"Friend"ly song ideas?

[Stacy's a freak]

Here is the down and dirty ... my best friend's husband (also one of my very good friends) was diagnosed with cancer on Thursday. He is only 44. Unfortunately, it is inoperable as it was a tumor in the colon that has spread to the liver and some of the surrounding area (I'm a medical moron).

Anyway, I and my other 2 best friends are banding together for Becky, the "cancer spouse" (for lack of a better term) to support both her and her husband Bob. I thought it might be fun to put a CD together for us 4 girls to listen to if we ever need a friend. I have started thinking of songs to put on this CD and I'm coming up short. Here is the list so far:

1. "Thank You for Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold
2. "Friends" by Elton John
3. "Whenever I Call You Friend" by Kenny Loggins
4. "You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman (probably 1st on the CD)
5. "You're My Best Friend" by Queen
6. "Lean on Me" by godonlyknowswho?

Any more suggestions? The songs certainly don't have to have friend in the title - those are just the first ones that come to mind.

Thanks!

 

[Shugardrawers]

This may sound insensitive but hear me out. Has the husband been given a short term terminal diagnosis? If he were told he could expect say 3 to 6 months for example I would suggest "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I know that sounds morbid, but strangely, it reminded me that what was important was not that I was dying but that I should really LIVE for whatever time I had left. Obviously, this isn't the approach for everyone but I would suggest you think beyond the parameters of support and try to think of songs that celebrate what's truly important in life.

Some ideas off the top of my head, not knowing anything about them, upbeat praise songs if they are of strong christian faith and enjoy contemporary christian music. What I'm trying to say I guess is to try not to think of her as "the cancer spouse". Yes, she needs support and friendship, and much more as time goes by, but she's still a mom, a woman, a girlfriend, a daughter. Her life will become so overwhelmed by cancer that the very best thing you can do for her is to provide an escape as well as a shoulder. If my friends were making one for me I'm guessing it would be filled with Janis Joplin (I love to crank it up and scream my frustrations out with her) Disney show tunes for inspiration, Journey and Boston from my high school days (I'm dating myself now) and some songs they know have special meaning to me. If you know it will make her smile and lift her spirit you're on the right track.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Love Shug's thoughts here..

If someone were doing this for me, I would want all my faves on there.... the ones that would make me crank it up and sing my heart out..

The one that I blast when I am driving is Mary J. Blige and Bono singing One... I am listening to it now... when she sings, she rocks.. It is on you tube if you are interested....

Also, one of my husband's faves and the one that is his ring on his phone is Disney's Circle of Life, he loves it and of course my phone is When you wish upon a Star, well we are Disney enthusiasts, right? If they like Disney, how about a few of them?

One more thought here, if we listened to the doctors when Tom got his diagnosis, he would have been dead in a year.....we have had three wonderful years and we are going for as many as we can. It may be inoperable, but treatment is an option and sometimes it works....stay positive for your friend and make that CD the best CD with upbeat, uplifting music so that she can blast it out in her car and sing to her heart's content..

Hugs...

 

[Stacy's a freak]

Thanks Shug and Mackey! Your answers were just what I needed to hear! I definitely hope to give my friend an outlet if she ever needs "to get away" so that is my new path with this.

Thanks so much and I wish you both much strength

 

[kimis]

I think that is a great idea and I am talking from expierence. When my mom was diagnosed with short term lung cancer (she last a little over three months) my sisters and I (as well as Hospice) took care of her. My neices put together a CD of all of her favorites. It had everything from soft rock to christian on it. They made her and us daughters a copy. She would listen to it often and we still listen to it. It brings back happy memories. In the end when all we had on was soft music playing in the background that would be the CD she wanted to listen to.
My moms favorite song was "Somewhere Over THe Rainbow" (yes she was from Kansas). A few minutes after she was picked up by the mortuary there was a HUGE DOUBLE RAINBOW in the sky. The weather was perfect no rain, clouds or storms just the double rainbow. It was the brightest rainbow ever. And some people don't think there is a God. We felt blessed!
If you feel like you should do something than do it. Besides losing my mom I have also lost two brothers. I learned 38 years ago when I was a 13 year old watching my younger brother die of non-hodgins lymphoma that life is short. Make all the memories you can. The memories are for others also not just ourselves.
So feel up that CD with all the songs you can. Isn't that what friends are for?

 

[Shugardrawers]

Circle of Life is another I've found very inspirational Marsha I don't think it's coincidence that Disney chooses so many songs with uplifting messages for their movies. Maybe that's part of the reason we're drawn to them

I'm with Tom. Life expectancy schmife expectancy If I listened to my doc I'd have been gone almost 4 years ago. Like everything else in life, I'll kick off when I'm darn good and ready and not a moment before. I'm kinda stubborn that way

 

[Mackey Mouse]

You know I love your style Shugs.. Someone once said to me, I cannot remember who, we do not come with an expiration date stamped anywhere on our body... I am a realist but this family is not going down without a fight and Tom will be calling the shots...

Hugs to all of us..

Please do let us know what you put on the CD....just so we can visualize her listening to it and being given the strength that she needs... she is lucky you are her friends..

 

[Shugardrawers]

we do not come with an expiration date stamped anywhere on our body... I am a realist but this family is not going down without a fight and Tom will be calling the shots...

Please do let us know what you put on the CD....just so we can visualize her listening to it and being given the strength that she needs... she is lucky you are her friends..

You can be realistic about your condition without giving up your will to live. When I learned to reconcile the two I found peace and with that peace the depression started to ease up. That was a tremendous help. One of these days I want to meet Tom. He sounds like my kinda guy

I'd like to know what the playlist turns out to be too. I haven't been on the other side and Dh doesn't talk much about how it feels (he's a man ) I'm curious to see what is helpful for the other half.

 

[JerJan]

OK....here goes, I don't talk about this very often.....I don't like people feeling "sorry" for us. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 3C colon cancer in March of 2003 (5 plus years ago) He is now 49 years young! We have never been given any time limits so to speak but the cancer metastisized 2 years ago and he now has chirosses of the liver and too many other things to list here. As a spouse of a cancer patient I know that I would definately like anything UPBEAT to listen to, sad things make me cry, I tend to listen to music mostly when I'm driving and it's hard to see when your crying! Just be her friend and let her talk when SHE wants to..... sometimes I don't want to talk about it at all, I just want to be "NORMAL". She will be going through many stages of grief in the future....let her take the lead...as a friend you can follow! Hugs to you and best of luck!

 

[ERICS MUM]

I agree with both upbeat positive songs and sensitive ("crying" songs), I think there is a time and place for both.

What about You've Got a Friend by James Taylor or She Loves You by the Beatles ?

Good luck with putting this together, I think it will be very comforting for your friend.


Linda

 

[Mackey Mouse]

JerJan.. glad you posted here.. if you need a hug, we are here for you too..

Everyday is a blessing, live life to the fullest and go for it..

I love the expression from that movie Dead Poet Society.. Seize the day..

 

[starann]

Bette Middler....Friends (it's a very upbeat song)


Thought to your friends!

 

[safetymom]

I agree with Mackey Mouse. Live each day as if it were your last. The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there to listen.