For those of you who have lost a loved one..

[Hillbeans]

I agree with so many of these posts. I think JerseyJanice hit it on the head for me...with the "firsts", you're more mentally prepared, but by the time the "seconds" hit, it really has sunk in at that point that your loved one is not going to ever be around anymore.

I give you hugs and well wishes that you are able to get through this holiday season without your beloved mother. I lost my mother at the young age of 66 last august and in many ways, it hurts more this year than last however I am a firm believer in God and I know that her soul is free and she is in a better place.

Hugs.

 

[luvwinnie]

My mom also passed away in July and I know EXACTLY what you mean. It's even worse than I expected...I see a Christmas tree, I cry...I see a MOM card in Hallmark, I cry...I cried on the bus this morning and I don't even know why. I hope we all find some peace and comfort.

 

[jeleebeene]

Being surrounded by family and friends helped, but the sorrow was still there. I would remember the good times and found myself smiling - but I might also run across a picture or card from them and just burst into tears. It is a long healing process, but with time and support, you will get through it.

 

[2BOYMOM]

My Mom died October 1, 1989, on a Sunday morning. My first child was born exactly 1 week later, October 8, 1989. I think having a new baby around really helped my family out that first Christmas. All my Mom wanted was to be able to see her grandchild, be able to hold him and it didn't happen. I know she is in Heaven, seeing him now as he is a 15 y/o (and I pray every day than I can be 1/2 the Mother she was). Anyway, the first year was really difficult for my Dad. We did celebrate Christmas at his house, but celebrated in the family room, not the living room as we normally did. My sisters and I put the tree up for him. My Dad remarried the following June. I wish I could say that everything was hunky dorey now, but it isn't. At Thanksgiving this year, Dad asked if we could celebrate Christmas at my house, that Christmas has never been the same for him. So that is what we are doing. His wife is a really bad cook and I have more room anyway.

 

[nativetxn]

This will be my first christmas without Mother. I don't want to have Christmas this year

{{{HUGS}}} my friend. I'm so sorry that you are facing such a painful "first", too

 

[Cruise04]

The hardest part for me about the firsts was putting up our tree. I had kept some of the ornaments that reminded me of her and putting up that first ornament was extremely hard. It was the first ornament my mom and dad received after they were married (they were divorced but it still hit me very hard - all the what if's came into play). But one thing that helped me is I made sure to do all the traditions we had started with her. It became a tradition to have Italian Beef and other foods on Christmas Eve which was when we celebrated with her. Also what helped me was having a lot of the decorations that were hers. But also knowing that there is absolutely no limits on crying at all during this time. If I needed to, I did and my family knew that I needed to and needed time alone if I walked out of the room. And they respected that. When we were cleaning out her house (she passed away in August) we had found some items that we assumed she had purchased for Christmas for the nieces and nephews and something for my daughter. We made sure to set aside a day outside of Christmas Eve or Christmas day to give my daughter that gift. We wanted it to be special when she opened it and didn't want to make Christmas Eve or Day sad.

You have gotten some great replies. I hope you can carry on some traditions that she helped set which keeps her memory very much alive and a part of your family.

 

[snoopy]

My first Christmas without my mom was so hard. I remember feeling like I didn't want to celebrate Christmas at all. Both of my parents were dead before they were 55, and I felt so gyped....I looked around me, and all I saw were my friends celebrating with their parents, and wondered what I did wrong for God to have punished me and my siblings by taking our parents away at such a young age.

When my Mom died, she was knitting a baby blanket for my son, who was 1 at the time of her death. In fact, when we found her, in her rocking chair, she looked so peaceful, as if she were only sleeping. The baby blanket lay on her lap. My best friend's mom came over to help me make the arrangements with the funeral parlor, etc., and unbenowest to me, she put the beginning of the afghan in a bag and took it home with her. That Christmas, in the height of my depression and feeling so lonely without my Mom and Dad and just generally pissed at the world, she came over with a present for me and one for my sister. This dear lady, who was always like a mother to me, had taken the small piece of afghan that my mother had started and made two blankets out of it. One for me, and one for my sister.

It sounds corny, but honest to God, at that moment, I knew that family is what you make of it. And that life does indeed go on. And that the kindness of others is what will pull you through your darkest hour. And that its o.k. to lean on others.

This lady, my BF's mom, has since passed away, but I will always love her like a second Mom. She gave me hope that Christmas, and she lives on in my heart.

So I'm suggesting you look around, cherish the people who are in your life, perhaps reach out to others who might be hurting this Christmas. Its hard, especially when your heart is so raw, but I think in the long run you'll be glad you did.

to all who are hurting.

 

[Castlebound]

My grandma died on Christmas Eve in 1991.That Christmas was just teary blur. She finally died after a long battle with cancer. We knew that she was going to die at any time, but it still hit me hard when my mom called our house while I was making cookies and asked to talk to my dad. I could tell by looking at my dad that my grandma had died. We still did Christmas and the whole family cried when my grandpa found a gift to him from my grandma. Two days after Christmas she was buried. Did you know that at least in our area that Funeral Homes do not post obituaries on Christmas?

The next Christmas was still hard for me and my mom we still had some times when we would just cry for no real reason. Each year has gotten a little easier except for the Christmas of 1996. That year DH and I were happily expecting our first baby. It was Christmas Eve and I was making cookies to bring to my aunt's house later that evening. I had Christmas music playing and everything was great. I was taking cookies off the cookie sheet and it just hit me. I started crying. My DH noticed I was crying and asked what was wrong. At that point I started bawling. My poor sweet DH just held me until I calmed down. Christmas will always be a time when I take the time to remember my grandma a little more than I do in every day life.

 

[mickey65]

Thank-you for your continued sharing and suggestions. Tonight I am going to a candle light service for others like myselfthat have recently lost a parent. I know it will be hard, but being with others who understand will be helpful too.
Last January I was shopping and I found a perfect angel ornament for my mom (at that time we did not know she had cancer) Of course I bought it. I placed it in my cedar chest to save for Christmas this year. Yesterday, I dug it out. I hung it on my mantal to remind me that she is never far.
Hugs to all who are hurting at this time.

 

[Rajah]

We're chaning everything up big-time this year.

My mom put up a different tree.

Thanksgiving was at my friends' instead of my mom's.

We're going out of town for Christmas for the first time in I don't remember how many years (at least 15).

I bought and put up a different tree with totally different decorations in a totally different area of the house.

We'll remember my dad no matter what we do. But making these changes makes these first easier. At least Thanksgiving was.

 

[goofy4tink]

Still hard after that 'first year'. My mom passed away just over a year ago, my fil passed away last summer. It was horribly hard putting out the Christmas decorations and the tree this week. But, since I have an 11 y/o, it had to be done. Thank God I have her, otherwise I woudl probably just sink into a hole of self-pity.

I go into stores that my mother and I used to shop at and get teary eyed! And being in church is really hard. That is where I feel Mom's presence the most. My dd says that when she sits in that last pew, she can feel her Meme's arm around her. That's where they used to sit so that my mom could get out and do her church duties.

Yep, it's still hard. I think we just 'get used' to it, as someone else said. Kind of like a wound scabbing over. You never know when something is going to pick at that scab either. So, to all of you out there, going through this also....hugs and good thoughts to you. I take heart knowing that I am not alone in missing my loved ones now. Be sure to talk about those missing loved ones. Share memories of them with others. They should never be forgotten!!