Field Trip or Family Vacation???

[tlbwriter]

1. Contact your son's father and tell him "Your wife signed up for this trip. If anyone is going to pay for it, let it be her."

2. Tell your son's stepmother "In the future, if you expect me to pay for half of something, it must be discussed before you involve my child. If you EVER come to me again expecting money after you've already promised something to my child or signed him up for something, the answer will be no. ALWAYS."

3. Contact the school and tell them your son's stepmother is not his parent or guardian and has no legal authority to sign him up for anything.

4. Take a nice family trip with your son and fiance.

 

[Vacation Lover]

I, too, am curious how the non-custodial step parent was able to sign him up.

If you're willing to pay half (which seems reasonable to me, especially if you take the fact that they're planning to chaperon out of the equation) then tell your ex and send in a check noting that dad will be paying the other half.

If you're not willing to pay half, then tell the school that DS has your permission to go, but that dad is footing the bill. I think the idea of suggesting that this be a father-son trip is a good one. Probably won't go over very well, but worth pursuing.

 

[fairestoneofall]

I don't follow. They signed him up, are planning to go with him and expect you to pay for ALL of his portion? Um. no.

 

[nicki.momof3]

Sorry I know this is not what you are going to want to hear but you were wrong to give your son that choice (vacation or field trip). By saying that you were sticking him in the middle of an adult issue. Sounds like you intended on letting him go (you were going to pay for you + him) and $$ was not an issue at that point.

Now suddenly it is a HUGE issue since you ex and his wife is involved.

Splitting the cost would be best but if that does not happen you pay - sorry.

Is this amount really going to tip you over the edge. Sell something, make other cuts, but don't tell your child he can not go vacation if he goes with his dad on a field trip. Sounds like you have issues with your ex and his wife.

For your childs sake please remember those are YOUR issues not HIS.

 

[tlenzendorf]

1. Contact your son's father and tell him "Your wife signed up for this trip. If anyone is going to pay for it, let it be her."

2. Tell your son's stepmother "In the future, if you expect me to pay for half of something, it must be discussed before you involve my child. If you EVER come to me again expecting money after you've already promised something to my child or signed him up for something, the answer will be no. ALWAYS."

3. Contact the school and tell them your son's stepmother is not his parent or guardian and has no legal authority to sign him up for anything.

4. Take a nice family trip with your son and fiance.

This. I'd contact the father via email or certified letter so it's written out and say that since they signed him up without checking with you as the CP they are expected to pay.

Then go back to court and rectify the school bill portion of the child custody agreement so that it's very clear to all parties what the arrangement is.

 

[RachaelA]

Sorry I know this is not what you are going to want to hear but you were wrong to give your son that choice (vacation or field trip). By saying that you were sticking him in the middle of an adult issue. Sounds like you intended on letting him go (you were going to pay for you + him) and $$ was not an issue at that point.

Now suddenly it is a HUGE issue since you ex and his wife is involved.

Splitting the cost would be best but if that does not happen you pay - sorry.

Is this amount really going to tip you over the edge. Sell something, make other cuts, but don't tell your child he can not go vacation if he goes with his dad on a field trip. Sounds like you have issues with your ex and his wife.

For your childs sake please remember those are YOUR issues not HIS.

She intended on letting him go when she was going to go as well. That would be their family vacation.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Sorry I know this is not what you are going to want to hear but you were wrong to give your son that choice (vacation or field trip). By saying that you were sticking him in the middle of an adult issue. Sounds like you intended on letting him go (you were going to pay for you + him) and $$ was not an issue at that point.

Now suddenly it is a HUGE issue since you ex and his wife is involved.

Splitting the cost would be best but if that does not happen you pay - sorry.

Is this amount really going to tip you over the edge. Sell something, make other cuts, but don't tell your child he can not go vacation if he goes with his dad on a field trip. Sounds like you have issues with your ex and his wife.

For your childs sake please remember those are YOUR issues not HIS.

This!

Additionally, I have never heard of such young children going on a four day school trip. Although, I am sure that the trip will be lots of fun, I personally, would NEVER go on this trip with my husband/fiance and have that be our family vacation........... I have been on trips with my kids before (Quebec City and Washington DC.) While I enjoyed every minute, it was A LOT of work, supervising groups of kids. I never would have considered one of those trips as my family vacation!!!!

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm so confused...from what I'm reading there are two people who think mom has to pony up the FULL price of a trip stepmom signed him up for? Why on earth would she be obligated to do that?!?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I also would not send in payment. If they have no intention of paying half, it is their loss.

Regardless of what OP's intentions were to pay for her son--it was not to be in lieu of vacation. For $1000 (OP, fiance and the son), it would have been THE vacation.

The step-mom is representing the stereotypical negative image.

It is asinine that folks expect the OP to pay the whole price.

 

[Kellydelly]

It is asinine that folks expect the OP to pay the whole price.

The only "Folks" who expect the op to pay for the trip is her ex and his new wife . None of the disers think she should have to fork over $308 for him to take a trip with his dad.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Whoever is going on the trip with him should be the one to pay your son's way. You had already planned on going with your fiance and paying for your son. It sounds like stepmom and Dad got wind of this trip and decided to one-up you by getting there "first" and then trying to make you look bad for not paying for your son. I wouldn't play this game. Tell your ex that if they cannot afford to pay for all three people to go, then stepmom stays home and make this a daddy/son trip. I will say that if adult/parent travel were not an issue and your son was going by himself, that you and his dad should split the cost but that's clearly not the case here. I certainly wouldn't cancel a family vacation over this nor would I allow an 8 year old to make that decision for my family.

-Astrid

This.....since your child says he prefers a family vacation anyway, you are not taking anything away from him. Send no money. If they want to make it their family trip, and you are ok as the CP with him going with them, let the, pay it 100%.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

That stinks. Your ex should be paying for the trip that he signed them all up for. If they can't afford it, step mom should stay home. At the most I would pay for half of ds's cost, but his dad should really be covering that. You weren't going to ask him to pay for half.

 

[SoonerSarah]

I would not pay for my ex-husband and his wife to take his son on a family vacation.

It's a school trip when the son goes by himself. It's a school trip when son goes and dad is a sponsor. I would pay half in that situation if it had been discussed and agreed upon. When Dads wife does the singing up and goes along, your parental input was taken out of the equation and it was turned into a family vacation. I would not pay for my ex to go on a family vacation, especially if it took away from my own vacation with my family.

 

[mrsklamc]

The only "Folks" who expect the op to pay for the trip is her ex and his new wife . None of the disers think she should have to fork over $308 for him to take a trip with his dad.

There was one person who said she should and another who quoted and agreed.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The only "Folks" who expect the op to pay for the trip is her ex and his new wife . None of the disers think she should have to fork over $308 for him to take a trip with his dad.

As posted above--posters have indeed said OP should just suck it up and pay. (well, maybe not in those words)

ETA:

Sorry I know this is not what you are going to want to hear but you were wrong to give your son that choice (vacation or field trip). By saying that you were sticking him in the middle of an adult issue. Sounds like you intended on letting him go (you were going to pay for you + him) and $$ was not an issue at that point.

Now suddenly it is a HUGE issue since you ex and his wife is involved.

Splitting the cost would be best but if that does not happen you pay - sorry.

Is this amount really going to tip you over the edge. Sell something, make other cuts, but don't tell your child he can not go vacation if he goes with his dad on a field trip. Sounds like you have issues with your ex and his wife.

For your childs sake please remember those are YOUR issues not HIS.

This!

Additionally, I have never heard of such young children going on a four day school trip. Although, I am sure that the trip will be lots of fun, I personally, would NEVER go on this trip with my husband/fiance and have that be our family vacation........... I have been on trips with my kids before (Quebec City and Washington DC.) While I enjoyed every minute, it was A LOT of work, supervising groups of kids. I never would have considered one of those trips as my family vacation!!!!

 

[MomToOne]

My daughter's school starts fields trips like this in the 3rd grade. It's just something the school and parents believe in - the trips are always educational, usually focused on some sort of science element, are with an organization that has a long history of running these sort of trips and it gives the kids a great sense of independence. Her 3rd grade trip was 3 nights within a 2 hours drive, her 4th grade trip was 5 nights 6 hours away, her 5th grade trip was back to 3 nights but it involved flying instead of driving/taking a bus. Her 6th grade trip this year will be 6 days/5 nights, and involve flying again. She's seen and done things she will remember all her life.

That all said, I've never gone on any of the trips with her (I'm a single adoptive parent, there is no father). Usually there are limited chaperon slots, and thankfully other parents are always tackling each other to go. I just can't afford that many days away from work - well at least not to spend all those days with a class full of kids!

Is it an option for just your son to go, and no parents?? That might settle the fight - he goes alone, you both split the cost. No parents win, no parents lose.

 

[StephMK]

She has a lot of nerve to expect you to pay so she & your ex can enjoy a few days w/your son! I don't see anything wrong with telling your son it's one trip or the other. I agree with just leaving it unpaid & see what happens w/your ex. It sounds like your DS will be ok if he doesn't go so I'd let them figure it out.

 

[EMom]

Whoever is going on the trip with him should be the one to pay your son's way. You had already planned on going with your fiance and paying for your son. It sounds like stepmom and Dad got wind of this trip and decided to one-up you by getting there "first" and then trying to make you look bad for not paying for your son. I wouldn't play this game. Tell your ex that if they cannot afford to pay for all three people to go, then stepmom stays home and make this a daddy/son trip. I will say that if adult/parent travel were not an issue and your son was going by himself, that you and his dad should split the cost but that's clearly not the case here. I certainly wouldn't cancel a family vacation over this nor would I allow an 8 year old to make that decision for my family.

-Astrid

Astrid,

Did you sneak into my house and get ahold of my keyboard while I wasn't watching?

Let me say hell would freeze solid before I would fork over one red cent for this trip now that Stepmom had funkified it all to pieces. The OP is right....The cost of the field trip was already HIGH. Considering they had a "parent's price" of $320 (?) it seems as if they were anticipating a decent number of parents to want to go along on what must be a really nice trip.

And the OP and her spouse/fiance had decided to do just that. Spend around $1000 minimum for THEIR family to go on a family vacation, albeit with company. The Stepmom threw a massive monkeywrench into the whole thing by signing paperwork for the son, herself and the father to go on the famioy vacation instead. And from what the OP says, she signed for the kid's expenses.

Let's summarize: Stepmom had diddled OP's family out of their planned vacation, so they will plan another one. But remember, they do not have a money tree in the back yard. Stepmom said she and the dad would pay the boy's expenses, plus their own at $320 each. Now Stepmom and Dad seem to have sufficient funds to pay the $640 for the two of THEM to go on the trip, but no money for junior. They expect the OP to pay for that.

Sooooooo....essentially, they expect the OP to subsidize 1/3 of THEIR family vacation. They screwed the OP out of the exact same family vacation and are nervy enough to want her to pay for a third of THEIR vacation. Well, I'll hand it to Stepmom. She has cajones of steel. At the risk of channeling Miss Whitney Houston, I can only say, "Oh hell to the no!"

If they only can get their grubbies on $640, then remind them that's enough to pay for dad and son. Problem solved. As Astrid said, the one/couple who goes on the trip is the one/couple who pays for the son. OP, save your money for YOUR family vacation and feel no guilt. Don't let Stepmom's attempt to snooker you into subsidizing their vacation work. Don't jump on the guilt train. She tried the tactic and you need to send a message that it will not work or she will pull this crap again and again.

Nip it! Nip it! Nip it!

 

[shortbun]

I guess I'm naive but I don't understand why $308 makes or breaks a summer 2012 family vacation. I get the stuff with your ex and his wife and either they go and pay all or you go and have a family vacation now. You were going to go and so was your fiance, right? So-they go, they pay and visa versa. Is this not a solution that will satisfy everyone?

 

[tlbwriter]

I guess I'm naive but I don't understand why $308 makes or breaks a summer 2012 family vacation. I get the stuff with your ex and his wife and either they go and pay all or you go and have a family vacation now. You were going to go and so was your fiance, right? So-they go, they pay and visa versa. Is this not a solution that will satisfy everyone?

I don't think you read the first post carefully. Her ex husband and his wife are refusing to pay for the OP's son to go, even though they signed him up and they plan to go themselves. And as for $308 making or breaking a vacation... yeah, maybe you are naive. Not everyone can afford to spend that on a field trip and then turn around and spend *more* to have a family vacation.