Fooling Myself? Sensitive 4 yr old

[steen995]

I'm feeling bummed about our planned trip. I know my 4 yr old has fear issues - he had just seemed to be getting better lately. I tried to take him to Rain Forest cafe tonight for dinner as a practice run for Disney. Good place, right? He screamed bloody murder just going near the alligator in front of the restaurant. Didn't want to be near the alligator. Didn't want to see the fish inside. Wanted to go home to eat, "NOW!" Needless to say my husband was outta there. Anyway, bad night. I think I'll buy some earplugs for him and try again in a week or two (if my husband will ever go there again). I didn't force him to stay, wouldn't do that. But why can't he just say he's scared without all the screaming!! Ugh - How do I get him to communicate without the screaming before the Disney trip? He's normally OK, doesn't pitch temper tantrums or anything. It's just when he gets scared or something touches him wrong. Heaven forbid his shoes are bothering him. I just wanted to hear from other parents with kids that were, to put it mildly, - sensitive.......?????

 

[BevS97]

my daughter is also quite sensitive - we did rainforest cafe when she was 4 and she spent the entire time under the table or on my knee in tears - for her it was the thunderstorm that she didn't like.

If he doesn't like it, then I wouldn't go back - I don't think it's a particularly good practice run for Disney - at the time we had our rainforest cafe experience Katie was actually ok on most Disney rides - but she wasn't happy in there at all.

When we first took her to Disney,she was 3 1/2 and she was very very timid - we did everything wrong - started at IOA and took her on Cat in the Hat - I though this was a kids ride - she thought it was terrifying. After that she would ride nothing at all.

When we got to Magic Kingdom, she was in a real state. Anyway - what we did was move very slowly - we rode it's a small world a few times - she liked IASW - it is very safe, nothing scary there at all. She did things like Tea Cups and Goofy's Barnstormer - they aren't scary in Katie's mind - we worked up very slowly - she found Pooh a little worrying the first time (still talks about those Heffalumps and Woozles) -
we developed a system where we would approach a CM and ask then about the ride - what happened, where there any scary bits, was it dark, loud etc? The CMs were brilliant and telling her all about the rides, and then we let her decide - usually once she knew what was going to happen she was ok.
We also stood at the exit of a few rides to see if any of the kids getting off looked scared or upset.
By the end of the week, she had ridden Pirates, Peter Pan, everything in Fantasyland except Snow White (DO NOT GO ON SNOW WHITE), she liked Jungle Cruise - wasn't sure about Tiki Birds (there is a volcano) - I can't remember really but she rode loads.

Another thing worth mentioning - for timid kids then Epcot and Animal Kingdom are great parks - there are very few rides in World Showcase, but they have a great time walking around, watching shows, colouring their masks - my dd loves Epcot and I think that is because she found it really relaxing not having to worry about is this ride scary?

In future world she likes the Land ride, the Living Seas, Journey into Imagination (although this has some dark, loud bits), we don't go on Ellens - no way she would like those dinosaurs - and it's a very long ride if she's not happy.


AK is just really relaxing, we dont do any of the big rides like Dinosaur, ITTBAB or Kali River Rapids, but we still spend a full day there enjoying the shows and the animals.

MGM is probably our least favorite park (for Katie anyway) - she loves Playhouse Disney but she doesn't like the Little Mermaid at all (Ursuala is scary). She will sit through Muppets but only without the glasses on. I have never taken her to see Fantasmic, I know she would hate that dragon.


I am waffling a bit, but what I am trying to say, is take it slow - start with rides you know are safe and build up. You can actually have a great vacation without doing any rides at all - the shows, parades, entertainment are all brilliant.

My dd is 6 now and loves Disney, but there are still rides she wouldn't go anywhere near - Haunted Mansion being top of that list -I can't imagine she will ever do that ride!


Bev

 

[Disney_1derland]

Thanks Bev for the great advice!

Our 4 yr old dd has panic attacks at the silliest things. Yesterday we were in the disney store and they had tiny, like beanie baby sized, stuffed gorillas and she totally freaked out. For her it is a combination of fear, visual sensory overload and noise. She is afraid of the unknown and afraid of what she knows. She talks about how brave she is going to be on our trip and I know once we get there that will be down the tubes.

We have told her that she will have to wait in line with everyone even if she doesn't want to go on the ride. That is just the way it is. She seems okay with that (for now). Our plan is that waiting in line is the most anticipation building part and that possibly by the time we get up to the loading (in fantasyland) she will have gotten used to the introductory images and be agreeable to riding. If not, one of us will take her off to the exit while everyone else loads in. We have prepared her with pictures and told her that sometimes it will be dark. Last night we bought her a light up necklace at the children's place (in the halloween stuff) that has an on/off button and she can turn on her little light on the rides if it's too dark. She likes this idea because she is in control of that. It's a tiny light and will not disturb anyone else's experience.

We've also explained to her that this is Disney magic and mickey wouldn't let anything in that would hurt you.

Oh yes, her biggest fear are the villains characters you might see walking around. So, we avoid places where they hang out. Also, if there is a villain near something you want to get on (capt. hook at pirates of the caribean entrance) you can explain to their nearby handler that your child won't go in until Hook moves and they will walk him away a bit if they possibly can. They did this for us last time although Hook gave me a hard time over it. He looted my bag But, he did move and we then got on the ride.

Take it slow. There is so much to see and do without traumatizing them. We don't ever tell her that we're going on any certain ride. We take her in and let her pick. If we ride fine, if we don't fine. We have no expectations of completing a touring plan so that works out good too.

And, as Bev said, our child LOVED Epcot WS and I know she will this time too.

Good Luck! Oh yes, our daughter is also big into 'if other little kids like me are doing it, I will too" so that may be a factor.

 

[alloyd1170]

I dont know when youre going, but have you tried getting the free WDW planning kit and watching the dvd that comes with it? Its great for previewing some of the rides, resorts, and each park. Also, the Sing Along videos (Beach Party, Small World) are great for showing the real characters interacting with kids in the parks and on rides. You can find them at Babies R Us and Toys R Us. I played them for my ~2 yr old son all the time before going, and even on the drive to WDW. It was priceless when we walked down Main Street and he got all excited about seeing the castle. He was not shy about meeting Mickey and the characters from the videos, but I had to go with him up to the ones not in the videos as he was scared. We saved Chef Mickeys for 3rd day and checkout day and by then he was fine with the characters. We had such a blast! I also picked up Where Magic Lives in the park and he watches that all the time now too. He loves looking at the pictures I took of him as well, and is so excited to go back again. Hopefully this will help. If you do make it, you might want to avoid the 3d movies (the physical effects spooked my son) and Haunted Mansion. We didnt attempt Bugs Life, but Ive heard that one is scary for kids too! Goodluck!

alison

 

[Ali]

I think the problem here is the child screaming when upset instead of staying calm and using words to say "let's go somewhere else". I will offer some things I have learned, but I am only a mom with an ASD child, not an expert.

My DS3 is still working on using his words, instead of screaming. He has sensory integration disorder and is mainly bothered by some loud noises (put hands over ears now and walks calmly away) and textures and we have been working on stopping the screaming for 18 months now. The only thing that works is consistency - "I can't hear you unless you use your words", "you seem upset, please tell me what's wrong so we can help you", "when you calm down we will be able to do what you want to do" etc. Always follow through on what you say, no matter what the tantrum is about, whether the child wants a toy and is having a manipulative screaming fit and you say "no matter how much you scream you may not have that toy." - if it is a sensory related experience, be calm, get down at eye level of the child, and offer comforting words, but make your expectations clear "use your words to tell me what's wrong"

Do not automatically leave because a child is screaming - that is rewarding the screaming! People may stare at you, but making sure your child knows that screaming won't get what he wants is worth it. As soon as the child calms down (even if it just long enough to take a breath, say something like "thank you for calming down, now we can leave, do look at the toys, go see Mickey MOuse, etc) and move quickly!

But stop rewarding screaming because if they learn it works, it is very hard to stop it! Note I said we were going on 18 months of stopping the screaming!!! We only have to deal with screaming now when DS is overtired. Thank goodness!

Good luck!

 

[steen995]

Ali,
Thanks! Yes, it's the screaming! Actually it's my husband getting annoyed that our 4 year old boy screams like that. I've had family members wonder if he had a sensory integration issue, but he had just seemed to be getting better since he turned 4. I was hoping he was growing out of it. Are you getting any kind of therapy for your daughter or is it helping just working on it yourself?

 

[Soupermom]

Just a little suggestions, but I'm sure maybe you've thought of it already. Avoid the 3D shows like the plague!!!!!!!!! We took my DS7 this summer (and DD10) and he had to leave HISTA early because he was so rattled by the size of everyone. Finally got him in to ITTBAB, but that was only after his sister and i went through it first and told him EVERYTHING that would happen. Still wasn't thrilled with it, but he managed to stay for the whole show. Hope this helps...

 

[rileyroosmom]

When my son was 4 he was very sensitive too (he's now 11 and still somewhat sensitive!) Our first Disney trip was a disaster because many rides are in the dark and the noise level is VERY loud! He spent many rides in tears! I believe a sensitive child will always be sensitve, you can't change it. We returned from another trip in May that included my 7 and 3 year old. I learned my lesson and let the 3 year old pick and choose. We took it slow. As a matter of fact, the 7 and 11 year olds wouldn't ride the big rides, Space/Splash Mountains, BTR, TOT, RNR. Didn't push, just let it go. We are returning in November and are hoping for braver travelers! BTW, as previously posted by someone, I brought a small flashlight for my 3 yr old. She only used it 1 -2X. I found a glow bracelet or necklace also worked. Speaking to the CMs is also a good idea.

 

[luvthatduke]

We're taking DS to WDW for the first time
in February - he will turn 2 our 2nd day there!
I found the book, "The Unofficial Guide
to WDW (2004)" extremely helpful in giving
me insight about ALL of the rides.
There is SO much info, and "real" parent's
perspective on things, I highly recommend it.

Some loyal DIS'ers think the book is too
negative on WDW, but IMHO it simply
helped me to balance things and it is
a reality check on many helpful levels.

I think the one thing that stands out
from both the book & the DIS boards is this:
Snow White & It's a Bug's Life are NOT
for small children!!
Again, I don't have firsthand experience
but I've read & heard this over & over...

 

[swilshire]

DS5 loves nearly everything at Disney World and shows little fear of anything period. Imagine my surprise when he was TERRIFIED in the Rain Forest Cafe. We were near one of the scenes where the gorillas make noise. He hid his head and cried every time they started. Not a fun meal!

Sheila

 

[poohkinandpiglet]

My almost five year old DS was scared of The Pooh Ride, Peter Pan, Teacups.... you name it and he was scared of it! Most of the pictures of him at MK our first day are him with a frown on his face. He was NOT happy to take pictures with characters either. DD, age 3, big smile on her face- DS, look of HORROR.

He is very sensitive and has anxiety in new situations. Finally, after he refused to ride the first few rides we just picked him up and carried him on. Once he realized there wasn't really anything to be afraid of, he calmed down. He was too nervous to ride Dumbo since it goes up high in the air and we didn't push him to try anything too scary. By the end of the first night, he was actually hugging Tigger and smiling. WHEW!!! Progress.

Hopefully, our November trip will be a little easier since he'll know what to expect. I've bought several sets of earplugs for him so he can tolerate all the loud noises in the shows. I've learned to take it slow and introduce him to new things slowly.

 

[Ali]

My DS3 has been getting therapy for Sensory intergartion issues since he was 18 months old - mostly for tactile issues. BUt it also helped with the screaming because the therapists wouldn't accept his behavior, and I learned how to deal with it from them. I do everything I can to avoid a melt-down inducing situation, including at Disney, which means I know what he can tolerate and what he can't. I never take him anywhere when he is tired, and I give him as much warning about what he wil see as I can. That being said, I have seen progress, so I am not changing my life to accomodate his issues as much as I used to have to.

Just remember not to reward the screaming. If screaming comes from not liking the environemnt, then don't go there. BUt if it comes from your son knowing that if he screams he will get what he wants, then you need to stop it. Also remember that screaming never hurt anyone, and people staring at you can't hurt you!

Be strong - tell DH that if you all make an effort to ignore the screaming all the time things will get better. BUt this behavior didn't start a day ago and it won't be fixed in a day!

Good luck! if you decide to get therapy, see if you can find an OT qualified in Sensory therapy - they know what they are doing.

 

[B&B Mom]

It's good to take the time and reflect on what you want the experience at disney to be for yourselves and the children and how it may actually play out(reality check). I had a vision of just being happy spending time together away from everyday stress and soaking up the magic of WDW. My DH had a different vision...still not sure what it was, but it was not quite that.

Last Feb when we took our DD 8 and DS 6 we (I) expected that DS would be reluctant to try anything. I had to prepare my DH that this was going to be the case....don't get annoyed and put a black cloud over the day. DH had put a lot of effort into researching what rides and shows should not be missed, use fast pass for this, do this in the morning...etc. Needless to say our first hour at magic kingdom was painful....we had just missed the stage show at the castle, the first four characters the kids went to get autographs from were just finishing and couldn't sign anymore...and even though we had a really good idea of what we thought would be good for DS to try it just didn't seem to come together. We knew there was so much to enjoy and the anticipation had come to a peak we almost didn't know what to do with it.

We thought "there is no magic here" and almost left.

We happened to be outside Goofy's Country Jamboree and they were just letting people in. There was no line up so we went for it. We had decided that if our feelings didn't change after this, that we were "outta here". It was just what we needed. Air conditioned room, space to sit down and just enjoy. We did stick it out and things seemed to work out. We ended up having a wonderful time. DS tried many rides and went into the 3D shows and even though he wouldn't wear the glasses he did alright.

I guess my whole point is be prepared to go with the flow. If things aren't working out take a minute to figure out what you really need to make it work for your family.

I hope your trip goes well and you enjoy the magic of WDW.

 

[Tigge50447]

I'm in the same boat as the OP. My son who just turned 4 is really sensitive. We went to a small fair, and I mean really small maybe 5 kiddie rides and 2 food vendors, My son put his hands on his ears and cried, like Frightened crying. He kept yelling it was too loud and didn't like loud moving things. a 1/2 hr later he wanted to go on this car ride but then the kids started beeping the horns on the ride and he changed his mind. I'm hoping since the rides at the fair where rides he'd have to ride alone was the issue. I'm hoping he'll be okay when I go on them and his beema and pappa go on too. We've watched the video and plan on watching it once a week till we go. I may bring ear muffs with us, I always bring them when we see fireworks and that seems to make him feel in control. His preschool teachers thought he had sensory defensiveness. He sees a therapist at school, figured it can't hurt.

 

[NotUrsula]

I wouldn't consider RFC a good test run unless your child is really into jungle animals. Mine loves the place b/c of the animals, but even so, that thunderstorm can sometimes give him pause.

I'm with Ali on the screaming. DS has a problem with this, too, but going into 2d grade, is finally getting a handle on it. What we found useful was to carry a special talisman; in DS' case it's a necklace, actually a St. Christopher medal. We call it the "courage medal", and we've told him that touching it will help when he is scared. The truth, of course, is that it serves as an early warning system for us. We know that he is in danger of a breakdown when we see him reaching for it, and we can take steps to distract him or talk him through the stress of the situation. If the panic happens anyway, we're very big on the "take a deep breath and count to 5" method, too. For the past couple of years, he has been clear that the idea is not to lose control of his emotions, but it's still hard for him to actually exercise that control.

In our early trips to WDW, we found that DS could actually enjoy the shows if we sat way in the back and had him wear earplugs. For the 3D shows, especially ITTBAB, many of the startling effects are in the seats, so holding him in your lap with his legs folded up will let him avoid all of that. Also good is a large-brimmed hat, b/c it provides a good place to "hide" from characters or scary effects.

 

[skoi]

Ursula: I like the idea with the medal. Maybe we'll try it with our ds 6, whose first reaction sometimes is to be very loud-- though not quite shreiking/screaming.

As for the sensitive issue, both of our kids (dd now 10, ds 6) were very sensitive to sound and other excessive stimulation. They did well at WDW- daughter more than son. We used cotton in the ears when they thought things were too loud (fireworks, parades, rides where the sound is piped right into the car). I don't know if it physically helped, or if it was a psychological thing. I second what other people have said, take it slow, and watch the reactions.

BTW we have a Hawaiian themed place like Rainforest and both kids hated it. It scared them to death.