Flippin Facebook (Small Vent)

[FireDancer]

True and that's exactly what did happen and then the phone calls started. Fortunately, the tests were good and other than having to let people know what was done and being caught by surprise, no major damage done.

I guess what really bothered me was this: Had those tests not gone well and something actually been wrong, we would've in a sense been backed into a corner of having to offer up some explanation and put things out there to extended family and friends when we barely would've had the time to process it ourselves. God forbid if that situation ever came up, I'd like to think we at least had some sense of privacy and control over such a personal matter. I'm just thankful that that scenario is only a "what-if".

If I did have something I wanted to keep private, like a medical condition, all I can really do is let the people know that you want to keep it private and please don't tell anyone. Perhaps if it is someone known to be a little less private you can specifically remind them that means Facebook too and then all you can do is hope they respect your wishes.

While on the face of it this appears to be a Facebook issue it is much more of a human issue. Facebook as a medium allows for the information to be more rapidly disseminated but this is the same problem that used to exist via the telephone or gossip. While the direct link between person 1 and 50 may now be obvious in the past that same link was made via intermediaries. Here, distant family that wouldn't have known found out via Facebook. In the past they might have found out because you told someone who told someone else who told someone else and eventually the distant family member found out. While the advantage of this is that the information travels slower and has a lower probability of reaching them it also has the disadvantage of the "telephone game" where the message reaching person 50 is not accurate at all. At least in this case every person along the line got the same message and not an altered version. That is a common trade off in the present.

I work in the industry and at many times what appear to be Facebook or broader Internet issues are really merely communication issues. The paradigm and medium has shifted but in many cases underlying issue is as old as speech or writing.

 

[disykat]

In the past they might have found out because you told someone who told someone else who told someone else and eventually the distant family member found out.

Sure, they MIGHT have found out. However, most people have the good sense to not pass information they aren't sure is accurate or may be private. At the very least, most people try to be somewhat discerning about who they pass it to.

The fact that someone might have found out anyway is not an excuse to broadcast someone else's personal info.

I can't imagine why anyone thinks this is okay. Obviously it's not the end of the world, no one is saying that. But rather than taking it as a good reminder, many people here seem to be defending it.

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

OP here - thanks to all those who understood where I was coming from.

To those who saw nothing wrong with the post itself, I'm even inclined to agree there. I know it only came out of love and concern for her Dad (never a bad thing) and her intentions were good.

Over the last year, I've had many things happen in my life - I lost my job, I got married - two weeks after the wedding my grandfather died, my mom fell and broke her shoulder, she had knee surgery followed by a blood clot in her leg. I posted about all of those things on my FB...many of my friends are my mom's friends also so they would like to know how she is doing (plus she can't figure out how to post a status ). I was friends with her best friend on FB before she was and when she saw that I didn't post anything about the blood clot, she assumed that something had happened to my mom. Thankfully she is OK though.

What I'm saying is that when I post something on FB, it means sometime to me whether it be an event in my life or somebody in my life. I don't do it to harm anyone or even to alarm anyone. I'm not posting it for strangers to read, my friends on FB are my friends in 'real life'.

OP, I'm sure your step daughter didn't mean harm, like you said. Maybe it was a good outlet for her. I know that most of my friends live at least three hours from me so communicating online is huge for us. She was probably just worried like I was when my grandfather was dying (only I was at WDW on my honeymoon when it was happening). However when I returned home, less than 36 hours before he died, I did post his condition on FB because I needed that support of my friends.

 

[FireDancer]

Sure, they MIGHT have found out. However, most people have the good sense to not pass information they aren't sure is accurate or may be private. At the very least, most people try to be somewhat discerning about who they pass it to.

You are right, most people do have the good sense not to share detailed medical information on 3rd parties. As demonstrated by the OP though all it takes is one person to blab, whether it is on Facebook, in a letter or email, over the phone, or in the course of conversation, and the information is out there.

People over share on occasion and all you can do is ask that they don't before hand. In the end you can't control other people so all you can worry about is what you do.

 

[SunshineOR]

I think everyone agrees she had good intentions, but I agree with those who say it wasn't her place to make that announcement of someone else's business without permission. When we were approved for an adoption, we called our immediate family to tell them the news. Before we could tell anyone else, my sister-in-law posted the news on facebook and everyone knew. She had no ill-intentions, but it didn't sit right with me that she had posted "our news" to the world.

 

[Nancyg56]

OP here - thanks to all those who understood where I was coming from.

To those who saw nothing wrong with the post itself, I'm even inclined to agree there. I know it only came out of love and concern for her Dad (never a bad thing) and her intentions were good. And it is her page and her freedom of speech. Even the best intentions sometimes come with unintended consequences though which ended up being an invasion of his privacy. Lesson learned.

I agree that this is a lesson learned. Who would have thought that it is now necessary to specify what needs to be kept private? In our family we really do not post any personal business because you never know how that information is going to be interpreted.

I think everyone agrees she had good intentions, but I agree with those who say it wasn't her place to make that announcement of someone else's business without permission. When we were approved for an adoption, we called our immediate family to tell them the news. Before we could tell anyone else, my sister-in-law posted the news on facebook and everyone knew. She had no ill-intentions, but it didn't sit right with me that she had posted "our news" to the world.

My DH does not have a FB account and when he hears some things that have been posted he is appalled. He has warned all of us that we are nto to talk about him on FB, if he wants to share info he will do it the "old fashioned" way.

I must say that in your situation I believe that your SIL really overstepped. There is a big difference between a worried daughter asking friends for a prayer for her Father's health and a SIL posting very private news that had nothing to do with her and was not her place to share.

 

[PixieDust32]

Kids use facebook to express their thoughts now days, I thinks she just wanted to share it with her friends.

 

[Disney Ella]

I agree with you, OP. That news was your husband's to tell or not tell. To me, it seems that a big part of the allure of Facebook is creating drama by posting intentionally vague things so people will ask you what is going on. I am my kids' FB friend and whenever I check their pages, I always see updates from their friends that make it seem like some potentially terrible thing has happened.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm not a fan of FB but I don't see anything wrong with what she posted. She was talking about her feelings about her dad, she wasn't posting his test results or what was even wrong or thought to be wrong with him. As far as it was the dads job to tell, tell what there was no personal info given out

 

[disykat]

I'm not a fan of FB but I don't see anything wrong with what she posted. She was talking about her feelings about her dad, she wasn't posting his test results or what was even wrong or thought to be wrong with him. As far as it was the dads job to tell, tell what there was no personal info given out

Are you serious? She implied that her Dad had been undergoing something very serious medically. Not giving details made it even WORSE because it caused a frenzy.

I actually had this EXACT thing happen a few weeks ago. My Dad was hospitalized and we were quite worried about him. Though close friends and family knew and I had him on some prayer lists, I specifically did NOT post anything on facebook, nor did my siblings, because we would have been alerting his entire town through some of our high school connections. We made sure the people who knew were close enough to be in on the whole story. Since we hoped he would be getting better, we didn't want to doom him to having to explain it every time he left the house for the next several years.

As I said before, I understand that it's not the end of the world. But I just can't understand why so many people are coming on that seem to be saying there is nothing wrong at all with posting anything you want to on facebook and you don't have to worry about who will know the information - if after all you're only posting "your" feelings. If her name is on this account, even his employer could have been made aware of this. I would think we would all be saying this was a good lesson learned for her, not that her actions were fine.

 

[Darsa]

Heck, I'd prefer a post like that over some of the idiotic, moronic, random, curse laden things some of my "friends" spout. Seriously, I can't stand the posts that are vague and totally illogical to anyone but the poster and maybe one or two other people.

In fact, it was kinda weird when I read your OP; my latest post, which I made last night, was:

Dad had a followup appt at the doctor's for some testing done concerning possible blockage in his carotid artery. Doctor said "looks good, see ya again for another scan in 6 months!" Nice to hear some good medical news for a change! ♥ Now if I can just keep him away from the sweets!

Heh; I've had lotsa replies from family members, but no panicked phone calls because the post is SPECIFIC, rather than vague and random.

 

[luvmy3]

Are you serious? She implied that her Dad had been undergoing something very serious medically. Not giving details made it even WORSE because it caused a frenzy.

I actually had this EXACT thing happen a few weeks ago. My Dad was hospitalized and we were quite worried about him. Though close friends and family knew and I had him on some prayer lists, I specifically did NOT post anything on facebook, nor did my siblings, because we would have been alerting his entire town through some of our high school connections. We made sure the people who knew were close enough to be in on the whole story. Since we hoped he would be getting better, we didn't want to doom him to having to explain it every time he left the house for the next several years.

As I said before, I understand that it's not the end of the world. But I just can't understand why so many people are coming on that seem to be saying there is nothing wrong at all with posting anything you want to on facebook and you don't have to worry about who will know the information - if after all you're only posting "your" feelings. If her name is on this account, even his employer could have been made aware of this. I would think we would all be saying this was a good lesson learned for her, not that her actions were fine.

Yes, I'm serious. I dont sweat the small stuff, posting that your dad is alright is small stuff.

 

[happygirl]

I'm not a fan of FB but I don't see anything wrong with what she posted. She was talking about her feelings about her dad, she wasn't posting his test results or what was even wrong or thought to be wrong with him. As far as it was the dads job to tell, tell what there was no personal info given out

I agree with this.

 

[disykat]

Yes, I'm serious. I dont sweat the small stuff, posting that your dad is alright is small stuff.

How is it small stuff when it caused an uproar in the family? I guess I'll never get why people think that isn't an issue. To me, it seems like people are saying it's okay to post away on facebook without ever worrying about how your posts affect others - as long as you weren't TRYING to cause upset, you're in the clear.

Sometimes people unintentionally hurt people. I'm guessing you think if it's unintentional no apology is necessary?

 

[luvmy3]

How is it small stuff when it caused an uproar in the family? I guess I'll never get why people think that isn't an issue. To me, it seems like people are saying it's okay to post away on facebook without ever worrying about how your posts affect others - as long as you weren't TRYING to cause upset, you're in the clear.

Sometimes people unintentionally hurt people. I'm guessing you think if it's unintentional no apology is necessary?

Because in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal. I think of it this way, the OP had to deal with a bunch of family calling her to find out what was going on. It could have easily been a case where the OP ended up having to call those same family members and give them some devastating news about the dad. So yes, I don't see the dd making some comment about her dad being OK and the OP being inconvenienced by a few too many phone calls as a big deal or causing an "uproar".
Maybe thats because I just found out a family member has cancer. I can tell you I would rather have seen someone post on FB that she was alright then get the call letting me know that she isn't. I'm sure her dh would have probably wanted to handle those the calls asking what was going on and being able to tell her friends and family thats "its nothing" instead of having to make the ones he did. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff

 

[allison443]

Just need to vent for a sec.

My DH had some routine medical tests done last week all of which were fine.

So, my step-daughter decided to post a FB status along the lines of:

"Glad my Dad's okay and will keep him in my thoughts every day"

Which resulted in half of our extended family going into a frenzy and phone calls wanting to know what happened and if everything was okay.

And while we appreciated the thought, he's feels like, you know, if I wanted everyone to know my business, I'd tell people on my own terms.

I just wish people would think before they post on FB, who is reading it and how easily things be taken out of context, especially when it pertains to someone else.

(and yes, I realize I've just posted his business here on the Dis, but we don't know eachother so it's all good). Thanks for letting me vent.

Sometimes it seems like some people (usually young people, but not always) feel compelled to post every thought on facebook, or worse, twitter!
Now that you know, in the future don't tell your sd about things you don't want her to post, or ask her to keep it quiet.

Glad your dh was okay-that's the important thing!

 

[mickeymedic]

OP, I agree with you 100%. I would be irritated too if I had to spend my day explaining personal family business (that I had no intention of sharing in the first place) with multiple friends and family members. Just because "it could have been worse" doesn't make it any less irritating. Like others, I'm sure your step daughter had the best of intentions and didn't realize that her comment would spur such a response. Unfortunately, unless she happened to be inconvenienced in some way by the flood of calls, she will probably not realize that there was a lesson to be learned here.

I'm glad all is well your your DH. It's a different world we live in - with our overabundance of technology. On a brighter note, if anything like this ever happens again, turn your phone off and post a message on facebook saying that everything is alright and you will not have time to return everyone's calls.

 

[disykat]

Because in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal. I think of it this way, the OP had to deal with a bunch of family calling her to find out what was going on. It could have easily been a case where the OP ended up having to call those same family members and give them some devastating news about the dad. So yes, I don't see the dd making some comment about her dad being OK and the OP being inconvenienced by a few too many phone calls as a big deal or causing an "uproar".
Maybe thats because I just found out a family member has cancer. I can tell you I would rather have seen someone post on FB that she was alright then get the call letting me know that she isn't. I'm sure her dh would have probably wanted to handle those the calls asking what was going on and being able to tell her friends and family thats "its nothing" instead of having to make the ones he did. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff

I'm sorry about your family member. However, I'm pretty sure it would have been painful for your family to have people calling before they were ready to talk about it. I continue to think it was THEIR news to share as they saw fit.

 

[Ceila]

Because in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal. I think of it this way, the OP had to deal with a bunch of family calling her to find out what was going on. It could have easily been a case where the OP ended up having to call those same family members and give them some devastating news about the dad. So yes, I don't see the dd making some comment about her dad being OK and the OP being inconvenienced by a few too many phone calls as a big deal or causing an "uproar".
Maybe thats because I just found out a family member has cancer. I can tell you I would rather have seen someone post on FB that she was alright then get the call letting me know that she isn't. I'm sure her dh would have probably wanted to handle those the calls asking what was going on and being able to tell her friends and family thats "its nothing" instead of having to make the ones he did. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff

Perhaps it wasn't "that big of a deal" to the daughter, but it obviously was to the dad. Shouldn't she have taken HIS preferences into account before posting something about him? I certainly do when I post on FB.

The fact that the news could have been bad is completely irrelevant. The fact is that someone posted news about someone else, without the other person's OK. And that's not OK.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm sorry about your family member. However, I'm pretty sure it would have been painful for your family to have people calling before they were ready to talk about it. I continue to think it was THEIR news to share as they saw fit.

The dd didn't share any news, the OP did when the family members called. All the dd did was express a feeling she was having about her dad.

Perhaps it wasn't "that big of a deal" to the daughter, but it obviously was to the dad. Shouldn't she have taken HIS preferences into account before posting something about him? I certainly do when I post on FB.

The fact that the news could have been bad is completely irrelevant. The fact is that someone posted news about someone else, without the other person's OK. And that's not OK.

My post was a response to another poster's question about why I felt it wasnt a big deal. For me the fact that it could have been bad news is relevant because it just points out that there are so many bigger things that can happen in life for someone to worry about. Making a comment about how you are glad someone is well really doesn't rate that high on my worry about radar thats all.

You guys are acting like the dd violated some HIPPA law. Heck, some of you seem more upset about it than the OP