For all those who have lost a loved one this past year

[I <3 Eeyore]

I lost a beautiful 20 month old baby girl 19 years ago and I lost my mom this past July. Loss is loss. I no longer cry for my baby, it's been a long time since she passed away, but I often cry for the loss of my mom. This will be my first Christmas without her, too, RM. It hurts like hell. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Marla Hellwig]

My husband died very unexpectly on Dec 22 a few years ago - and since then have lost many family members - at my mom's today - we sat around the table and shared some laughs and tears about the gone but not forgotten family members - hugs to everone

 

[Beauty]

This will be the third Christmas without my daddy. I miss him horribly every single day of my life and I will always miss him. But as much as I miss him I'm also thankful to God that he didn't have to live life suffering through the terrible disease that he had. God was generous by taking my father when he did....without suffering.

I also lost my best friend 12 years ago and miss him all the time. Buddy died in a car accident when we were 19....it was way to early for him to go. It devistated his family and to this day when I see his mother we both cry our eyes out, and talk about what he would be like today and how John-Cole's life would be with his Uncle Buddy involved. Buddy died October 4th after J.C. was born September 17th.

Yes I do see the difference but I see the pain in both senarios. {{{HUGS}}} to anyone facing a loss this Christmas.

 

[mom2boys]

I think a big is in order. No one is trying to minimize anyone's pain here. Everyone deals with things in their own way. I will never forget what someone said to me at the funeral of both of my parents when I was 18:

When you lose a parent, you lose your past. When you lose a child, you lose your future.

It is difficult to lose any loved one - family or friend. Period.

Let's all try to be kind to one another - it is Christmas after all.

 

[Taylor]

I have been perusing these boards for several years, and it generally takes sonething major to make me post on the CB. It is unbelievable to me that a thead started to share grief and pain for the loss of a loved one(s) turns into an arguement.

I understand how my past losses have effected me. I do not understand how your losses effect you. How can I? Each and every person mourns/hurts/reacts in a different way. I have seen parents lose a child, and then lose their family because they can't cope. I have seen people eat themselves alive with the guilts of "I wish I would have said..". So what is the bottom line? We all love, and we all hurt when we lose. Is it more painful if it is a parent..or a spouse..or a child..or a friend? Does it really matter? It just plain hurts.

I write this as I enjoy a very pleasant glass of Merlot. I have just carried all of Santa's gifts from the basement, and gently placed them under the tree. In the morning, my two DD's (10 & 5) will be spoiled as usual.

Hold on to what you have now. It may not always be here.

God Bless you All-

Merry Christmas

 

[Mskanga]

Taylor, the person who started the argument is someone who likes to argue about anything. I'm not implying that Ripleysmom is not hurting deeply or that she started the argument, I know she's hurting deeply and I know what she's going through , I lost my dad too .
But I also know Snoopy and I know that in no way shape or form she meant for anyone who lost a parent feels any less pain than anyone who lost a child, she simply stated that the loosing a parent causes a staggering grief , but it cannot compare to a parent loosing a child. Naturally speaking parents are supposed to be buried first, not the other way around, that's what she meant.
Hugs for anyone who lost a loved one, we all grieve in different ways , but we all hurt.

 

[snoopy]

understand how my past losses have effected me. I do not understand how your losses effect you. How can I? Each and every person mourns/hurts/reacts in a different way. I have seen parents lose a child, and then lose their family because they can't cope. I have seen people eat themselves alive with the guilts of "I wish I would have said..". So what is the bottom line? We all love, and we all hurt when we lose. Is it more painful if it is a parent..or a spouse..or a child..or a friend? Does it really matter? It just plain hurts.

Never once did I imply that I knew how losses have effected anyone but myself. I said that my grief was staggering when I lost my parents. I was devastated. But I picked myself up by the bootstraps and went on with life. I don't know that I could do that if it were my child, I honestly don't know that I could go on living if I were to lose one of my children.

I'm not sure how that started an argument (well, yeah I do, but that is a whole other story and one that I've long since lost interest in), but the bottom line is I never made any assumptions on this thread, nor were my comments meant for anyone else but Blondie. We have discussed this in the past together, how a parent copes with losing a child, and I was simply reiterating my own personal feelings toward the situation, certainly not implying that anyone's grief was less important.

 

[Verandah Man]

From a man that has buried two baby girls, and more recently my father, losing my girls was devastating, I wanted to fall into the grave with them. Though the pain of losing my father was very real, the pain and loss, didn't seem to last as long as when we lost our girls. Our girls have been gone 26 years and 14 years, my dad, not that long. With the loss of Nate Page this week, many old wounds have opened up again for my wife and I. It never really goes away.

And what song should be coming on the radio right now but, "The Christmas Shoes."

 

[Serena]

This thread was a thought provoking thread about pain and loss.
Blondie, I'm sorry for your loss and that your thread was hijacked.
RM, I'm sorry for your loss as well, but this thread wasn't about who's pain was worse than anyone elses, until you made it that way. You made it about you and you started an argument over it.

Judi, I'm sorry. {{{hugs}}}

and a merry christmas to everyone

 

[Mskanga]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
Bold is mine... I am absolutely APPALLED by this snoopy. How can you cheapen the loss others are experiencing in such a way?? Particularly when it's a loss you've suffered yourself? Were this quote not in a post by someone who had lost her own parents, my claws would be out in full force.

Actually Serena, Ripleysmom is not the one who started the argument , you can see who posted the quote above, that's how it started. All Ripleysmom had done was to express her pain of having lost her mom recently , nothing else.

 

[Pooh93]

Hold on to what you have now. It may not always be here.

No truer words could be spoken. Maybe you should de-lurk more often.

I lost my mother in 1987. She never knew my dd's and that hurts me throughout the year as I see dd's doing something special or say something funny, but it really pains me now.

{{HUGS}} to anyone in pain.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by Mskanga
Taylor, the person who started the argument is someone who likes to argue about anything.

You're right. I wasn't responding to a perceived slam against someone who's hurting, I just like to argue about anything. Nor did I offer a sincere apology when I was told I'd misinterpreted the comment, because someone who just likes to argue about anything wouldn't do such a thing.

 

[Mskanga]

I know you apologized , and I believe you are sincere about it, I should have added that to my last post, my apologies to you Mhopkins2.

 

[MHopkins2]

Forgiven!

 

[Lanshark]

May all who are dealing with loss find Peace this Christmas day..

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by ripleysmom
This year was not a good year. Vellamint, I lost my mom this year too. She died at the beginning of October. It's been very hard lately. I find myself mostly missing the fact that she is not there to talk to or vent to. I keep seeing Christmas presents that she would have liked.

RM, I lost my mother the day after TG (her favorite holiday) 3 years ago. I can tell you that it does get easier as the years go by. You never forget, but the sorrow is replaced by fond memories and smiles instead of tears. Hang in there sweetie, it will get better.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by mom2boys
I think a big is in order. No one is trying to minimize anyone's pain here. Everyone deals with things in their own way. I will never forget what someone said to me at the funeral of both of my parents when I was 18:
It is difficult to lose any loved one - family or friend. Period.

Let's all try to be kind to one another - it is Christmas after all.

That was beautifully said, thank you!!!

 

[fabdisbabe]

I lost the love of my life this year. I lost my brother in 2000 and the pain has not lessened one bit. The pain is different for each one, but huge. Just huge. I carry it with me wherever I go.

Back to lurking,

Fab

 

[Planogirl]

Loss hurts and only the one hurting knows how much. Peace to everyone who has lost someone they care about.

 

[Mamu]

Sometimes a thread takes on a whole new life, this thread is questioning people's grief .

I often wondered how some people know what other think and feel, or how they can read their minds by something they have said or in this case typed.

I for one would never question someones grief. I'm a person who shows little emotion, yet I feel deeply inside. I have loss quite a few loved ones, it's a part of life, and life goes on. Yet inside there is a loss that never goes away. It's been 1 1/2 since my brother passed. I think of him daily.

No one know my grief, but I have to agree the loss of ones own child can sometimes be more then one can handle.

I think it time to look back at this thread as one of the worst 2003 thread, that has gone in a direction of misunderstanding then any thread I have ever read.