My niece is getting married Oct 2007 and she has asked my 10 year old DD to be her flower girl. DD is beyond excited to be the flower girl.
Now, there hasn't been actual fighting, yet (at least none that I know of), but there was a heated discussion on this subject. MIL, grandma to the bride, is adament that my DD is to old to be the flower girl, she has to a Jr Bridesmaid. My DD is the youngest female cousin for both the bride and groom and none of their friends have any kids. MIL keeps stating that the flower girls has to be 6 or younger. MIL is also using the arguemnt that my niece (she was 9 at the time) was a Jr Bridesmaid in DH's and I's wedding.
For our wedding, DH had asked BIL (niece's) dad to stand up as one of our groomsmen. They turned it down, stating that they couldn't afford the cost associated with being a groomsman. I didn't question it and DH asked someone else. Once we had all the groomsmen and bridemaids picked, I got around to making a decision on flower girl and ring bearer, which I wanted one of each. Since the family had already stated that they couldn't afford the cost, I asked a close family friends little girl to be the flower girl. When I told the IL side of the family that I was going to be going to look at dresses for the bridal party, my SIL commented, that she would meet me there with the girls, so that they could try on their dresses for being the flower girls. I must have had a really confused look on my face, because she then stated that with DH being the godfather of the one neice, she HAD to be in the wedding and that it wasn't fair to the younger sister to be left out, so she had to be in the party as well. She then made the comment that she thought that we understood, when they had to turn down BIL being a groomsman, that it was because they couldn't afford 2 dresses and a tux rental. She had just assumed from the begining of the planning, that her girls were going to be part of the brial party, because neither I or DH every said anything to her or the girls about being flower girls. Seeing as I already had the one flower girl I wanted lined up and wasn't going to change that plan (wouldn't have be very nice to dash her excitment), I now had to figure out a plan to fit 2 more little girls into the picture. So I just had the older one be a Jr bridesmaid, instead of having 3 flower girls. I didn't know I was setting up the precident for future wedding parties in our family.
I don't see what the problem is with her being a flower girl. I just know that MIL/grandma won't let this go. She was a major pain the rear end with planing our wedding, I don't want my niece to have to deal with her during her planning. She's already gotten an earful about the chruch they are using and the distance to the reception hall.
So do I just tell my niece to not worry about it, that grandma is just being an old fuddy duddy and calling her the flower girl and listing her as such is just fine. And to make grandma happy, we'll just refer to her as a Jr bridesmaid in MIL/grandma's presence.
Now, there hasn't been actual fighting, yet (at least none that I know of), but there was a heated discussion on this subject. MIL, grandma to the bride, is adament that my DD is to old to be the flower girl, she has to a Jr Bridesmaid. My DD is the youngest female cousin for both the bride and groom and none of their friends have any kids. MIL keeps stating that the flower girls has to be 6 or younger. MIL is also using the arguemnt that my niece (she was 9 at the time) was a Jr Bridesmaid in DH's and I's wedding.
For our wedding, DH had asked BIL (niece's) dad to stand up as one of our groomsmen. They turned it down, stating that they couldn't afford the cost associated with being a groomsman. I didn't question it and DH asked someone else. Once we had all the groomsmen and bridemaids picked, I got around to making a decision on flower girl and ring bearer, which I wanted one of each. Since the family had already stated that they couldn't afford the cost, I asked a close family friends little girl to be the flower girl. When I told the IL side of the family that I was going to be going to look at dresses for the bridal party, my SIL commented, that she would meet me there with the girls, so that they could try on their dresses for being the flower girls. I must have had a really confused look on my face, because she then stated that with DH being the godfather of the one neice, she HAD to be in the wedding and that it wasn't fair to the younger sister to be left out, so she had to be in the party as well. She then made the comment that she thought that we understood, when they had to turn down BIL being a groomsman, that it was because they couldn't afford 2 dresses and a tux rental. She had just assumed from the begining of the planning, that her girls were going to be part of the brial party, because neither I or DH every said anything to her or the girls about being flower girls. Seeing as I already had the one flower girl I wanted lined up and wasn't going to change that plan (wouldn't have be very nice to dash her excitment), I now had to figure out a plan to fit 2 more little girls into the picture. So I just had the older one be a Jr bridesmaid, instead of having 3 flower girls. I didn't know I was setting up the precident for future wedding parties in our family.
I don't see what the problem is with her being a flower girl. I just know that MIL/grandma won't let this go. She was a major pain the rear end with planing our wedding, I don't want my niece to have to deal with her during her planning. She's already gotten an earful about the chruch they are using and the distance to the reception hall.
So do I just tell my niece to not worry about it, that grandma is just being an old fuddy duddy and calling her the flower girl and listing her as such is just fine. And to make grandma happy, we'll just refer to her as a Jr bridesmaid in MIL/grandma's presence.
