Foster child adoption rules

[Hrhpd]

Wow, what an interesting assumption! Your assumption says more about you and your issues than it does about the OP.

Wow. And what does your response say about you?

While the poster has the absolute right to her beliefs, no assumptions need to be made. The poster in question has been very vocal and takes a hard stance against adoptions of any kind. She routinely suggests any adoption is illegal and the parents adopted illegally, no matter what legal channels they went through.

If you would like verification, I suggest you read the baby Veronica thread.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, it often is done illegally. As I said I saw this on the news, a group working against the re-homing of children through the internet- because the majority of the cases the group had seen, it wasn't legal and the children were being taken to the first person who said they'd take them, and the group said this ends up being glorified child trafficking. This is not all cases, but, it was enough to make up a whole news show.

I don't think that anyone on here is okay with illegal adoptions and more or less trafficking of children without going through proper channels to watch out for the welfare of the child--but that does not have anything to do with whether or not a second adoption or posting about children in need of a home on facebook is is legal.

 

[ashley0139]

Wow, what an interesting assumption! Your assumption says more about you and your issues than it does about the OP.

Yeah, no it doesn't. The posting history of the OP is well-known around here.

 

[Allison]

Considering what the op has said about all adoptive parents in the past it's not really a stretch to say she was hoping it was illegal.

Exactly.

 

[SMD]

I feel that any debate on this thread, even if it's not related to the original question, will only whip OP into a frenzy. And many have seen where that leads. Maybe it's best to disengage on all fronts here.

 

[pigletgirl]

Paula -- Let me tell you a little story about my brother in law.

He was initially adopted by a couple from Romania at the age of two. He spent his first few years in an orphanage, lying in a crib with minimal human contact. When he got to the U.S it was found that he was a profound limp (presumably from Rickets) and had no hand-eye coordination what so ever. His speech was very minimal as well. Because of his behaviors (wetting the bed, etc) they decided he wasn't "good enough" for their family so they essentially "un-adopted" him.

My in-laws were good friends with this adoption lawyer here in the states that knew of this little boy who needed a home. When they met him, they knew instantly he was theirs.

That little boy is now 20 years old. He is thriving. He does have profound issues, but he is becoming a productive member of society. I think its awesome!

Please remember two things -- stories like this and the one of "Caleb" can have good outcomes. Please don't think that because it didn't work with the first family that adoption is wrong.

Think about these kids who have to live through this trauma. Have a little grace for them and be thankful every day you had parents that told you they loved you. Think about that, before posting things like this.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--Do you mind if I ask what leads to your intense dislike of adoption in (apparently) all cases?

I am wondering if you think you are adopted (based on your previous thread about blood types not matching with your parents) and really dislike your parents, or something? (BTW--did you ever talk to someone about that who might actually be able to help you find answers?)

It just seems to me that there are some people who feel that they had bad childhoods or dislike their parents who are adopted but also plenty who feel that way who were not---some people are just not great parents, regardless of what DNA their kids have, KWIM?

 

[Mariep26]

What I am saying is advertising a child for adoption via facebook like this how is that legal? they are not going through offical channels just facebook.

I am hesitant to contribute here because there is clearly a posting history that I don't know about. I don't understand why you would be zeroing in on the use of FB to get the word out that these children need a home (regardless of initial adoption, re-adoption, etc..) This is not unusual at all.. there are numerous websites that aim to find homes for kids currently in the care of the state. Here is one for the state that I live in:

http://www.mareinc.org/MARE-Online-Photolisting.html

FB is just an extension of the advertising efforts that are needed to compel people to consider adoption out of foster care as an option.

 

[Sanchez]

OP--Do you mind if I ask what leads to your intense dislike of adoption in (apparently) all cases?

You had to do it. Oy.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

You had to do it. Oy.

Actually I'm glad they did. I'd love to know where all the anger, paranoia and frustration come from as well.

 

[design_mom]

I am hesitant to contribute here, too, because of the OP's history.

I have actually heard ethical concerns about advertising children available for adoption on media/social media. This includes Facebook and the "Wednesday's Child"-type broadcasts. I think the concerns arise because some consider it a breach of the child's privacy.

These broadcasts reach a wide audience. They might bring in someone who ultimately adopts him (or adopts another child), but they also reach thousands of people who have no interest in adoption. Some of those people might be the child's classmates, teachers, teammates, etc. I can see where this could be humiliating for a child to have your picture, behavioral and health concerns broadcast on the evening news (or Facebook)... especially for older children who are often featured in these campaigns. (It's way different than showing this child's file to people who have already gone through the process to be approved to adopt.)

I am personally kind of ambivalent about the practice. On one hand, I don't think it's ideal, and I don't envy that child going back to school on the day after he was "Wednesday's Child" on the news. On the other hand, these campaigns have proven to be effective at bringing potential adoptive parents in to at least begin the qualification process. More qualified adoptive parents = more children getting adopted and that's a good thing. The loss of privacy might be "necessary evil" if it gets the child a family, but I do understand the privacy concerns.

 

[pigletgirl]

You had to do it. Oy.

The PP is a straight shooter. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You had to do it. Oy.

I hope i was polite about it. I have wondered for a long time where it stems from. Coonhound was pretty willing to explain, when someone questioned him on a recent thread (not me) about his son's situation and how that affects his views on the "natural bond" between biological parents and children--so I thought hopefully Paula would be willing to explain where her views and emotions are stemming form. It would certainly help me understand where Paula is coming from to know. If she doesn't want to share, fine, but perhaps she doesn't mind.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am hesitant to contribute here, too, because of the OP's history.

I have actually heard ethical concerns about advertising children available for adoption on media/social media. This includes Facebook and the "Wednesday's Child"-type broadcasts. I think the concerns arise because some consider it a breach of the child's privacy.

These broadcasts reach a wide audience. They might bring in someone who ultimately adopts him (or adopts another child), but they also reach thousands of people who have no interest in adoption. Some of those people might be the child's classmates, teachers, teammates, etc. I can see where this could be humiliating for a child to have your picture, behavioral and health concerns broadcast on the evening news (or Facebook)... especially for older children who are often featured in these campaigns. (It's way different than showing this child's file to people who have already gone through the process to be approved to adopt.)

I am personally kind of ambivalent about the practice. On one hand, I don't think it's ideal, and I don't envy that child going back to school on the day after he was "Wednesday's Child" on the news. On the other hand, these campaigns have proven to be effective at bringing potential adoptive parents in to at least begin the qualification process. More qualified adoptive parents = more children getting adopted and that's a good thing. The loss of privacy might be "necessary evil" if it gets the child a family, but I do understand the privacy concerns.

I can certainly see where that would be an issue that is hard to figure out. I feel pretty much like you do, it is probably not ideal to broadcast the issues these children have but it is likely better than the alternatives (not finding families).

The PP is a straight shooter. Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks

 

[PaulaSB12]

OP--Do you mind if I ask what leads to your intense dislike of adoption in (apparently) all cases?

I am wondering if you think you are adopted (based on your previous thread about blood types not matching with your parents) and really dislike your parents, or something? (BTW--did you ever talk to someone about that who might actually be able to help you find answers?)

It just seems to me that there are some people who feel that they had bad childhoods or dislike their parents who are adopted but also plenty who feel that way who were not---some people are just not great parents, regardless of what DNA their kids have, KWIM?

It just seems so sad that these kids who have lost their biological families are now loosing another family as well. How do the kids feel about this?

 

[DawnM]

Right. I am curious if she is a part of a group that is really bitter about adoption. It is called B*st*rd Nation. They hold many of the same views as the OP. I had to leave that group because I did not agree with much of anything that they posted. They basically believe that almost all mothers who give up their babies were coerced into doing so and that if adoption weren't so easy, mothers could keep their babies. They also believe that almost all overseas adoptions are not legitimate and many of the babies are "stolen."

Now, I am sure there are some illegal practices out there, but I am not willing to say that all of them are illegal and that every child is indeed wanted and loved and adoption is a bad thing.

Now on to a story. Dh's coworker adopted a girl from India. She was 6 at the time of adoption. She had some issues, as can be expected. The adoptive mother was simply not prepared to handle it. I don't know what she thought she was getting, but it wasn't what she thought.

Anyway, they "re-homed" her. She is now with a family in the mid-west who have adopted several re-homed/failed adoptions. She is thriving and last I heard, was doing very well.

Yes, it is sad. Yes, some people shouldn't be adopting, but overall, I am very pro-adoption.

Dawn

Considering what the op has said about all adoptive parents in the past it's not really a stretch to say she was hoping it was illegal.

 

[DopeyDame]

It just seems so sad that these kids who have lost their biological families are now loosing another family as well. How do the kids feel about this?

It is absolutely sad - tragic and horrible, in fact! How do the kids feel about this? I imagine really crappy.

But finding a forever family where they can eventually get the love and care they need is a far, far, far better option than staying in a family - biological or adoptive - that can't or doesn't want to meet their needs.

With a whole heck of a lot work, and inordinate amount of patience, and an endless amount of love, hopefully the new family will help these kids become happy, successful, balanced adults.

 

[robinb]

It just seems so sad that these kids who have lost their biological families are now loosing another family as well. How do the kids feel about this?

You're right. It is very sad, but I think hopeful at the same time. Kids like these deserve to be loved just like any other child but they need a special kind of family who understands their challenges. Organizations like the one you brought up bring the children in need together with families who have the ability to love and raise them.

 

[ashley0139]

It just seems so sad that these kids who have lost their biological families are now loosing another family as well. How do the kids feel about this?

Well that answered the question.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It is absolutely sad - tragic and horrible, in fact! How do the kids feel about this? I imagine really crappy.

But finding a forever family where they can eventually get the love and care they need is a far, far, far better option than staying in a family - biological or adoptive - that can't or doesn't want to meet their needs.

With a whole heck of a lot work, and inordinate amount of patience, and an endless amount of love, hopefully the new family will help these kids become happy, successful, balanced adults.

I agree with this--it is both sad and hopeful.

It just seems so sad that these kids who have lost their biological families are now loosing another family as well. How do the kids feel about this?

Well, I was more asking about your ongoing tendency to frequently bring up all sorts of adoption issues and always be highly negative towards adoption in general , not just this one specific issue, and I really am genuinely curious about what you found about your father and the blood types when you spoke to someone who would be able to properly address it. But, I guess you do not want to talk about it, which is fair enough