For Donna who is forever perfect so she thinks

[Raulandpinboy]

How TRUE it is

Subject: shower


How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. taking extra care to spray the grout.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. The laundry genie will take care of them.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your butt at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee. while still in the shower

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire manly size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your butt at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed. Laundry genies will do the rest.

 

[Swamp_Fox]

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking milk while reading this post because it would of definitely shot out my nose.

Larry (Swamp_Fox)

 

[Buzz2001]

Ed...your just too much! LOL! Very funny!! Do you just sit around all day thinking what you will wirte next? Where's my pictures of lunch?

 

[bsbkmacgowan]

Pictures of lunch? Nuh-uh...

I want to see pictures of Ed "woo-hooing"!!!!


Oh, and just so nobody freaks out...

this is Sandy... not Brian!


But it really is scary how similar Ed & Brian are... I'm beginning to suspect that they are actually twins that were separated at birth. I mean, c'mon... Brian doesn't look anything like anybody else in his family... and I've yet to see any baby pictures of him (I think the earliest one is where he's about 4 or 5...)

Hmmmmm.... methinks there's a conspiracy afoot!



Okay, so I don't think I fall along the guidelines for a woman showering that Ed lays out, and Brian doesn't follow all of the man's himself (he's actually better at putting stuff away than I am!) but the "Woo-Hoo" thing is definitely a Brian-ism!

And I, too, am exceedingly glad I was not drinking while reading this...

Sandy

 

[bsbkmacgowan]

Ed,

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. The laundry genie will take care of them.

Are you a neat freak or something? You leave your clothes in a pile. Come on! Everyone knows that you are supposed to take your clothes off, strewing them about the room on your way to the bathroom. The laundry Genie loves nothing better than a good game of hide and seek, especially if you flick your socks and underwear in high and unobvious places.

I don't know about this sticking things in a pile. It must be the engineer in you.

You can redeem yourself. Go take apart one of Donna's favourite major appliances, put it back together and declare to her, "But there are supposed to be spare parts left over. They make them that way on purpose."

Brian

 

[chef's wife]

You forgot the three Q-Tips per ear!!!!!!!!
The undies look really cool going real fast on the new ceiling fans....with a skid mark!!!!!!
Oh, oh...sounds like an E-Bay item Ed!!!!!
MAnny, not the Wench