For those who are struggling financially

[gottaluvPluto]

We use to go on vacation at our house when we couldn't afford to go anywhere.
Basically, we would all pick a location to go on vacation and bring it to our home. For example, we picked Hawaii one month for our vacation spot. We then prepared meals based on Hawaiian culture and did a Luau at home. It was a lot of fun!

 

[Marionnette]

How do you stop yourself from feeling jealous or depressed when you hear about the vacations others are going on or how much money they spend on "wants" ? It's something I'm beginning to struggle with.

It's a natural reaction when you witness others being able to do something that you also want to do but cannot afford. The best advice I can offer is to avoid those uncomfortable situations.

Don't ask about someone's vacation when they've just returned. You know that just hearing about what a wonderful time they had is going to eat away at you.

Don't comment on the new furniture, car, or tv. It only invites a conversation on all the quality features that the new owner is thrilled about. They don't mean to rub it in. They are just taking your lead in the conversation and then letting their own excitement propel them.

If someone starts to gush about their recent trip, change the subject as quickly as possible. Don't ask about the food, the service, the attractions or even the weather. Tell them you have a pound a ground meat in the freezer and some noodles. Ask them what you should make for dinner.

Finally, don't feel guilty about feeling jealous. The last thing that you need is guilt on top of jealousy which is compounded by self-pity (just a little bit). They are natural feelings. Embrace them but don't wallow in them.

 

[tinker&belle]

We cut our expenses WAY back while we were paying off our car. I got my haircut at Supercuts with a coupon for 6 or 7 dollars. It was fine. They didn't wash it or style it, but it made me feel tons better at the time.

 

[punkin]

I am not in financial trouble, but I am envious of many of my neighbors. They seem to be able to afford everything and I have to plan and budget and scrim and save. I think it's human nature. Try to be gracious and hopefully things will turn around for you.

 

[kelcoppens]

We use to go on vacation at our house when we couldn't afford to go anywhere.
Basically, we would all pick a location to go on vacation and bring it to our home. For example, we picked Hawaii one month for our vacation spot. We then prepared meals based on Hawaiian culture and did a Luau at home. It was a lot of fun!

What an AWESOME idea!

 

[hopemax]

Currently, we are in a good spot, but DH has been laid off 3 times in the last 15 years, so there were definitely times when we struggled. The two things that helped me

1. Stay off the internet. People in my day-to-day life weren't going on vacations, buying lots of stuff etc. They were just trying to make ends meet too. While boards like this are great for some things, I think sometimes we get a warped sense of what is "normal." It takes work to remember that it's really only a small percentage of people that take multiple trips a year, or "big" trips.

2. I would think about all the things I had, vs when my parents were my age and their parents were my age. By that scale, my current situation ranked pretty well. My Mom took 1 vacation as a child, that was all. They drove from IL to NYC to visit my Grandma's family. Even as an only child, growing up in the 80s, we didn't do a lot of vacations. We drove from WA to the mid-west to see the family every 5 years. I went to DL 3 times, but 2 of them were my Dad's business trips. And of my friends, we were the ones that traveled most. I had tons of friends that had never left our state. Our house certainly has more gadgets, than I had growing up. We don't own a car that was bought from the classifieds for $100 and we didn't rebuild the engine. We eat out more than back then, we buy better quality food.

 

[Minnesota!]

We struggled for a LONG time....very long. Like "are we going to get milk for the kids or gas for the car" struggling. I remember bawling at the gas station when gas was around $4xx a gallon...we needed gas...barely had enough to get home. But we also needed groceries. It was a very very very hard time in my life.

I won't say I was ever jealous of anyone's "stuff" but more that they weren't struggling. We became masters of stretching the dollar!

Do you have a beauty college by you? The haircuts and stuff there are CHEAP!!!! Like $5 - $10. We invested in clippers for my sons. DH had his aunt cut his. I would go a LONG time without a haircut....but really, haircuts and my eyebrow waxings are 2 things that make me feel GOOD - so they ARE an essential for me. $20 every 2 months or so and I feel good about myself..it's a need!!!!! Save all change from pockets in an old coffee can or such. Designate it as "Mom's Hair cut fund". Put all change in there. You will have your $$$ in no time. (Seriously - we cashed in our change on 1/7/2011 for Disney...and we already have over $30 saved again..)

Cut out all "extras"....newspaper, higher cable package (or cable TV all together...we got rid of it when we were struggling...$100/month is insane!), magazine subscriptions, do roll over meals so your food budget stretches further, take your aluminum cans in for some extra $$.

It was very hard and some days I didn't know how we were going to pull through. But, now, on the other side, I see that really...all my needs were met, and that was good enough.

I love the idea of making your own vacation at home! My kids would love that!

Good luck!!! It's a hard road, but seriously, I think it's one that everyone should HAVE to travel - makes you more appreciative of what you DO have..

 

[usnuzuloose]

You could also maybe do a barter and trade for stuff. If you know someone who cuts hair then you can do something for them in return. My husband did a barter one time with his friend who is a chiropractor and I needed an adjustment. He cleaned his carpets for my adjustment. Have a great day!

 

[DawnM]

I have a DH and 3 boys. I have learned to cut all of their hair and it has saved us a small fortune.

If they want buzz cuts we got a $15 clipper set at Wal-Mart. It came with some hair cutting scissors.

I get my hair cut twice a year at Great Clips for $13. Other than that I have a layered long style and will wet my hair and fling my head upside down and trim strait across. It gives me a nice layered look and since my hair is wavy, you don't notice any imperfections.

I also color my own hair.

Necessity is the mother of invention!

Dawn

I know. I am very grateful for my family. And I know there are many, many people worse off, financially than us.

It's just very difficult right now. I don't have the money for even little things. I desperately need a haircut, but can't get one because I have a husband and two sons and they can't go without haircuts. I can just keep wearing mine in a pony tail.

Just little stuff like that. It's starting to get to me.

My parents are on a vacation right now (cruise then car travel) and my mom calls me every day to tell me where they are and what they've done and I really am happy for them. I know how much they love to travel. I don't want any jealous or depressed feelings get in the way for me being happy for them.

It's been a tough day. Maybe I'll feel a little more positive tomorrow.

 

[QVCshopper]

I'm not really envious of others, but I guess I'm not hurting right now. But I grew up quite poor in westchester county, ny, one of the richest places in USA. Add to that a fairly difficult childhood... Anyway, it all gave me perspective that has helped me tremendiously in life from an early age. Not everyone is what they seem, and that goes both ways. I don't look fancy (and have your same ponytail) but I have a good savings. The people who do look well-off might be broke. You just never know, so try not to care in the first place. Just live your life as best as you can. Hold your head high and be proud.

Good luck!

 

[hsmamato2]

I 2nd cutting your kids/dh's hair....with just a little practice (on the kids) and a 15.00 clipper,you are set! You can put little extenders on the clippers, it doesn't mean you have to have bald sons.....I use them on dh who doesn't like it too short-
if you have dd's you can learn a simple straigh bang or one length cut for her...that way you can get your own hair done at a cheapy place and feel better....

 

[C.Ann]

I'm not really struggling financially - even though my monthly income is extremely small - but I "was" in a very, very bad position just prior to when my DH passed away and I learned a lot of valuable lessons from that terrifying experience.. So although I "could" spend a little more than I do, for the most part I don't - because I never want to be in that position again..

I don't get envious or jealous of what others have or do simply because one of the lessons I learned in 2004/2005 is what is really important in life -and it's not vacations; designer purses; having my hair cut at a salon; or whatever..

Instead I spend a lot of time thinking about (and supporting in whatever manner I can) those who are much, much less fortunate.. The homeless - sleeping outside in the cold; the elderly people who no longer have anyone in their lives to bring them joy; the families who are struggling so hard to feed their children on next to nothing; the many, many people I know who have (or are) battling cancer; friends who have passed away, leaving heartbroken families behind; etc..

For me the key is focusing on what I already have - not a fleeting "want" - and quite frankly, the most precious things I have that no one can ever take away from me are my happy memories.. I look at each day as a clean slate now - to do with what I will.. I can be happy and thankful - or I can be sad and depressed.. It's really up to me - and no one else - to determine what my state of mind will be.. I can't change the past - and I can't predict the future - but for the most part, I can control the moment that I'm in and how I'm going to use it.. Of course it's not always easy - nothing in life worth having really is - but if you work at it consistently, you would be surprised at how well you can adapt to whatever it is you're trying to adapt to..

Just take it one day at a time.. One hour at a time.. One minute at a time - if you have to.. Think about what you already have and ask yourself, "Would I give up this (insert: food; a roof over your head; the health of one of your children; etc.) in order to have a vacation or a new living room set?"

If the answer is no, then you've already taken the first step in learning how to be not only satisfied, but truly happy with what you have and where you are in your life..

As the song goes, "Life ain't always beautiful - but it's a beautiful ride.."

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

do you have a hairstyle school in your area? if so, call them. they often are looking for someone to cut their hair for FREE -- a student will cut it and their instructor will be right there with them so you will be in good hands.

or asl around -- a stylist may cut your hair for FREE if you babysit their child a few hours. You just never know.

 

[crazelion]

I just barter to rake my neighbors leaves if do my braids/cornrows. I finish the yard to day and braid/cornrows done tonight.

Remember it not always about spending money. Some my best memories is sitting on the front porch with family and friends having fun.

Do what make you happy. Do free things in your city. We bless where we live that when comes summer there is so many festivals and free concerts that it crazy. I am always taking the kids some where free.

I have went back to my frugal ways.

 

[lady_bug_888]

I used to feel a great amount of envy/jealousy towards people who were always traveling (I LOVE to travel) or were able to afford things that I was not able to afford. A few years ago I made a conscious decision to no longer feel that envy but instead be happy for people.

I have several friends who constantly have to point out all the 'good things' in their lives like vacations, good restaurants, expensive purchases and occasionally something really romantic their SO does for them. I decided to start saying 'that's GREAT!' and then ask them questions about whatever they're bragging about. We would talk about it for a while, I would offer congratulations or whatever and that would be the end of it. It was really hard at first because I was envious, but now I find that I no longer have those envious/jealous feelings, but rather am really happy for that person.

They might be in debt, they might not...I don't really care unless they want to chat about it. Most of the time I find that my friends are lacking in some area in their lives and need to brag about whatever to make them feel good about something they perceive as really positive in their lives. I am a supportive friend and will gladly listen to them.

Not feeling envious/jealous has helped me a lot because I can set my own goals and work towards them and not feel like my life is 'less than' someone else's. I have been able to travel a lot and I have a wonderful family and although it has taken me many years to save for Disney World, I am going to take my family there this year!

Next year I will start saving for something new but I'm happy with my place right now. I have lots of food in the cupboards, my bills are all paid and I have a great family. Really...what more do I need???

 

[Evi]

its simple don't envy..I know it sound simple and it is. If there is something in your life you don't' like you change it but its not healthy to envy other people. I always admire people who take charge of there life and attain what they want. Its best to be happy for other people and find your own happiness.

 

[Planogirl]

I took a two night trip to a small town in Texas just last week because I felt restless and wanted to do something different so badly. After 6 months, my company finally gave me a week off so I wanted to take advantage of it. I used hotel nights DH had earned from points he received from business travels. I also tend to not eat out when I'm by myself and I just grab snacks and small items. My only real expense was gas and a few admission costs.

My point is that a little mini-trip like this made me feel much better and it didn't break the bank. You can also do little staycations and get similar results.

 

[FINFAN]

to be honest, for us, I have a bigger problem with my neighbors and certain "friends" of my son's making comments here and there about us not going on vacations...than I do with not being able to get out of here. Don't get me wrong, this winter has been nasty, mentally I would hop in the car in a heartbeat and just keep heading south, but even if I had the $ I haev to stick around to care for my mom. I feel the worst for my DS , 16 as his older sister was privy to 2 trips during high school. In our town, people travel 4 times per year basically..some of the places listed for many this year are WDW/FL, Hawaii, Dominican Republic, Grand Canyon and The Caribbean. Like many here on the boards, we are just trying to keep gas in the car, let alone travel anywhere in it. If others would quit boasting about their upcoming tips and how they had a hard time coming up with someplace *decent* enough, and if they woudl QUIT asking why we aren't going anywhere..followed by, oh yeah, you're poor (trust me, we are not poor, but we are not in excess of cash each month either) our current financial situation would not feel as sad. I would love to send DS off with another family if they asked, we could scrape that together and I would still be home for my mom...however, that offer has not come along. We may go the esucational route to check out a few colleges over break, but may not..to DS that would be salt in the wound, lol. Anyway, I guess my point is, are YOU really that bummed or is it the actions of others that are bumming you out? Think of this as their shining moment, right now..their trips are the highlight of their lives and will be over soon...while yours is yet to come..still out there, alive and waiting. That's what I tell DS, that hisshining light is still bright, not burnt out, what a shame for some at such a young age that this may be the highlight of their lives.

 

[Liberty Belle]

to be honest, for us, I have a bigger problem with my neighbors and certain "friends" of my son's making comments here and there about us not going on vacations...than I do with not being able to get out of here. Don't get me wrong, this winter has been nasty, mentally I would hop in the car in a heartbeat and just keep heading south, but even if I had the $ I haev to stick around to care for my mom. I feel the worst for my DS , 16 as his older sister was privy to 2 trips during high school. In our town, people travel 4 times per year basically..some of the places listed for many this year are WDW/FL, Hawaii, Dominican Republic, Grand Canyon and The Caribbean. Like many here on the boards, we are just trying to keep gas in the car, let alone travel anywhere in it. If others would quit boasting about their upcoming tips and how they had a hard time coming up with someplace *decent* enough, and if they woudl QUIT asking why we aren't going anywhere..followed by, oh yeah, you're poor (trust me, we are not poor, but we are not in excess of cash each month either) our current financial situation would not feel as sad. I would love to send DS off with another family if they asked, we could scrape that together and I would still be home for my mom...however, that offer has not come along. We may go the esucational route to check out a few colleges over break, but may not..to DS that would be salt in the wound, lol. Anyway, I guess my point is, are YOU really that bummed or is it the actions of others that are bumming you out? Think of this as their shining moment, right now..their trips are the highlight of their lives and will be over soon...while yours is yet to come..still out there, alive and waiting. That's what I tell DS, that hisshining light is still bright, not burnt out, what a shame for some at such a young age that this may be the highlight of their lives.

Now that makes me sad. It's easy for us to realize we have everything we need in our family, enough food, and a roof, but children should have more...I know how you feel. My DS goes to a pretty wealthy high school (well, they are actually split - About a little over half are wealthy, a few, like us, are in the middle, then there are kids who live in government projects), and most of his friends are wealthy, so he hears where they're all going and sees the cars they are given, etc. I know it bothers him.

But, again, growing up I didn't have as much as some (though I had a lot more than many) and it wasn't so bad.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I'm not really struggling financially - even though my monthly income is extremely small - but I "was" in a very, very bad position just prior to when my DH passed away and I learned a lot of valuable lessons from that terrifying experience.. So although I "could" spend a little more than I do, for the most part I don't - because I never want to be in that position again..

I don't get envious or jealous of what others have or do simply because one of the lessons I learned in 2004/2005 is what is really important in life -and it's not vacations; designer purses; having my hair cut at a salon; or whatever..

Instead I spend a lot of time thinking about (and supporting in whatever manner I can) those who are much, much less fortunate.. The homeless - sleeping outside in the cold; the elderly people who no longer have anyone in their lives to bring them joy; the families who are struggling so hard to feed their children on next to nothing; the many, many people I know who have (or are) battling cancer; friends who have passed away, leaving heartbroken families behind; etc..

For me the key is focusing on what I already have - not a fleeting "want" - and quite frankly, the most precious things I have that no one can ever take away from me are my happy memories.. I look at each day as a clean slate now - to do with what I will.. I can be happy and thankful - or I can be sad and depressed.. It's really up to me - and no one else - to determine what my state of mind will be.. I can't change the past - and I can't predict the future - but for the most part, I can control the moment that I'm in and how I'm going to use it.. Of course it's not always easy - nothing in life worth having really is - but if you work at it consistently, you would be surprised at how well you can adapt to whatever it is you're trying to adapt to..

Just take it one day at a time.. One hour at a time.. One minute at a time - if you have to.. Think about what you already have and ask yourself, "Would I give up this (insert: food; a roof over your head; the health of one of your children; etc.) in order to have a vacation or a new living room set?"

If the answer is no, then you've already taken the first step in learning how to be not only satisfied, but truly happy with what you have and where you are in your life..

As the song goes, "Life ain't always beautiful - but it's a beautiful ride.."

You are Inspirational!
Sometimes one needs to be "reminded" of how lucky we really are...even those of us who normally do know.........so Thank you for your post and inspiring us all to keep it all in perspective.
Tonight was a perfect night to read your post.