? for brides about bridesmaids

[kidzmom3]

Hi Brides, I have a situation that I wanted to ask your opinion on.

My brother in law (husbands brother) proposed to his live in girlfriend (3 years) a great girl that I have come to love a lot. She is great with my kids and I am so happy for them. There is a big difference in our ages (36, 26).

They have asked all of us to be in the wedding (DH=groomsmen DS=groomsmen DD=jr bridesmaid DD=flower girl and Me=bridesmaid) I said yes right away for the kids, and my husband said yes for himself.

I told her that I had some reservations about being in the wedding myself. Not because I don't want to be there for her, but because:
a. the huge expense of all of us being in the wedding
b. my youngest dd has anxiety and may have problems the day of the wedding
c. I am VERY overweight (110 lbs) and everyone else in the wedding will be at least 10 years and 100 lbs lighter than me.
d. it is a fancy wedding and I am concerned about the cost of the shower with 3 of us girls in the wedding party
e. her friends are young and fun, I never party anymore and would feel akward at a bacherlorette party

Would you be offended if someone said no in these circumstances? I love her and don't want to hurt her. She did call me and said that she hoped I knew that she asked out of love and not obligation. I did tell her I loved her and was just concerned.

 

[IrishCinderella]

While I understand, completely, exactly why you would be hesitant, I have to say that I would be hurt. Especially since she specifically called you and said she is asking out of genuine love and not obligation.

Again, I can see where your concerns are coming from, but try to imagine how you'd feel if you were her. It sounds like she genuinely wants the people closest to her to be a part of her day.

Good luck deciding!

 

[heatherlynn444]

I am 21 and asked my 40 year old cousin to be a bridesmaid. now granted she is no orinary 40 year old, she is very "Hip" and fun, but still, she is my cousin and I wasnted her to be there and we had an awesome time, and all the other girls loved her and accepted her. If money/gifts for a shower or wedding are a problem I can almost 100% promise you she won't care if you get gifts or her or not, and that she just wants to share in the special day. ultimetaly do what you think is best for you and for the bride! good luck!

 

[lurkyloo]

In my experience, if you're not the Maid/Matron of Honor, you only have to be as involved with all the planning and get-togethers with other bridesmaids as you want to be. In fact, I've never had to go to a bachelorette party or plan a shower with other 'maids (isn't that the Maid of Honor's job?), and the only things we paid for were our dresses.

I'm sure your Future SIL would understand if you played a different role in the wedding planning etc. than her other bridesmaids - for one thing, you have a family (and pro'lly a lot more responsibility)!

It sounds like you have a great relationship with the bride. She asked you from a place of love, and because your response - whatever you decide - will come from a place of love, there can only be positive results for you both!

 

[IrishCinderella]

It sounds like you have a great relationship with the bride. She asked you from a place of love, and because your response - whatever you decide - will come from a place of love, there can only be positive results for you both!

Well said.

 

[Emwit27]

Yikes, I hate to go against what everyone else is telling you. However, it is your decision. It sounds like you have some big reservations and I think she will respect that. It is probably dissapointing for both of you, but being a bridesmaid is a favor as well as an honor. You should be honest with her. You shouldn't have to be stressed about her wedding!

I am sure you will make the right decision.

 

[smoof]

Explain to her you concern about costs. I really don't think anyone would expect you to contribute more than you are comfortable with. As for age and weight...don't worry about it. You will look great! You can also ask her to consider your shape in deciding on BM dresses. If you really don't want to be in the wedding, then don't, but don't let your age or size stop you.

 

[StephSFL]

I would definitly not be worried about the age or wieght. Your family is loved for who you all are. However, I can understand the concerns about the costs- the expenses can add up. Between the tux rentals, dresses, shoes, hair, and such being involved in a wedding is expensive. As others have said, just explain your feelings and see what she says. I am sure she would not want you to be stressed.

 

[kidzmom3]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I think I will call her tonight and have a talk. I will try to be honest and tell her that I am honored and touched that she thought of me. I would like to be in the wedding, but I don't want to cause her any problems (with dresses, my girls having issues, not being able to afford to pay 3 parts of the shower). If she still wants me, then I would be happy to be there for her.