Fozzie Bear's Comedy Lounge Thread

[cassi06403]

Welcome to Fozzie Bear's Comedy Lounge Thread! Come on in and find a seat. Let's hang out, share some jokes, and order a few drinks!

And here's our host!

"OK, so a guy asks me 'Did you take a bath today?' and I said Why is there one missing? Wocka Wocka Wocka!"


Who's got a joke for us? Can I pour anyone a drink?

 

[cassi06403]

Here's a joke to start us off... not the funniest out there, but it's still early!


A blonde walks into a library and shouts "I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES."
The librarian says, "This is a library."

The blonde says, "Yes I know. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.''

And the librarian says, one more time, ''But this is a library, miss!"

The blonde goes "Oh," and whispers, "I'll have a hamburger a coke and fries!"

 

[Bbgrizzle]

Hi Cassi! Cute place ya have here. I don't any jokes right now, but you can whip me up a mint mocha frapuccino!

 

[cassi06403]

Hi Bonnie! Glad you're here!

Would you like that in a cup or straight from a bottle?

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I looooooooooove Fozzie Bear.

I'd love something fruity with an umbrella in it while I try to think of a joke worthy of the Fozzie thread.

 

[cassi06403]

I looooooooooove Fozzie Bear.

I'd love something fruity with an umbrella in it while I try to think of a joke worthy of the Fozzie thread.

Here you go:

 

[Bbgrizzle]

Hi Bonnie! Glad you're here!

Would you like that in a cup or straight from a bottle?

Cup, please!

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

I don't see what business it is of yours who gets circumcised!

Wait, this is the wrong thread. It was supposed to be posted on the 'What sayings did you pick up from your parents' thread.

Anyway this one goes out to my posse
A blonde opens a box of Cheerios and says "Oh, donut seeds!"

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I don't see what business it is of yours who gets circumcised!

Wait, this is the wrong thread. It was supposed to be posted on the 'What sayings did you pick up from your parents' thread.

Anyway this one goes out to my posse
A blonde opens a box of Cheerios and says "Oh, donut seeds!"

 

[cassi06403]

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Hopefully I'll get more than with these!

Anyone else?

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

hi there!

i would like a glass of ice water with lemon please

no jokes though, i'm not funny

 

[cassi06403]

Donut seeds! That reminds me of another joke. I'll have to go find it online - I'm not too great at telling them myself!

 

[harleyquinn]

Here's a joke to start us off... not the funniest out there, but it's still early!


A blonde walks into a library and shouts "I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES."
The librarian says, "This is a library."

The blonde says, "Yes I know. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.''

And the librarian says, one more time, ''But this is a library, miss!"

The blonde goes "Oh," and whispers, "I'll have a hamburger a coke and fries!"

As a blond librarian I am highly offended by this joke!
Just kidding! Here's my other favorite blonde joke.

A blond walks into the library. She goes up to the librarians' desk and says, "I just finished this book. IT has WAY too many characters, I just didn't get it."

After she walked away, one librarian looked at the other and said, "so THAT"S where our phone book went!"

 

[Southern4sure]

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

 

[harleyquinn]

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Oh that's awful S4S!!! Awfully funny!!!

 

[cassi06403]

hi there!

i would like a glass of ice water with lemon please

no jokes though, i'm not funny

Here you go:

Anyone can be funny! (There are so many jokes to be found on the internet! )

 

[cassi06403]

I found the joke I was thinking of:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of coffee, and then....." he sighed, "Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

 

[cassi06403]

As a blond librarian I am highly offended by this joke!
Just kidding! Here's my other favorite blonde joke.

A blond walks into the library. She goes up to the librarians' desk and says, "I just finished this book. IT has WAY too many characters, I just didn't get it."

After she walked away, one librarian looked at the other and said, "so THAT"S where our phone book went!"

Is it bad that I find blond jokes so funny???

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

 

[harleyquinn]

I found the joke I was thinking of:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of coffee, and then....." he sighed, "Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

That was great. Almost as great as the fact that I can't spell blonde!!