For those who have 2 or more children...

[KirstenB]

They're from two different sides of the family (her sibling and his sibling). So each family is only buying a gift for OP's child.

Okay, thanks!! I should have read more carefully.

OP, I hear what you're saying. It probably isn't even on each family's radar that you're buying 6 gifts. Family stuff can be odd.

When you start feeling resentful, I think you do need a change. I've definitely felt that, so I know what you mean. Otherwise, it'll just eat at you.

 

[mrs.beast]

i have 3, my sis 1 and my other sis 0. They buy for my 3 and I buy for my nephew, and my sister/boyfriend that have 0. They spend about 30ish per my kids ( I never tell them about gifts wanted over that price-in fact my sister actually bought a new wii game instead of the used ds my son asked for at 50 instead of 15 and had no idea that i have kept all requests under 30-she said she had never thought of it/noticed she just chose something they wanted. )I spend more on my nephew (50-75), but money is tight in their home, and i enjoy it. For my sis and bf i spend about the same as my nephew.

on my DH side we do a rotation between the 8 siblings. dont even get me started there

 

[BellaBaby]

We live in the same state as my DH's family. He has 4 siblings, 3 of which have kids. Altogether there are 12 cousins. They range in age from 3-16. We used to buy for each kid, but a few years ago we decided to do secret santa for the kids. Which we used to do for the adults, but stopped long ago. They all put their names in hat and each pick one. This way they learned about giving as well, they loved to help pick out a gift for whoever they chose! All of these kids have more than enough, so this cut down on extra clutter as well. Well, this year, my DH's brother and brother in law are out of work (construction), so we decided to stop this practice as well. What we did was play games on Christmas day (we get together at my MIL's). Those of us that could bought inexpensive "prizes". We made sure each kid got a prize. They had a ball as did the adults! We had "guess how much candy" in a small jar and a large jar. The adults even participated. We played "pin the star on the Christmas tree" we were laughing so hard when the adults did it!! It's not so easy to be spun around and then sent forward, most people were nowhere near the tree!! Beleive me, the kids never missed the gifts. Money is tight for everyone nowadays and this saved us all some extra cash and it was fun to boot.

Oh, and what we used to do for the adults was a white elephant game with a price limit, which was always fun, but we even cut that out this year and didn't miss it either.

 

[mrsmom]

What we do is the kids names all go in a basket and we pick a name and they buy a gift for that kid. So the kids are exchanging giftswith each other, so if you have two kids you buy two or like me i have four so i bought four .we set a 25.00 amount and then all the adults buy stocking stuffers for kids a 5.00. under 18. and the adults do male and female grab bags. we have over 50 in our family that do this all together. works great.

 

[FreeTime]

I have been asking my family for the last several years to stop the gift giving and let's just get together. I am not able to get anyone on board with this. My DS and my DB and I made an agreement to not exchange gifts this year (DB lost his job and DS's husband went back to college). My parents also insisted that they wanted nothing. I got my mom the usual Basin bath bombs and then baked everyone cookies. I was very uncomfortable on Christmas when my parents brought out nice gifts for all of us and I hadn't gotten them anything. So, I learned my lesson that I will get a gift for everyone that comes from my heart next year no matter how little it is. Hopefully I will get them all on board with getting together for dinner and just hanging out and playing games OR going to an indoor waterpark or something.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

We have one child, my sister has 4, and my sil has 3. This yr we gave all the kids except 2 babies gift cards. The two babies got the wooden truck puzzles from Target- you match the truck/car/bus to the one on the board. I told my sister 2 wks before Christmas what I got each one.... well she assumed they were regular puzzles with the pieces you need to put together, and that is what she decided to get for my DD. I was pretty shocked to say the least... if I knew where they came from I would take them back since DD will not be able to play with these for at least another 2/3 yrs.

My main thing is I wish people put more thought behind their gifts...

 

[crisi]

Rule #1:Give what you want (nothing, alot, something in between) and don't expect anything back. A gift is just that, something given freely from the heart. When it becomes an expectation or a chore it is no longer a true gift.


There is nothing wrong with suggesting an outing or to stop giving gifts all together. We no longer give gifts to our siblings, as it seemed to be an exchange of gift cards or money each year.

Bears repeating. I think its worthwhile - after the holidays are over (July is a good time for these conversations) to have a family conversation. Gifts are so emotionally loaded.

Before you have it each person should identify what they like about gifts - both in the giving and the getting. And what they dislike.

Then people should talk (and if you need to, write without names attached) thought - general thoughts - about gifts.

Some people love getting gifts. Some people love giving gifts. Some people expect reciprocity - if I give you a $50 gift, you need to give me something worth about the same. Some don't expect reciprocity, but at the same time feel burdened by it - if you get me a $50 gift, I think I need to return the gesture in kind. Some people honestly don't like getting gifts - maybe they always find themselves burdened with returning something (a purple purse! Why did anyone think I'd want a purple purse!) and they'd rather just shop for themselves. Some people honestly don't like giving gifts. Some parents would rather the plastic crap just not enter the house. Others see Christmas as one of the few opportunities their kids have to get toys.

When you understand what is important to you and start understanding what is important to other people, then you can start making gift arrangements for your family that keep most people comfortable.

 

[brymolmom]

Here's another way to think about it.

Would you be giving your nieces/nephews gifts even if you were unmarried or didn't have any money?

I have 2 siblings with no children and they often give my children gifts - for birthdays, Xmas and for no occassion too. It has never occurred to me that they might only want to do that if I gave them an equal amount of gifts in return.

The way we do it in our family is that we enjoy getting the kids gifts - it is fun. I, too, sometimes get things for the adults (handmade usually) - but nothing is 'required' and certainly no dollar amount is adhered to - if I have a good idea for one of the kids I will get them a gift that is more expensive than others. And might be more expensive than what my kids receive.

If your gifts are going unnoticed or always being exchanged - try changing to more practical things - some PJ's in a favorite character, for example (or, if older kids - maybe ITUNES gift cards) or maybe a new outfit or a new hat and gloves. Or you could always suggest a kids' 'grab bag' exchange in the family - where each child brings one gift of a certain dollar amount and then they each get one out of the 'bin'. This way you would only need to provide one. This is likely the only way it is going to be an equal exchange.

I can tell you one thing - I would prefer that my kids' aunts and uncles not buy for my kids at all if they are writing this kind of question on a message board.

 

[camdensmom]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I guess I just wanted to get some insight as to how other's view this type of situation. I couldn't decide how I really felt about it.

It's not that I want more gifts for my son. Honestly, I would prefer less.

I think I am feeling a bit resentful, because we are buying gifts for the 6 nieces/nephews and it is really adding up. It's not that I want them to buy my son more, but I feel like we could have used that money for something more worthwhile than stuff that isn't remembered a few weeks later.

I LOVE giving a gift when I find the perfect thing for someone, but I HATE spending money just because there is a non-spoken gift quota.

I am thinking about suggesting that we stop exchanging gifts and plan an outing instead, but wanted to get some thought from those of you with more than one child. I'm afraid my suggestion will be because we only have the one and are trying to save ourselves money.

Thanks again for the feedback.

 

[candielips]

I have a cousin who has 6 children, who I am very close with and they are more like my nieces & nephews than 2nd cousins, and I only have 1 child.
I still buy for all the kids & never think my cousin gets off easy by only having to buy for one. BTW, if you're reading this, hi!
I would say the only downfall is that I can't spend as much on each of them as I would like since there are 6 of them. So I try to make their bdays extra special.
BTW I like the idea of a family outing & might do that next year.

 

[disney_family_1247]

We have three kids, and all three of our sisters have only one child each. This year, we did the whole "kids only" thing with my husband's sisters. I suggested that maybe we should buy the parents something too to make it fair, but they said no. What we did was spend more money on each of the only children. That way, we were spending about what they had to to buy gifts for our three kids. I don't think it's nice to tell children that you aren't going to buy them anything because it is the thought that counts, and not giving a gift is not sparing a thought. Christmas is for children, and I think that we adults over-think everything when it comes to the holidays. If you feel like your siblings aren't spending enough on your child, then spend less on theirs.

 

[badblackpug]

OP,
If money is the issue, then I would suggest that you spend only what you are comfortable spending. I liked the ideas of family gift baskets. Some movies or board games and snacks. Something the whole family can share. If you truly can't afford it, be honest. Times are tough and your family will understand.

If the ungratefulness is the issue, and for me it would be, then I might make the statement to my family "Instead of exchanging gifts this year, save your money and buy your family something they will appreciate."