First Communion gift for a girl

[brookmey]

I would really appreciate if someone could help clear up a disagreement in DH's family for us regarding a First Communion gift for DD.

DD is making her First Communion in 1 week. She's the first grandchild on either side to do so, so it's really a big deal to both sets of grandparents. They're all coming from MI to celebrate it.

Last fall DH and I decided we wanted to get DD a cross necklace as her gift. When we were at Disney last September, we did pick a pearl in Japan and recently found a cross setting in white gold to have the pearl mounted on. I picked it up yesterday and it's beautiful. I'm really happy with how it looks. It was not cheap, but we'd been putting money aside since last fall to pay for it. It's a big deal to us to give this to her, especially since we picked out the pearl at Disney. She may not be old enough to appreciate the quality of the necklace yet, but at least she'll be able to appreciate the pearl came from Disney World!

When we got back, DH was talking to his mom and mentioned what we were doing. She knows a lot about jewelry, so she advised us on what to do with the pearl. At that time, she asked us what she should get DD.

DH has 4 younger sisters, B, K, J, R. J and R do not work and have no money. They have never gotten my kids birthday gifts. We're fine with that, it's not a big deal, but does factor into this. B and K are on tight budgets, but they do get my kids birthday gifts. We don't do gifts at Christmas, instead the cousins exchange homemade ornaments.

DH was talking to B yesterday and she slipped up and told him that the 4 sisters went in together and got DD a cross necklace for First Communion. She said J was the one who came up with the idea. DH was shocked. One, because we do not expect anyone to give DD any gifts. Two, because we were getting DD a cross necklace.

DH told B what we got DD and she tried to lay on the guilt by saying that J and R don't have any money but yet they wanted to do this and they contributed what they could, it really meant a lot to them to do this, so could we hold off on ours and give it to DD for her birthday (in 2 weeks) or Christmas, etc. DH was frustrated and mad, so he got off the phone before the issue was resolved because he was too mad to talk to B at that time.

While we do appreciate the thought, DH and I are annoyed that the sisters didn't talk to us first about what they wanted to get DD. My parents and his parents have all asked us what we're getting DD, as did DD's godparents, but we never even thought we had to talk to his sisters as well since 2 of them have never gotten her gifts for anything. And the other 2 are on really tight budgets, so we don't expect anything from them. It just never occurred to us that this would happen.

DH did tell his sister that we believe a gift like a cross necklace for First Communion is something that parents would give, not the aunts and that they should have talked to us first. The sister doesn't agree and doesn't think there was a reason to talk to us first. She's pushing hard for us to save our gift for another time, which we do not want to do since our gift was picked out specifically for this occasion.

Again, we do appreciate the gesture of DH's sisters, but what do we do now that DD will get 2 of the same thing? We put a lot of thought, love and money into our gift and we've been so excited to give it to her. I want her to wear it during her First Communion Mass.

What do most people do in situations like this? Is it the norm to call the parents and talk to them about gift ideas or do you just buy what you want to give? What is a typical parent gift to their child for First Communion?

 

[minniebeth]

I would really appreciate if someone could help clear up a disagreement in DH's family for us regarding a First Communion gift for DD.

DD is making her First Communion in 1 week. She's the first grandchild on either side to do so, so it's really a big deal to both sets of grandparents. They're all coming from MI to celebrate it.

Last fall DH and I decided we wanted to get DD a cross necklace as her gift. When we were at Disney last September, we did pick a pearl in Japan and recently found a cross setting in white gold to have the pearl mounted on. I picked it up yesterday and it's beautiful. I'm really happy with how it looks. It was not cheap, but we'd been putting money aside since last fall to pay for it. It's a big deal to us to give this to her, especially since we picked out the pearl at Disney. She may not be old enough to appreciate the quality of the necklace yet, but at least she'll be able to appreciate the pearl came from Disney World!

When we got back, DH was talking to his mom and mentioned what we were doing. She knows a lot about jewelry, so she advised us on what to do with the pearl. At that time, she asked us what she should get DD.

DH has 4 younger sisters, B, K, J, R. J and R do not work and have no money. They have never gotten my kids birthday gifts. We're fine with that, it's not a big deal, but does factor into this. B and K are on tight budgets, but they do get my kids birthday gifts. We don't do gifts at Christmas, instead the cousins exchange homemade ornaments.

DH was talking to B yesterday and she slipped up and told him that the 4 sisters went in together and got DD a cross necklace for First Communion. She said J was the one who came up with the idea. DH was shocked. One, because we do not expect anyone to give DD any gifts. Two, because we were getting DD a cross necklace.

DH told B what we got DD and she tried to lay on the guilt by saying that J and R don't have any money but yet they wanted to do this and they contributed what they could, it really meant a lot to them to do this, so could we hold off on ours and give it to DD for her birthday (in 2 weeks) or Christmas, etc. DH was frustrated and mad, so he got off the phone before the issue was resolved because he was too mad to talk to B at that time.

While we do appreciate the thought, DH and I are annoyed that the sisters didn't talk to us first about what they wanted to get DD. My parents and his parents have all asked us what we're getting DD, as did DD's godparents, but we never even thought we had to talk to his sisters as well since 2 of them have never gotten her gifts for anything. And the other 2 are on really tight budgets, so we don't expect anything from them. It just never occurred to us that this would happen.

DH did tell his sister that we believe a gift like a cross necklace for First Communion is something that parents would give, not the aunts and that they should have talked to us first. The sister doesn't agree and doesn't think there was a reason to talk to us first. She's pushing hard for us to save our gift for another time, which we do not want to do since our gift was picked out specifically for this occasion.

Again, we do appreciate the gesture of DH's sisters, but what do we do now that DD will get 2 of the same thing? We put a lot of thought, love and money into our gift and we've been so excited to give it to her. I want her to wear it during her First Communion Mass.

What do most people do in situations like this? Is it the norm to call the parents and talk to them about gift ideas or do you just buy what you want to give? What is a typical parent gift to their child for First Communion?

Your gift to your DD for her First Communion sounds beautiful and special! We've done pick-a-pearl in Japan at Epcot with my DD when she was 9 and loves it and treasures it. I'm sure your DD will understand how special it is!

I've had 3 kids do their First Communions (two being girls) and with all of them, only my in-laws asked about a gift for the girls because they wanted to give them Pandora bracelets and charms and wanted to make sure they didn't already have them. None of the Godparents conferred with us with what to get/give. Each of my kids treasured their gifts they were given.

Honestly, I think it's unreasonable for you to expect family to talk with you and get approval for the gifts they are going to give. A gift is from the heart.
A cross necklace is a common First Communion gift, and it's ok for your DD to get more than one, each being special in it's own way.
By all means give your special gift to DD when she's getting ready for her special day and have her wear it for Mass. Make it a special moment when you and DH give it to her. The other gifts should be given at a celebration after the ceremony, so your DD will already have your special gift and moment.
There are many duplicate traditional gifts given for First Holy Communion that are as special as the people giving it.
I'm sure your DD will treasure them all!

 

[Tozzie]

I would really appreciate if someone could help clear up a disagreement in DH's family for us regarding a First Communion gift for DD.

DD is making her First Communion in 1 week. She's the first grandchild on either side to do so, so it's really a big deal to both sets of grandparents. They're all coming from MI to celebrate it.

Last fall DH and I decided we wanted to get DD a cross necklace as her gift. When we were at Disney last September, we did pick a pearl in Japan and recently found a cross setting in white gold to have the pearl mounted on. I picked it up yesterday and it's beautiful. I'm really happy with how it looks. It was not cheap, but we'd been putting money aside since last fall to pay for it. It's a big deal to us to give this to her, especially since we picked out the pearl at Disney. She may not be old enough to appreciate the quality of the necklace yet, but at least she'll be able to appreciate the pearl came from Disney World!

When we got back, DH was talking to his mom and mentioned what we were doing. She knows a lot about jewelry, so she advised us on what to do with the pearl. At that time, she asked us what she should get DD.

DH has 4 younger sisters, B, K, J, R. J and R do not work and have no money. They have never gotten my kids birthday gifts. We're fine with that, it's not a big deal, but does factor into this. B and K are on tight budgets, but they do get my kids birthday gifts. We don't do gifts at Christmas, instead the cousins exchange homemade ornaments.

DH was talking to B yesterday and she slipped up and told him that the 4 sisters went in together and got DD a cross necklace for First Communion. She said J was the one who came up with the idea. DH was shocked. One, because we do not expect anyone to give DD any gifts. Two, because we were getting DD a cross necklace.

DH told B what we got DD and she tried to lay on the guilt by saying that J and R don't have any money but yet they wanted to do this and they contributed what they could, it really meant a lot to them to do this, so could we hold off on ours and give it to DD for her birthday (in 2 weeks) or Christmas, etc. DH was frustrated and mad, so he got off the phone before the issue was resolved because he was too mad to talk to B at that time.

While we do appreciate the thought, DH and I are annoyed that the sisters didn't talk to us first about what they wanted to get DD. My parents and his parents have all asked us what we're getting DD, as did DD's godparents, but we never even thought we had to talk to his sisters as well since 2 of them have never gotten her gifts for anything. And the other 2 are on really tight budgets, so we don't expect anything from them. It just never occurred to us that this would happen.

DH did tell his sister that we believe a gift like a cross necklace for First Communion is something that parents would give, not the aunts and that they should have talked to us first. The sister doesn't agree and doesn't think there was a reason to talk to us first. She's pushing hard for us to save our gift for another time, which we do not want to do since our gift was picked out specifically for this occasion.

Again, we do appreciate the gesture of DH's sisters, but what do we do now that DD will get 2 of the same thing? We put a lot of thought, love and money into our gift and we've been so excited to give it to her. I want her to wear it during her First Communion Mass.

What do most people do in situations like this? Is it the norm to call the parents and talk to them about gift ideas or do you just buy what you want to give? What is a typical parent gift to their child for First Communion?

I think your gift is special and should be given to your daughter on her communion, and I would just tell your husbands sisters that they can do whatever they wish but you are giving your gift to your daughter. I think that when wanting to give a gift like a cross for the communion someone should have at least talked to you. If your husbands sisters give the gift fine but I wouldn't let it spoil anything, your daughter will treasure the gift you give her because you gave it to her on her special day. I still remember the gift my parents gave me for my first communion.

 

[lemondog]

Unless you told them in advance what you were getting then I don't think they did anything wrong. I would not expect family members to "clear" their gifts with me. So she will have 2 cross necklaces, that is okay. My twins are making their first communion one week from today and no one has told me what they are getting them.

 

[yeahdisney]

Our DD confirmation is this month too. DH wants to give her her first cross. My DS asked what she could give DD as special and she did ask about a cross I shared that is what DH chose to give, she understood, she was asking kinda checking to see if at least someone was getting her one. God parents are on really tight budgets. She got DD her initial on a nice chain. Which she wore last night to give her Statement of faith at church.
I would as other posters stated give her the necklace from yourselves and share that info with the family. If they can not exchange their gift, then she would have two.

 

[okeydokey]

I would not save your gift for another time. I would give it to her as planned the morning of the event so she can wear it during the ceremony.

If his sisters also give a cross, then she will simply have two.

 

[brookmey]

You know, when reading the replies, I can see how having 2 of the same gift isn't such a bad thing. DD will have the cross from us to wear on special occasions, and the cross from her aunts that she can wear more regularly. I guess what really bothers me is that my SIL is pushing so hard for us to save our gift for another time so that their gift is the one DD wears during her First Communion.

I honestly wasn't really expecting family members to clear their gifts with me or ask for my approval. I never know what my kids are getting for birthdays or Christmas from family and I have no problem with that. The grandparents and godparents came to me or DH and asked because they didn't want to give duplicate gifts and they wanted to make sure their gifts were different than our gift. It would've been nice if his sisters had done that, too, because this gift we got her means a lot to us. I guess it's the sisters' expectations that are really bothering me.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had a similar situation when dd11 made hers. I always got my kids namesake saints medals for communion. Two weeks before her communion, MIL pulled me aside, and told me she got her the best gift - you guessed it, a namesake communion medal. I didn't say anything, my MIL gave it to her, dd wore it for communion, and I gave her mine later in the day.

Maybe it's because she was my 3rd child, I just let it go, and made MIL happy. Just a FYI - kids this age aren't really very good about taking care of jewelry. If it's really important to you, hold on to it for her.

 

[LilyWDW]

In our family, the cross always came from the parents or god parents. It would not be chosen as a gift by the grandparents or other extended family.

Give your daughter the cross you have had made for her. It will be special and be an important part of the tradition.

I do think it was very rude for your SIL to try to push you to give the cross at a different time so they could give their cross to your daughter (as the only one). That is over the line for me and would have made me upset with them.

 

[lemondog]

OP I agree your SIL's are being unreasonable wanting you to not give your cross. You are the parents! Honestly, when I want to get a family member something really special for a religious event I always ask the parents first just to make sure they have not already purchased it, especially something like a baptism or first communion where everyone tends to give the same type gifts. They should have done the same.

 

[goofy4tink]

I would not save your gift for another time. I would give it to her as planned the morning of the event so she can wear it during the ceremony.

If his sisters also give a cross, then she will simply have two.

And there ya go...great solution. When my dd made her first communion, my mother gave her a beautiful diamond cross. No, it wasn't something that normal 7 y/o little girls would wear..but my mother wanted her to have something very special that she could also wear when she graduates from high school, college and then gets married. She had a feeling that she probably wouldn't be around to see her get married, so having that cross to wear was very important to my mother. And, in all actuality??? She was dead within 3 years.

So, that cross has been put away..it will come out for graduation. But, when dd and I went to London a few years ago, she was planning on making her confirmation spring. We visited St Pauls and Westminster Abby....we are Episcopalian so it was a big deal for us to do this. I was ready to buy her a cross at St Pauls but we got evacuated as we stood in the gift shop!!! We did find a very nice substitute at Westminster Abby the next day.
And this cross is more of an every day cross, unlike the diamond cross.

So, sure. you can have two crosses. Give your dd your cross to wear for the ceremony. Let the aunts do what they will...and then thank so for their thoughtfullness.

 

[luvmy3]

I would not save your gift for another time. I would give it to her as planned the morning of the event so she can wear it during the ceremony.

If his sisters also give a cross, then she will simply have two.

I got 2 necklaces when I made my first Communion, and I still have both of them. Each one was a special gift.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Certainly give your child her special cross so that she can wear it during the ceremony. Perhaps it can become the special cross that she wears for very important things, like Confirmation, and Marriage (if that is a sacrament that she pursues) or any other RC sacrament.

She can keep yours for very special occasions, in other words.

The one from the Aunts is very special too, and she can wear that on a daily basis perhaps? Allows the Aunts to know that their gift was appreciated and will be used?

I do think that sometimes talking about who is going to give what is an important thing, but only if similar gifts or duplicate gifts will be a problem.

We didn't discuss gifts this past Christmas and ended up withholding three and exchanging them because others bought the exact same thing for the person.

Enjoy the sacrament of Holy Communion and the symbolism of the beautiful crosses.

 

[aprilgail2]

IDH did tell his sister that we believe a gift like a cross necklace for First Communion is something that parents would give, not the aunts and that they should have talked to us first. ?

For my familiy and friends its always been the godparents that would buy the child their first cross necklace, never the parents. But everyones different--so she has two cross necklaces, I don't see that as any big deal. If yours is expensive I would put it away for her anyway until she was older becasue chances are it will get lost of broken!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I also don't see what is wrong with having two crosses. Yours doesn't sound like an everyday cross but more like something for special occasions.