Flames Flames Flames Flames Flames- VENT

[florida-again]

I'm TIRED of getting flamed!!!!
I just wanted to reiterate something I said on another post:

I consider the disboards to be a great way of hearing the opinions of a whole range of people. Honestly, if I was that worried about something I would be out in the real world sorting it out, not on here posting about it.

When I post here I am looking for opinions on things I think are thought provoking, from a group of people I consider to be intelligent, not looking for solutions to my own problems!!!

Of course some things I have posted are about my own personal problems, but even in those cases, just because I discuss them here doesn't mean (as some have suggested) that I can't deal with them. Sometimes its just nice to here the opinions of others. I'm sure when most people post on here, they are looking for an opinion on their question, not on themselves as a person!

I realise I may have come across as a drama queen or worry -wart for posting so much and I have apologised and explained myself...and I'm still getting flamed when I ask for opinions on things.

For example I asked a question about religion and gave a personal example (to make it clearer what I meant). However, I tried to make it clear that I was looking for opinions on the subject itself, and NOT my own personal example! And yet I got a whole barage of flames for worrying too much! NOT WORRIED ---- REALLY JUST CURIOUS!!!

I'm sure I can't be the only person who is curious about other's thoughts and is not here because they feel it will solve all of their life problems....

Sorry for the vent, I feel better now!

Now I'm off to put on my flame retardent suit for the replies (if there are any....)

 

[VSL]

I didn't think anyone was flaming you on that thread

 

[Kell-Bell]

Hi Florida-again

You vent away. Everyone else seems to!!

I'm sure I can't be the only person who is curious about other's thoughts and is not here because they feel it will solve all of their life problems....

Your not. I come here most days and enjoy reading other's 'dramas' and Opinions. And if I think my opinion might count then I'll post.
Most people ask for thought's and other's experiences on the problem, in order to help them make an informed decision. No one deserves to be bashed or flamed.

Try not to let it get you down.
Kell-bell

 

[froglady]

It's the nature of the forum.

You're going to get people who know you're just venting, and they'll commisserate.

You'll find other "take charge" types who will tell you to do A,B, and C and your problem will be solved. (Without knowing the intricacies of your particular situation.)

You'll find some who disagree with you in a nice way, and others who attack you.

There are others who will find a deeper meaning to every post, or will turn every post into a political or religious argument.

One problem is that some people are posting just to pass the time, while others really do expect a bunch of strangers to solve all of life's problems. I tend to fall somewhere in the middle.

 

[phorsenuf]

So I read your post and since I knew the post you were referring to I went back to it.

Sounds to me like a case of posters remorse. You posted something looking for people to back you up on what you want to do, didn't get the answers you were looking for, probably even feel a little quitly about the whole pick and choose religion parts and now looking to blame everyone for being flamed.
Sorry, but I just don't see it.

Overall everyone here is a great group of people who will offer their advice and opinions on virtually anything. The good and the bad answers will appear. I would suggest getting a little more thick-skinned when you post something potentially controversial on these boards.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Everyone has a bad day. If your tired of getting flamed..I find it best to work it out on the original thread or request the thread to be locked if you feel that you are being flamed or attacked inappropriately.

(I have no idea what thread you are talking about though).

 

[phorsenuf]

Everyone has a bad day. If your tired of getting flamed..I find it best to work it out on the original thread or request the thread to be locked if you feel that you are being flamed or attacked inappropriately.

(I have no idea what thread you are talking about though).

She wasn't getting flamed or attacked. That's what makes this a bit confusing. People were just questioning her reasons.
Here's a link to the thread.


http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=950681

 

[CheshireVal]

I didn't see any flames in that thread. I think you're overreacting, OP.

 

[mickeyfan2]

OK, I just read that thread and it seemed quite tame. I have seen far worse. Maybe you are just a little overly sensitive at this moment? An no this is not a flame.

 

[Christine]

florida-again,

I just read your religious thread. Honestly, I did not see any flames there. Believe me, there have been some FLAMES in the past and what you are seeing is nothing. I did detect a note of "irritation" in the voice of a few posters--maybe that you're worrying a bit much--but I think you explained that fairly well toward the end of the thread.

I think froglady said it best earlier in this thread--you are going to get different personalities responding and, if you're going to make these types of posts, you need to expect that. Sometimes that might make you feel a little defensive but they are not true "FLAMES" believe me.

I know how it feels though. Just last week, I created a thread about how I could help my daughter (who is 14) to defend her self against remarks that she was "so thin." Girls were calling her "anorexic" and alluding that she was bulemic. Now, my DD is thin, but it is a family trait and I'm not in the least bit worried about her weight. But, there were a few posters, who did question my DD's weight, thought it was unhealthy, etc. For a brief minute, I started to feel that maybe I was negligent in my care of my DD because I was ignoring a health concern. Now, my head knows that I'm not, but the posts hit me that way. These posts were in no way FLAMES and I'm sure the posters had good intentions. I really, really try to keep that in mind. Most (not all), but most posters are posting from the heart and trying to give you a different perspective. When it is different from yours, it can get hard not to feel like you need to defend yourself.

It is really best just to let it go and keep directing your thread back to what you really want to know. I feel that you had started to do that in your other thread.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I didn't see any flames in that thread. I think you're overreacting, OP.

Re-read the thread again and don't see any flames, smoke or even a burning cinder.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

She wasn't getting flamed or attacked. That's what makes this a bit confusing. People were just questioning her reasons.
Here's a link to the thread.


http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=950681

Thanks for the link.

I have to agree--I see nothing that can be called a flame. It just read like banter.


And note--none of these posts are flames either. They are our opinions. An opinion in and of itself is not a flame, nor an attack.

If something bothers you--you can report a post..and a mod will either post a warning (usually--when there isn't much going on....but it is on the brink of being a problem)...or they will lock the thread, if in their eyes--there are personal attacks and such.

I just couldn't figure out which post on that thread would warrant reporting, though.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Everyone has a bad day. If your tired of getting flamed..I find it best to work it out on the original thread or request the thread to be locked if you feel that you are being flamed or attacked inappropriately.

(I have no idea what thread you are talking about though).

Hardly being flamed on that thread, considering how nasty it easily could be.

florida-again, I posted over there, bill will make the point here, too. People get a bit irritated when you pose a question as something that is personally going on in your life, as you did on that thread, and then come across and say that you are just posting a "thought provoking question", not looking for a solution for your personal issue. Then present it as such in the beginning and people can respond or not respond. That's not what you did, though. You presented it as something that you and your boyfriend will be going through if you do indeed get married and have children. Yes, not something you are currently deciding since you are not holding that theoretical baby, but not just a "thought provoking question", either. And something that should be discussed before marriage, so you are really not ahead of yourself if you were indeed posting a serious, personal question.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

And Lisa Loves Pooh, my rolling eyes icon was not for you, but for how silly I think that this is her example of flaming. I'm sure we could find better examples!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

And Lisa Loves Pooh, my rolling eyes icon was not for you, but for how silly I think that this is her example of flaming. I'm sure we could find better examples!

So are you saying you didn't "flame" me?

j/k

(No worries--didn't think it was at me!).


***playful banter alert***

 

[C.Ann]

I haven't read the thread you're speaking of, but everyone gets flamed here at one time or another.. It's just the nature of a message board and a whole bunch of different personalities..

I've often asked for opinions and/or general thoughts and at times it's been assumed by some that I'm going to make major decisions based solely on the opinions that have been posted here.. While I value (and appreciate) the info I get here, I don't make important decisions based solely on one source of information.. Some people find that annoying and get rather pushy (or downright angry) but again - it's only a message board..

Don't let it get to you.. Just post away to your hearts content and remember that no matter what you do, you will NEVER be able to please everyone..

 

[Cantw8]

I think what we have here is another DWhittles type of poster. They post outrageous, personal info and then like to play the victim when they are called out on it If you feel as if you are always being flammed, stop posting. Pretty simple I think you enjoy the drama

 

[mickeyboat]

When I first started posting, I hesitated to ask for advice on personal matters. When I finally did, I was surprised at some of the responses I got. I didn't really like it, so I basically stopped asking for advice on personal matters on the DIS. Problem solved.

But I understand where the responses came from. It's the nature of the beast that is an internet message board. You have a whole lot of people with a whole lot of life experience to share. You have a whole lot of people who have a whole lot of opinions based on that experience. Those opinions may be different from yours. But just because they are different, does not mean they are flames. If you are really negatively affected by opposing opinions, then you need to stop putting personal issues out there to be commented upon. On the rare occasion I ask for advice, I have to remember that I might not like all of the responses. But as long as the responses don't turn into personal attacks, and the thread stays on course, I have no room to complain, because I am the one who put it all out there.

I also have to remember, these people are for the most part well-meaning. But they don't really know me, and they don't really know all of the facts of the situation. I don't take responses personally, and sometimes, I benefit from someone else's perspective.

I'll give you an example. I posted a vent earlier in the year about my FIL. He picks up my kids from day care and delivers them to my house when I get home from work. Sometimes he brings them to the park to play, sometimes to his house for a little while. I was complaining about how he does not discipline them at all while he has them, and does not always enforce our safety rules (like car seats). I expected a whole bunch of responses that sympathized with my in-law rant, and a whole bunch that would tell me that I shouldn't allow my kids to go with him anymore. But several of them said you are being too tough on him, did you ever think that since he never did with with his own children, he might just not know how to discipline the kids? That was valuable advice that did not occur to me.

I takes a while, but you will learn to navigate the DIS and be able to take from it what you will enjoy! Good luck.

Denae

 

[Tigger&Belle]

So are you saying you didn't "flame" me?

j/k

(No worries--didn't think it was at me!).


***playful banter alert***

Only for your anal views on not eating in grocery stores before paying!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm sorry you feel that way -- but when you phrase your posts as

"Do you think it is ok if I get my future children Bar Mitzvahed but not Circumsized..."
and
"Do you think it is ok if I ask my Mother if my Boyfriend can come to my Birthday Dinner....."
and
"Do you think it is ok if I ask my friends not to bring their boyfriends to our Girl's night out...."
and
"Will I regret not getting a sentimental Gift from my MOther for my Birthday...."
and
"does anybody else have parents who don't like that you have a serious boyfriend at a young age...."
and
these are just the RECENT ones

People just get the feeling that you are using the DIS to solve your personal problems -- not just creating topics of discussion.

If you aren't looking for personal answers, maybe you could start phrasing your threads in general terms, and not so specifically tied to your own life.