Friend recently engaged but not planning wedding yet?

[SandrA9810]

I've been planning my wedding... maybe it'll happen in 10years, but I wouldn't count on it.

There's a few reasons why we're just content on being "engaged". First off, it's not even legal and we don't plan on moving clear across country to a state that is legalized. It doesn't get us any further ahead than we are here. Until it's federally legal, doesn't do us diddly.
Secondly, it's a lot of money. I'd rather have a wedding debt free than the way things are now. I don't think "married" life is going to change the way we've been living with each other for the past 6 years.

Until I have millions of dollars for a nice Disney wedding at Epcot and it's legal. It'll be in dream planning. We both have ideas on what we would want, who we'd invite, and so on. It's just not in the cards for us as of now.
Our engagement will have to suffice for now. At least it was done with a dozen of our close friends around.

 

[HunnyPots]

Many of you state that you had long engagements; that's all well and good. But your stories do NOT sound like what the OP described. She said the girl first balked at his proposal and thought things were fine just as they were. Then she later agreed to marry him and accepted his ring. BIG DIFFERENCE!
And, for the guy's sake, who would want to marry someone that had to be talked into it?

 

[alexandria674]

I think every situation is different, I am engaged and have been for a little while. I know I will have a long engagement due to the fact that we are saving for money and until I get my degree next year.

This situation presented though seems a bit..iffy. I mean, as I read the post it seemed that the girl had to be coereced (sp) into marriage and that doesn't seem right. Maybe she thought the question of engagement was overwhelming or perhaps she didn't see herself getting married and isn't use to the idea of getting hitched or perhaps she is just enjoying being engaged. Since they are not talking about the big plans for the wedding then perhaps he too is just taking it slow.

 

[Carly_Roach]

And, for the guy's sake, who would want to marry someone that had to be talked into it?

I can think of one reason right off the top of my head: the girl knows too many people who've had unhappy marriages and bitter divorces. She may have grown up seeing this and feels that marriage=bad divorce. She may be happy with the relationship as it is now and doesn't want to screw it up with marriage.

We're all just guessing here. We have no idea what this girl is thinking - not even the OP. All she knows is what she sees and the excuses the friend gives her. I'm with the poster who said, "As long as they're happy, why worry about it?"

 

[luvmy3]

Many of you state that you had long engagements; that's all well and good. But your stories do NOT sound like what the OP described. She said the girl first balked at his proposal and thought things were fine just as they were. Then she later agreed to marry him and accepted his ring. BIG DIFFERENCE!
And, for the guy's sake, who would want to marry someone that had to be talked into it?

From the OP
she balked because she was so shocked that he proposed (she thought they were fine just being live in boyfriend/girlfriend; she also said they never talked about marriage). She later agreed and accepted his ring.

Who said she had to be talked into it? Maybe she and the fiance discussed it and that is why she later agreed to take the ring and accept his proposal. Not every woman says yes immediately just because they see a big shiny diamond. Some woman actually take time to think about a life changing decision before answering, especially when they had not talked about marriage before his surprise proposal. With the divorce rate at 50% I think its a smart move on the part of this couple to take whatever time they need. I think its pretty old fashioned to think that as soon as a guy puts a ring on a girls finger she has to say yes and start planning a wedding immediately. Times have changed. more power to the ones that think of themselves before rushing into tying the knot

It also appears they do have a *plan* it just doesn't fit into the OP's time frame. Also having a wedding is not the same as being married. Maybe this couple will choose a less formal celerbration to take their vows, who knows. Its not really anyone's business anyway.

Also from the OP
After talking to her, it appears that she and he have no intention of even starting to plan. She said however if they do have a wedding they would like to have it on day they first met which by the way happens to fall on a Saturday in June of next year. Mentioning that to her, she then said that it is not enough time to plan a wedding.

 

[englishteacha]

We were engaged for 2 years because we waited to get married till I was done with my bachelor's degree.

 

[SaraJayne]

Four months from engagement to wedding for us. You either want to be married or you don't. We did.

Sounds like the OP's friend doesn't want to be married.

 

[clgwli]

We had a long engagement. We decided that we wanted to be finished with school before we got married. So no we had no plans and had to change our date twice when we couldn't get things to coordinate twice. Even with a year to just discuss and 2 years to really plan it wasn't easy to get it all right. Being in school it really was harder to do it all in a short amount of time. And we didn't even have a very fancy wedding at all. Some things just take time.

If they are paying for it it could be that they are saving up. They might have ideas but may not do any real planning for a year.

I think that because someone doesn't do it the way "you" do it doesn't mean it is wrong. So I wouldn't be so quick to judge someone on something as serious as a wedding.

Honestly I would rather someone get engaged and take their time than rush into a wedding. The argument "you either want to be married or not" holds no water for me. We personally wanted to be married. We just didn't want the stress of a wedding and school/finding a job at the same time.