For those who say teachers should JUST teach . . .

[MrsPete]

I have a question for you. Tomorrow I'll be in a tricky situation. I've already decided how I'll handle the situation, but I'm interested in hearing other people's perspective. (And, by the way, this is NOT hypothetical -- I am really facing this nightmare situation tomorrow morning at 7:30.)

The situation: Tomorrow morning I've scheduled a parent conference to talk to a senior girl's parents about her failing grades and excessive absences in my class, which is required for graduation. The girl has been sick in my class several times lately, and she has told me she is pregnant. Her parents don't know, and she doesn't intend to tell them until after Christmas. I strongly urged her to tell them right away; if not for her own sake, then because she needs to get prenatal care for the child (whom she intends to keep). She is adamant that she WILL NOT tell them until after the holidays because she's supposed to go away with her boyfriend's family, and she doesn't want to jeopardize that trip.

If you were the girl's mother, would you want the teacher to tell you, or would you rather another two months go by before you knew the truth?

 

[wdwmom2]

I would respect the confidence that the girl has given to you, but I would steer her to talking with the school's nurse or guidence counsilor. Good luck!!!

ETA...As a mom, yes I would want to know. But I don't know that you have the right to tell them, it should be her telling her parents. Confidentially issues you know. This is a tough one.

 

[N.Bailey]

Truthfully here,

If this were my daughter, I'd want to know right now.

If it was me though, I would be outraged and truly upset if a teacher interfered.

All I can say is, good luck. I've read past threads that you've made and I just know you'll make the right decision.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would want the teacher to tell me. What damage do you think it will do to your relationship with the student? I wonder if you should have told her you were going to tell her parents unless she did before the conference. But, it's too late now unless you call her at home tonight.

I don't envy you one bit. Teachers do an amazing job! Good luck tomorrow.

Denae

 

[WDWHound]

Tough call, but I would say the parent's right to know supercede the girls rights of confidentiality. If it was your kid, I think you would want to know. I would tell the parents.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Wow, that's a rough one. I have two senior girls who have babies in one of my classes. Their attendance is atrocious and the excuse is always "my baby was sick". My own babies were never sick that much! One failed 1st quarter, one got a D. Both have missed 75% of The Great Gatsby and never ask what they missed when they are here, so I am thinking they may fail the semester, which would mean no graduation. I have another girl who is pregnant and working twice as hard to keep her grades up.
If this situation is having an impact on the problem (attendance) I would say tell them. As a parent I would want to know. I would want to figure out what the options are (perhaps they are more in favor of adoption). And it sounds like she is pretty selfish and is only worried about her trip with the boyfriend's (daddy's?) family. Yes it may jeopardize the trip--this has an impact on boyfriend and his family too! To heck with the trip! What about the baby and its health?
I think if I were you I would have a guidance counselor by my side during this conference, but I would tell them.
Robin M.

 

[RadioNate]

Can you legally tell her parents? I wouldn't. Who knows how they will react.

I would however mention that she has been very sick, even getting sick in class and hope they put 2 and 2 together.

I really feel for you. I don't know what I would do.

Just sad situation all around.

 

[clarabelle]

What is the procedure? Is this something that there is a policy for?

 

[luvmydogs]

This is just a quick question for you (and it may be ignorant)--are you allowed to tell this girls parent's by law? When I worked in a health care clinic, we weren't allowed to mention pregnancy to anyone outside the staff unless we had the patient's consent--regardless of her age. Patient/doctor confidentiality applied to us all.

Just wanted to clarify before I thought anymore about your situation. I've said it so many times before--there aren't many professionals for whom I have more respect than teachers. What a difficult situation.

As a mom--oh, yes, I'd want to know. Prenatal care for the baby and mother, as well as the mother's emotional health would be my utmost concern.

 

[Buckalew11]

Boy, that is a tough spot. Is there some guidlines on this type of thing?
As a parent, I'd want to know. As the student, I'd be a wreck. Best wishes tomorrow, I don't envy you at all.

 

[golfgal]

Well, it would make a big difference if she were over 18 or under 18. If she is over 18 then there really isn't much you can do other then continue to get her to tell her parents. If she is under 18, and the boyfriend is 18 or older, then I would certainly pull the statutory rape card with the girl and tell her that if she doesn't tell her parents you HAVE to report this as child abuse by law. You might do that anyway just claiming that since she is a student you have to report this. If the trip is the only reason she doesn't want to tell then I would not hesitate to use this. If she is afraid of something at home, a parent that might be abusing her or they will kick her out of the house, then you might want to gather some information for her about places she can go/stay if that happens.

Teaching is an easy job according to a lot of people here, NOT. How many other people have to face THIS with their subordinates?????

 

[akhenaten]

If I were the girls mother I would want to know........
however if you want to know if you should tell...that is different....
DId the girl confide in you or did you fiqure out she was pregnant yourself ? How old is the girl? Could you bring a guidance counselor in(or ask one of them the hypothetical?) Is there a school policy?
Perhaps refer her to a clinic where she could get some prenatal checks without her parents knowledge.....( a girl her age could get an abortion without parental consent right? why not strongly encourage the clinic vitamins etc)

 

[Barb D]

Hmmm... You don't KNOW that she's pregnant; that's just what she told you, right? Perhaps you could tell them that you suspect that she MAY be pregnant ("She always seems queezy in the mornings..."), or less directly that you think she may not be feeling well and may need to see a doctor.

If it were my daughter I'd want to know.

 

[sha_lyn]

Hard decision, as a mom, I would want to know right now. I think you would be over stepping the line by telling them with out the students permission. However sometimes one needs to overstep that line. Have you volunteered to be there with the student when she tells them? Early prenatal care is so important IMHO. There are so many things to consider, but my gut says try your best to get the girl to tell them, with you there to support her. If she refuses, tell them with her there. Do you know the parents at all? My only concern is what their reaction might be (and no I don't mean not letting her go off with the BF over christmas). I actully knew a girl in school who's parents kicked her out and then sued for custody of the baby and won because the mom was homeless.

 

[Sparx]

I wouldn't tell her parents. She trusted you with a confidence. And her parents will find out eventually, weather she tells them or not. (One of my friends sisters got pregant, and her mothers friend mentioned it to her mother, because "she thought she already knew")

 

[stm61]

as a former teacher I would check to see if I could legally tell the parents before I came right out and told them. I think I'd do the "I'm really concerned, her grades are bad, she's been really feeling ill, I can tell she's not faking it, I'm really concerned she may have an illness she hasn't told you about because she doens't want to see a dr, ruin Christmas, etc." That way you really aren't breaking the girl's confidence by telling them she's pregnant, while still letting the parents know she's got some kind of medical issue going on.

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

I have a question for you. Tomorrow I'll be in a tricky situation. I've already decided how I'll handle the situation, but I'm interested in hearing other people's perspective. (And, by the way, this is NOT hypothetical -- I am really facing this nightmare situation tomorrow morning at 7:30.)

The situation: Tomorrow morning I've scheduled a parent conference to talk to a senior girl's parents about her failing grades and excessive absences in my class, which is required for graduation. The girl has been sick in my class several times lately, and she has told me she is pregnant. Her parents don't know, and she doesn't intend to tell them until after Christmas. I strongly urged her to tell them right away; if not for her own sake, then because she needs to get prenatal care for the child (whom she intends to keep). She is adamant that she WILL NOT tell them until after the holidays because she's supposed to go away with her boyfriend's family, and she doesn't want to jeopardize that trip.

If you were the girl's mother, would you want the teacher to tell you, or would you rather another two months go by before you knew the truth?

How old is the girl? If she is 18 you can say nothing. If she is younger then you can at least tell the mother the symptoms that you have observed in class i.e. sick to her stomach all the time. If the mom has half a brain she will figure it out.

 

[robertchance]

i am sure that this has happened before in the school ,,the school must have a written or unwritten procedure in place to handle this. have a talk with the principle

 

[EthansMom]

I agree that you may want to consider asking the Principal to find out whether you can even mention the student's pregnancy.

I would definitely tell the parents that their daughter was (1) failing the class, (2) had X amount of absences, and (3) had been sick in class Y number of times. I would tell them that I'm concerned for their daughter's health and that she is in danger of not graduating. Smart parents ought to be able to get to the bottom of that one pretty quickly.

 

[kasar]

I would just say that you're concerned about this girl's grades because she seems to absent a lot and sick during the day, like the others have posted. Maybe they will catch on.

Is there any way that the school nurse or counselor at the school could contact the parents? I don't think it's your position to have to do something like that unless you're specially trained in these types of situations.

I would want to know as well, but I would be at least a little happy that my DD had a responsible adult to talk to until she was able to tell me, so good job, teach. I hope it works out well tomorrow.