Forgive me for venting (long!)

[Notmyusualscreenname]

OK, this is a screen name I made up because I don't want to use my usual name.

Here's the background;

I run a retail specialty store with 25 employees that grosses over $10 million dollars a year. I've been doing this for 17 years now. I work about 48 Saturdays a year and about 40-42 Sundays a year, and have all along.

My family (and extended family) is Jewish, and every year the extended family (My parents, my siblings and their families) gets together for Hanukkah. It's always been understood that my schedule during december is beyond crazy (I have 3 days off all month including Xmas day), and that if I can make it, great, and that if I can't not to worry about it. (DW and DKs go for me)

In addition, I have taken many Sundays off over the years at extended family's request to get together with them at their convenience. Each time I do, it means I either work a six day week or lost a vacation/sick day in order to do so. I have repeatedly asked extended family to get together just once on a weekday, but it has never happened once in 17 years. I would guess I've changed my schedule 3 dozen times or so over the years to accomodate them and never once had the favor returned.

This year, my 40th birthday and Hanukkah fall on the same day; the second to last saturday before Xmas. This is also my 2nd busiest day of the entire year at work. (Much more so than friday after thanksgiving) The extended family is very upset with me because I just told them this past weekend that in no way shape or form would I be able to make it this year, and they don't understand why I'm simply not taking my 40th birthday off. That Saturday at work we are expected to gross over $200,000 on that day alone based on past performance, and I am expected at the store from 7:30 AM until 10 PM at night after working 12 hours+ the day before and being the one to open up the store at 9 AM the next day on Sunday morning.

I should point out that when oldest brother turned 40, we had a surprise party on a Tuesday and everyone was expected to change their schedules, take a vacation/sick day or do whatever they needed to do to be at brother's surprise party WHICH WASN"T ON THE ACTUAL DAY OF HIS BIRTHDAY!

I have told extended family that the 2nd Saturday before Xmas doesn't work, and that we should all get together two days before on Thursday, when I have a scheduled day off. I mentioned that we did all this for older brother when he turned 40 a few years back, and it was perfectly reasonable to expect people to extend the same courtesy to me. The response I got was along the lines of "his job is more important than yours".

Both DW & I are livid. I could tell you what I want to tell my extended family to do with themselves at this moment, but I can't post that on a family forum. We are supposed to go out gift shopping for them in the next day or two while I have a little time, and that's the last thing I want to do right now.

Thanks for letting me vent. I don't usually ask this, but am I unreasonable here, or does anyone have any suggestions on how to proceed?

 

[lulugirl]

I would plan something for the Thursday that you are off. Invite the extended family, if they decline have a nice, quiet celebration w/ the wife and kids.

 

[figment52]

If your job is the means for providing for your family it is every bit as important as anyone else's job. Providing for your family is more important than what you do.

Just tell them you are sorry you cannot accomodate their request but you need to provide for your immediate family first and worry about extended family later - unless of course they want to support you in the manner to which you want to become accostomed.

I am sorry they are causing you so much anguish.

 

[Notmyusualscreenname]

I would plan something for the Thursday that you are off. Invite the extended family, if they decline have a nice, quiet celebration w/ the wife and kids.

Thanks! That's a good idea; DW had already suggested that. She also suggested that I imply to each family member with the invite that we would be less inclined in the coming year to put time aside for those who didn't show up on that Thursday and explain exactly why.

DW's probably even more upset than I am about this whole affair!

 

[Notmyusualscreenname]

If your job is the means for providing for your family it is every bit as important as anyone else's job. Providing for your family is more important than what you do.

Just tell them you are sorry you cannot accomodate their request but you need to provide for your immediate family first and worry about extended family later - unless of course they want to support you in the manner to which you want to become accostomed.

I am sorry they are causing you so much anguish.

I appreciate that, and thanks! It's especially tough to hear my parents say often and proudly how they don't play favorites among their kids and then have this happen. Not the first time....

 

[LoraJ]

I agree with Lulu!

I hope you get it all sorted out. It's your day! Not theirs!

 

[disykat]

Just another post of support. You are in the right here. Invite them to your celebration and let it drop. You can't be expected to ditch your job for their convenience. I'd avoid telling them off, but I certainly understand your desire to.

I think you just need to be quietly insistant about your plans and if they continue, it only makes them look bad. Maybe, if you stay out of the fray, they'll actually start to realize what idiots they're being.

 

[Hedy]

Just another "You're in the right." comment.

 

[maddiemouse]

I completely understand. I think Lulu's idea is great.
I'm in the same boat, I've been doing what I do for a living for over 20 years, and Saturday is always a "must work" day. Other than when I've been on vacation, I've maybe taken 5 Saturdays off in all that time.
As far as your job being "not that important", I'm a dog groomer, which,BTW, I consider MUCH more important than "just a job" type work, but try explaining THAT to people.

 

[fabshelly]

I think you should tell them to jump in a lake and go get a new family.

You seem pretty cool. I'd adopt you. Work whenever you like, I'll still be here, pal.

 

[Notmyusualscreenname]

Thanks everyone for the moral support. I wish I could email your responses to family and see if they can see it from the other side for once

 

[MissMinnie]

They probably expect you to do all the accomodating since you have on all the other occaisons. Now that they expect it, and you can't, they are upset. Not fair at all. I have seen similar situations in my family, and it is unreasonable, but they don't think they have to inconvenience themselves or change their schedules because they didn't in the past. Do what you need to do for your job situation and what is best for you because your extended family seems to be more concerned for themselves.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I spent 13 years in retail and COMPLETELY understand. You have my sympathy.

And happy 4-0 a little early.