# four on the way

[jonna30]

Congratulations!!! We have 4 too! When the fourth was born, we had a 1yo, 3yo & 5yo. People thought we were crazy. I will admit that it was a blur sometimes. Now they are 8 - 13. Life has calmed down a bit. Just remember that it is a joy to be blessed with kids. My husband is currently visiting friends in another state that are empty nesters. It is depressing to him. Our life revolves around the kids. These are the good times. When they go, we will have to entertain ourselves. It will be quiet in the house. Scary!!!

Just enjoy them to the best of your ability. There will be times when you just can't take it anymore...Get some sleep and the next day you will be full of energy.

 

[twinmom319]

I had only heard about the rythm method. I may have confused the 2. You learn something new every post! I have something to share- I have a very religious friend who has 7 children & when her & her husband "get together" they are trying and expecting to make a baby. No birth control for them, my guess is that is natural family planning. She has told me that they will have children until her body or his body no longer allows them to & then they will no longer "get together".

I definitely know people who have that attitude - you can also use NFP to space pregnancies as well.
That's one of the best things about this board - there are so many different perspectives and you can learn so much!


"its hard though because when people find out yo have twins the first thing out of their mouth is" your not planning on having another are you?""

- or what about "you must be glad to have that over with!"

A big family is a lot of work and hard but such a blessing for lots of people!! There's always enough love to go around!

 

[justhat]

Well sometimes birth control just ain't what it's all cracked up to be!!! I have been pregnant four times. I have two "Pill babies" I personally swear that the pill regulates me!!! First and third pregnancy were pills. I NEVER missed one. Fate I suppose. Second pregnancy, we were very careful not to get pregnant so I would be due in August...got preggers then too. I have three surviving children, all due in August, boys born on July 20th and July 18th, daughter born August 2nd. All were early. So we now Avoid sex like the plague in October and November. We have been safe the last couple of years. However each fall since third baby was born, I get a little nervous. Something about the FAll and pregnancies connect with DH and I.

I had to comment on this because I had the exact same plan with our son. We initially planned to wait till our daughter was 2.5yo to ttc our 2nd child. Then because of my husband's job situation that wouldn't have been the most convenient time to deliver as we might have to move then, etc. so we decided to try a bit sooner. My husband was ready that month and at first I agreed, albeit reluctantly cause our daughter was still only 20 months old at the time. Then the next day I realized that if we got pregnant that month that the baby would be due August 29th and no way did I want to be that pregnant all summer. Guess who was due August 29th and born on August 4th!?!

And both of our kids were surprise babies, and, here's the kicker, my husband's a physician so if anyone should know better it should be him! I stopped BCP in September 2002 because my mother got breast cancer that June and BCP can increase the risk of benign breast cysts, which can increase the risk of cancer. So that was that and we went to NFP (and 99% of the time another BC too). All went well till June 2003 when we went out of town for a wedding and I forgot to bring a thermometer to temp so I scrapped charting for that month. Of course I ovulated early that month, which I never did before, and no backup BC so along came our daughter.

With our son, simple miscalculation of my fertile days, combined with 1 night of not caring if I got pregnant since that was the new plan, and 8 months to the day later there he was.


But back to the OP, we want 4 kids so I've been looking into how we can WDW with them too. I think we'll either be getting 2 rooms at a moderate or getting DVC. The plane fare will be pricey, but I'm more concerned with how we'll sit if the plane configuration has rows of 2 seats.

 

[mamaloya]

The plane fare will be pricey, but I'm more concerned with how we'll sit if the plane configuration has rows of 2 seats.

Dh sat next to the next to youngest in the row in front of us, the oldest 2 sat across the aisle from me and I sat with the youngest one by the window and me by the aisle so I could still be next to the oldest 2.

BTW, we have not flown since!!! They were great on the plane, but getting to the plane was more than I care to ever juggle again. Loading the van, then unloading at the airport, managing all the kids and luggage and stroller through the airport. Then getting to the plane, on the plane, changing planes, renting a van, oops, left the car seats had to rent them $$$$, doing it all again in reverse. NO WAY!!! Now, we just load everything in the camper, hitch it up and drive. No unloading again until we get home.

 

[Kat77]

But back to the OP, we want 4 kids so I've been looking into how we can WDW with them too. I think we'll either be getting 2 rooms at a moderate or getting DVC. The plane fare will be pricey, but I'm more concerned with how we'll sit if the plane configuration has rows of 2 seats.

If in rows of two, just seat the two oldest children in the row between dh and self. We have done this with no problems even when ours were preschool ages. Usually, we just book by three's and each take two children as most planes seat three+two or two+three(or more)+two. I know it sounds pricey but plane fare is really not that terrible. After gas, maintance, hotel rooms and meals for roadtrips any cost difference is usually worth the time and sanity that was saved.
As for Disney hotels, some of the moderates take five people and under twos can use a crib without counting. With four children over age two, your choices become ASM suites, FW cabins, 2 adjoining rooms at a value, mod or deluxe hotel, or DVC villa. If you plan on inviting a sitter or grandparents two mods are great - allows for ten people total.

 

[emmababy]

I have a question for all the moms of 4plus children. How do you afford childcare? We have one DD now, and I am paying 11K a year in childcare. I would love to have a boatload of kids but can't understand how I would pay for them. Staying at home isn't really an option. I know some say that by the time you would pay for childcare you could stay home. But I can't give up my income.

Congrats to all!

 

[LisaNJ25]

I have a question for all the moms of 4plus children. How do you afford childcare? We have one DD now, and I am paying 11K a year in childcare. I would love to have a boatload of kids but can't understand how I would pay for them. Staying at home isn't really an option. I know some say that by the time you would pay for childcare you could stay home. But I can't give up my income.

Congrats to all!

You space them out.... DS was 7 was dd was born.. dd was 5 when dd #2 was born.

This one one was in school and out of day care before the next came.. I ran into problems when #3 and #4 were 12 months apart. Than I stayed home.

I couldn't imagine paying $11,000 a year for 1 child. With my first 2 I averaged $1,300 a year.

 

[flipflop]

Congrats! As I know firsthand, the best laid plans don't always work out! We thought we were having one baby and wound up preganant with triplets. I am a firm believer that you are never given more than you can handle. I think the toughest transition is from having 2 children to having 3. You have already handled that part - you're already outnumbered.

DVC is a good option for families of 6. If you can't/don't want to buy, you can always try to rent points on the renters board.

In response to the question about the cost of childcare: We pay $25,000 a year for care for our triplets and DH and I are quite thankful that we have jobs that allow us to have good care for our kids. Staying home isn't an option for either of us even with the cost of childcare b/c of how our income is split between the two of us (ie - one of us doesn't make 30K so that it wouldn't effect our budget to stay home). I often wonder how people do it.

 

[dana1003]

i have twin girls and have to stay home becuz daycare isnt a option. working would competely obliterate my income. it would all be for childcare. not worth it for us. my husband has to work 10 hr days 6 days a week. we get health coverage thru the state for them so that helps. but honestly, i dont know how people do it either. we are barely getting by

 

[Chelley00]

We work opposite shifts so we don't have to pay daycare. Granted, it's not an option for everyone, and it's really hard because DH and I see each other maybe 10 minutes a day and weekends, but we figure this is the best for our family. Someone is always home with the kids, we're not worried about the care our children are getting, and we're not working just to pay daycare fees.

 

[pigget74]

I'll probably be flamed but I have to ask- How does everyone have all these "Surprise" babies? Don't you practice birth control or if you're religious the rythm method? Let's face it were not kids here & to me I have no idea how anyone has an "accident".

For us--it was very much a surprise--we were taking precautions--our thrid was a surprise as we were done--kids were 7 and 10 at the time. We were not being careless--sometimes your preventions do not work!

Number 4 was planned because of the huge age span--we did not want number 3 to be by himself.

 

[AmberI]

Well as long as you can afford all your kids and give them a good home, love, and support have all you want.
I have two and thats good for me, an IUD works really well.

 

[Zoemakes5]

I'll probably be flamed but I have to ask- How does everyone have all these "Surprise" babies? Don't you practice birth control or if you're religious the rythm method? Let's face it were not kids here & to me I have no idea how anyone has an "accident".

I've been pregnant 5 times. I have 3 children. I had been told since I was 16 that I couldn't have kids due to exploding folicles. I was on BC due to the pain of the exploding folicles. When I was in college, I had endometriosis. Let me tell you, I was VERY surprised when, during my first year of law school (can you say the very very worst time imaginable!), while still on teh bc pill, I found out I was pregnant with DS1. Oh, and it was about 2 months before our 18 month in the making wedding.
When we had ds1, he was preemie and had emergency C-section. While they were in there, they also found out I had a bifurcated uterus & only one functioning ovary. The doc was hugely surprised we had gotten pregnant given that, plus all the other stuff.
After having him, I started having reactions to the BC pills. I went off them and started using the diaphram. When DS was 10 months old, we found out I was pregnant again. We lost that VERY surprising baby three weeks after we found out.
Our DS2 was the only one that I take "responsibility" for not doing what we were supposed to. He was a one night, didn't use BC. BUT, we did the deed the night after AF, not a time that you're supposed to get PG. But we did. I know for a fact the date, as DH then had to go out of town.
DD was created while I was using BC, as well. I had my tubes tied after having her.
I had an ectopic last January. This was (a) after all the bodily issues that I continue to have AND after I had my tubes tied.
Yes, I'm an intelligent, very self aware individual and I've had 5 surprises.

 

[Kat77]

I have a question for all the moms of 4plus children. How do you afford childcare? We have one DD now, and I am paying 11K a year in childcare. I would love to have a boatload of kids but can't understand how I would pay for them. Staying at home isn't really an option. I know some say that by the time you would pay for childcare you could stay home. But I can't give up my income.

Congrats to all!

You should definately be wealthy with full time nannies before attempting this!

No seriously-
I stay home. Group childcare is just not an option for us (do not care to debate this- I have two SN children who would require more attention than the average child). If I did work, I would do what a pp mentioned and work different shifts from dh so we could child swap.
Truth is, I know many families with 4+ children and none of them use childcare. For most, childcare is just not economical once you hit a certain number of kids, plus all the kids activities/sports are a full time job for whatever parent is at home. Most of these families are pulling six figures on one income and live nice lifestyles in the soutwest on such....so obviously this helps with their decision.

 

[Blondiex46]

My youngest daughter was 12 when I had the boys and my oldest was 19. They are now 32, 29, 26 and the twins are 13!!! I have and was quite happy, just ready to be able to go out to the store without a child and boom now I have 5. Good luck just wait they will all be teenagers and going to college that is probably when you have to worry, lol

 

[mamaloya]

I stay home and have stayed home since I got married. I am college educated, but choose to stay home. We do this by driving older cars, not eating out much, using coupons, etc. We also bought a camper so that we can take trips w/o the high expense of hotel rooms. Most campgrounds are on $20 to 30 per night. We are military, so military campgrounds are from $10 to $15 a night.

I refuse to accept the excuse "I can't afford to stay home." That is very rarely the case. What they mean is "I can't afford to stay home and still live the lifestyle I am accustomed to living." If you want to stay home, you can do it, you just have to be willing to make sacrifices. No more designer clothes and $200 purses. No new car every 2 yrs. You don't need to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhood. It is a choice that each person has to make.

Now, I know they *are* cases where both parents NEED to work, but I find that they are few and far between.

 

[Zoemakes5]

I refuse to accept the excuse "I can't afford to stay home." That is very rarely the case. What they mean is "I can't afford to stay home and still live the lifestyle I am accustomed to living." If you want to stay home, you can do it, you just have to be willing to make sacrifices. No more designer clothes and $200 purses. No new car every 2 yrs. You don't need to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhood. It is a choice that each person has to make.

Now, I know they *are* cases where both parents NEED to work, but I find that they are few and far between.

Well, I'm one of them that couldn't stay home. DH and I both went to law school. We have NEVER had a new car, in fact we went for 2 years with just one car. We buy a used car maybe every 5 years. I have never owned anything close to a $200 purse. Just two years ago we purchased our first home. It was the first time my kids had their own rooms. Our school loans are equal or greater than most people's mortgages. Two of my three kids were born preemie and I ended up with a ton of medical debt as a result.
While I do believe that alot of people don't realize how close to staying at home they really are when they start adding it together, please don't make such sweeping assumptions about what parents need to work.
Honestly, of most of the women I know who work, I'd say there's only about 3 of them, from personal discussions we've had, would be able to afford to stay home. Most have to work because they are single/divorced parents or because they have the kind of school debt we do. There is no deferrment for parents staying home.
And, of the friends I have at home, only 1 of them isn't struggling. No big vacations, careful balancing of when to buy clothes, waiting and waiting until payday to go buy groceries. The cost of living continues to increase, and when you only have one income coming in, that increase hits harder. Now, they are glad to make the decisions that they wanted to, but it's a far cry from giving up $200 purses and fancy cars and houses.

 

[pigget74]

A month after I found out I was pregnant with number 3 our friends found out they were as well. She never missed a pill, but I did and I was on medicine! DS #1 is Sept. 24, DD is Sept 5th, DS#2 is Sept. 14 and DD #2 is due the end of Spet. first of OCt. but we are inducing probably on the 30th due to hubbies work. Our firends joke about Dec. and Jan. all the time. Out of the 4 only the girls were planned and with each it happened at the first attmept. Can you tell I am very fertile. DH is getting fixed, but we are still deciding on what I will do---we really do not want to chance having number 5. We do know a couple that each were fixed and they still had # 3 about 10 years after their last child THey took it all in stride and always said he was God's Blessing.

 

[emmababy]

To mamaloya: First of all, I never said I wanted to stay at home. I don't believe I need to give up my career to be a good mom. However, I make more money than my husband, therefore I can't afford to stay at home. I think it is awfully rude to assume that because someone works that they are careless with their money. I don't own a $200 purse, new car, or the biggest house. However, we are able to provide a comfortable life for our family and I am proud of that. My original question was how to afford childcare for the mothers of 3-5 children WHO do work! I don't know if you meant to come off that rude, but I think you need to calm down on the accusations of those who work vs. stay home. I think everyone has the right to choose how their family dynamic will function without the judgement of others. Especially moms judging moms. I think that is just juvenile.

 

[emmababy]

Oh, I can't space out kids to far, my DH is 40, so we want to be done having kids by the time he is 45 max. Also, he works out of town, so the different shifts won't work either! I love being a mom. Originally I thought 2 max, but now I think 3 would be great. The more the merrier! I was just trying to figure out how to provide childcare for all of them. My family isn't nearby, so no option there. Thanks to all that posted!