Fighting against nothing-Comments Welcome

[Blessed99]

Welcome to my journal. My name is Kelly. I just turned 38 on August 5. I need to loose about 200 lbs. For some reason it hit me that I will be 40 in less than 2 years and I don't want to go into my 40's weighing this much. I was watching The Neverending story yesterday with my DD 9 (Kamryn) and was thinking that the characters in the movie were fighting a storm called the nothing. So they had no idea what they are fighting against. That about sums it up for me, I am the one I am fighting against, I am not sure why its a constant battle for me, not sure why I keep fighting against myself! so its kind of like fighting against nothing.
I want to loose this weight not only for myself but also for my DD. I would so very much love for her to have a normal size mom! I want to enjoy things with her like Disney World without having this burden of all this weight! I want to ride rides with her without the fear of not fitting in them. I want to play with her without being too tired all the time.
I was just diagnosed recently with fibromyalgia, so I am sure that loosing this weight will help there too. Today I had no soda, and snacked on fresh fruit instead of junk. I am going to try for more tomorrow.
We have a December 2009 WDW trip planned. Hope to have lots of success by then! Anyone want to join me on this long journey?

 

[Blessed99]

Day 2
Well, today has been a pretty good day. I have been able to do pretty good about eating within my personal guide lines, I was able to snack on fruit this evening, instead of junk food. I also walked for 20 minutes after work today. I am proud of my accomplishments for today. I was able to keep myself from eating a cookie the size of my head after lunch that one of the drug reps brought in.
I kept my short term goal of 4 lbs. in mind.
I know that this is a lifetime journey that I will have to walk forever. But today I feel like I did very well. Emotionally it was a hard day due to everyday stress at work, such as patients cursing at me because they owe a doctor bill, but I kept looking at the big picture and reminding myself that if I ate that cookie, I would be that much farther away from my goal. It is eating cookies like that that got me to where I am today. One day at a time is what its going to take! I can do it! Go Me!!

 

[jessily]

It sounds like you are off to a great start It really is all about small steps. It can be overwhelming to change everything at one time, but if you slowly incorporate healthy foods and exercise you will be successful! You're absolutely right, in order to be successful you need to make it a lifestyle change as there is no quick fix. I'm slowly working on that myself. Sounds like you're doing great! Keep at it

 

[Blessed99]

Well, Day 3 is just about over. Thanks Jessily for the encouragement! I am proud of myself today. I walked for 29 minutes! I have had no soda, no chocolate or other junkfood. Snacked on fresh fruit this evening. I am just trying to get through one day at a time instead of focusing on the big picture. It seems to have worked these past 3 days, so I really hope I can keep myself in this current frame of mind. It takes constant prayer, and support and determination. I am slowly learning to quit looking back at all that I have been through and am trying to look at the present and ahead. I hope to finally start living and having fun instead of living the way that I have for the past long as I can remember so I might as well say 38 years. Keep up the good work me

 

[Blessed99]

Well, day 4 has came and is now almost gone. Today was another success. I did not have any soda, junkfood, etc. I did not get my walk in today, I had too much to do after work to get Kamryn ready for her first day of school tomorrow. How stressful it is to be starting another school, but hopefully it will be a good school year and maybe the end of the year will bring a healthier Me! I hope to keep up the good work for tomorrow too!

 

[dare2dream]

Kelly - keep up the good work today. My first couple of days on program usually go well and then I start to slack off.

DON'T SLACK OFF TODAY! KEEP WITH YOUR PROGRAM!

And remember that just because it is the weekend does not mean it is time to eat like a maniac. This is a lifestyle change. That means EVERYDAY 24/7.

I am an empty nester mother of 3. I have two adorable grandbabies. I have lost 30 pounds and still have 140 to go to get to a healthy weight. I have been overweight my entire life.

"I am the one I am fighting against, I am not sure why its a constant battle for me, not sure why I keep fighting against myself!"

I know what you mean Kelly. I am an intelligent woman and I know what I need to do to lose this weight. Sometimes I find myself eating for emotional reasons and not for hunger. I also sometimes feel that I am not good enough and being overweight is my personal punishment.

Kelly, we ARE worth it and we CAN do this!!

Let's have a successful day and meet our personal goals for today. Please check in and let me know how you are doing. TGIF!

 

[Blessed99]

Hi Dare2Dream

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message!! It really made my day!

Wow, 30 lbs lost is awesome!! I am proud of you that you have came so far! How have you been doing it if you don't mind me asking.
It sounds like you and I are really on this journey together. I would really like to stay in contact with you and maybe we can encourage each other! It sounds like you have the right attitude for success!

Thanks to one and all that has been answering and checking in!
I really appreciate all the support! I knew that I was coming to the right place, what a great group of people!

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

Kelly, Good job! You are doing it! You are right, you CAN do it!

Keep on keepin' on.

 

[Blessed99]

Hey Tiger Lily! Thanks for the encouragement!

Well Day 5 has come to an end and I have managed again to stay on track. I had a biiig victory today, a lady I work with brought in 2 boxes of doughnuts from Krispy Kreme and I did not have any of them!!! I was soooo proud of myself!

I walked for 30 mins today! Go Me!!

The first day of school for Kamryn was a success! So all in all it was a very good day!

 

[keenercam]

Kelly -- I haven't been in the WISH journals in a long time, but I just read yours and wanted to congratulate you on your huge success each and every day that you have been at this so far. I know weekends can be so hard, so I wanted to send you some good, happy vibes and some encouragement. I hope that you'll continue to check in each day and give yourself credit for what you are achieving one step at a time. We can all do this if we keep up a positive attitude like yours! Looking forward to sharing your journey!

 

[dare2dream]

Kelly, Kelly Kelly,

You resisted the call of the doughnuts!!

I to you, your highness.

Kelly I am so proud of you. Now don't you feel fabulous for saying no? It's those small victories that can help us reach our goals.

They say it takes three weeks to develop a habit. Keep making those healthy choices to form a habit that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

Glad Kamryn had a good first day of school. What grade is she in?

DH and I are doing a program he found online called fatloss4idiots. It involves choosing foods from lists and generating an 11 day menu. After the 11 days you take off 3 days. The diet emphasizes calorie shifting to confuse your metabolism. Some days you do Adkins type heavy protein menus and some days have fruits and vegetables added. We do it together so that makes it so much easier. He has lost 50 pounds and I have lost 20 on the program. I like the program because each day I have a printed menu of what I need to eat and if I eat anything not on program it will mess up the fat burning process. That is quite a motivator to keep me out of things I should not be eating. I have also learned the hard way that if I buy junk and bring it home I will not save it for a special occasion or let DH eat it, I will compulsively mindlessly eat it and then feel miserable afterwards. I am tired of that constant feeling. I feel better when I stick with my program and feel that fabulous feeling of success.

May we both have a fabulously successful weekend.

PS - Tomorrow is my 28th wedding anniversary. So far nothing special planned. This weekend is our 3 days off the diet. I think I may just get a burger on the grill. No one can grill like my DH the grillmaster.

No matter what I will still work hard to have a healthy day and I hope you do the same.

 

[Blessed99]

Hey Keenerkam! Thanks for the encouragement and joining me on this journey!

Hey Brenda! Happy Anniversary!! Wow 28 years! Thats awesome! Enjoy that burger tomorrow! It sounds like you have a teriffic husband and what great support for the 2 of you to be on your journey together! I know that you will have a good and healthy weekend! It sounds like you are really motivated to stay on track even on your "off " days. Kamryn is in the 4th grade. I read her what you wrote and she said you said like a very nice friend!

Today has been another success! I am happy to report! I went to my 3 year old little cousins birthday party and was not even tempted to have the cake! I was very proud of myself! And before that, a drug rep brought ice cream to my office today for the staff and I turned it down! I have overcome a lot of obstacles today and it was really hard for me because today is the first day I have really felt hungry, but I stayed strong! Go Me!! This weekend is going to be a challenge. I have a birthday party cookout for my sister Saturday and on Sunday have a cousins wedding. I am hoping that doing all that will keep me too busy to think about being hungry. I am going to tell myself that if I were a couple of sizes smaller and healthier that I would probably enjoy both events even more, especially to be able to play outside with Kamryn at the cookout. I am thinking that that will be enough to keep me focused on making healthy choices at both of these events. And knowing that I have friends here to stand beside me is a great big help! Keep me in your prayers for a successful weekend!

 

[keenercam]

Kelly -- I hope you are having a wonderful day. What an awesome accomplishment you must have felt at the end of yesterday! You are such an inspiration. Keep up the great work!

 

[Blessed99]

Hey Keenercam Hope you had a great day also! Thanks for the good wishes! Its so nice to hear from friends!!

Today was a wonderful success! At my sisters birthday party today, I stayed strong and while everyone else was having cake, I had grapes! I did not feel deprived at all, so I can tell that people are praying for me! So whoever is, I thank you! For exercise today I played a really fun game called cornhole. Basically, its like bean bag toss for adults, or bigger kids, I dont really understand the whole concept, but you keep score to 21 and whoever gets there first wins. My team lost both times I played but it was fun.

My attitude has been really great today, I was really hungry for snacks today but was able to overcome it. Go Me I am so proud of myself, I just hope I can continue!

 

[dare2dream]

Cheers for Kelly!!!

Grapes instead of cake!! WONDERFUL!! You have succeeded again. I am so proud of you! Keep it up.

I got my burger yesterday but the day went well. Today I am going to a family reunion and taking a boat load of food. I just hope it ALL gets eaten and I do not bring home ANY leftovers.

We played cornhole at DSILs in OH in 2005. DH thought it was fun and built a game for our neighborhood block party that was held several weeks ago. I really suck at it. The guys in the neighborhood who had never played before beat DH the expert. For the block party DH always makes homemade root beer with dry ice. I love to see it smoke as it gets cold. Thank goodness that weekend was also our three days off.

Well off to creating my boat load of food and getting to church. My specialty is veggie bars. They do have veggies but I am not making the 'healthy' version. They are yummy.

Have a healthy day!

 

[keenercam]

Great job, Kelly! You certainly have cause to be proud of yourself and to celebrate! Just have a fabulous day today and think about the incredible sense of accomplishment you will feel at the end of this weekend, having come through so many challenging situations with strength and discipline.

 

[Blessed99]

Hey Brenda! Hope the family cookout went well! Hope you made healthy choices and had fun! Did you have to bring home lots of leftovers?

Hey Keenercam! Hope you had a great day! Thanks for the good wishes!

Well, today for the most part was a success. I did have a few cheesepuffs, but really very few instead of the whole bag! The only thing I did today was watch movies with Kamryn and then I had to go to my cousins wedding. I was the photographer, so I was up on my feet the whole time taking pictures, but that is what I love to do, so it was fun. I was not able to fit in exercise today except for the picture taking, but tomorrow I will be back on track. Was having a little trouble emotionally today, I think I was just nervous about being in the center of attention as far as the wedding went. I wish sometimes that I could just fade into the background and still manage to take pictures and this was my family that I was around. But I survived and got some great pictures! Well, looking forward to a brand new day tomorrow!

 

[dare2dream]

Kelly,

Just a few cheesepuffs - great job. DH got cheesepuffs in his lunch today. I am so glad that this is our last day off our program. I am really looking forward to starting again tomorrow.

You are a photographer. What a wonderful talent. DH got me a nice digital camera about the time my first grandson was born about 1 1/2 years ago. I still have not figured out how to use it. YIKES!

I have too many leftovers. Mostly fruit though. I am going to call a neighbor with several little kids today and see if her family would enjoy some of this food. I have to get it out of the house or I know I will eat it all. I am a founding member of the 'clean your plate club' and I have a hard time throwing out food.

I know exactly what you mean about fading into the background. Just yesterday during church I was looking at the front corner of the chapel and thinking that I wish I could hide in that corner and not have people notice me because my weight makes me so different from everyone else. I have got to work on these self esteem issues. When I am on program and in control I feel so much better about myself.

Have a great day today! Monday and back to work. I gather you work in a Drs office. What do you do there? I hope Kamryn has a good day at school. What is her favorite subject? Does she do any extra-curricular stuff? In elementary school my kids just did church and scouts. They did sports in high school. Never outstanding athletes but they enjoyed playing the game.

 

[Blessed99]

Hey Brenda! Hope you had a terrific day today! Kamryn is doing good. She loves spelling and math. Her very favorite subject is art. She is very artistic. Really good at drawing for her age and very creative. I do work in a doctors office at the front desk check in/out. Most of the time I really enjoy it. We have a good group of coworkers, doctors and patients. Its a family practice office. Some days its and other days its ok.
I am sure that you are enjoying your camera with your grandbabies around! Don't worry, there is plenty that I still have to learn myself. I am just a hobbyist. I usually get asked to take friends and family weddings. I have never had any negative feedback, but when they compare my rate to a professional rate, they hardly have any room to complain. But everyone tells me that I take really good pictures. Have a happy and healthy day tomorrow, and good luck on your first day back on program!!

As for my day today, it went really good. I walked 29 minutes tonight
and I have ate well all day today. I decided to make Monday my weigh in day and this week am happy to say I lost 3 lbs!! Go Me!!I was very excited. I am trying not to rely on the scale to make me happy though. I am trying to stay focused on the positives like saying no to junk foods, drinks and snacks. And trying to get up and move more, such as the walking, or just doing things around the house and playing with Kamryn in the yard more, etc. I'm afraid if I rely on the scale and the number don't go down then I will be really disappointed and set myself up for failure, because for me disappointment equals mindless eating until I undo everything I have worked hard to accomplish. Hoping for a healthy tomorrow!!

 

[karrenlovesmickey]

Way to go my sistah! Congrats on losing 3 pounds!!!! Keep it up! You can do it!

Love ya,
Karren