you if she chooses and an easy out if she doesn't want to.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Funny thing....I thinks she wants to go, but not with me. I'm FINE with that. We could just meet in the park for a meal or whatever. She just refuses to speak to me about the trip.

 

[disney11fan]

train wreck doesn't even come close. get rid of this asap..go with dd and leave them at home. have a great time with your dd. by the way my wife thinks like you..plans months ahead for dinning res. and what we plan to see in the parks... every trip has been a 10+++ and my son loves it.

 

[ladyhawk14624]

It sounds like the two of you already have 2 separate trips booked. I would send her an email with your plans. Tell her that it sounds like your vacation styles may not work together well, but here is the information of what you are planning to do. What park which day, what ADR's you have made (the times and location-- NOT the number), and your cell phone number. Tell her you to give you a call if she would like to meet up while you are both there. Maybe even an "we would love to have dinner on Saturday with you" or "DD would love to ride Splash mountain with your son".

This way you have not canceled the trip. You have given her the option to vacation with you if she chooses and an easy out if she doesn't want to.

I completely agree. Talk about train wreck! Your trip will be ruined if you even try to vacation with this woman. Go with your daughter and have a great time. If you guys connect with them so be it, otherwise no big deal. I wouldn't try to contact her anymore either. I really hope that you and your DD have a great time (or all of you if more than one DD goes).

 

[beck0321]

Funny thing....I thinks she wants to go, but not with me. I'm FINE with that. We could just meet in the park for a meal or whatever. She just refuses to speak to me about the trip.

Maybe she is avoiding you because she is thinking along the same lines as you are. It could be that she is one of those people that thinks avoiding something will just make the situation go away. Like others have suggested, if you tell her that you've got your own room and are going to do your own thing, maybe she WILL invite someone else along. And she probably will be relieved, not angry...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Advice PLEASE! I'm in a pickle and I don't know what to do.

Like most of you, I'm a big Disney nut, so I often talk to with friends about the joy of going to Disney. My youngest daughter has a friend and I discussed with his mother the possiblility of going to Disney together. Just a Mom and Me type of trip. I was surprised she said yes and we proceeded to make plans for a holiday weekend trip.

She quickly made airline reservations. I then spent many weeks trying to sit down with her about our hotel plans. It was difficult, but I ended up compromising because she didn't want to stay at the place we usually stay. She also wanted conceirge because she wanted wine in the evenings. She then asked if we could split a room.

I didn't realize how my daughter would react to spliting a room with the mom and son. She is so upset that she is begging me to cancel. I told the mom right away and she told me we should just "wing it". I made reservations at our usual place as a back up. (the mom doesn't know).

Then came time to talk touring and dining plans. The mom couldn't understand the reason for planning so far in advance and just asked me to "wing it". I told her that we were going on a busy weekend, etc. Still she had no interest in hearing about our choices, etc. I made ADRs without telling her.

Now our trip is less than a month away and I really want to talk about the trip. She keeps stalling and not answering my facebook posts, emails. I called her and told her it was okay for her to cancel. I told her I could go with all of my daughters instead. NO PROBLEM. She said she is a go, but doesn't see why we can't just "wing it".


I considered her a friend, but we have only seen each other once since making the committment to do the trip. Her son was in my daughter's class, but she took him out to homeschool after one month. Now my daughter really isn't her son's friend either.

I called her and told her that I wanted to get together once before our trip to go over things. I wanted to tell her that my daughter refuses to share a room, mostly because she has had accidents in the past at Disney. I think she gets so tired that she gets into such a deep sleep. She wears goodnights at Disney because of this. I understand that she doesn't want her friend to know.

The mom finally gave in and agreed to meet me at a local coffee shop. I sat there for 45 minutes, but she never showed. I finally got a hold of her and she had gone on a bike ride and said she completely forgot about it.

I'm so angry right now. I wish I could telll her off and say I'm going to Disney with my daughters. I know she bought refundable plane tickets since her husband is a doctor and she said something could come up. She would not be losing any money. The Disney reservation is in my name with my deposit.

I have no clue what to do. PLEASE help me!

Good Lord! Why on earth would you feel the need to tell this Mom your kid has accidents?! Do you think that maybe that might embarrass her a bit? If you think she won't find out you told I can guarantee you are wrong. I would have been horrified if my Mom did something like that. There is no reason to even use that as an excuse. A simple- "we don't want to share a room" should suffice. I also would never have wanted to share a room with a boy classmate at any age either. That is uncomfortable even without bedwetting.

As for the Mom- she clearly doesn't want to go so I would plan my own trip and stop contacting her. Lesson learned. There are very few people who can actually vacation with friends. Have a fun trip with your own kids and I wouldn't waste my time with this Mom anymore.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

This is her first Disney trip. I feel responsible for her having a good time. I just think she is clueless about what a Disney trip entails.

She remarked months ago how going with me was like having your very own VIP tour guide...now she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say.

I"m more than willing to "wing it", I just need to firm up our hotel arrangements. Having different rooms at my hotel would be almost 75% less than SPLITTING where she wants to stay. It would be a big budget factor in where we would want to eat, etc.

 

[beaucoup]

Go, but do your own trip. Go to your hotel. Do your ADRs.
Tell her you were winging it. Your way.

Your money, your vacation. Do it your way.

 

[Magpie]

It sounds like the two of you already have 2 separate trips booked. I would send her an email with your plans. Tell her that it sounds like your vacation styles may not work together well, but here is the information of what you are planning to do. What park which day, what ADR's you have made (the times and location-- NOT the number), and your cell phone number. Tell her you to give you a call if she would like to meet up while you are both there. Maybe even an "we would love to have dinner on Saturday with you" or "DD would love to ride Splash mountain with your son".

This way you have not canceled the trip. You have given her the option to vacation with you if she chooses and an easy out if she doesn't want to.

I like this advice!

Also, I don't see any reason to "out" your daughter as a bedwetter to this woman. A young girl can always refuse to share a room with a boy, no explanation necessary.

 

[agnes!]

So it's your 6-year old DD? I would be uncomfortable too being told I would have to share a hotel-room with someone of the opposite sex and the same age especially if I had night-time accidents. You made the arrangements without clearing it with your DD, right?...I know you didn't mean to upset her, but c'mon...I think you've basically breached her privacy. She has a right to be so upset.
And please tell me you did not tell the other mother about your DD's issues .

Change your plans, maybe meet up with the mother-son duo for one meal only, do not "go" with this other family, disaster is written all over the trip if you do. Trust me - everyone will be miserable and your DD will *never* ever forgive you if you stick to sharing a room with these people.

agnes!

 

[eliza61]

Funny thing....I thinks she wants to go, but not with me. I'm FINE with that. We could just meet in the park for a meal or whatever. She just refuses to speak to me about the trip.

There's your answer. If she is refusing to speak with you about the trip I would send her an email, stating some thing along these lines.

"Hi Jane, I've tried a couple of times to get together with you and hammer out some details about our upcoming trip. Sorry you've been so busy. Anyhoo, I'm a big detail oriented person so I've gone ahead and planned my schedule for my daughter and me. Here's a copy. Hope to hear from you soon, have fun."

Thanks Halloweenqueen.You've kept it light and non confrontational & you've got plans in place to ensure you have a good trip.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

tell her the YOU decided to "wing it" and go on the trip with just you and your DD. If you travel together, I can assure you, it won't end up good.

 

[suzyqsam]

I agree, send an e-mail (since she won't talk to you) saying you will be staying in your own room and if she would like to catch up for lunch or dinner to call your cell. There is no way I would vacation with her. Disney or not, your trip needs to be discussed ahead of time. I wouldn't feel bad at all. Sounds like you have made every effort to sit down and talk to her. Go and have fun with your daughter. Life is too short to let others spoil your memories and good times.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Well, I took the advice and wrote her a polite, short email stating time is running and out and I went ahead and made different room reservations. She is free to keep our conceirge room or she can stay at my hotel, but she needed to make a decision today and respond. I also told her I get the impression she would like to change or cancel and I have no problem with either. I told her if I didn't hear from her that I was canceling the first reservation at the end of the day.

She did already respond though. She sent an email that said...and I quote...

"I'm such a ding-bat."


LOL But no response to anything I said.

I think I'm canceling that ressie and booking seats for my older daughters. We can all comfortably share one room. And we WILL have a blast!

Thanks also for the PPs that told me not to discuss my daughter's issue. I'm so glad I posted here before I betrayed her privacy. I'm glad I was stood up this morning. I know I would have told the mom. Good call...thx!