Feeling sad, dh is away...

[Disney Doll]

Well,as time goes on you'll all get used to it. Meanwhile, I love the idea of special Mommy/Daughter bonding time, doing a few things that Daddy doesn't necessarily like to do etc.

Remember though, that your DD will "pick up" on what you're feeling, so try and stay upbeat and make it seem like a little "treat" when Daddy goes away.

It'll probably make it easier on DH to go too, if he knows his "girls" aren't home upset when he's away.

 

[Jynohn]

I'm probably going to sound very harsh here, but three days is really not that bad. Just ask any military family whose spouse has been gone for over a year (and until this past March, I was one of them).

I hesitated to post this, but I have to come to va32h's defense and say that was my first thought too.

You have every right to feel sad, and I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but it might help a little to put it in perspective. My husband has been gone 13 months now. I would give ANYTHING to know he was coming home in 3 days!

That being said, I hope you're feeling a little better tonight and hope the time goes by quickly until your husband is back home with you!

 

[Blondy876]

Thank you to those who have responded so kindly. A couple hours after saying goodbye we were fine. We will get use to it, it's just new to us. I tink we will start planning fun girl things to do.

But to those who feel it is necessary to post and pm me to say that it's not a big deal get over it, I have to ask, why? I wasn't asking for/nor needed the criticism, I was just feeling sad. If you think I and my children are blowing things out of perspective why respond to my post at all. I feel bad enough.

My goodness there have been some crabby people around lately.

 

[DawnCt1]

I'm probably going to sound very harsh here, but three days is really not that bad. Just ask any military family whose spouse has been gone for over a year (and until this past March, I was one of them).

Don't dwell on your sadness and worries. Go shopping, take your daughter out to lunch, plan a special dinner or dessert for when daddy comes home. The weekend will probably go by very quickly.

I was thinking the same thing. Children pick up very quickly on a parent's emotions. The OP started out by saying she was sad. It almost becomes an expectation to be sad on the part of the child. Use this time as an opportunity to have fun, to have unstructured time with dinner being later or earlier, or mid day, etc. DH has always traveled here and there for his job and for the Army. It's part of life. With cell phones, no one is that far away anymore. Three days is a short absence.

 

[Jynohn]

If you think I and my children are blowing things out of perspective why respond to my post at all. I feel bad enough.

My goodness there have been some crabby people around lately.

I don't know about the PM's you received, but I don't think anyone responded inappropriately on this thread.

You have a right to your feelings, but I think people responded to your post saying it wasn't such a big deal because they were just trying to point out that things could be a lot worse.

I wasn't going to mention it until you posted what you just did, but it's kind of upsetting to those of us who have dealt with real separations to hear someone get so worked up over 3 days. When you say good bye to your husband and your children say goodbye to their daddy not knowing when or if you'll ever see him again then you'll know how it makes us feel to hear you complain about a 3 day business trip.

Yes, I think you've lost perspective, but I still don't think I or anyone else here acted crabby. Sorry you felt that way. Cheer up, at least you'll see your husband this week. I don't know when I'll see mine...

Glad you're feeling better about the situation.

 

[poohlover]

My DH traveled LOTS until 9/11...now not so much. He was mostly overseas in Asia...at that time ther was no internet & cell phones (19 yrs ago now) my oldest DD cried when he left for 6 weeks at a time...

we made calendars until Daddy returned & marked the day off each morning

sometimes we made pictures to give him or send him even

when we had more kids (4 at that point) we would make videos to save & show him when he got home. He always missed something special...somone talking walking class parties even kids birthdays.

I know it's hard, but you'll get thru it.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I wasn't going to mention it until you posted what you just did, but it's kind of upsetting to those of us who have dealt with real separations to hear someone get so worked up over 3 days. When you say good bye to your husband and your children say goodbye to their daddy not knowing when or if you'll ever see him again then you'll know how it makes us feel to hear you complain about a 3 day business trip.

Ya know, my hubby travels a lot also and he has a very dangerous job. That being said....I would NEVER go on someone else's thread and tell them their feelings are not valid because their situation isn't as bad as mine....that is just rude.

Sorry your hubby is deployed but if the thread upsets you so bad....just don't open it. I think it is wrong of you to chastise the OP for her feelings.

 

[Briarmom]

Ya know, my hubby travels a lot also and he has a very dangerous job. That being said....I would NEVER go on someone else's thread and tell them their feelings are not valid because their situation isn't as bad as mine....that is just rude.

Sorry your hubby is deployed but if the thread upsets you so bad....just don't open it. I think it is wrong of you to chastise the OP for her feelings.

I AGREE!! I can't believe you got some of the replies here, nor can I believe people PMed you! What is wrong with people? My dh is in the military and is gone for long periods of time. It's hard. The OP didn't compare our situation to hers, she simply said she and her dd were feeling blue. This is the DIS people! Shape up.

 

[birdiesunshine]

My dh was promoted earlier this year. Part of his new position includes travel. He left this morning for DC for three days. We have been apart since we got married (only 2 days at most) but I am really struggling with this. I think it's hard because my 6 yr old is a mess. I'm just really sad, and a little worried. I made plans for my dd so that she won't be sitting around and missing Daddy. She is spending the night at her grandparents where she will get to swim and I bought her a new movie to watch while she is there too. I know she'll be OK. But he just left about 30 minutes ago and right now we are all very sad.

I totally understand how you feel. Even when my husband works late at night or has meetings late I get bummed out. We love our men there's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps a big glass of wine will make you fell better hang in there, he'll be home soon.

 

[DMickey28]

I can relate to how you feel. My DH travels A LOT for business. At first it was a struggle and I would go into my little shelter with a book and soup and would only come out for work until he was home. Sad, I know but I missed him. Since the beginning of summer his new job has required a lot more travel than ever before and I have adjusted. I find things for me, which I have never done much of before, and then we he is home we cherish our time more. He travels three weeks out of the month for anywhere between just two days to six days.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Ya know, my hubby travels a lot also and he has a very dangerous job. That being said....I would NEVER go on someone else's thread and tell them their feelings are not valid because their situation isn't as bad as mine....that is just rude.

Sorry your hubby is deployed but if the thread upsets you so bad....just don't open it. I think it is wrong of you to chastise the OP for her feelings.

Yep--that good ol' fashioned "at least it isn't worst mentality".

Suck it up---people!

There will always be someone who your situation is worse than--but newsflash..there will always be someone who is worse off with you. It isn't nice to one up someone's sorrow with your own--"I have it worse story". If anybody needs to suck it up--it is someone who takes the time to do that.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I know how you feel. My exh used to travel for business and now my dbf travels a lot for business too.

 

[Jynohn]

Ya know, my hubby travels a lot also and he has a very dangerous job. That being said....I would NEVER go on someone else's thread and tell them their feelings are not valid because their situation isn't as bad as mine....that is just rude.

Sorry your hubby is deployed but if the thread upsets you so bad....just don't open it. I think it is wrong of you to chastise the OP for her feelings.

Go back to my first post and you'll see I was not at ALL telling the OP her feelings were not valid. She got upset that someone else pointed out it could be worse and I defended that other person.

Sorry you think I'm rude. I did not come on this thread to invalidate the OP's feelings, nor did I chastise her for her feelings, but I do take issue with being called crabby.

I suggest you read my posts again.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Go back to my first post and you'll see I was not at ALL telling the OP her feelings were not valid. She got upset that someone else pointed out it could be worse and I defended that other person.

Sorry you think I'm rude. I did not come on this thread to invalidate the OP's feelings, nor did I chastise her for her feelings, but I do take issue with being called crabby.

I suggest you read my posts again.

Thanks, I read your post just fine. It seems I am not the only one who thought you were trying to invalidate the OP's feelings. If you don't think you were rude.....fine, but it did come off that way (read what you wrote bolded by me in my post quoting you).

I know things are tough for you right now with your hubby deployed and his ex-wife emailing you....but other people deserve the same kindness you recieved on YOUR thread.

 

[Aidensmom]

I am sorry you are sad.

Like some other posters have said, do some special "bonding" things with your kids. Kids get even sadder than we do. My husband worked nights/weekends our whole 4 year marriage till a couple of months ago, and it is hard to do because you only see each other in passing. My son, who is now 4, is finally starting to really bond with his dad.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Jynohn, I understand how you feel and know you were not invalidating the OP's feelings. It is hard to be on the opposite side of the spectrum and have to keep "sucking it up" too. I hope your last couple months apart fly by quick!

To the OP-homecomings are wonderful!

 

[Jynohn]

Yep--that good ol' fashioned "at least it isn't worst mentality".

Suck it up---people!

There will always be someone who your situation is worse than--but newsflash..there will always be someone who is worse off with you. It isn't nice to one up someone's sorrow with your own--"I have it worse story". If anybody needs to suck it up--it is someone who takes the time to do that.

Wow, I guess giving my viewpoint is construed as one uppmanship here. Sorry to hear that. The next time I cry myself to sleep because I haven't heard from DH in a week or two and I'm worried sick about him I should remind myself to "suck it up." Wouldn't want to bother anyone with my "I have it worse story."

I came on this thread to commisserate with the OP. Her thread title was "feeling sad, DH is away..." I can relate, so I opened her thread. I happened to think she was over reacting a little, but thought I said so pretty nicely. Why the personal attacks here???

 

[tiggersmom2]

I don't think calling someone's post rude is a personal attack......just an observation.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Wow, I guess giving my viewpoint is construed as one uppmanship here. Sorry to hear that. The next time I cry myself to sleep because I haven't heard from DH in a week or two and I'm worried sick about him I should remind myself to "suck it up." Wouldn't want to bother anyone with my "I have it worse story."

I came on this thread to commisserate with the OP. Her thread title was "feeling sad, DH is away..." I can relate, so I opened her thread. I happened to think she was over reacting a little, but thought I said so pretty nicely. Why the personal attacks here???

You weren't the only one--others posted it as there first thought to.

I posted a thread once--totally different topic--don't recall what it was...but sometimes one must be careful with "Well at least...." type statements (not looking at your post--but given the context--that was "at least" the implication). (Edited to finish thought) People did it on my thread and I called them on it--the truth is--when someone is down--and to point out how your situation is worse...when in fact situations can be worse than yours is not commiserating.


Sometimes when you do post that well "blah blah blah" about me--at least you don't have it that bad--it may not be intended "one upsmanship" but it happens--and instead of commisserating--it really comes of as a poster is invalidating the OP whether or not it was intended.

It may be a public forum--you may have an opinion--but sometimes it isn't okay to share that opinion on a thread where someone is already down.

How would you feel if someone came on your thread and said "well at least your hubby isn't dead"---while truthful and probably not intended to hurt your feelings--it could come across the wrong way and you certainly would probably interpret it in a negative way.

Your hubby is away and I am sorry. But coming her and sharing much more than "my hubby's away too, I know how you feel" could be construed as insensitive to the OP.

 

[va32h]

My grandma - -who really was a crabby old lady, but hilarious and fun too -- used to respond to every complaint with the phrase "well it's better than a wart on your nose".

Which had the bonus effect of making us laugh as well as putting our problem in perspective.

She would also say "keep pouting like that and a bird will come along and perch on your lip and poop in your mouth!"

Maybe she was more crazy than crabby....

But the point is - it seems we are all blessed with spouses who are so wonderful that they are worthy of being missed and longed for when they are gone. Which is something to be thankful for. So we should all cheer up and stop picking on each other.